Hacking and addiction

It generally takes the form of getting short term satisfaction instead of delaying gratification and putting in a bit more effort. Usually it's in response to some source of anxiety (money, or a task that's been on my plate too long), and trying to avoid it. If you're high, at least you don't have to think about your problems for a little while, right? Doing the least desirable thing on my todo list tends to be a good way to dissolve that anxiety and make me not care about getting high.

More generally speaking, life has an ebb and a flow to it. You will have times of intense work, and you need corresponding times of relaxation. Using a drug to achieve that relaxation is like eating a bag of chips to satisfy hunger - it seems to get the job done but actually doesn't.

I highly recommend talking to a professional even for a short period of time. I found it immensely helpful to have an objective, intelligent person point out my blind spots and habits in terms I hadn't considered before.

Addiction is a difficult problem to solve, and from what I've gathered from personal experience and observation, one that is difficult to overcome alone. It requires many things, including a force of will that is equal to the task of arguing against all the reasons your mind will bring to bear for getting high.

I think the book "The War of Art" has an interesting thesis on why we pursue self-sabotaging habits like drugs, masturbation or food, and I've found it helpful to read it on the bad days.

It is so weird that people dont want to hang out with a using drug addict. Haha.

Anyhow, I like to program in Lisp, perl and python. I work at a startup and no one knows I use and I never nod at work. I have been promoted twice since I have been there so I still have it together at work and it is going well.

Thanks for the responses. It makes me feel less isolated aand alone which feels really good right now :)

Like people who take Ritalin for studying

When I lived in LA I knew a few high-functioning heroin addicts. It gets the better of everyone eventually. The fact that you can go about your day-to-day and none of your acquaintances pick up on it can be reinforcement to go further, test the limits.

If you have a well paying engineering job you have the money to get yourself to a good doctor. Just saying.

Don't take this the wrong way if you're reluctant to deal with the problem right now (before I got serious about quitting I hated it when people lectured me about this stuff), but here's what got me clean. It's really hard, but it's possible and I wish I had done it much earlier.

For me it took a stint in rehab (30 days), which I strongly recommend if your job will allow it. While it's certainly possible that owning up to your problem at work will cost you your job, HR folks usually have training and experience with employees with substance abuse problems, and if you're at all valued as an employee, they'll usually give you a chance to get your shit together. Most people have a sense that rehab is kind of shitty, but to be honest, I had a blast. Basically summer camp with group therapy.

Whether or not you're able to do rehab, you should absolutely check out Narcotics Anonymous. NA meetings are not all created equal, and some are really bad -- dealers showing up, no one really staying clean, that kind of thing. Shop around before you give up on it. I was pretty turned off by all the God talk, especially since I'm pretty sure that I couldn't actually get myself to believe in anything like that, but nobody shoves it down your throat, and in my own experience it works perfectly well whether you believe in God or not. It's mostly about social support.

Ninja edit: I don't have any personal experience with opiate withdrawal, but I've heard really good things from a lot of ex-junkies about Suboxone. It's not a magic bullet, but it's a fuck of a lot easier than being dope sick for a week.