Ask HN: Should I advise my coworkers against working with my family member?
I am currently living in my parent's extra house with my sister, but moving out soon because we don't get along. I'd rather pay rent elsewhere than continue living there for free.
My company is hiring a marketing coordinator, my sister applies. (Company is aware that she is my sister, and a few know that we don't get along.) She is technically qualified for the job, and may well be appropriate for the position. I assumed that if my coworkers had any intent of contacting her, they would notify me first. Without notifying me, the hiring manager schedules a call/interview with my sister.
This puts me in a very awkward position. I dread the idea of working with her, it stresses me out just thinking about it. I envision my joy in my work dissolving away if I have to sit 15 feet away from her every day, listen to her at lunch, be forced to interact with her in a professional setting, etc.
Does anybody have any advice on how to respond? Should I notify the hiring manager about my concerns? Should I directly advise against hiring her? Is it unethical or unfair to "sabotage" her chances by notifying them of how it would affect me (reverse-nepotism)?
10 comments
[ 3.3 ms ] story [ 35.1 ms ] threadYou don't have to like someone personally to work with them. As long as you both do your job correctly, there should be no issue. If either of your becomes unprofessional, they should be fired.
But if there's no expected overlap in duties and you just don't like the idea of her being in the same office, it seems to me that that's not really a professional issue anymore. It's a personal problem. (There's nothing wrong with having personal problems, everyone's got some.)
It is a little unethical to negatively impact someone's career due to a personal problem you have with them, I'd say. But if changing your feelings isn't an option, it's hard to see that you have a choice other than telling your employer about your problem and suggesting a no-hire.
All hires bear risk that they won't fit it in or they'll have a hard time adapting to company culture. Knowingly bringing in someone with strong personal issues with another employee should require a higher level of scrutiny to ensure the issues won't result in a toxic workplace or destroy internal culture.
What do you value more, your happiness or your sister's happiness? That's what it really boils down to. Nobody can answer that for you, and nobody else should.
If she is actually professional and good at what she does I'd be more inclined to let it go and see if they hire her. If she starts acting unprofessionally after she starts then I'd raise that like you would any other employee.
If they do hire her, just be professional. If your sister cracks and starts being unprofessional, then it's not your fault.
The best revenge is living well.
No more explanation should be offered or provided.
Be aware that your expectation that your coworkers would talk to you before contacting your sister was rather unrealistic.
Also be aware that that this is essentially "she goes or I go." Take the steps necessary for the latter situation. It's a business and who to hire is a business decision.