> I was told that this person really had all the friends that they need.
In my experience, this does tend to happen in smaller communities - a small town where everyone knows each other, and already has picked out all the people they're likely to be friends with.
> Being intentional is essential, she says.
> According to Franco, the key to building a community of friends is setting up planned interactions, like regular group events or rotating potlucks.
As someone who has experienced the opposite effect I think the trick is to just finding passion in what you do and your hobbies. The more of a resource I am around my interests the easier it’s always been more me to make new friends with those same interests just by having something to talk about
If you’re responsible and you like animals, there’s no easier way to connect with people from all walks of life than by owning a dog. Assuming you live in a fairly dog‑friendly area, it becomes much easier to break the ice and spend time in shared spaces where everyone already has at least one thing in common.
I have exactly one friend. I had two, but one of them recently passed away suddenly. At 51, I can definitely say it's very hard to meet anyone. I guess I need to start playing D&D or board games or disc golf.
In my experience, it just takes initiative. Think of it this way, if most people want more friends, then the odds are in your favor. It just takes a little vulnerability to bridge the social gap and make connections.
Absolutely true. Nothing is guaranteed when it involves other people.
Personally, I've struggled with rejection sensitivity. It's been a whole other journey to recognize this, and make progress despite the uncertainty of outcomes. It's one thing to know intellectually that failure has nothing to do with me. It's another to grapple with the social pain that arrives regardless of what I know.
For people into music: Would you be interested in an app that lists music events in your area, where you can register yourself as going, and where people can apply to go with you?
What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
Stand for something more than yourself. Be curious and learn about folks you meet. I am in my 50s and have many young and old friends, including 5 new ones this year.
Honestly I have found it easy to make friends as an adult. Just need to go and do activities with other single adults and they are likely open to and have time to be friends beyond the meeting activity in my experience.
My regular thing is Monday coworking at a specific cafe. It’s a great way to start the week. Sometimes there is six or seven of us. Sometimes just two. Sometimes we get dinner or drinks after or go to karaoke next door.
Another is regular coffee + sports with a friend. We are slowly meeting and playing with the other regulars there and entering small tournaments.
Still, it does require worrying about flakiness. It’s hard to get something off the ground if you can’t get enough commitment to book a table or even put it in your calendar . At some point if people want to make friends they should act like they care.
It’s really frustrating that the person already making the effort to organise things should take on the emotional toll of making everyone else’s life as noncommittal as possible.
I'm 50, I have more real friends, every year of my life. Making new friends isn't hard, you just need to make it a priority, if you don't prioritize it then it won't happen.
One of my old best friends from my 20's/30's only leaves the house to go to work, sits alone on social media circle jerk politics, never returns texts, the few times I've seen him he just complained about not having friends and it being everyone else's fault.
If you want to make more friends, leave your house, go out and volunteer somewhere. Return calls/emails/texts with the people you meet. Do the work, get more friends.
IMHO the secret to making friends as an adult is to constantly put yourself in situations where you are forced to interact with others without any overarching elements of dating, sex, alcohol, or relationships. Like volunteering.
Also, it takes time. I've learned that faith comes from trust, which comes from time, and experience. The more I am around others, gaining experience with our personalities, we come to trust one another, and build faith in friendship.
In my experience, it is also very difficult.
I’m playing tennis for more than a year and it has been almost impossible to make friends. People meet to play and barely shared some words. Same in Yoga classes. In my view, it depends on the personality. For some people is easy to engage, for others it is not.
23 comments
[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 44.6 ms ] threadIn my experience, this does tend to happen in smaller communities - a small town where everyone knows each other, and already has picked out all the people they're likely to be friends with.
> Being intentional is essential, she says.
> According to Franco, the key to building a community of friends is setting up planned interactions, like regular group events or rotating potlucks.
For me, this is D&D.
It can be hard on you sometimes when you are trying your best.
Personally, I've struggled with rejection sensitivity. It's been a whole other journey to recognize this, and make progress despite the uncertainty of outcomes. It's one thing to know intellectually that failure has nothing to do with me. It's another to grapple with the social pain that arrives regardless of what I know.
What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
Do men (here) experience this often? Not often? I’ve not stumbled into this problem in many years. Perhaps this is an exaggerated issue.
And I’m still making male friends - not every day, but not none!
If you go to lunch with a friend, ask "would you like to do this regularly?"
lunch/walk/hike/movie/dinner/gaming/sewing/driving/<your-idea-here>
weekly/every two weeks/every first saturday of the month
don't worry about flakiness
I've done this with a few people and my life has gotten better.
at first it was a little awkward, but people RESPONDED to it. Others need this too!
Another is regular coffee + sports with a friend. We are slowly meeting and playing with the other regulars there and entering small tournaments.
Still, it does require worrying about flakiness. It’s hard to get something off the ground if you can’t get enough commitment to book a table or even put it in your calendar . At some point if people want to make friends they should act like they care.
It’s really frustrating that the person already making the effort to organise things should take on the emotional toll of making everyone else’s life as noncommittal as possible.
One of my old best friends from my 20's/30's only leaves the house to go to work, sits alone on social media circle jerk politics, never returns texts, the few times I've seen him he just complained about not having friends and it being everyone else's fault.
If you want to make more friends, leave your house, go out and volunteer somewhere. Return calls/emails/texts with the people you meet. Do the work, get more friends.
Also, it takes time. I've learned that faith comes from trust, which comes from time, and experience. The more I am around others, gaining experience with our personalities, we come to trust one another, and build faith in friendship.