> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this.
It really seems quite difficult for straight men to succeed at this.
> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed.
I won't say most, but it's clear a lot of men are tempted by the flesh and have to actively choose not to cheat on their partner. This is a trope throughout cultures and histories for a reason. Some are lucky enough to find monogamy trivial and natural, but a lot of people are practicing self control.
> One day – probably somewhere between 28 and 38 – you'll wake up and just feel 'off'. A bit sore. A bit tired. That feeling will never leave you. Be grateful for your youth while you have it.
This happened when I was 20. I don't know what else to say other than, it fucking sucks.
I remember thinking this after my 6th birthday. I must have picked it up from what adults around me were saying, but I just thought to myself "I guess this is what it's like getting older. When I was 5, I'd have just went up and down that slide all day. Now, I just don't have the energy."
I was convinced! That pervasive optimism has stayed with me throughout life, too. Lucky.
Some great life lessons here, but also some I don't agree with:
- The lazy person works twice as hard.
Often I found you can save a lot of time just trying to the minimal possible and gain a lot of insights of why something is minimal vs not
-The opinion of the person who rarely offers it is listened to more closely.
I found the opposite to be true, those who don't offer their thoughts frequently are often dismissed when they do want to share something
Anyway, many of the points are great.. I would also add to keep a journal and write down what was meaningful throughout the day.. you will find time passing by with more quality since you know what the take and what to avoid
This is well done. I can't say I agree with all of them, but I agree with the fact that you sat down and thought about them, and that you wrote them down. Good job.
> Adults make a lot more sense when you realise they're just children in big bodies.
That one, I absolutely agree with.
I'm 55. I would have a hard time limiting myself to 55 things I wish I knew when I was 34. When I'm 105, I still will have too many for now. :)
> Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.
The funny thing I find about criticism is that you actually don’t have a choice about whether or not it affects your future actions. Criticism that I have dismissed has persistently come back to haunt me, perhaps via my subconscious.
We care so much that we even care about the opinions of those we do not care about.
Or, as Marcus Aurelius put it, "It never ceases to amaze me, we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own."
curiosity plus follow-through is a superpower. Lots of people I know are curious… they just never really follow through on it, so they end up average, wasting that superpower. They’re curious in their head, but it stays in their head.
I’m thinking about curiosity in a work sense (“could I build a better widget?”) and in a personal interest sense (“I wonder if taking a dance class / volunteering at a soup kitchen would be fulfilling”).
I’ve learned that the people who tend to excel are the ones who follow that curiosity to completion for something.
> Some people are profoundly broken – usually from life's harsh trials. Give yourself permission to remove them from your orbit. Their healing requires years of professional help, more than well-meaning friends and family can achieve.
If you give up on those people and cut them out, you're pretty much condemning them to continuing being broken.
This conflicts with the earlier advice of trying to be kind.
Don't let them control you but don't cut them out. Give them some of your time and some kindness. You never know how much time a "profoundly broken" person has left.
Keep in mind the idea that "Some people are profoundly broken." There are those you can help. There are also those who you will never be able to help. Know your limit. Know when to say enough and let them live with their choices. You can't fix everyone even if you wish you could.
I think perhaps the author's 35th lesson¹ is that brevity can lose nuance.
I interpreted this one to be in the context where having them in your orbit is causing you (or others) harm, and it ain't something you can fix.
¹ Actually it would be the 50th lesson. For some reason tacking on fifteen "bonus" lessons annoyed me. Felt like having your alliteration and eating it too. 51st lesson: math.
3. Fear of being cringe will stop you living fully. Get over it.
This happened to me at age 40, when a 24yo advised me that some thing I owned, wore, or said made me look uncool. "The difference between 40 and 24 is that you care what looks uncool to 24yos."
24. One day your parents' names will be spoken more often in memories than in conversations. Every word shared with them now is a gift. Don't wait. Create a recurring calendar entry for coffee with your Dad. Visit your Mum every Friday. Force it. Squeeze it in. It will become one of your biggest regrets if you don't.
I'm happy it is a good lesson for you, but do not claim this is one-size-fits-all advice. Some of us have abusive, ugly parents, and are plenty tired of being lectured about how "you're going to regret not making amends with them!" No I fucking won't. Again - good for you, and I'm not saying you said this applied to me.
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[ 4.0 ms ] story [ 47.2 ms ] threadIt really seems quite difficult for straight men to succeed at this.
I'm not sure I like the framing of this
This happened when I was 20. I don't know what else to say other than, it fucking sucks.
I was convinced! That pervasive optimism has stayed with me throughout life, too. Lucky.
This was a revelation to me in my early-thirties.
Carnivorous animals, are they immoral?
What the ...
- The lazy person works twice as hard. Often I found you can save a lot of time just trying to the minimal possible and gain a lot of insights of why something is minimal vs not
-The opinion of the person who rarely offers it is listened to more closely. I found the opposite to be true, those who don't offer their thoughts frequently are often dismissed when they do want to share something
Anyway, many of the points are great.. I would also add to keep a journal and write down what was meaningful throughout the day.. you will find time passing by with more quality since you know what the take and what to avoid
lol
> Adults make a lot more sense when you realise they're just children in big bodies.
That one, I absolutely agree with.
I'm 55. I would have a hard time limiting myself to 55 things I wish I knew when I was 34. When I'm 105, I still will have too many for now. :)
Following this logic, you're precisely the age you should be to write a list like this :P
The funny thing I find about criticism is that you actually don’t have a choice about whether or not it affects your future actions. Criticism that I have dismissed has persistently come back to haunt me, perhaps via my subconscious.
Or, as Marcus Aurelius put it, "It never ceases to amaze me, we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own."
I like this. I’ll take it a step further:
curiosity plus follow-through is a superpower. Lots of people I know are curious… they just never really follow through on it, so they end up average, wasting that superpower. They’re curious in their head, but it stays in their head.
I’m thinking about curiosity in a work sense (“could I build a better widget?”) and in a personal interest sense (“I wonder if taking a dance class / volunteering at a soup kitchen would be fulfilling”).
I’ve learned that the people who tend to excel are the ones who follow that curiosity to completion for something.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many_a_true_word_is_spoken_in_...
> Some people are profoundly broken – usually from life's harsh trials. Give yourself permission to remove them from your orbit. Their healing requires years of professional help, more than well-meaning friends and family can achieve.
If you give up on those people and cut them out, you're pretty much condemning them to continuing being broken.
This conflicts with the earlier advice of trying to be kind.
Don't let them control you but don't cut them out. Give them some of your time and some kindness. You never know how much time a "profoundly broken" person has left.
I've seen what happens to those who spend their lives trying to fix others.
No thanks.
I interpreted this one to be in the context where having them in your orbit is causing you (or others) harm, and it ain't something you can fix.
¹ Actually it would be the 50th lesson. For some reason tacking on fifteen "bonus" lessons annoyed me. Felt like having your alliteration and eating it too. 51st lesson: math.
https://youtu.be/sycgL3Qg_Ak?si=aDnxo-S6eYXJVheC&t=190
Don’t listen to other people’s advice. Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing.
Just do your own thing.
This happened to me at age 40, when a 24yo advised me that some thing I owned, wore, or said made me look uncool. "The difference between 40 and 24 is that you care what looks uncool to 24yos."
24. One day your parents' names will be spoken more often in memories than in conversations. Every word shared with them now is a gift. Don't wait. Create a recurring calendar entry for coffee with your Dad. Visit your Mum every Friday. Force it. Squeeze it in. It will become one of your biggest regrets if you don't.
I'm happy it is a good lesson for you, but do not claim this is one-size-fits-all advice. Some of us have abusive, ugly parents, and are plenty tired of being lectured about how "you're going to regret not making amends with them!" No I fucking won't. Again - good for you, and I'm not saying you said this applied to me.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ
Suuuuure