HN Explorer

I can't do this anymore

8 points by itzsouloflol ↗ HN
Dear hacker news, just needed to tell you tha i say goodbye, for atleast a while. I can't do it anymore, my life has now began full of fears and guilt, my father is almost always drunk and not only. Yesterday i did a scooter incident (my fault since is now 3 months that i cannot sleep anymore properly). Today, i just needed one day of rest, but no today he goes mad on me and we started to querell (discuss?*) heavely to the point that i cannot keep this going on, i can no longer stay here i can' beart it.i'm 18 and i need just one more year to finish my school, but i can no longer continue in thi state... What should i do?

Ps: sorry if there is some grammar errors... I'm italian and english is not my native language Thanks for reading it helps alot...

15 comments

[ 3.6 ms ] story [ 44.7 ms ] thread
calcsam
If you're thinking of suicide (killing yourself), don't do it. There are lot of good things in front of you.

You're 18. One year -- as you said -- and you'll have the rest of your life to be on your own, make your own decisions. Make your own mistakes, even. But they'll be yours. No one else's.

It can feel helpless, not being in control of your life. I get it. I was there too. But it gets better (I'm 25 now).

itzsouloflol
Thanks for the reply... I'm not thinking about suicide, i'm a coward, but i can no longer keep going like this, even now I'm willing to go anywhere, i can't stay anymore at home i do not feel safe nor i have anymore trust in my parents.
runamok
You're not a coward. Far from it. Living takes courage. There are options for leaving your parents but they are often complicated and really depend on where you live. Just talking to people can make you feel a lot better even if there is no easy solution given.
itzsouloflol
Sorry for the late reply, well i guess you are right but it's hard... Thanks gor the reply it helps
runamok
First of all are you OK from the accident? I had a motorcycle accident a long time ago and it's easy to get very injured.

Secondly the years you are going through were probably the hardest for me and I didn't have to deal with a drunk dad. Life gets much much better from 18 in my experience.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in person?

Just in case you are thinking of hurting yourself or just need an ear these people are always happy to listen. I linked you to the USA but they are international. http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/USA

These guys specifically say they speak 150 languages. http://www.afsp.org/i-am/struggling

I hope life gets better for you...

itzsouloflol
I don't have any other person to talk about this, except to my friends but, they don't know about what is going on with my parents and i don't want to talk about this to someone "real"... Here i can stay like an "anon" and this is peobably why i even wrote this article in the first place... After today i can no longer face my parents, and tomorrow i had to see a girl for a data, but in this state i'm giving up.... Also i' completely fine it was nothing serious about the accident... Thanks for the reply, it helps alot
phaer
Oh shit, you mean you need to get out of Italy? Moving out of your fathers home is not enough? Because you say you need to finish school, I guess you have no income on your own yet? That makes it harder but not impossible. In some countries it's possible to drop out of school and finish the last year(s) in an evening school or with an external exam, is there anything like this in Italy? That might be a possibility later on and would give you some time to deal with your living situation now. Staying with relatives or friends is no option for you - maybe even just for the one day of rest you need from time to time? I am sorry if those are too many questions, but it's hard to give a recommendation without more information for me. Sometimes it pays of to just push one year through if it is likely to get better afterwards and sometimes its better to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. I wish you good luck in any case and, as calcsam said: Those things will most probably get better!
itzsouloflol
Sorry, what i meant is that i would go anywhere else to stay away from here, and i don't think there is something like that in italy (about exams), also i could ask to stay at my friends house for one day or two, but they are going to ask questions... And in this emotional state i can't lie also i'm a bad lier... Thanks for the reply it helps...
phaer
There is no objective truth for situations like that. So I don't know if the following is right for you, but if you see any possibility to talk too your friends about the situation I personally would recommend to do it. Hopefully they are willing to support you but even if not: just talking to people who you trust can make the situation much clearer for yourself and if it also gives you a way to get out for a few that might be even more helpful. But, of course, it's hard to give good advise to anonymous people on the internet without knowing much about their live, so please apply your own good measure.

For me, as for some others in this thread, the time between 16 and 19 was the hardest part of my live. I dropped out of school and spent some years with very little money and a somewhat unstable housing situation but nowadays (soon to be 25) I still have not finished any school but I got more than enough work and, doing some programming, I earn more than some of my friends who even finished university or at least school. So especially if you have a healthy interest in tech - which I assume, because you are reading hacker news - it might not be worst thing to drop out school. But that depends a lot on you, your skills and the job market in your area so I don't really know for sure.

itzsouloflol
I have an high intrest for tech, my "dream" is to be a programmer, which in italy is difficult because you can enter a real programmer school at 18 with atleast 3 year of high school ( which i did) but this school is private, and it costs so i'm trying to do everything i can to enter in it. Right know about "skills" i can do everything with a computer ( repair it, find the problem, etc etc) but this is stuff tha everyone can do, so right now i have nothing in my hands. Thanks fir the reply... It helps
phaer
I personally never went to some school or so to learn programming. Did you look into learning at least some of it on yourself over the internet? There are lots of free resources available and if you find the time and motivation to finish a few hobby projects on your own you should be able to find a job without an actual finished education.

If you want, you can drop me a mail or contact me on jabber, both addresses are in my profile.

itzsouloflol
Thank for the great offer, i never tried to learn programming over the internet, i'll contact you for sure. Thanks again for the reply, it helps
[dead] mek
Italian Here!

Raccontami un po' la tua storia dai... Magari qualche consiglio riesco a dartelo, dopotutto ho lasciato casa anche io (per venire in America!)

Che succede ?

lonewanderer
Hi itzsouloflol, i am italian and i am an entrepreneur/freelancer developer.

I have been through that situation, maybe some years ago, but i know what you are facing, at least in part.

I can't help much, but i can tell you my story and share my experience.

If you want to talk let me know how to reach you.

ps. This is not my real account.

itzsouloflol
Nice to see an italian guy on hacker news i'm intrested, you can contact me at itzsouloflol@hotmail.it write me there, i'll give you more information later, right now i'm not at home trying to cool myself, i'm writing with my cellphone. See you later and thanks for the offer/reply