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Oh, what I would give for 1-3 times a day. I'm the opposite of people described here, I have days where it can be just about every hour - or much more- and often it's not even diarrhea, which is what people typically imagine (although I do experience that frequently).

It is exasperating dealing with doctors about it. I've had 6 colonoscopies since I was 25, one procedure where they implanted a device in my gut for a month and observed whatever data it was collecting, I've tried food logging, various diets, cutting out things people say you're supposed to cut out - I received an initial diagnosis at the hospital of ulcerative colitis, but, a flareup has never been observed in a colonoscopy. I suspect it's something like that, but, the diagnosis is kind of just "IBS - general." Really frustrating, especially when you hear the same kinds of advice over and over and over that just doesn't work.

It's been so many years that I've just become accustomed to it and it doesn't bother me quite as much as it probably should - I'm constantly aware of where the nearest bathrooms are, because whatever I have going on produces tremendous urgency a lot where I only have 5-10 mins (sometimes much less) to take care of business or bad/embarrassing things will happen.

TBH same, same story, same diagnosis, same outcome.

At least we're not alone?

For me the only way I see improvement is if I take my own health into my own hands based on my own informed research and data and trust doctors less that are just trying to get you in and out and overbill. It sucks, but, there are certain things you can spend your whole life trying to get help for and fail anyway due to the realities of the US healthcare system (where I am).
Not sure you can blame the US system. What you describe here sounds familiar in the European healthcare system too. To me, it seems that bowel issues are a complicated matter, with high variance in their manifestations. And as long as the symptoms are considered 'mild' (even with a significant decrease in quality of life), specialists don't seem to have an answer, and you'll end up in the 'deal with it' space.
I don’t like to give unsolicited medical advice, but if you haven’t, it could be worth looking into a fibre supplement like Metamucil. I just take the capsules so I don’t have to worry about having the drink and for me it’s a night and day difference compared to when I don’t get it. That said, I’ve never been as severe as you by the sounds.
Giving fibre supplements to a potential IBD patient is probably not a good idea.
yea, that’s the first thing everyone tells me. It’s catastrophic sometimes if I overdo fiber, sometimes it helps. I’m convinced it’s some type of IBD but as I mentioned in original post, to confirm it requires basically a positive result on a colonoscopy I have yet to produce. Since the treatment options are poor I no longer see the point.
I have similar issues, though maybe not as extreme. Daily Metamucil send to be the fix.
In January I tried going vegetarian. It turned out to be a very easy transition, much easier than I expected, but the most surprising change was the quality of my BMs.

It took about a week to adjust, but since then, it’s perfect quality poops every time. I’ve since adopted a flexitarian diet, and only had meat a couple times since the beginning of the year.

I have no idea whether it would help you in any way, shape or form, but I’m a much happier pooper since dropping western-style meat consumption.

I largely eat vegetarian because too much meat makes things worse, by the data I have anyway. Sometimes though, an excess of meat protein helps a lot. I can’t stress enough that I have tried everything and that there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Not a doctor...

From what I know fiber traps water and makes the stool loose. To much meat, constipation. There is such a thing as too much fiber, maybe look into that.

If you've exhausted possible causes, you might want to consider nuking your gut flora and getting a stool transplant from a healthy donor
Had something similar but not as bad, someone recommended I take wormwood and I’ve been totally regular since. Might not fix it for you but can’t hurt. The one I bought is from Go Nutrients on amazon for 25 bucks
Thanks to Metamucil, I am going twice a day for the last fifteen years.
As a daily pooper I've wondered for a long time how much poop a weekly pooper poops in one session. Logically it should be seven times the amount I do, but frankly that sounds like an _absurd_ amount. Like multiple flushes worth.

Or is it much more dense and dry leading to less volume?

If you've ever prepped for a colonoscopy, you'd be surprised how much you can poop. In general, I am a daily pooper... but I was amazed just how much is in there! I was wondering if it was ever going to end!