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Ask HN: Do you feel low when friends are doing very well in a career you love?

10 points by sidcool ↗ HN
I don't mean monetarily, but meaning wise. As in they are doing well what you truly love, while you are doing average. Again, money is not in question at all. Some of my friends are technology evangelists and absolutely nailing it. You (I), on the other hand, are just doing the basic stuff repeatedly. You have tried to break free several times, but only moved a bit further. What do you do when such feeling engulfs you?

13 comments

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kornakiewicz
First of all: "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans."

*

In the terms of overall benefits, I rather prefer to be the worst in group of people than the best. There's nothing beneficial in being that one people admire/want to be (since money are not the issue).

I got friend from childhood that were at Google internships twice and I really want to be at place like G. someday. but it's more motivational (we were quite competitors then in hacking and other geek stuff) than depressing - if he could why not me?

sidcool
That's true, but it's easier said than done. I get really low and feel like an impostor.
JCJoverTCP
many of my friends have bedcome director level operators, where i have stagnated. while i am happy for them, i feel that maybe my personal ceiling has been hit. when i see a former colleague reaching the next level, it triggers a minor depression that takes a few days to pop out of. and when this happens i spend try to spend more time with my kid. he makes me happy above everything else.
Isamu
I was stoked when an old friend became a VP of technology in an interesting field (meanwhile I am still just a dev). I gained an important contact! I proposed to do a small side project with him and that is going along nicely, it may lead to other things, who knows? Meanwhile it is another opportunity to have fun.

Do you want to be a technology evangelist like your friends? I mean, if you have specific goals there are effective ways of achieving them and there are poor ways. If you lack specific goals maybe you should get some, develop some specific interests that stretch you.

Get concrete - submerge yourself in the details of the mastery of your specific interests. It can be tangential to your current work. Grab time from your current work to add to your goal work.

As you immerse yourself in your concrete, goal-directed work you find you have less time to immerse yourself in negative thinking.

sidcool
I am trying to be a tech evangelist because I love to motivate people. I love to spread the message of technology. I am also a software engineer with deep roots in code. I love building stuff, although I am bit teared up between leading engineers and building the product myself. One thing is sure, I a not a Manager. I can lead a tech team but not manage them. Another thing that is clear is I am in love with technology, madly in love.
loumf
Have you applied to jobs? What happened?
sidcool
I have applied to 16 companies. 3 interviews have taken place. Got selected in 2. But guess what, I got rejected in the company I most wanted to join. The other two were more for practice and backup.
loumf
Do you have any idea why? I realize that almost all companies will not tell you -- but, thinking critically about the interview and process, do you have any ideas.

I would recommend doing informational interviews with friends at places that might hire a tech evangelist and seeing if you can get a no-stakes mock interview from someone who will provide actionable feedback.

sidcool
That's a good idea. I can have my friends conduct mock interviews.
27182818284
Lots of people feel this and there isn't an easy answer--this has plagued humankind as long as we've had writing. Heck envy is mentioned by most (all?) major religions. There are pieces of art older than a lot of countries depicting envy as something that ruins people in the form of snake or fire or poison.
bluerail
Sometimes, Yes.. I ve always felt being left out when all my friends went on to become developers (the job that I admire the most) and when they are discussing about the problems and quirks they are doing in their respective jobs, while I on the other hand stuck at a SysAdmin position (but its going to change soon.. :) )..

All that time I ll just say to myself, "This isn't the end".

6d0debc071
It's not a feeling I share - I've got my puzzles and I don't much care how others are doing career wise. However, when I want to immitate someone for some reason, I try to find out what the difference is between what they've done and what I've done, and where they were when they were in my sort of position and where I am. If they've got some specific break in life, that I haven't, then how did they get it? What sort of relationships did they develop; what sort of challenges did they take on?

There will be a way they have done it, and – lucky me – I happen to know them and can ask. Which is far better than them being some random person who I don't know and can't ask.