This doesn't apply to just teenagers. Anyone younger than 30 has probably noticed this trend by now.
The only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.
Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.
It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.
This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.
The article says more about the author, or maybe their particular generation or social group, than the general public. People have been screening calls with answering machines since before mobile phones were even a thing. Caller ID on mobile phones was brought in specifically so people could screen their calls.
I’m middle aged and communicate almost exclusively via text for non-work stuff. But I’m often reminded about how easy it is for things to be misconstrued over text.
Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.
I'm in my fifth decade and I only answer the phone if it's someone I personally recognize - and, even then, I often let it ring out or dismiss it, unless it's my immediate family members.
I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.
This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.
I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.
I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.
Whenever I get a call, my iPhone never rings. I’m not the only one this happens to. It’s been quite a while. Maybe a year. I have tried turning off all continuity phone settings as some people say this helps.
I'm a millennial, and in case an unexpected call is answered on my phone, that means that my phone is stolen. I don't even remember when was the last time I answered a surprise call. I think that was in the early 90s I think, when I was in kindergarten still...
I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.
If it's a routine call from a service provider or what have you I'll also let it ring but this from the article is crazy to me:
"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.
This seems like a 'boy who cried wolf' problem. If dad is calling you daily, and you don't feel like talking to him today, that should be a reasonable ask. You could get unlucky and have it be that someone's at the ER, but if they're calling daily, that's unlikely.
If they had texting as the default medium, with calling reserved for important and urgent communication, they wouldn't have this problem.
Maybe I'm just reading to much into this, but I know people who live with this exact situation with their parents, being called several times daily, and if I were in that situation, I'd just stop taking their calls at some point, no matter how important it is.
All of my phone calls go straight to my email via an AI powered text transcription. Then that rings the terminal bell so the color on my tmux status bar changes and I'll call you back if/when I want to.
I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.
Gen Z here. Personally I’m glad to get a call from a close friend any time. Especially when it serves the purpose of them just telling me about something funny or interesting that has happened, to discuss some issue where tone of our speech is an essential part of communication, or to organize some get-together and make plans. In such cases I actually appreciate getting the call and happily pick up the phone. I only don’t if it’s an unknown number, or if the person repeatedly only calls to ask for a favor. Robocalls I don’t get often.
I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?
Relatedly, I am seriously considering getting a landline again so that I (and my young children) can once again live in a world where the barrier to a "quick chat" with friends or family is lowered.
I'd love for my daughter to be able to just pick up the phone, call her friend, and schedule a hangout for that afternoon. (Or for me to be able to do the same with her friend's parents).
And having a dedicated landline for this means none of this needs to involve the mobile phone intruding on our home life.
I don't consider textual communication less real than person-to-person interactions. Different, yes. Less real, no. On the contrary, communication over the phone is usually hindered by the horrible quality of most phone calls I experience, forcing me to use additional effort just to understand what's being said, rather than spending that energy actually answering. Textual commuication also has several advantages I wish real life had, like a log of what's been said.
I think that this preference of yours (and understandably of many others) is a reflection of the pandemic desire - and eventual entitlement - for convenience. I’d say convenience is good in the form of things like hot water, efficient commute, robust legal processes, quick emergency communication, all of which we owe to technology. I could go on about how the pursuit of convenience has made us prosperous and miserable at the same time, but that’s a discussion for another day.
While I’d agree that “a log of what’s been said” is convenient and advantageous, I’d say it’s more human to be remembered than simply looked up.
I do answer any call, but I am never introducing myself, nor using affirmative words. The moment I will figure out I have got an advertisement call, I am immediately hanging up. So I a not surprised that teenagers are not answering calls - it is very likely advertisement.
Keep in mind that you should rethink your communication mechanisms when you have to deal with medical professionals. Healthy? Yeah use voicemail. But otherwise they view their time as more important than yours.
Phone calls are really problematic for people with memory problems too, since there is usually no recording or summary of the call. Perhaps when offline speech-to-text models get good enough that will change. Some phones already have transcription/summarisation for voicemails, so it isn't a big step to enabling it for all calls.
26 comments
[ 3.1 ms ] story [ 62.4 ms ] threadThe only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.
Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.
It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.
This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.
[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43976815
Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.
I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.
This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.
I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.
I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.
I'm around 30yo.
I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.
"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.
If they had texting as the default medium, with calling reserved for important and urgent communication, they wouldn't have this problem.
Maybe I'm just reading to much into this, but I know people who live with this exact situation with their parents, being called several times daily, and if I were in that situation, I'd just stop taking their calls at some point, no matter how important it is.
Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?
I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.
I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?
Relatedly, I am seriously considering getting a landline again so that I (and my young children) can once again live in a world where the barrier to a "quick chat" with friends or family is lowered.
I'd love for my daughter to be able to just pick up the phone, call her friend, and schedule a hangout for that afternoon. (Or for me to be able to do the same with her friend's parents).
And having a dedicated landline for this means none of this needs to involve the mobile phone intruding on our home life.