HN Explorer

Ask HN: Where have you found "your people" in real life?

9 points by Dracophoenix ↗ HN
Outside of work, school, and the Web, how have you discovered groups of other people you felt understood you and your individual interests without having to over-explain or qualify your statements? I don't mean hobby partners or "friends" as the term is commonly but misleadingly used. Rather, I mean individuals with whom you share a mutually intelligibility in a broad and deep set of subjects or experiences.

17 comments

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faithdefender
For me, being a born again christian, Home Bible Studies: 100%. Also, when traveling, you meet another Christian; its like you run across a family member, every time.
tobinfekkes
This for me too. We've developed the best community over 10 years with the most random and interesting and diverse group of people. We don't have "that one thing" that is the reason we're all together, other than we're believers that live near enough to overlap our lives. Because of that, it creates all the other stuff like, hikes, soccer, movie nights, game nights, picnics, coffee/lunch/dinner, camping, babysitting and housesitting, etc.
legitster
As a fellow Christian, this is true but it's unfortunately untrue in certain ways - at least when you are travelling across America. There's now certain... conversational dances you may have to play.

It can honestly be kinda tough to even bring it up sometimes because there has been such an invasion of culture wars toxicity even within like-minded believers. I made the mistake of mentioning Timothy Keller to the wrong person and I got treated worse than had I been a total stranger.

skilled
Travel. Didn’t look for anyone but kept bumping into people, which ultimately led to doing excursions together or just having dinner/lunch. Have met a lot of interesting people like this, including oldschool software engineers, artists, writers and doctors. Some have turned out to be ones to keep for life.
nullindividual
Lost in in the trees

Lost in the hills

I'm all alone

Where are my pills?

Desafinado
You don't find them. If you put yourself out there (or work with generally smart people) you stumble on them occasionally. When you do, hold on tight.
hindsightbias
Show me a clique and it's probably pretty boring. I guess people tend towards their safe spaces.
legitster
Church

I can understand that that's not everyone's thing. But no matter how many times I have moved or how different the community is, I have always been able to find a group of people to bond with.

And because it's not someone limited to your specific school or job or interest, you would be surprised at the breadth of people you can run into. I've met everyone from the head of a well-regarded neurobiology department to a recent Russian refugee. Janitors to CEOs. You know it's a good church when none of that matters.

It's pretty much the only institution left that regularly creates adult friendships among strangers.

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syndicatedjelly
I don’t think I ever found them in a particular space, but the people who I’ve spent the most time with (family, roommates, the occasional colleague) seem to be “my people”. They put up with my idiosyncrasies and get what I try to be about, and eventually want to participate in long pedantic conversations.
runjake
Small, private online enclaves.

I also tend to find "my people" in terms of specific things about me in multiple specific activities. For programming, I have this one group. For trail running, I have this other group. Both contain deeper understandings, but for a subset of myself.

As a bonus, decentralized social groups helps foster my independent thinking and questioning of my own biases. I associate with people from all walks of life and all political ideologies.

Jtsummers
Actively create and take opportunities to meet people. "Your people" in the sense you are looking for are relatively rare, you need to meet a lot of people to find them. 14 years ago I had one friend in a small town and my nearest other friends were 2 hours away and then the rest about 9 hours away (by car, longer by plane, and trains aren't an option in most of the US) or further.

I joined a local church group for young adults, joined a soccer team, went to a comic/gaming shop and played a TTRPG most Saturday nights, joined a gym (BJJ), and actively invited everyone I liked well enough (more than tolerated, but didn't have to be friends with yet) to almost any group activity I put on or was going to and encouraged people to invite their own friends and acquaintances. In the end I'd want to have a potluck at my place and I'd invite 50 people directly from the large social group I'd put together, of that group about 10-15 were what you seem to mean by "your people". Most of those were not people I had personally invited into the social group. We found each other because I created the opportunity to meet them and they took it.

codegeek
This will sound crazy but for me, Twitter. I became active on Twitter for last 12 months or so and have met some amazing people who share so much in common and a couple of them even have become friends. All online so far but already better than people I meet in person. Sad but true.
JojoFatsani
College, and a few work colleagues have grown into closer friends.
ativzzz
My spouse is extremely outgoing and social. She is the "social engine" who organizes events and parties. It's exhausting at times, but there's no better way meet some people who are "mutually intelligibility in a broad and deep set of subjects or experiences", than by consistently and regularly meeting with people.

That's why people say church. It's the consistency with which you see the same people over and over again, so you can bond and get to know them