Ask HN: Opinion on "How to Care for Introverts"

Why don't you start the conversation and maybe we'll feel compelled to join in? Sorry - it irks me when I see posts asking for personal information/thoughts yet the author provides none of his own.

Treat them as a friend and a person. A label as broad and misunderstood as 'introvert' will only hinder you in enjoying their company when you have it.

It's probably best not to 'care' for anyone but yourself and (perhaps) those physically unable. Just befriend the rest of us, please.

I consider myself very introverted, but I think that most of the items on the list you can learn to deal with whether you are extra- or introverted. Most essential though :

-Respect their need for privacy (yeah)

-Let them observe first in new situations (would make me more comfortable)

-Teach them new skills privately rather than in public (i would learn faster)

-Respect their introversion, don't remake them into extraverts (can get annoying sometimes)

-Give them time to think. Don't demand instant answers (OMG YESS!!)

Of course I can only speak for myself..

In my experience (and it is just that), introverts tend to accept the differences as personality, whereas extraverts tend to see introversion as a problem that requires fixing.

"That guy just won't stop talking. I couldn't do that" vs "That guy never says anything. I wonder what's wrong?"

As part of a corporate job, I was put through some training that emphasized understanding different personality and communication types, in order to better understand and interact with that variety in coworkers and clients.

Unfortunately, the training did not transfer to the broad corporate policy, which kept squeezing people closer together, lowering or eliminating cube walls -- moving to something approaching open space -- and insisting everyone multi-task both workload and their physical environment, tuning out a plethora of surrounding activity -- including your cubette (only two low walls per seat) partner's meetings three feet away from you.

In other words, the extroverted (often "management" types; though introverts can make good managers under other circumstances) dominated. Other personality types suffered. Those with enough seniority and clout took to working from home.

The lesson: If you match the description on this list, don't expect such treatment from the general population. Work to put yourself in a position where they have no choice. That can be a very difficult lesson for an introvert: Valuing yourself in a disparaging world, and putting yourself first before that world drains you.

Many introverts have a strong need for social connection. Often we subsume ourselves in an attempt to create and maintain it. This eventually makes everyone very unhappy. Turning the list into a list of things that you do for yourself -- that you insist upon -- is a better approach. Then follow up with the people who respect this.

This doesn't rule out extroverts. Some get it. Others learn. Especially when they find out their normal approach gets them nowhere.