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The "hipster" boring phone looks like prison tech. A clear plastic case and a significantly reduced UI. I bet the speaker is intentionally quiet, too, with the marketing idea that it "saves your ears" (another hallmark of prison electronics).

Did someone actually take prison tech to market it to hipsters?

I want a smartphone with an e-ink screen, email, messaging, and a lightweight web browser.

Maps, GPS, camera, but no distracting apps, no social. Note taking, TODOs. Stuff that helps me.

A rough approximation might be a Pixel 7a running GrapheneOS in grayscale mode. That's my daily driver.
Hisense have a few e-ink Android phones.
Besides an e-ink display, that's every smart phone, unless you mean you don't even want the ability to install social media apps.
This is why I liked BB. Productivity has been a step down on my devices since.
The e-ink display is going to make using the camera a bad experience, since you won't be able to really see what you're taking a picture of. (e-ink doesn't have very good color.) Plus the refresh rate is really low which will cause a lot of issues.

Anyway, the solution is simple: just get a regular smartphone, and simply don't install any distracting apps on it.

Also, calculator, flashlight, access to sensors and easy programing. The ability to plug some external stuff in might be nice. A music player would be nice.
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"And it seems the mood right now is to run away from screens."

I don't think this is true. Like cigarette smoking in the mid-20th, the elite are realizing how harmful screens are, and are starting to turn the wheels of awareness and regulation to the fact of harm. But the message hasn't landed. The same struggle will ensue, but the institutional elite are far less powerful than they were then, and it's not clear that it will work. We will be left to our own devices (so to speak), and it will be up to individuals to do what is right for their minds, and look on with sorrow at the damage screens are doing to the very fabric of civilization. It is a great mercy that the bleeding always stops, one way or another.

…what? Not everything needs to be a weird conspiracy you know. Trends exist.
I do not think he means "weird conspiracy" but elite knowing where the money (and control) is.
The institutional elite in the West and the US in particular wields FAR more power than has EVER existed in history, and has greatly benefited from the digital addiction of the plebs. You so fundamentally misread absolutely everything that I would put into question your fundamental assumptions and value system.
Kid phone: SMS (no images) to fixed contacts only, phone to fixed contacts and 911 only, GPS, map. That's it. No other apps, no app store, no media, no web browser. Basic comms and nav only.

No instant depression for girls, no retreat from the real world into games and porn for boys (and eventual depression).

It's just so sad that people have such perverse sick imaginations that connectivity leads to awfulness that they apply universally to everyone. I can't believe such narrow views are so unabashedly popular. Grow up. Stop projecting.
"I personally did not get addicted when I went to a casino, and therefore we should encourage all children to go to casinos!"

—Your viewpoint, paraphrased

spending only a few hours impersonating on TikTok will expose pretty quickly the reality that significant skill has been applied to leading kids towards awfulness. Maybe start observing?
Sometimes I think just destroying the cameras on smartphones is enough.