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How to demoralize hackers

13 points by lifeguard ↗ HN
0. When hiring hackers, ask if they want a specific peripheral for their workstation. Insist it is no problem. On start day, do not provide said hardware. Or ever.

1. Have an open office plan.

2. Have C-level executives ask why there are no hackers at their desks at 9 am in the morning. Company policy is flextime.

3. Have CTO play the victim with a manager because his unplanned for pet project delayed another project -- in front of the whole dev team.

4. Have CTO schedule meeting and then forget to attend. Often.

5. Spend 10 - 20 minutes trying to set up videoconferencing at the start of every all hands meeting, with staff watching.

6. Encourage entry level employees to email sr. managers, of different departments, about perceived software issues.

7. Provide a stocked kitchen and in office meals but don't hire a dishwasher. Berate entire company for not cleaning up after themselves.

8. Outsource IT.

9. Hire personal friends of C-level executives and their family to work in roles they have no experience in whatsoever.

10. Automatically enroll entire company in a 401k plan that they can not opt-out of, only change contribution to 0%. Do not provide matching.

11. Only use WiFi for the office network.

12. Do not allow hackers to have the root passwords for their workstations.

11 comments

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EvanKelly
What specifically about an open floor plan demoralizes hackers? Would you still be demoralized if the company provided noise cancelling headphones?

The kitchen one is also really bizarre to me. I've never worked anywhere with a "company dishwasher". It's just assumed that people should clean up after they eat.

lifeguard
Maybe the art department having a dance party in the late afternoon while engineering is trying to get a release out?
yen223
I have no idea either. While I'd like to have my own private office, I much prefer open floor offices to cubicles. It doesn't feel as stuffy.
geldedus
open floor plans are one of the most potent destructors of productivity
smartician
Interestingly, these two points resonated with me.

Since we moved to an open plan, my productivity plummeted. I find myself coming in late and staying later just to get stuff done. After 6, when half of the people left, it's much easier to concentrate. Noise cancelling headphones help somewhat, but you can only listen to music so much, and it doesn't help that IT blocked Pandora, so I run out of music to listen to without getting crazy.

RE: the dishwasher, this has been a sore point too and discussed ad nauseum, culminating in the CFO (!) sending a page long email on how to use the dishwasher: http://i.imgur.com/nujKULZ.png

CyberFonic
Hackers don't choose to work in demoralizing environments.
informatimago
Can hackers always choose where they work?
lifeguard
Implying an ideal world of free choice.
CyberFonic
YES ! Assuming you live in a country where slavery has been abolished the only thing that keeps you working for unrealistic bosses is the fact that most people spend more than they earn and thus don't have a nest egg to fall back onto when they quit a bad job to find a better one.
moocow01
13. Provide everyone from marketing to sales to engineering with the same "standard" machine. And no, allowing the dev team to put in an extra stick of RAM doesn't cut it.
lifeguard
I think every workstation should be able to run the lat4st first person shooter.

PS - I learned this benchmark of workstation from a VP of eng.