Ask HN: How Do I Get over My Existential Crisis?
Forward to my university years, I got into computer science because I thought writing code for the rest of my life would be as cool as it was in my teen years. For a moment, during my university years, it was! I aced my classes and was happily writing code for projects and coming up with unique little tools and ideas to build.
After graduation, I hit a brick wall. I found out there are very few jobs for programmers in my country, and almost none in my city. I searched for months, but in the end, I settled for a tutoring role. I worked as a tutor for two years, and then, just with sheer luck, I found a paid internship, applied, and was offered the position. I think I got offered the internship because the pay was low—it was basically slave labor—but it was decent by my country’s standards. I believed that building my reputation, network, and experience working with a US-based startup was worth more than the pay.
I worked as an intern for 6 months, then moved to a Jr. Role, doing full-stack work. I worked as a Jr for 8 more months, then the startup failed to secure funding. So, again, I was unemployed.
I got referred to a different startup by my old employer, started working there as the only frontend developer, the pay was good, and the work was good, but that startup also failed to secure funding, and I was let go.
Now, I am unemployed. I applied to hundreds, if not thousands, of openings on LinkedIn, HackerNews’ monthly “Who is Hiring” threads, but got nothing.
I am now in an existential crisis, local work where I live is almost non-existent, and even if I do come across an opening, the pay is not even decent by my standards; it simply is not worth the effort. So, my goal is to find contract roles and fully remote roles abroad, and honestly, I don’t know how viable that goal is now.
I am even thinking of shifting my focus away from software development due to the market saturation worldwide.
What would you do if you were me? I’m looking for real, honest, and thoughtful feedback.
40 comments
[ 3.5 ms ] story [ 66.6 ms ] threadThe saying I have tried to live by is “only a young person thinks the last downturn was the last”. Also as Game of Thrones puts it, “my sweet summer child”.
One way I was told how to find product (your service) and market (labor market) fit is to focus on the problem. Sell yourself as a problem solver rather than a software developer. The software is just a tool, and software engineering is a framework to apply those tools in practice. Although the current state of your locale lacks software dev opportunities, it might also be that most people aren't aware of their needs for digitization yet. Software is also in a lot of things. Don't limit yourself to web development.
So - solve it for them. Figure out all the answers, set up all the stuff that will make it easier for a prospective employer and have it all at the ready.
Is moving to an area with more jobs a possibility on the table?
Also keep in mind that pay is relative to where you live. While some hit the jackpot making Silicon Valley wages in developing counties with very low costs of living, that’s not the norm and shouldn’t be the expectation. Those wages are high, in part, because the cost of living is high. I work for a large company and pay scales are region dependent to account for cost of living. I think the idea being that two people doing the same job have a relatively similar lifestyle. Are you turning down otherwise good opportunities because you’re looking to make California wages outside of California and the US?
Make solving big problems your life’s purpose, not trying to find a “job”.
One lesson I had to learn the hard way, no one is coming to save you. Build your own future. Make your own path. Finding something that people would pay for is easy. Finding something that a lot of people will pay for is hard. Just find a way to earn a living and then find a way to make a living with what you love doing. You don’t need to work for a FANNG to be successful.
Do you have a personal website or blog? Do you have thoughts, ideas, problems you’ve solved, or mini hobby projects to talk about? It may not directly lead to an instant job but I think showing the world more about you and what you enjoy doing (and are good at) beyond the normal CV format might be a good start? It’s at least a productive thing to spend your time on while you’re trying to work out your next move.
1. if there are jobs offering high pay, and there are people who get them- these jobs are not overpaid, clearly some people want to pay high and there are other people who deliver (and of course there are other who fake it, but it's not a norm)
2. not all people are equal, and not all jobs are equal, and just because 'it feels unfair' does not mean it is unfair. Sure, there are different levels of programmers but I personally have seen people who deserve every penny of their pay, because they produce stuff 99.99% people won't be able to produce no matter how hard they want to be in that league
3. Education is investment people make because they see it opens some doors that are otherwise closed- looking at job descriptions in my area, most well paid jobs require some form of paper from applicants- it doesn't matter if it's good or bad, it's state of reality (and sure, there are other jobs where paper is not needed, my point is that with the paper more doors are opened)
4. in case of original poster, the problem might be different- partially because of the target audience and partially because of local reality. In early stage of developed countries nepothism is a huge problem, so I sympathetise with the poster as I know this first hand. I dare to say, having college degree puts him in much better situation than most of the population and the game is to be patient.
- find outsource dev shops near you and see if you can find work via them - find outsource dev shops NOT near you (different time zones) and offer to work with them to increase their off hours coverage - list yourself on work platforms like fiver and taskrabbit for lots of useful problem solving that isn't programming but where programming makes you more competent: organizing digital documents, fixing/creating excel models, integrating various business software, setting up CRMs, fixing vibe coded messes, making personal websites, setting up email on custom domains, sending order confirmation emails/texts, lead generation, sending notifications/emails when particular topics appear in news/regulation/official databases, keeping an online menu up to date for a company - offer cheap localization / "check and fix your ai generated localization" service -
But that requires also being able to eat, and sleep under a roof, so taking "hold your nose" jobs may be required.
Also, learning and mastering difficult stuff, can be useful. "Full-Stack" is a very crowded field, with a lot of talented, hungry people.
I sincerely wish you the best.
The first thing that comes to mind is, if I wanted to hire you remotely, how would I pay you?
I don't know whether it's a common question you have from prospective employers, but if I'm running a business (FWIW, I'm not), I'd be worried that regularly sending money to Iraq might trigger some alarms (anti-money laundering, sanctions, etc.), and this probably trumps any other consideration unless somehow you're able to show that you're so good at doing the work that it's worth the (perceived) risk.
So I'm speculating that maybe you'd have better chances if you focus on crypto-friendly companies and figure out a way to receive money using crypto, and mention this upfront or at least at the same time you reveal where you are currently.
“The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed and played tennis with. We can slurp from that mighty river to our hearts' content. And we can even take slurping lessons, so we can slurp more efficiently.”
Have you already tried positioning yourself as deep into your country's "money river" as possible? It's by far the biggest knob, location location location. You can be the most qualified amazeballs whatever of something in a resource desert devoid of opportunity and you'll starve.
What adversity does is challenge our attachment profile. This helps the timid hoarder, who wants to keep everything, by forcing them to choose. They learn a stronger, purer, sense of self in the process. A lesson we can’t seem to learn as fast, voluntarily. Victor Frankl describes it in great detail as a holocaust survivor in Man’s Search For Meaning.
So embrace your hardship. Consider that you are exactly where you need to be in this moment, to move ahead. And make all attachments second to this - Never Give Up. But for the rest, maybe introduce flexibility, experiment more. You have an opinion on these other opportunities not being worth it, but what have you tried? You see things up close that the ruminating knee hugger simply won’t ever see by thought alone.
Given your propensity for programming you are probably a high functioning individual, able to apply logical reasoning and systems thinking to a wide range of problems.
I have no idea of your living conditions so honest feedback beyond that is quite hard. Different places are different man.
I know talented programmers coming from around the world - so your career choice was not wrong. The career has been an opportunity for talent across the globe. It's possible that your life situation, however, is what stops you to actually follow the career path of your choosing now.
I know people who've struggled to find direction after their initial education did not pan out. They eventually pull through - sometimes they find a job that is aligned with their education, and sometimes they need to pivot and find something new. I have no idea what action you should take in your local economy.
I'm super impressed you take care of you elderly mother. I don't know what relationship you have, but being a caretaker is a dignified position what ever the circumstances. But it can also be a sacrifice towards personal freedoms, goals, and life outcomes.
Now, what I'm going to say may sound like BS but it really is the only solid actionable support I can give: take care of yourself. Try to exercise. Try to sleep. Try to eat. Try to find things in life you enjoy, and notice and pay attention to them. Life can be lived - and sometimes needs to be lived - one breath and one heartbeat at a time.
It's not like you'll find a job next door. Even in USA you usually don't and need to search well.
Look up my contact info from this site: omardo dot com. It's my blog from the high school.
Look at existing software with unhappy users and make an alternative, even if a simpler one. Create something that hits a specific need of local businesses. If nothing else comes out of it, you will still have a real-world project and related experience (with designing, planning, shipping, talking to customers) to add to your resume.