Ask HN: I am programmer, i wan't to die, what can i do?

46 points by ghosthamlet ↗ HN

60 comments

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(comment deleted)
Call here: 1-800-273-8255

Death is pretty final. Pain is only temporary. Plenty of people who want you around, who care enough to help you through it, many you don't even know yet.

I'm in no way qualified to speak about this as I have no professional credentials. However, being an engineer with an extensive history of anxiety and depression. Don't die yourself! This exception is catchable! Programmers have unique skills and ways of dealing with the world. Programmers and engineers have a knack for seeing all the potential outcomes of any given current state. Given a predisposition to unfavorable neurochemical states (seasonal or acute depression), the determination of potential outcomes can become insanely negative. That is, in a normal engineer, the engineer sees all the happy paths and negative paths. In a depressed engineer, they see mostly negative paths. In this way, the brains of engineers can cause emotional problems when chemical conditions go crazy. It was critical for me to realize that the chemicals in my brain, didn't represent reality and clouded my judgement rendering me unable to seek help. Until you get help, just remember that they are just chemicals.. you don't have to die because they are a bit out of sync.
First: Stop eating shitty food.

Srsly, most depression cases can be cured with Diet and Exercise ONLY.

This is such a lie.
For situational depression it can. Clinical depression is an entire other beats, but regular exercise increases the levels of serotonin in your brain and releases more endorphins that elevate your mood.
There are a number of negative studies recently that show exercise doesn't help depression.

It's probably not going to hurt, especially if there's some social stuff built in.

Hey hack_edu, been trying to get in touch with you, could you shoot me an email? akila@uci.edu
This isn't true but exercise can help. It likely won't cure it.
(comment deleted)
That's exactly what I said.
Where do you live? (Country,(State if in US), City).

As Agildehaus said: Death is final, lets talk first.

He's easily Googleable and you can find his real name and address and pictures using his HN username. Same guy.
I'm only getting someone from Korea... is that him?
IRL you can't backup, bro. No rollback.
You already took the first step. Now take step 2 and call someone who can help you. You can get through this.
(comment deleted)
Do you have an explicit reason or it's just the suicidal thoughts?
It's an interesting observation that everyone assumes (although probably rightly) he means he's suicidal based on four words. That says something.

My initial impression was that he was a hacker wanting to beat a terminal disease.

As someone who is finally starting to get out of being depressed don't do it. The important thing here is to tell yourself it will get better. There are 2 things that really helped me.

1. Is changing your perspective. You don't care about life anymore? What an absolutely fantastic opportunity to break every single societal norm and do the things you've always dreamed of doing but were too scared to. Go skydiving, get a classic car, whatever. Make the kind of fun/dumb decisions that people do when they're in high school. Wear your depression like a coat of armor to do whatever the fuck you want.

2. Exercise and sunlight. I'm serious man, I was (still am obese), but working out, eating right, and getting outside has effectively cured me. Especially the sunlight thing. Vitamin D deficiency can cause depression. Want some statistics to back it up? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_ra... Look at the countries near the bottom of the list. Sunshine. They're all in the Middle East or the Caribbean. Getting outdoors can do wonders.

Those are the 2 things that helped me, but there's many more ways to get better. Talk to someone, a therapist, a friend, whatever. The fact that you're reaching out right now tells me you probably have doubts about what you're thinking about doing. There really is so much to live for. The fact that a stranger took the time to type up their experience and share it with you should be proof of that. Besides, you obviously haven't always felt like this. You can get back to the way you were. There is hope, it's just hard to see right now.

P.S. don't drink. I made that mistake and drowned myself in whiskey for a couple of months. It will make it worse not better. Trust me.

Maybe like Ray Kurzweil you want to pursue technologies that promise to extend your life indefinitely? So far I'm not sure any of us have determined what you intended with your question. Would you like to clarify?
Huh. I must have read the unusual orthography "wan't" as "don't want".
Since everyone else is barraging you with anecdotes and advice, I instead ask you this question.

Why do you want to die?

Get help. Call a hotline, and see a doctor.

Medication for depression isn't a sign of weakness - it can seriously give you your life back. Been where you are, made it through, happy to chat if it helps.

Suicide is stupid. It's not a solution to anything. Don't do it.

Focus on things you enjoy in life. If you're feeling lonely, make an effort to spend time with the friends and family you do have, and let them know how much they mean to you. Also seek out ways of meeting new people that share an interest with you even if it's uncomfortable and you're pessimistic about the outcome (i.e. going to meetups), just make sure to go in with the attitude of "It may be unlikely but I hope I meet someone I get along with here." and not "This is a waste of time."

You're not a bad person, you're not worthless, and your life won't always be shit. If you make the mistake of suicide, then you'll never enjoy all the good things that will happen to you over the next 40, 60 or 80 years. And that's a lot of good shit.

This may have nothing to do with it. Suicide is more often a result of mental illnesses such as CTE for example.
Suicide is not stupid. Not considering suicide it stupid.
You submitting this on HN means you are open to have a conversation. So let talk about it. Give us some details, tell us how you need our help and how can we help you?
Purchase nitrogen gas. Breathe that in instead of Oxygen. It looks like a peaceful way to go. http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/plastic-bag-gas

That said, life has a lot going for it. There are always cool things to do, people to meet, laughs to be had, love to be given etc... Failing that, go browse lolcats for a while.

Also, this may help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zBoD_ojxFA, or possibly this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlgQxK-HBGk both of which help perk me up.

Also, consider doing something a little crazy. I'm sure your bucket list isn't blank. Pick something outrageous and do it. Then repeat. Death comes soon enough.

your first sentence is an incredibly irresponsible way to respond to this question. I know that you think you are trying to be funny or lighthearted, but that was not the way to respond to this post.
Please seek help! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Whatever is causing you problems can be worked out!

Our family recently lost a member to suicide, I am confident that there are people who love you and would be devastated to lose you. My wife is a therapist, if there is something I can do to help in leading you in the right direction please tell me, I will gladly do it.

Please don't go through with this. What can we do to help?

Let us (you and me) find an island, go to live in it and welcome all the programmers that want to join us.
First question to ask yourself, why?

If it is because of the pressure of your job (as a programmer), then know that you're not alone. I'm sure most people feel depressed on some points in their career/life.

Death seems like the best way out of an unbearable position. You're intelligent; you've analyzed the options the best you can; you can't find anything else. I've been there. I'm bipolar, type 1. I think I may know what you're going through.

Realize that life doesn't have to be this way and that there are things that you can do to make it better. Realize that you're not able to make full use of your intelligence in the state you're in. You need help making choices and analyzing your situation. Professional help.

Talking to a psychologist and being treated by a psychiatrist turned my life around. Again, I'm bipolar, so my condition may be more permanent than yours. Remember, taking medication isn't a sign of weakness. Many people only need to take it to get out of their current rut and then cast it off as soon as they see the light of day. I was against taking medication for a long time. But then I realized that brain tissue can be diseased just as any other bodily tissue can be diseased.

Something else that helps is to interact with your loved ones more: friends, family, anyone who you love and who loves you too. Talk to them. Let them know what's going on in your life. If you don't have anyone like this in your life, I'm sorry. This may be contributing to your suicidal thoughts.

As others have said, a good diet, exercise, vitamins, and plenty of fresh air and sunshine go a long way.

These are things that will help long term and will probably keep you from returning to this state. But, first, you need radical intervention.

Make an appointment with a therapist. Today. Be completely open with them. Do as they say. Don't think you're smarter than they are. Remember, right now you're not capable of using your mind to its full capacity. You're sick. Let a professional help you. Right away.

Even if you aren't going to commit suicide right now or in the near future, try to get professional help as soon as possible. Suicidal urges is very alarming sign.

Remember, your problems are temporary, your pain is temporary. It shall pass.

For more practical advice, I will quote myself from another recent HN thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5575144

"There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents."

I advice you to get these books(if you don't have kindle devices - don't worry - they have cloud reader so you can read them in your browser), and read them. They are not a replacement for professional treatment in cases like yours, but they may help, and they are easily obtainable.

This is not meant as a solution, but it might help you enjoy one or two days more than usual.

Do something on purpose, that you normally wouldn't do. For example, go volunteer at a fire department. Take a different route home from work. Go hiking. Whatever you think would help.

Experts agree that one of the best things that can make someone happy is deliberate activity. Do something you normally wouldn't do, on purpose. Could help even more if that activity you choose can help you meet a friend.

The above will probably help you unless you are so depressed that you are effectively comatose and can't move. That's a real thing that happens to depressed people, but I think you could avoid that outcome if you're still mobile.