Good writing. When we say "Let me know how I can help", we are asking the other person to do work because then they have to think about what/how they need help with. Most of the times, people are lazy and you might be surprised but the fact is that they don't want to do work even for their own requirements. Instead, They want to hear solutions.
This even applies to environments at very big companies. At my current client (Fortune 100), we work with distributed global teams and we have those dreaded meetings all the time. In those meetings, we in IT will ask business for requirements which makes sense. However for projects that need quick turnarounds with tight deadlines, we sometimes don't have the luxury of getting detailed requirements. In fact, the more we discuss requirements, the more we are stuck. Asking "how I can help" usually gets a response of "Sure. what are you proposing". You cannot keep going back and forth with "depends on what you want". The reason is that even though we all would like the best solution with all features, it just does not work that way in real world because time/resource/budget is limited. Instead of asking "how can we help", we analyze the current process and then propose multiple options. So in essence, we say "Here is how we can help". It then makes it really easy for business to say "Yea we like Option 1 and if that's the best you have for now, let's go with it". Boom, you just got a decision maker to agree and you are on your way. You are also that guy who got shit done.
I used to think that we get big bucks as consultants because we are awesome devs/designers/PMs/BAs whatever. But after a decade in the industry, I got wiser. You are valued as a consultant because you get shit done by taking the initiative to propose solutions to clients. Then you deliver it to them. No one gives a shit about anything else. Really.
>people are lazy and you might be surprised but the fact is that they don't want to do work even for their own requirements.
And they will pay to avoid even the easiest chore. We got tired of not getting any response from people using our free trial and briefly required them to call us to activate their free trial. People started paying for the first month rather than make a phone call and some that paid never even used it. Crazy.
Isn't this the idea of a mail in rebate? That they attract attention and people buy the product but hardly nobody bothers to mail them in? I might be off base on that, but that was my thought as to why they are offered.
From my recollection, the industry stats on mail-in-rebates on (say) hard disks is something like 80% are unclaimed. Cutting a UPC out of the side of a box (and finding a stamp, and copying a tricky address exactly, etc) is a >$15 job for most people...
But for elementary school age me growing up with my poor single mom, when I could string rebates and sales together to build a computer inside $5 case with similar deals on components, it's crazy magic. Thank you lazy people, for making my childhoodd hobby (and the consulting career that has followed) possible.
> they don't want to do work even for their own requirements ...
Of course, and they shouldn't want to. They ought to be focused on providing business value to their clients. And hiring a consultant is a step taken when they're over their heads and need a hand.
>> Could I really boss the client around and tell them what they needed to do?
Yes, that's exactly what they are paying you for.
We had a disaster recovery project that sat on a todo list for 6 years. It got passed around from person to person, discussed at every other meeting we had, but nobody ever did a single thing about it. We brought in a consultant who did no magic other than delegating tasks to a few people, and the project was completed in 4 months.
We paid a guy to come in and tell us what we already knew we had to do. I'm not sure if we did it because now we were spending money on it, and it'd be wasteful not to follow.
I'm just wondering, are people on the other side of the mail "actively" rejecting you when you say that kind of stuff, or is more of a subconscious thing?
What probably happens is this. The client gets your email, sees a list of things that you can do for them, thinks "great, finally I have someone that can help me take care of X" Their minds start thinking over the possibilities. "Well, if I got him started on X, we'd need Y, Z, and A." They'd mull over it for, I dunno, two minutes, until a phone call interrupts them. No further thought happens again until you get back in touch with them.
It's not that they didn't want to work with you, it's that they're busy, and if they had the knowledge they needed to turn the muddy requirements in their head into actionable steps, then they wouldn't need you. You need to sell them something.
1. Bad email: Pff, so I need to create a whole strategy by myself, use money to maybe hire a guy I don't even know...
2. Good email: This looks good maybe we can talk further about it. / This looks bad I'll declined or not respond.
First case, guy has to do the work, and nobody likes to do unexpected work. Second case, the guy just need to agree or not at the plan in front of him.
Interesting; I ran essentially the exact same experiment a while back (June to August 2012) and had a different conclusion!
-- 68 incoming consulting leads
-- group A: responded to 34 with "let me know how I can help"
-- group B: responded to 34 with "would <date-and-time> work to discuss this further?"
-- group A: 20/34 (59%) responded, 14/20 (70%) led to contract negotiation stage
-- group B: 6/34 (18%) responded, 5/6 (83%) led to contract negotiation stage
So "let me know how I can help" outperformed (p < 0.01) suggesting a date/time.
There's a few possible explanations for the discrepancy:
* The kind of clients I had are different than Robert's clients. At the time I mostly did software engineering consulting and pair programming, and my clients were small units in mid-to-large size companies.
* I only ran mine on incoming leads, not outgoing (solicitation) leads. It sounds like Robert did it for everything.
* Content of the e-mail matters, not just the last line. Perhaps the way I write my e-mails is such that kicking the ball back to them is better for me, whereas Rob's style means a different strategy works better than him.
* Something changed about how people read e-mails in between my experiment and Rob's article.
I just alternated whether someone was in group A or B, because I responded to the e-mails as they came in, at the end of each day. So it wasn't truly random, no. On the other hand I didn't control when someone wrote in to me, so arguably it at least wasn't fully in my control.
Of course, it wasn't double-blind because I was both writing the e-mails and conducting the experiment too.
That's an interesting thought, although I think it's a confusing call to action. Also I'm not really in a position to do another experiment since I just started building something else now! (http://uphex.com)
I think you're mixing up two things. He's only suggesting using the <date-and-time> trick if the client actually already expressed his want/need to meet. In your case, Group B is a poor ending because you are still offloading work to the client: having them figure out what would have to be discussed (and taking up more of their time).
If -you- need to discuss things further it may sound like you're the one who is confused and that does not evoke confidence. "Let me know how I can help" is probably better than what "let's discuss this further" implies. (OP calls this hand holding.)
Exactly. The problem with the open-endedness of "let me know how I can help" is not always with respect to time. It is more often with respect to what will actually happen next. The statement "let's talk at XX:YY on the ZZth" only works if time is the primary indefinite aspect of the next step.
In the case of these prospecting emails, the primary indefinite aspect of the next step is "what value will you provide".
Like your second to last bullet say, it's not the last line, it's the entire email. The article is really about how to frame the entire email so that you add value, take control, and provide guidance, instead of writing an email asking for guidance.
Its the distance down the road to forking over cash you care about - group A (the specific email line) led to a better outcome for the GP - more interested clients.
Now, if the number of people you interact with is so high that the cost of emailing them is significant, and you get enough work to fill your time either way, then you might want indeed want the group B approach. (However, this seems rather unlikely, and in any case the time spent emailing is probably a small fraction of the time spent on work.)
I am just impressed by 68 people mailing you saying "can you quote". How ?
Edit: Well, it seems that 100K on stackoverflow, a robust background across a wide variety of languages and domains and a nice smile seems how.
edit edit: that seems sarcastic or otherwise trying to diminish the effort and discipline and passion needed to develop and maintain an online persona that will be attractive to clients. I do not mean to - but that is what I get from a scan of his public profiles - and frankly I would be willing to hand over many software projects to him just on those profiles. Its interesting the value I place on them, yet the small amount of attention I pay to my own.
Really? I'm going to have to throw my email on my Stack Overflow profile and see if it actually works like that. I didn't figure anybody actually looked at them unless they were trying to find an old answer of yours or something.
SO ranks very high on Google searches, so people Googling for my name usually find my SO profile quickly. It's definitely helped even though I don't use it much these days.
I didn't track this for purposes of the experiment, but most people were referrals from past clients. I think consulting-type work benefits from this a lot, because you work with a lot of people. Your professional network gets larger much more quickly than if you were taking on 3-to-6-month projects, just because you work with more folks over time.
That's certainly something I have not considered - short burst consulting as a means of expanding the list of people who might think kindly of me (or not !)
Hard to do in practise I suspect - which is why the dry patch.
From a purely semantic level, I'm not sure that your group B is any different to what the OP is suggesting is their problem:
"If someone wanted a meeting, I’d suggest a time and instead of saying, “Let me know if this works for you.” I’d switch that out for, “If not, than X time/day also works or I’m free at X time/day.”
Instead of your response, the aligned with this article statement is to state a next step as a statement and forgo the question "Let's discus this further tomorrow, otherwise I'm available on Monday at midday". It's a matter of suggestion compared to questioning, These trigger different cognitions on the part of the receiver.
I've done a fair amount of freelancing and this blew me away in that I had never thought about it. I guess I had developed a sort of instinctive understanding that clients want solutions not just another employee to manage, but I never thought about how common (and often vacuous) this phrase is. Excellent insight.
And the natural corollary is that if someone is attempting to stitch you up with a crappy piece of work that they're trying to get out of doing, if you respond to their attempt to palm it off to you with a question about the work that forces them to engage with it before they can respond, you will find that the crappy piece of work quite often never comes back your way.
When you suspect that someone hasn't thought through the problem enough, ask them to write it down in a short format (eg, bullet list, short paragraph, memo). It'll force them to think it through.
Yes, that is another application of word power tools... although if I wanted to make it even more arm-twisting I would say "Because you read this far, you should follow..."
Communication is ultimately an expression of an individual's inner attitude, and to call this a quirk of language is focusing too much on the actions without giving any thought as to the attitude that produces those actions.
If one has an internally confident, go-gettin', "always be closing" attitude, all of their actions and communication will flow from that. It's a much better use of energy to focus on cultivating a quiet confidence, rather than attempting to build up a collection of manipulative "power tricks" to be deployed in an inauthentic fashion.
Another thing to recognize is that people who are confident will pick up on the motives of these power tricks, because they'll sense an incongruity in character during communication. When someone who is typically timid and passive acts in an aggressive manner, it stands out like a nerd taking a swing at the jock. Even worse, confident people will push back to see if the user of said "power trick" is for real, which requires the next "power trick" to keep up the act.
So yeah, these might work on some people, but I personally intensely dislike it when I pick up on these things. Not that I'm the paragon of confidence by any means, but I actively rebel & push back when I feel like I'm being controlled/constrained or "should-ed" into doing something. What ultimately ends up happening with these "power tricks" is you have people like Dustin Curtis writing about how "you should do X", and then a ton of idiots mimicking the behavior and annoying the rest of us.
What about the (somewhat proven) idea that pulling these 'power tricks' to keep up the act, and seeing them return positive results does cultivate the inner confidence we should be seeking.
How should one focus on cultivating a quiet confidence while never taking action? While it's true that often feigned confidence appears weak and insincere it is also one of the best ways to develop 'real' confidence..
How should one focus on cultivating a quiet confidence while never taking action?
I didn't say it was an either/or dichotomy between attitude and action, simply that there was zero thought given to the attitude, which is the source from which all of our actions and behaviors flow. Obviously there must be some balance -- because we are called to act with courage even when the confident attitude isn't quite there yet -- but a list of "power tricks" is 100% focused on just imitating the actions without improving one's inner attitude.
We're all just faking it until we make it.
Sure, someone who imitates actions/behaviors without any change of heart/attitude is "faking it." In fact, this is the greatest reason why people fail to achieve long-lasting personal change, because it requires too much effort to "fake it" in every area of life.
But this trite saying about "faking it" does not apply to the man who does the hard work of reshaping his inner attitude (along with acting in the face of fear as life demands). If you want oranges instead of apples from the tree in your back yard, you don't spend your days hanging oranges on the apple tree. You dig up the apple tree and nurture an orange tree.
This article clearly illustrates the red pill philosophy. He demonstrates a few things with his emails, his time is money, he has a plan and will make your live easier, and you get the impression he's not desperate for work, making him more attractive to future clients. I want someone successful mentality.
This philosophy is applicable to much more than just sales.
I generally try to avoid highlighting problems unless I can suggest a solution. People don't want to hear whats wrong, they want to know how things can get better.
As the bearer of bad news, so to speak, I think that's often a good approach. On the flip side, I think it's bad as an enforced policy from above. I've worked with some managers who have a "Don't come to me with problems, come to me with solutions" rule. I think that's poor management for at least three reasons:
1. This kind of thing leads to bigger problems. If they're small but your employee is having trouble coming up with a solution, and they don't come to you, odds are the problem will get worse and you might not find out about it before it takes the proverbial "pound of cure" to deal with it.
2. If your employee already has a solution in mind, why do they need to come to you at all? Just let them implement it. If you need your employees to run their "solutions" by you, you might be a micromanager. As a manager, I want my employees coming to me with their unsolvable problems, not the stuff they think they can handle. Sure, there's some risk of a mistake from time to time, but I treat those as experiences to learn from and there are other ways of keeping those "lessons" from getting too expensive.
3. It's often hypocritical. Does the average middle manager waste their senior exec's time with stuff they already know the answer to? Most likely not.
All that said, a policy of "Don't come to me with a problem until after you've thought about it a little bit" (i.e. a form of "Don't come to me with data, come to me with analysis") is perfectly reasonable to me.
I absolutely agree that this only applies when you are the deliverer of bad news and should never be used as the receiver of bad news. Not wanting to hear problems is a terrible managerial style.
As for points 2 & 3, I think there is a big difference between solving something you've been told to do vs. solving something you've ran into. The latter will oftentimes highlight an underlying issue in the process/project which needs to be addressed and solving it without letting others know may create unwanted assumptions.
The reason I said "generally try to avoid" instead of always avoid is because sometimes there are real problems worth mentioning or, as you said, times where one simply can't find an acceptable answer. In either case its important to raise the issue even though no solution is at hand. This is exactly why not wanting to hear problems is so catastrophic from a managerial perspective, you end up not hearing about your largest problems.
I humbly disagree. Dating is different because rejection is felt more keenly -- by the asker and by the typical askee.
If a man does as you suggestion, he is making the woman reject him multiple times if she does not want to go out with him (which is the most common case) and he is putting the conversational burden on the woman to explain whether the rejection is only because she has plans that particular weekend.
As a "client" (although small one) I can confirm this. I've been outsourcing some work, and when I was trying to collect offers from various professionals you definitely had two distinct kinds of actors.
Those who did suggest follow-up actions and did lead you on and those who didn't.
As a client I always felt insecure and confused by those who didn't. Where did that leave me? What was the next step? Was I responsible for the next communique? With what topic? How does this affect my agenda? Where do we go from here?
With the people who did suggest follow up items and who had specific actions and priorities, it was easy for me to respond. I already had an agenda, ready and served. The path on further was already set.
So yeah. I guess people are different, YMMV and all that, but as for me, I can attest that this sort of approach works much better.
When my boss replies with "sounds good" I start looking for my next job.
I totally agree with "let me know". These simple 2 or 3-word phrases can mean very different things in different English-speaking subcultures.
Here's what UrbanDictionary says about a variant:
> LET ME KNOW HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU
the easiest way to end an argument when your
opponent relays their intentions to do something
that you do not agree with.
GOOD LUCK
a phrase used to wish someone well in an endeavor
sometimes a pointless phrase if the task at hand
does not even remotely involve or require luck.
Ex. good luck washing those dishes.
i hope the knives don't fall on your foot and slice your toes off!
This is interesting from a theoretical perspective as well. In linguistics, all languages have what are known was "particles" - words that are so frequent it is difficult to ascribe any meaning to them, and yet they shade our language.
I'm guessing that in some English-speaking countries, the natural continuation of the phrase isn't just a thumbs up, but the words "... but sounding good and the actual reality are totally different".
Is this the same as "Let me know if you have any questions."?
I often end emails like this, more as an acknowledgement that while I feel that I am clear, it may not seem clear to you, and to not hesitate to come back to me if anything is not clear to you.
But maybe this also is leaving a similar impression as "Let me know how I can help."?
After a support session I usually end with "Let me know if you run into any issues."
I do frequently wonder if that's the best way to end the email... as what I want to suggest is "Email me back directly if something happens, but I don't think anything will."
Maybe: "Feel free to ping me directly if you run into any issues."
It's not exactly the same, assuming you've already proposed a solution in the email, but it is still kind of redundant to say. I think most clients will let you know if they have a question, regardless if you write that.
If you think they might have questions, why not anticipate a question and answer it in the email?
I also feel it's technically redundant -- like you said, they will follow up regardless -- but I think I do it to just give a more inviting tone/closing to the email.
However, I also used to end all of my StackOverflow questions with "Thanks in advance." just to be polite and appreciative to those spending their time reading/responding to my questions, until it kept getting edited out (for the same reason, redundant noise), so I got the hint and stopped.
About StackOverflow, it's probably because questions there are not supposed to be like a forum (as in, someone has a problem and wants a solution), but more like future reference for anyone searching for that. So they remove stuff that sounds more personal. That's my guess.
Wow. As a geek who enjoys thinking at a big picture level and have bigger and bigger world domination plans as I go on, I never realized until this post how much I use that line and how much it hurts my business relationships. I really appreciate the author taking the time to type this up, because I hadn't thought of it from that perspective.
On a side note, part of my problem is that I am a USMC combat vet, and I have worked very hard at toning down my bossy, demanding mannerisms since I got out, but it seems I may have taken it too far. Sometimes, people need other to take that initiative.
I suggest using a common sales technique. End the email with a question instead of an open statement that requires no response. The question can be as simple as "Does this work for you?" By using a question your assuming / prompting a response. It may not always be the response you're looking for but at least you'll know one way or the other.
The OP's idea of proposing two solutions is good too, even if there is one real solution. You're allowing the client to make a decision, even if it's a forced one. It lets them feel in control. Give them two solutions and then ask something like "Which would you prefer?" You're almost guaranteed an answer.
When I get a new lead for a project I know nothing about (either incoming or outgoing) I usually do a very brief one or two sentence intro and end with "How can I help?" It's similar to "Let me know if I can help" but requires a response.
What a great article. I recently shifted my approach to client relationships in a similar way but never really did any real thought with why it was more effective or formalized my methodology. Looking at it in perspective makes a real case for responding like this consistently.
The secret here is that the underlying philosophy--manage the client and get things done--applies to everything. If you are a salaried employee, treat your boss that way. If you are coordinating with another group, treat them that way. If you want a date, etc. The guy or gal who gets things done is more valuable than the guy or gal who gets hung up on details.
Great post. Now, if you're reading this and still calling yourself a "freelancer," your next step is to stop. Calling yourself a consultant instead of freelancer is the quickest way to start asking higher rates.
This writeup was actually a lot better than I anticipated. One of the key things in consulting that I learned over the years is that you're basically contracted to help and grow the business. You have to present yourself as an ally that can provide solutions to problems and help the client grow their business.
Don't just write in your email your products/services and "hey, let's meet up and discuss stuff". Any high school or college kid can do that. Throw solutions, it will really make you stand out.
Sure. An organization is just a bunch of people. And all those people have other things to do, too. So if you respond to all of their emails with an open ended "Let me know..." you're now asking them to make a decision for you.
But of course you get to choose whether to use it or not. If you want something done your way - then just start, and inform people what they should do to back you up. If you want someone else to take care of all the thinking for you, then just relax and say "Let me know how I can help."
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[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 161 ms ] threadThis even applies to environments at very big companies. At my current client (Fortune 100), we work with distributed global teams and we have those dreaded meetings all the time. In those meetings, we in IT will ask business for requirements which makes sense. However for projects that need quick turnarounds with tight deadlines, we sometimes don't have the luxury of getting detailed requirements. In fact, the more we discuss requirements, the more we are stuck. Asking "how I can help" usually gets a response of "Sure. what are you proposing". You cannot keep going back and forth with "depends on what you want". The reason is that even though we all would like the best solution with all features, it just does not work that way in real world because time/resource/budget is limited. Instead of asking "how can we help", we analyze the current process and then propose multiple options. So in essence, we say "Here is how we can help". It then makes it really easy for business to say "Yea we like Option 1 and if that's the best you have for now, let's go with it". Boom, you just got a decision maker to agree and you are on your way. You are also that guy who got shit done.
I used to think that we get big bucks as consultants because we are awesome devs/designers/PMs/BAs whatever. But after a decade in the industry, I got wiser. You are valued as a consultant because you get shit done by taking the initiative to propose solutions to clients. Then you deliver it to them. No one gives a shit about anything else. Really.
And they will pay to avoid even the easiest chore. We got tired of not getting any response from people using our free trial and briefly required them to call us to activate their free trial. People started paying for the first month rather than make a phone call and some that paid never even used it. Crazy.
I always thought mail in rebates were a good way to experiment with the price-sensitivity of the purchase. Is that the feedback you mean?
Of course, and they shouldn't want to. They ought to be focused on providing business value to their clients. And hiring a consultant is a step taken when they're over their heads and need a hand.
Yes, that's exactly what they are paying you for.
We had a disaster recovery project that sat on a todo list for 6 years. It got passed around from person to person, discussed at every other meeting we had, but nobody ever did a single thing about it. We brought in a consultant who did no magic other than delegating tasks to a few people, and the project was completed in 4 months.
We paid a guy to come in and tell us what we already knew we had to do. I'm not sure if we did it because now we were spending money on it, and it'd be wasteful not to follow.
Fantastic summary and advice. I try to apply this not just at work but also when proposing activities with friends and family.
It's not that they didn't want to work with you, it's that they're busy, and if they had the knowledge they needed to turn the muddy requirements in their head into actionable steps, then they wouldn't need you. You need to sell them something.
1. Bad email: Pff, so I need to create a whole strategy by myself, use money to maybe hire a guy I don't even know...
2. Good email: This looks good maybe we can talk further about it. / This looks bad I'll declined or not respond.
First case, guy has to do the work, and nobody likes to do unexpected work. Second case, the guy just need to agree or not at the plan in front of him.
-- 68 incoming consulting leads
-- group A: responded to 34 with "let me know how I can help"
-- group B: responded to 34 with "would <date-and-time> work to discuss this further?"
-- group A: 20/34 (59%) responded, 14/20 (70%) led to contract negotiation stage
-- group B: 6/34 (18%) responded, 5/6 (83%) led to contract negotiation stage
So "let me know how I can help" outperformed (p < 0.01) suggesting a date/time.
There's a few possible explanations for the discrepancy:
* The kind of clients I had are different than Robert's clients. At the time I mostly did software engineering consulting and pair programming, and my clients were small units in mid-to-large size companies.
* I only ran mine on incoming leads, not outgoing (solicitation) leads. It sounds like Robert did it for everything.
* Content of the e-mail matters, not just the last line. Perhaps the way I write my e-mails is such that kicking the ball back to them is better for me, whereas Rob's style means a different strategy works better than him.
* Something changed about how people read e-mails in between my experiment and Rob's article.
Of course, it wasn't double-blind because I was both writing the e-mails and conducting the experiment too.
If -you- need to discuss things further it may sound like you're the one who is confused and that does not evoke confidence. "Let me know how I can help" is probably better than what "let's discuss this further" implies. (OP calls this hand holding.)
In the case of these prospecting emails, the primary indefinite aspect of the next step is "what value will you provide".
-- group A: 14/34 (41%) led to contract negotiation stage
-- group B: 5/34 (15%) led to contract negotiation stage
Its the distance down the road to forking over cash you care about - group A (the specific email line) led to a better outcome for the GP - more interested clients.
Cf. "Why "Nigerian Scammers" Say They're From Nigeria", https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4136016
Edit: Well, it seems that 100K on stackoverflow, a robust background across a wide variety of languages and domains and a nice smile seems how.
edit edit: that seems sarcastic or otherwise trying to diminish the effort and discipline and passion needed to develop and maintain an online persona that will be attractive to clients. I do not mean to - but that is what I get from a scan of his public profiles - and frankly I would be willing to hand over many software projects to him just on those profiles. Its interesting the value I place on them, yet the small amount of attention I pay to my own.
Hard to do in practise I suspect - which is why the dry patch.
"If someone wanted a meeting, I’d suggest a time and instead of saying, “Let me know if this works for you.” I’d switch that out for, “If not, than X time/day also works or I’m free at X time/day.”
Instead of your response, the aligned with this article statement is to state a next step as a statement and forgo the question "Let's discus this further tomorrow, otherwise I'm available on Monday at midday". It's a matter of suggestion compared to questioning, These trigger different cognitions on the part of the receiver.
"Because" is another well-known power word.
Schools seem to teach blind obedience and rule following that I imagine would lead to this sort of response in adults.
If one has an internally confident, go-gettin', "always be closing" attitude, all of their actions and communication will flow from that. It's a much better use of energy to focus on cultivating a quiet confidence, rather than attempting to build up a collection of manipulative "power tricks" to be deployed in an inauthentic fashion.
Another thing to recognize is that people who are confident will pick up on the motives of these power tricks, because they'll sense an incongruity in character during communication. When someone who is typically timid and passive acts in an aggressive manner, it stands out like a nerd taking a swing at the jock. Even worse, confident people will push back to see if the user of said "power trick" is for real, which requires the next "power trick" to keep up the act.
So yeah, these might work on some people, but I personally intensely dislike it when I pick up on these things. Not that I'm the paragon of confidence by any means, but I actively rebel & push back when I feel like I'm being controlled/constrained or "should-ed" into doing something. What ultimately ends up happening with these "power tricks" is you have people like Dustin Curtis writing about how "you should do X", and then a ton of idiots mimicking the behavior and annoying the rest of us.
How should one focus on cultivating a quiet confidence while never taking action? While it's true that often feigned confidence appears weak and insincere it is also one of the best ways to develop 'real' confidence..
We're all just faking it until we make it.
I didn't say it was an either/or dichotomy between attitude and action, simply that there was zero thought given to the attitude, which is the source from which all of our actions and behaviors flow. Obviously there must be some balance -- because we are called to act with courage even when the confident attitude isn't quite there yet -- but a list of "power tricks" is 100% focused on just imitating the actions without improving one's inner attitude.
We're all just faking it until we make it.
Sure, someone who imitates actions/behaviors without any change of heart/attitude is "faking it." In fact, this is the greatest reason why people fail to achieve long-lasting personal change, because it requires too much effort to "fake it" in every area of life.
But this trite saying about "faking it" does not apply to the man who does the hard work of reshaping his inner attitude (along with acting in the face of fear as life demands). If you want oranges instead of apples from the tree in your back yard, you don't spend your days hanging oranges on the apple tree. You dig up the apple tree and nurture an orange tree.
(I don't endorse the ideas discussed there.)
I generally try to avoid highlighting problems unless I can suggest a solution. People don't want to hear whats wrong, they want to know how things can get better.
Being constructive is important, but being realistic is even more important.
1. This kind of thing leads to bigger problems. If they're small but your employee is having trouble coming up with a solution, and they don't come to you, odds are the problem will get worse and you might not find out about it before it takes the proverbial "pound of cure" to deal with it.
2. If your employee already has a solution in mind, why do they need to come to you at all? Just let them implement it. If you need your employees to run their "solutions" by you, you might be a micromanager. As a manager, I want my employees coming to me with their unsolvable problems, not the stuff they think they can handle. Sure, there's some risk of a mistake from time to time, but I treat those as experiences to learn from and there are other ways of keeping those "lessons" from getting too expensive.
3. It's often hypocritical. Does the average middle manager waste their senior exec's time with stuff they already know the answer to? Most likely not.
All that said, a policy of "Don't come to me with a problem until after you've thought about it a little bit" (i.e. a form of "Don't come to me with data, come to me with analysis") is perfectly reasonable to me.
As for points 2 & 3, I think there is a big difference between solving something you've been told to do vs. solving something you've ran into. The latter will oftentimes highlight an underlying issue in the process/project which needs to be addressed and solving it without letting others know may create unwanted assumptions.
The reason I said "generally try to avoid" instead of always avoid is because sometimes there are real problems worth mentioning or, as you said, times where one simply can't find an acceptable answer. In either case its important to raise the issue even though no solution is at hand. This is exactly why not wanting to hear problems is so catastrophic from a managerial perspective, you end up not hearing about your largest problems.
"Would you like to go out some time?" bad
"I really like you, would you like to meet?" terrible
"Let's go out at the weekend, <barname> is really great" good
"I am free Tuesday and Friday, let's get a beer and continue this conversation in real life" good
If a man does as you suggestion, he is making the woman reject him multiple times if she does not want to go out with him (which is the most common case) and he is putting the conversational burden on the woman to explain whether the rejection is only because she has plans that particular weekend.
Those who did suggest follow-up actions and did lead you on and those who didn't.
As a client I always felt insecure and confused by those who didn't. Where did that leave me? What was the next step? Was I responsible for the next communique? With what topic? How does this affect my agenda? Where do we go from here?
With the people who did suggest follow up items and who had specific actions and priorities, it was easy for me to respond. I already had an agenda, ready and served. The path on further was already set.
So yeah. I guess people are different, YMMV and all that, but as for me, I can attest that this sort of approach works much better.
I totally agree with "let me know". These simple 2 or 3-word phrases can mean very different things in different English-speaking subcultures.
Here's what UrbanDictionary says about a variant:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=let%20me%20kn...or how about "good luck" ? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=good+luck
This is interesting from a theoretical perspective as well. In linguistics, all languages have what are known was "particles" - words that are so frequent it is difficult to ascribe any meaning to them, and yet they shade our language.What about this reply triggers this?
i.e. "Sounds GOOD!" vs. "SOUNDS good..."
I often end emails like this, more as an acknowledgement that while I feel that I am clear, it may not seem clear to you, and to not hesitate to come back to me if anything is not clear to you.
But maybe this also is leaving a similar impression as "Let me know how I can help."?
I do frequently wonder if that's the best way to end the email... as what I want to suggest is "Email me back directly if something happens, but I don't think anything will."
Maybe: "Feel free to ping me directly if you run into any issues."
If you think they might have questions, why not anticipate a question and answer it in the email?
However, I also used to end all of my StackOverflow questions with "Thanks in advance." just to be polite and appreciative to those spending their time reading/responding to my questions, until it kept getting edited out (for the same reason, redundant noise), so I got the hint and stopped.
Maybe this is similar?
On a side note, part of my problem is that I am a USMC combat vet, and I have worked very hard at toning down my bossy, demanding mannerisms since I got out, but it seems I may have taken it too far. Sometimes, people need other to take that initiative.
The OP's idea of proposing two solutions is good too, even if there is one real solution. You're allowing the client to make a decision, even if it's a forced one. It lets them feel in control. Give them two solutions and then ask something like "Which would you prefer?" You're almost guaranteed an answer.
When I get a new lead for a project I know nothing about (either incoming or outgoing) I usually do a very brief one or two sentence intro and end with "How can I help?" It's similar to "Let me know if I can help" but requires a response.
Don't just write in your email your products/services and "hey, let's meet up and discuss stuff". Any high school or college kid can do that. Throw solutions, it will really make you stand out.
But of course you get to choose whether to use it or not. If you want something done your way - then just start, and inform people what they should do to back you up. If you want someone else to take care of all the thinking for you, then just relax and say "Let me know how I can help."