I am depressed and I need someone to talk to
I need help. A few months ago I founded my first startup together with a friend of mine. We were #1 on HN for nearly a whole day. I could feel pretty good but I am very depressed from time to time. At the moment I am in a phase of depression again and I hate it.
I need someone to talk to. Either via audio or via Text. I could try to talk to my friend but I would prefer the advice from "a stranger".
I am in therapy for 7 years now and it is not going anywhere. As a child I have been abused over a long period of time. I am taking (subscribed) meds (about 10 pills every day) and I still feel terrible. There are a couple of similar stories on HN and I tried to read them all - but I feel that I need someone to talk to directly.
first contact via email: throw.away.far23@gmail.com
Thank you so much.
160 comments
[ 3.9 ms ] story [ 230 ms ] threadQuick note though, the Samaritans definitely do not give advice. Mostly they help you work through your own feelings and figure out what to do on your own.
That sounds like the perfect description of a therapist to me.
I'm personally fortunate to be in a good position mental health wise, but I know http://reddit.com/r/depression, http://reddit.com/r/bipolar and http://reddit.com/r/bipolarreddit have helped my close (non tech friends) a lot and they cannot recommend them highly enough.
It is a great community, with some really nice people.
OP, I feel a board dominated by entrepreneurs and type-a hard-charging success hounds isn't the ideal place to get advice about feeling bad from clinical depression. Not that these aren't completely kind people, but there is depression and there is Depression. When you've been abused as a child, you are changed forever in ways that are not even on the same continuum of emotion that, say, not exercising, or going nearly-broke like [insert famous billionaire here].
I probably can't express this effectively through text and I'm not available to chat via Skype at the moment, but:
It's okay for you to feel Depressed. As far as emotions can be described as having reasons, you have them. Abuse changes a person forever. Doesn't break them, or make them bad, but it often leads to terrible emotions a lucky majority can't even fathom. You're feeling terrible, don't feel guilty about being injured on top of all that. Actually, injury might be a good metaphor, in that we have an animal instinct to hide away vulnerability and pain. I feel the same way about my "injuries," I don't want to share them because of a stigma of guilt that comes with Depression.
One thing I have seen posted (from a quick scan through) is the truth that you won't always feel this way. Things do get better. And then, all too commonly, they get worse again. But that too shall pass.
MoodGYM: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome E-couch: https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome
I disturbingly had a less than great experience with Lifeline the one time I needed some help. Specifically the operator told me she didn't understand my issues or why I was calling. The fact that I had expectations of being able to access an understanding counsellor and had saved them as a last point-of-call when other options were exhausted made this particularly unhelpful. Thought I'd post this as potentially my own expectations made this situation worse (and if I'd read this or other online accounts I might have had lower expectations).
Still, I got through that so maybe it was the right thing to tell me.
I'm glad to read things got better :-)
Working out, helpful, changing diet... sometimes helpful.
As for having people visit, I would say this would be helpful but would be dependent upon the situations for your depression.
I've learnt a good technique where I just work on being angry. Doesn't matter what about, even just at myself for being depressed. When I get to angry, I'm not feeling despair anymore. I allow myself to focus on being angry for a while but then that turns into frustration. Then I just become annoyed. And before I realise I'm not depressed anymore.
I know all that is a lot easier said than done but over the years I have got better at it.
Another tool I use is to make a list of 20 things I'm grateful for in my life. At first I can't think of anything, but I make myself work at it and start to remember some good things. Good things that I should be happy about.
I realise not everyone's depression is the same but these tools work for me so I thought I'd share.
And if you manage to have a somewhat healthy something else, you're relatively lucky :)
Though I have learned to live with the depressing stuff without any kind of medication. Mostly I do this by shifting my thoughts about the depressing stuff to something which I find nice. Though too often it is a good movie, but still that is almost two hours break from thinking about the depressive stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeIy2MHZ0xE
Since I take their input, my life is bliss :
* wall-e on romance : now I date an ipod
* robocop on hairstyle : I had to stop as it screwed majorly my head
* HAL-9000 on gaming : I don't let nobody beat me at "jeopardy: the mission"
* MCP on people : I chmod 700 every aspect of my life
* Terminator on ending relationships : going down in a melting vat is the way to end things the cool way.
* D.A.R.Y.L on procreation : kids are only cool if they are robots.
That's not really the way clinical depression works though. Letting yourself wallow in bona fide clinical depression is unhealthy because it reinforces neural structures that strengthen your depression, making it harder to get out of, and easier to relapse into later. There's also evidence that being depressed causes widespread cognitive impairment, and it's possible that those effects could linger (or at least ripple) after treatment.
In short, you want to stay depressed for as little time as possible. But if you're enjoying feeling sorry for youself, that may be something other than depression.
I am glad that you've found something that works for you.
@OP: I've flagged your comment. Hoping you or a moderator sees that you accidentally posted from your not-throwaway account. I could figure out what startup you are a founder of.
This is tragic and any person should be able to feel without stigma to be suffering. No one should have to feel, or need to, suffer in silence or anonymity.
Add me anytime you like, we can chat and hang around. I am a decent listener, I love helping people out and I am great motivator. I do browse Reddit & help out whenever I can but since this is HN I will make an exception just for you.
So, cheer up, life isn't over it's never to late to start again.
EDIT: anything we talk will be considered confidential. So, you're in safe hands.
1. Your identity is often bind with your startup. If your startup failed you feel like you failed, even if you might control 3 out of 10 important parameters. Or you are the best at 9 out of 10 but that 1 out of 10 failed.
2. Like other professions like doctor or lawyer we dont have a big group to relate to. No other entrepreneur is the other s alike.
3. Any d*ckhead can start a company and the difference between genius and beeing crazy is thin.
4. Your reward comes very very late. If you are a consultant, you work one hour get paid one hour. Building the next facebook takes time and the sign of your success can take for ever.
5. Failor is more common than you think. We hear about the success stories but guys that tried and failed just silently start working at a company as employee.
6. Success and feedback for an entrepreneur is rare. Being #1 on HN is not something you can be every day. But if you take out the trash or work as truckdriver you can come home, leave your work and feel pretty good about your self and what you have done. Having great plans increases your of personal failor risk a lot.
So what is the solution? I think more about my self as a builder and the projects I do I am aware they might fail, but I focus on me and my methods. Try to fail faster, MVP and all that other stuff Eric talks about in Lean startup.
It is not about me or my startup it is about going out and fish, fish for a successful company and every day learn someting and increase my luck exposure bit by bit.
For sustainable development of mindfulness I'd also recommend regularly journaling about your feelings though you should discuss it with your therapist first. If you decide to try, there's a good iPhone app called iMoodJournal. You can think you talk to me when you use it because I really put a piece of my soul into it. ;-)
After all, in the workplace, you are expected to show leadership, strong will and the power to go through anything. Especially in the ultra competitive world of startups.
So I can understand the OP MO here.
PS : OPMO is a funny word.
PS : and for different reasons, family is sometimes a big no no as well.
I wish you to find good listeners, this is rare.
it wont give you a solution today, but if you do the course, you will gain access to significant support tools that you can access on an ongoing basis
personally I would say RC saved my life, albeit i don't do RC anymore and i now do ICC if you want to look at some texts have a look here http://www.co-cornucopia.org.uk/coco/literature.htm but there are plenty of other resources available
best wishes kate
Get away from people for a while, unplug from the internet, depression is a psychological process where you determine you have a problem that needs to be fixed, and processing time is needed away from the daily stimulus to figure out what to do to fix it.
Please don't. Are you trying to kill the OP or to help him?
When at the 'homeless shelter' (or any other such a place, like an institution for drug addicts, elderly people or animal shelter) healthy person tends to eventually appreciate the fact that she's much better off and to see hope in the fact that those people (or animals) thrive despite all the tragedies they were through. It's a good advice for people frustrated because they didn't get their promotion just yet.
People in depression in same circumstances can only get worse. The fear of becoming homeless, or an addict, or maltreated animal - however stupid this sounds - will dominate their minds and will worsen their condition almost universally. Worsening depression could be lethal, hence my question at the beginning.
In short: whatever you do, as a depressed person, do not surround yourself with pain and suffering and hopelessness. You've got enough of this inside you.
1) Get opinionated. Try to form opinions about everything around you. What do you like or dislike about that lamp post? Which one is your favorite fruit and why? These type of silly exercises is a good way of building up an image of what you want in life. When you know what you want, you can figure out how to achieve it. Being passive is horribly depression-inducing.
2) Participate in life coaching, preferably both individually and in groups. This helped me getting a more objective view of what type of individual I am, how other people see me. But also what other type of personalities there are and how they interact. Knowing all this has helped me view disagreements and conflicts in a new light. I don't have to take myself and everything around me so seriously, since I can see more clearly why things happen as they do.
I wish you all the best.