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Ask HN: I can't work in tech anymore. Help?

4 points by throwaway_32u10 ↗ HN
TL;DR; - in tech for almost two decades. Past jobs I just keep losing motivation after 6-9 months. Mentally exhausted by the end of the day, so barely have time to work on my own stuff. No idea how to move further.

Longer version: I'm in tech for almost two decades now. My first job ended after long tenure by the end of which I was barely doing anything, so I quit. Next job I was fired along with most of the company due to layoffs. Third company again long tenure, loss of motivation somewhere in the middle. Kept grinding until eventually got mentally sick from the place, so I quit.

Next one, same story, but this time shorter. After about a year, got sick of the place again, so I quit. Took a break, found another job, and now reaching the same mark of becoming mentally sick after about 9 months.

I tried to build something of my own, but my mental energy is below zero by the end of the work day, so I barely have time to focus/write code for my own projects.

I realize now that changing jobs won't help. Its a temporary solution for the first 6-9 months, afterwards I will find myself in the same place. Can't take sabbatical as I have responsibilities to my family. Drastic career change is not an option as I'm past my thirties, and coding is the only thing I can do.

I tried all company sizes from super small startups, to mid sized startups, to big corporate. All kinds of work environments: full time from the office, to hybrid, to fully remote; demanding job with on-call schedules and overtime, all the way to permissive schedule with great work/life balance.

I have a good sleep, and eat good. I train every day. But I just can't see myself staying in tech for another two-three decades till retirement. Suggestions?

13 comments

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brodouevencode
Question, and it's completely innocent: are you good at what you do? I found that once I became really competent in may areas (SRE, Python/Golang, architecture) it was just a matter of finding the right company to work for. I had many of the same problems and frustrations when I did work I was not truly confident in. (Just a thought)
throwaway_32u10
I'm a web dev that takes REST data and puts it in the database, or the other way around. It's not rocket science, and I do consider myself a good developer.

Of course I learned long time ago that there is zero correlation between my knowledge and getting a job, and in anyway the amount of companies I want to work at, can be counted on one hand (and most of them rejected me anyways, but I guess it would turn out to be the same feeling eventually).

BugsBunny1991
What was your path to becoming competent? I've been a software engineer for over a decade now and I'm middling at best. I've been studying algorithms in my free time as my energy permits and am hoping to branch out into other areas, but I feel as though I'm always behind my more talented colleagues who can immediately "see" the solutions while I have to puzzle them out.
thagerty
I doubt coding is the only thing you can do. A lot of us get into coding because we are good at problem solving. If you can define your long term goals, and make an inventory of your resources, I bet you, along with the help of your family, can figure out a solution. I quit my IT job at 35 and became a massage therapist. The act of building my own house at 30 gave me the confidence to try the career change. You can gain a lot of energy doing things you care about, even if it's hard work.
throwaway_32u10
The problem is that I like writing code. I truly enjoy it. I just hate doing it for someone else, on someone else's terms, performing someone else's rituals (corporate/code/architecture).
beretguy
Make your own simple SaaS product. Maybe look at bearblog.dev for inspiration.
throwaway_32u10
I'm trying. The problem, as I mentioned, is that I'm squeezed by the end of the working day, so I barely have time to work on my side project
metaloha
Best of luck. I've been in this grind for about 35 years now, very similar history.

Two suggestions that might help:

  * switch careers
  * freelance full-time
If you have any other talents or fields of interest, try finding work there (mechanic, electrician, trades, administration, technical writing, etc.).

As a freelancer, you can keep doing what you enjoy, but the scenery changes much more frequently, which might alleviate the ennui.

throwaway_32u10
Thanks.

Is freelancing really that different? I keep hearing opinion for both sides ranging from "freelancing is truly different" to "freelancing is corporate/office job in disguise".

metaloha
It varies, same as so many things :) You can concentrate on finding work within a narrow range where you feel expert in, or spread the net wider and take on work that lets you learn new things as well. You might have a lot of domain experience (eg. financial, construction, real estate, etc.) that you can leverage into finding work, or intentionally find things outside your comfort zone.

We make our own prisons, so to speak, and freelancing can be as restrictive or as freeing as you make it (market conditions may dictate some of this, though).

I usually freelance within a single tech stack and closely related tech, but cast a wide net as far as the type of business goes (music, financial, AI, real estate, legal - all are industries I have some experience with now, and many more).

stubez
I don’t have an answer but I have had the same experience. I didn’t notice to begin with and suddenly started realising that I was feeling drained and stressed after a shorter and shorter time in a new role.

I was a contractor for a few years, and moved from development to DevOps. I think the changes helped delay or hide the issues. I got to the point that I couldn’t manage a six month contract without feeling drained and overwhelmed.

Not to say this happens to everyone but for me it turned into a bad depression that I’m still working through now and I really struggle with severe anxiety. I was fortunate that I could take some time out of work to focus on getting better. I didn’t work at all for over a year.

I joined my wife’s accountancy practice at the beginning of this year and finding ways to improve processes and introduce automation was a gradual way to find something to focus on. That lead to building a SaaS for the industry that has given me something I enjoy working on and which I feel proud to have made.

There are still lots of days where I don’t have the mental energy to work on anything challenging, how you describe feeling after a day of work. I’m having to do what I can based on what is manageable at the time.

Sorry to hear you’re in this difficult place. I can only recommend you listen to your body and try to find a way to understand and work through these feelings. For me it’s therapy but you may have other options available to you.

deanmoriarty
Do you have enough savings to quit and take a long break? I’m in a similar predicament and fortunately I’ve built a good nest egg, and my plan is to quit at some point next year without any clear next plan, as my savings can support that.
throwaway_32u10
I did that, about a year ago. It was amazing, easily one of the best times of my life. But it's not a solution, rather a temporary bandaid to stop the bleeding.