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I work at a big research university where I don't think you see a lot of "nontraditional" undergraduate students.

On the other hand, I went as an undergrad to New Mexico Tech which was a very affordable but high quality school and made many friends there who had served in the military or been a single mom or drove a truck.

At a school like that with a lot of nontraditional students I think the teachers and administration would have some sense of your needs and also you would meet others who are in the same situation and who would be supportive.

Agreed with Paul. Find a suitable college which already has commuters and working professionals as a part of their student base, and go talk to some advisors in admissions.

If you want to test the waters, maybe try taking a class or two at a nearby community college first?