Ask: Stigma of the unemployed - a better job title for a lifestyle entrepreneur?
I run a small, unsexy internet business in Europe, with a two person office and about 20 people working from home.
Around here, 'entrepreneur' is assumed to mean 'unemployed' or at best 'freelancer'. I'm dating at the moment and find it difficult to succinctly describe my occupation in a way that does not kill the conversation dead, as it either comes across as bragging or an attempt to disguise unemployment. It's major taboo here to talk figures or numbers.
So any ideas for pithy ways to describe a happy lifestyle entrepreneur without coming across as defensive?
52 comments
[ 187 ms ] story [ 1599 ms ] threadblogger = author
information marketer = teacher
outsourced app = product designer
affiliate marketer = international sales manager
ecommerce store = ceo of import/export business
and so on
Honesty is the foundation of a successful relationship. So when dating for love, you should always tell the truth. If you own a business, say you own a business. If your date can't accept your career, then they aren't worth dating in the first place.
All of those are deceptive.
As it is start up the word itself provides a better idea for a judgmental person. hope this helps.. :)
If a person aims to have a family, financial stability is important. Note, I don't believe that kids actually need financial stability all that much, but the stress and conflict between parents commonly caused by financial instability definitely do affect them.
Pretty much everyone does (whether they are explicit or not), and pretty much everyone resents potential partners that do, to the extent that they end up getting weeded out by the filters.
You can tailor the benefits to whatever you thing the person you are speaking to values.
My answer around techies is different and generally focuses on tech-centric social proof, but if I were e.g. at a McKenzie family reunion where capitalism is vaguely distasteful and teachers can do no wrong, I would bang the "I helped teach X million kids a reading lesson last year" drum pretty hard.
I didn't feel that confident about my work in the first year, now I do. I say the same thing to different reactions now.
"I don't have many customers, but the ones I do, are satisfied."
Sorry, I'm a bit literally minded. OK, so did I try saying different things to ladies to see how they reacted? Yes.
What worked very poorly: self-deprecation ("I'm gainfully unemployed"), describing myself as an engineer, and minimizing my accomplishments in starting a company. What worked very well: focusing more on the benefits of software rather than on the "software" bit, leaving a bit of ambiguity about what I actually did for a living, and mentioning things which "normal people" tend to associate with successful businessmen. (e.g. It was, at one point, equally truthful to say "I do A/B testing" and "A firm in Germany recently flew me there to speak to the CEO about what they would need to do to increase sales by a few million dollars." Try asking young ladies of your acquaintance to rate the attractiveness of two friends with those occupations.)
I got radically more successful with dating after I treated it as a marketing exercise and realized that some scripts I had internalized about it were the dating equivalent of "Good products always win so just focus on product quality and that obviates your need for a marketing strategy."
Choose something similar for your industry. Couple of guesses: vice-president of business development, director of professional services, executive producer...
If you can't call yourself a founder, or it doesn't go over well in Europe, what's to stop you from just saying I work for company x. No one knows it is a two person company + outsourcing anyway. It's the same as saying I work for amazon, etc..
As it is start up the word itself provides a better idea for a judgmental person. hope this helps.. :)
Be who you are, and if women don't like it, they're not a good fit. Bullshit now comes back to haunt you later.
However, before even trying to describe your lifestyle in a less defensive way, I would suggest to change attitude about your job.
Far from being a stigma, running a small business makes you a successful person if you enjoy what you do, if your business is stable, if it grows organically, if it allows you to employ people, if it leaves you time to live your life fully.
Saying "I am an entrepreneur in the <your business goes here> field" should be convincing enough if you feel strong about what you are doing.
After all, if you feel strong about your choices, anyone who kills the conversation at this point might not be someone you want continue dating anyway.
girls.filter( girl => !girl.isGoldDigger ).map(_.reply("how about you?"))
Anyways how does that kill the conversation? -What do you do for a living? -I'm an entrepreneur. -Ohhh, I see. I have to go now, bye! A bit odd.
Anyways - optimize for quality rather than quality. Having everyone fall in love with you is pretty crap if you don't like them back. You need just one.
As a general rule, don't answer questions like that straight. They're bound to kill the conversation, you're not at a job interview.
Jewel thief ("casing the joint" if it fits), duck cleaner (watch dirty jobs), art forger ("-- Really?! Can you draw something for me? -- No, that would be original art.")... will all go over much better than whatever your real occupation is.
It's the same with age ("64, hanging in there! Just 8 more months to retirement. Great genes though, right?"), where you're from, what your hobbies are... The difference between lying and flirting is that the embellishment should be almost obvious.
Maybe in U.K. or Germany it might sound as 'unemployed', but in Eastern Europe 'employed' almost always means 'poor loser' unless you work for a big name company (SAP/Gazprom) or at least a mid-tier manager. So, there is more stigma attached to employment than unemployment. In fact, many people just tell to girls 'i don't work' and that adds to their image rather than subtracts. Remember old Soviet curse "i wish you live on your salary alone!"
If you feel bad telling you don't work 9-5, buy a sports car. It helps.
When people ask what I do, I say: "I make children games."
You: I run my own business
Girl: hmm what kind of business ? (or she might just stop here)
You: Online business to sell $XYZ
Girl: Oh cool. <She asks another question about the business>
You: Well yea its kinda complicated. So what were you saying about that tilapia ?