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> PHP powers approximately 70% of websites,

Well, that's my depressing statistic for the day...

One billion devices run Java!
Actually even more nowadays, given Android with 75% market share, even if it is a different brand of coffee, alongside all developers using JetBrains products even when not using Java as their programming language.
Depends on how you define Java. Android can execute Java programs, and includes a handful of OpenJDK libraries, but stopped running JVM a long time ago.
Ah, the quote from the Java Windows installer lol.
are there really so few static web sites?
This is a very misleading stat. A single path or subdomain on the website needs to be running PHP for the entire site to count as “powered by PHP”. Plus it excludes sites whose server-side tech cannot be identified at all (aka properly configured ones).
Why is that depressing? PHP is just as capable as everything else out there. It may not be our first choice but its use is not depressing.
The interpreter is written in C. It shouldn’t be trusted for web related tasks that handle malicious data.
The Linux kernel is written in C.

Should we all go back to using Microsoft IIS to host web servers?

Which is why they are reporting 2000+ CVEs per release right now. The Linux project needs to seriously consider replacing some of the networking related components with Rust versions.