HN Explorer

Ask HN: Raising Kids in the City? Where?

1 points by whoodle ↗ HN
Has anyone raised kids in a big, walkable city in the US? London? Elsewhere?

My wife and I lived in downtown Philadelphia for >10 years, but moved to the suburbs after having kids. We have two young kids under 3. However, we’re finding — especially me — that we hate living in the suburbs. I miss the city, the energy, the walkability, and the public transport. I wish I could never drive a car again. To me it’s the best way to live, and I only find myself drawn to it more as I get older.

My wife stays home with the kids but is open to working again soon. We don’t want to move back to Philly, so we’re looking at other options. Has anyone either moved back to a big city with kids or just raised their kids in one recently? How did you manage costs?

…And, before someone suggests it, no, a walkable suburb is most likely not the same thing :)

Is NYC feasible if one parent is making FAANG salary? What other cities should we consider?

We’ve also spent a lot of time in London and are considering there as we prefer many parts of the lifestyle in the UK. I have an option to work there keeping my US SWE salary plus visa sponsorship. The real risk there is losing my job and then being at the whim of London level SWE salaries as we aren’t UK citizens.

18 comments

[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 53.0 ms ] thread
paulsutter
We just moved to San Francisco with toddlers and it’s great, as long as you have a parking space (car seats preclude most transportation)
whoodle
Is it possible to get a 3 bedroom place that isn’t terrible on one FAANG salary?
toomuchtodo
Have you considered Barcelona? It is, arguably, one of the most kid friendly cities in Europe and is very pedestrian friendly. If your employment or financial arrangement can support it, it is hard to beat (imho). Spain has a digital nomad visa, renewed one year at a time unless you apply from in country while on the tourist visa (within the 90 day visa), in which case it is a three year term (with one renewal before able to apply for permanent residency at five years).
damnitbuilds
Barcelona has some pedestrian areas but to call it "very pedestrian friendly" when it is mostly small blocks divided by busy roads is a stretch.

And I fear its anti-tourist movement is really an anti-foreigner movement.

toomuchtodo
https://www.sidewalkchorus.com/p/barcelona
damnitbuilds
Ah yes, the planners' great idea of mixing cars and people on the same street.

I don't know why we wasted all that money on totally unnecessary sidewalks and bike paths.

Oh yes: It. Does. Not. Work. For. Pedestrians.

toomuchtodo
Has not been my experience with two children under 10. YMMV. I would pay much more than I pay today for the walkable and bicycling I’m able to have when in BCN (vs say, Chicago).
damnitbuilds
You trust the lives of your under-10s to the good behavior of cars driving down your street?

I would not do that.

toomuchtodo
In Barcelona? I do, and have never had a problem like I had in the US where I was afraid someone wasn't paying attention and was going to hit them (with multiple near misses). Call it urban planning, call it people in a European city taking more care, whatever the root cause, that is my anecdotal observation. You can always compare vehicular pedestrian deaths in the US to those in Europe if you're looking for something more data driven.

Exactly How Far U.S. Street Safety Has Fallen Behind Europe, in Three Bombshell Charts - https://usa.streetsblog.org/2020/10/10/exactly-how-far-u-s-s... - October 10, 2020

Trends in pedestrian fatalities per capita [graphic] - https://lede-admin.usa.streetsblog.org/wp-content/uploads/si...

Shifting Gears: How Driving Cultures Influence Pedestrian Safety Across Continents - https://medium.com/@noamaital/shifting-gears-how-driving-cul... - Jan 8, 2024

damnitbuilds
We are not discussing general accident figures on normal streets.

We are discussing the comment you replied to: "the planners' great idea of mixing cars and people on the same street." which was in reply to a link discussing that idea.

And you wrote that you thought that was safe for 10-year-olds. Which it is not. A street with pedestrians and cars on it is called a "street" and is not a safe place for any pedestrian, let alone a 10-year-old. Which makes it a stupid, dangerous idea, but one that is cheap for the planners to implement, hence its popularity.

schnitzelstoat
I live in BCN and just had a kid but I want to move out of the city to be able to have a car.

It's been quite stressful relying on public transport to have to take the baby to medical appointments etc. and when the child is older there is no public transport to the nearby castles, calas etc. that you might want to visit.

The city is also quite dirty and there is a growing homeless problem, some areas of the city like El Raval are downright dangerous too.

smt88
Chicago is walkable and affordable. So are many smaller cities like Cincinnati.

Most of the rapidly growing Southern cities have great quality of life and are walkable if you can afford to live in the desirable urban areas, which you certainly can if NYC is even on your radar.

whoodle
I appreciate the suggestions, thank you.

I actually grew up in Ohio and know the cities there well. They’re just too small and public transit leaves a lot to be desired.

To me, there’s just something different about the cities that got big before cars that the southern cities, Ohio cities, etc can’t capture. It’s hard to explain if you’re not that type of person.

I think we will consider Chicago though (if I can sell my wife on the weather)

smt88
I lived in NYC and understand what you mean. I now live in a walkable Southern city and don't own a car.

The quality and ease of life are so much better here, I wouldn't go back to NYC if you paid me $50k per year.

Ymmv of course, but I've found the "extras" of ultra-urban cities are fun when you're young and a huge source of friction when you're just trying to survive a day of work + parenting.

whoodle
I lived in Raleigh and then Charlotte about a decade ago and can’t picture living in those places without a car. That said, I may be out of date on what it’s like there now.

Would you mind sharing what city you live in? If not, no worries, I understand wanting to keep anonymity.

I completely get what you’re saying about friction though. In my friend circles the only parents raising kids in cities are Philly and London, the latter of which is so big at some point you’re basically in a different town anyway.

Thanks, I appreciate your responses here. It’s been a weird realization knowing I hate where I live but not having an exact answer to where we should live that also is best for the kids.

smt88
I'll probably get doxxed by AI at some point in the future, but since you can never delete HN posts, I'd prefer to stay anonymous if I can. Send me an email at this temporary address and I'd be happy to chat: quiet.hay0076@fastmail.com
alabastervlog
In most US cities, the walkable parts that aren't heavily crime-ridden and distressed still have pretty bad schools (because they're just pockets here and there among the really poor parts) so you'll be adding the cost of private school (and hassle/cost of transportation to it, if it's a day school) to the already-high costs of housing.

There are a very-few cities with walkable areas of the actual city (not a walkable 'burb) that buck this trend, but it's the overwhelming norm. If you have money, have kids, and live in the city, the kids go to private school.

(Yes, I know, parts of NYC are a huge exception to this, I'm just saying, your list of potential target cities with this scheme is short unless you're planning to also pay for private school, in which case a whole bunch of cities open up)