What I learned about women & business today

Thank you. I appreciated that. I can only imagine how awkward it must have been to be the only male in the room absorbing all of this. And equally as so to be able to submit your notes here, but I think you did a nice job of separating your observations from your comments and thoughts in a very candid and honest way.

Great post. I know my attitude comes from a severe case of having a hammer and seeing all problems as nails - but I really think you're wrong on the YC app as the last step in a long process. I mean, I think it will be the last step, I just don't think it should be.

Most big business were built by men, and people tend to encourage and hire traits that they see in themselves. So trying to make these male businesses be more women friendly is just going to be so much window dressing - you really can't force people to respect others. So the only real solution I have any faith in, is to sidestep these established businesses and startup new ones. I think it goes for any group who feel on the outer of the business world.

Why tell people women can be just as good - people don't listen. They never listen. Only after female dominated startups rub their nose in it will there be meaningful change. The power woman stereotype, to me anyway, is a lot like the faithful black servant stereotype - it enables women to function in the white male dominated environment, but is ultimately constructed by others to be natural barrier to them gaining too much power.

There are hundred of business books for women, but zero business books for men. I also never heard of a panel for "men in business".

Another thing to think about...

Thank you, Alex, for posting this. I learned some surprising facts about women in business. Your ruminations were also original and thought provoking. I am a business woman who will be hitting the submit button on YC very soon. Wish me luck :-)

The comments you brought back from your class were a surprise. My own experience would contradict most of the points on your list. But then again, other women in business are a mystery to me too. I had very limited experience working with women in a professional setting. I am usually the only woman, or there are only 2 or 3 others in a room full of people. I feel awkward and don't know how to behave during those few occasions when I have to work closely with a woman. I have many women friends, with whom I have warm, close relationships. But I can't think of any close women business contacts. On the other hand, I fell totally comfortable in most working situations where I am surrounded by men. I have many, close business contacts who are men. :)

I would like to thank GreenDestiny for his comment as well. The parallel between the faithful-black-servant image and the [bitchy, ice-queen] power-woman image hit home. It reminds me of writings by Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (supreme court justice, fighter of discrimination towards blacks). His central thesis in life was that the dissident-minority group needs to be heard. Privately, he felt the majority-power group should rightfully enjoy all the fruits of their power while it lasts. But he fought for the minority because he strongly believed that the majority (and the society as a whole) is made richer by the effort expanded to refute (keep down) the minority. The majority is forced to introduce new ideas into their thoughts and hone the rhetoric that justifies their privilege.

Linguistics professor and writer Suzette Haden Elgin has a few theories about this. She emphasizes the importance of how ideas are conveyed and understood via body language, tone of voice, and operating metaphors.

Her books were written a few years ago, but she points out that a woman will more typically understand a given scenario with a "classic schoolroom" metaphor, where men are more likely to use a sports metaphor (especially football, but also basketball or baseball). This explains both the "faith in meritocracy" and the fact that many of the successful panelists played sports in college. This also explains another phenomenon that wasn't mentioned, where a person using a classroom metaphor and has failed at something has a tendancy to take it much harder than someone failing at a sports metaphor. Failing a test is failure, period, failing to score a touchdown means you have to get an interception or something and then try again. Ability to deal with failure effectively is important for entrepreneurs. This actually may also explain why men may be more afraid to criticize female employees. It's not just because they're patronizing (though in some cases that may be true) it's because they're afraid that it won't help anything and will in fact make matters worse.

Metaphors are a terrific way to explain how people view the world. Joel Spolsky talks about the "Command and Control" management method, and what's really happening there is the boss is modeling the environment on a military team. Understanding what's going on there goes a long way towards dealing with the situation, even if your ultimate decision, as an employee, is to go somewhere else, though in fact Elgin describes a technique called "semantic modulation" where you slowly change the metaphor that people are using to communicate.

Another thing she emphasizes is body language and tone of voice. In English, a tone of adult authority is deep, resonant, relaxed, and comforting all at the same time. Women aren't traditionally expected to speak that way, and their voices tend to be naturally higher pitched. I'm curious to know what the voice quality was of those women on the panel. I suspect their voices had traits much more common in men, which may have a lot to do with the perception that they are "not like girls you knew in college."

If you search Amazon for books about women and business, there are hundreds of books targeted toward women looking to succeed. However, there is not a single book written for men about understanding their female co-workers. Not in the sense of how to talk to them, but in the sense of creating a systemic environment that's tolerant of varying perceptions and aspirations. Perhaps this is why most discussions about women and business eventually devolve into random speculation about "the nature of women" and whatnot.

I'd say "how to talk to them" is far and away the most important subject, I just wouldn't describe it that way. I haven't read them all, but I highly recommend the Haden Elgin "Gentle Art" series. She gives concrete, practical advice and insighlful explanations. It's often not targeted specifically at women or men, it just describes the problem and explains ways that it can be solved. She tends to focus more on verbal conflict and tension than on day to day behavior, but it's still very useful.

The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work, http://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Art-Verbal-Self-Defense-Work/dp...

Genderspeak: Men, Women, and the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, http://www.amazon.com/Genderspeak-Women-Gentle-Verbal-Self-D... (I have not read this one)

I am not a woman, just someone who has been around enough gender studies conversations to comment. :) "Many of them told stories about being asked to order lunch for the group and expressing shock because "that's not how a professional should be treated." This contrasts sharply with the average entrepreneur, where part of the appeal is escaping professionalism."

There's a subtle point you missed here. Many of these women were asked to order lunch because the male thought it was the woman -- of lesser position -- who should take lunch orders. There's a difference between doing something because everyone is sharing mundane tasks in a startup and being singled out for those positions.

Those women were absolutely right to assert their status there in a corporate environment -- and in a startup environment as well if a woman partner is subconsciously being relegated the mundane tasks for no other reason than that she's a woman.

Tough Choices by Carly Fiorina

A good read concerning many of the topics mentioned in this post - Alex, cool post; Interesting topic that is not brought up nearly enough.

Thank you for taking the time to share what you learned and your observations. As a woman in business, I can understand how many of these comments hold true for women in general, but I think there is something to be said about the kind of work environment a woman chooses. Having worked in both startup and corporate environments, my personal experience in a corporate position mirrored what was discussed among the women in the lecture. The women I worked among opted for the security, professionalism, and "ladder" that a larger corporation provides.

On the other hand, my experience with startups has been different. Startups foster empowerment and allow the flexibility to effect change almost immediately. Sure there may have been slight differences in approaches among the different genders, but ultimately everyone works to achieve the same goal. My experience in this kind of environment contradicts most of the points made. There is risk, criticism and recognition despite gender. I tend to gravitate towards startup opportunities and have actually submitted a YC application. (fingers crossed!)

Keep in mind, that I am just one woman so my observations may not reflect what women generally experience in the working world. Thanks again for sharing, I found your post incredibly interesting.

"When will we see a female version of Steve Jobs or Warren Buffet or even Seth Godin? "

Oprah comes to mind. Sure, her industry is not tech or finance or whatever seth godin can be pigeonholed into, but she's there and a leader in her field.