Ask HN: How do you decide what to do in your working life?

Managing is nothing to be jealous of, it's mostly a dead end if you're creative. If your nature is better suited to academia and research then go do it, even if that means less money, happiness can't really be bought.

"and the people that are actually valuable are the people directing things" - how many jobs did you change? People and teams can differ a lot in different places. Some managers are not just talking well at meetings, but take responsibility etc.

That's exactly what you (we) are. You're mostly a pluggable software engineering module. You're relatively rare, which is why you're paid more than most people, but within the group of all of us we are mostly fungible; when you quit, you'll be replaced, and the business will go on.

When you quit, you'll be replaced.

It sounds like you like what you do. Lucky you. Really.

Save and invest relentlessly, so that you can get to the point where you can work on what you want, whether you're paid well, poorly or at all. Make your financial security your primary work goal.

To keep yourself interested, find jobs where you really like the people. Although you'll be replaced when you leave, you might as well enjoy the company while you're there.

To keep yourself interested, change things up every few years, working in new languages, or new industries (we're really lucky here), new states, new countries, etc. Find ways to change things that fit your circumstances.

Unless God reaches down and touches your heart, you are not going to change the world, or "change the way we do X." So just enjoy your job (it's a really, really good job), focus on making yourself secure, and enjoy life.

And go outside a lot.

Would using your experience and doing technical leadership (not management) interest you? I quite like Team Geek: A Software Developer's Guide to Working Well with Others by Brian W. Fitzpatrick and Ben Collins-Sussman as an gentle intro.

Do you have a path for your career development? Are you doing what you know because it is easy? And finally, when was the last time you took a break/holiday and looked after you (...busting a gut, get home and do more of the same)?

Sometimes, not... We may not be aligned. I may not want to do that work any more. Then I politely consider alternatives. But I can take that risk because of the safety cushion.

It is not the "fuck you" you need... It is the "I am fucked" you need to defend against.

But also, I look back fondly and with some regret at my first job out of college at a mega software corp that paid me well, treated me fairly, and demanded not too much in return. If I could do it all over again, I think I should have stayed there for many more years than I did.

Sure, I wish I had the time to myself, and I wish I wasn't sitting all the time; but really, I get paid decently, and enjoy the stimulating nature of my work. I'm able to know that even as a single parent I'll be able to take care of my daughter, I know that she'll have money to go to college with (something I never had until after my military stint), I know that we can take vacations and see rock concerts, I know that when I go out on dates or out with friends and people ask me what I do, I can tell them, I'm a software developer. Yes it's a bit of an ego thing, but it's also part of who I am, I write software for a living, its not all I do while I live, but it is something I do.

I also know that by working I'm able to pursue financial independence so once little girl is all grown up, I can look at stepping back from work and move into training / coaching fighters more.

You need to absolve yourself of your ego, that's why you care about the respect you receive, you assume that software engineers are given low amounts of respect because you don't feel lauded for your accomplishments but in truth, being a software developer is quite respectable. It may be only as respectable as your circle of friends and acquaintances, but that only means that you aren't 'above' them, and that's not a bad thing, it's just something you have to accept.

And yes, you are faceless. You want to fix that? Make a name for yourself. Write, do seminars, make yourself invaluable to the company; yes, it means work "harder". Work so hard you cry tears in the middle of the night, give up yourself to pursue some level of perceived respectability that's only going to get you into another group of peers that you won't be any higher socially than. You can give yourself up to pursue your dreams, and sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes that's a thing you need to do (I was SO close to giving up on getting a software job when I landed my first one, it felt hopeless but I was pouring every OUNCE of my soul into getting a position), but you have to also respect that by being 'faceless' you have other benefits, you have a life, you enjoy life, you don't have to assume the risk of starting your own business, or branching yourself out as an independent consultant, as well as you are more often then not, able to turn work off at the end of the day. As professionals, we take work home every now and then, if you want to work harder, you have to do it more and more and more, which means that quite simply, you have less and less and less time for you. It's a tradeoff, a decision, a bargain and it's also an extremely independent decision to you. What do you want now, What do you want in the future, How hard are you willing to work to achieve it, How accepting of risk or failure or giving up opportunities for other opportunities are you willing to be. You have one life though, so don't look back, keep pushing, evaluate, re-evaluate, decide, act and most of all, to quote Nick Diaz, "don't be scared, homie".