In the words of Jeremy Mims -- Dan really was the heart of our YC Summer 08 batch. He was always quick to smile, share a good laugh, and share sharp insights into all things startup.
Dan was one of those guys who would light up the room when he came in. He was always very positive and he genuinely cared about others. I definitely agree he was the heart of our YC Summer 08 batch and gave so many of us great advice.
So true. One of my favorite memories of him was when we first met him and Tom in June of 2008, right when we had begun Y Combinator that summer.
Brad, one of my co-founders, and I had flown in from Chicago to start living there that summer and hadn't found a place to live yet so we crashed at Tom and Dan's pad for a night, sleeping on the couches. It was a nasty, hot summer night and they didn't have A/C. Not only did we stay up late drinking but Brad and I barely went to sleep.
Early in the morning before we had to leave, Dan was up (he was usually a morning guy) and made us this incredible breakfast for us. It was just about the nicest god damn thing we could have had that morning after such a shitty night's rest. Dan was in my book instantly as one of the nicest, coolest guys to have met and gotten to know that summer.
I just shared some photos from the summer with Dan on my blog. I am just so freaking shattered thinking about how that was just a year ago, and now this.
Wow I still have not come to terms with this. I whole heartedly agree with Jeremy's comment. He was one of the first people I met in the YC Summer 08 batch and I could feel the excitement & passion oozing out of him. Always quick to help a person out in whatever capacity he could, encouraging and lively, he was truly a stand up guy and will be missed.
Dan had such a charm to him. He always had this mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and was so gregarious and affable. He was tall and the kind of guy in the room that everyone just gravitated towards, yet he wasn't the least bit intimidating. He was such a giving person, always lending a hand wherever he could.
A sad, sad day. Hard to imagine I won't be able to see the great Dan again. I'll miss him and his antics, jokes, big talk, and huge ambition and drive.
Most of all, don't beat yourself up about this - there was nothing you could have done to have stopped it, and he did what he wanted to do for his own reasons.
Leaving a suicide note is supposedly a lot less common than our popular belief (from movies or books that depict fictional suicide situations) tell us...
There's almost no possibility it was accidental. I know it's impossible to stomach and the mind has the find a pattern or assign a reason when facts seem to "not add up".
Everyone wants to ask these questions, so I don't fault you for asking.
Unfortunately, the way I found him pretty much rules that out. I'm foregoing description to be kind to family and friends, but it wasn't something you accidently do. A couple minor things he did directly beforehand which would seem completely innocuous to everybody but me also gives me confidence in the conclusion.
I didn't realize until seeing this that you were the person who found him. Please don't be afraid to seek counselling if you have flashbacks / nightmares / difficulty sleeping / etc -- post-traumatic stress disorder is very commonly experienced by those who find suicide victims.
Maybe its just me, but there seems to be a stigma regarding the act of seeking counseling. However, people should seek counseling just as often as they would a general practitioner as the mind needs just as much care to stay healthy as does the body. In any case, it's immensely gratifying to have someone who you know will not feel burdened by your issues and can offer you guidance through a very troublesome period of life.
A few years ago a very close friend of mine killed himself. Reading this today has brought up a lot of old feelings, and one new one; I feel like I really need to reach out and tell you that what you're going through and what you're about to go through will be very difficult, but you will come out the other side.
Suicide is one of those things that I don't think we can ever reconcile in our minds. I've never resolved the questions raised up by my friend's death, but I promise that you do learn to find a quiet place for the feelings that I'd imagine have you mentally turning in dizzy circles right now.
My thoughts are with you. If you'd like to talk please don't hesitate to get in touch.
Suicide is one of those things that I don't think we can ever reconcile in our minds. ... You do learn to find a quiet place for the feelings
I second this. A close friend killed herself 15 years ago, and I still think of her, probably at least once a month, and mourn her, and wonder what her life would be like if she were still alive. But that remembrance comes from a quiet place, certainly much quieter than in the months surrounding the event. It doesn't stop, but it does change.
That sounds pretty traumatic and I am incredibly impressed that you have the wherewithal to handle the community relations part after that.
That said it is probably a good idea to really get to the bottom of your feelings about it once you get a little breathing room. I mean don't try to 'just push through' and bury yourself in work in order to suppress grief.
My God. I'm not going to parrot the "seek counselling" line because I don't think that is necessary.
What I would ask you to do though is to keep talking about it, as much as you can with people you trust. It'll help your healing. Whatever you do, share your feelings with someone.
Yeah, there's a lot of questions and wonder about how someone like Dan, who just... seemed fine and happy (perhaps on the outside), could bring himself to make such a terrible and extreme choice.
It's a puzzle that, despite my only knowing him personally to a limited degree, that I may never understand.
The kind of person that is involved in a startup is typically smart enough to be able to hide the symptoms of depression. These are people who are used to achieving great things and so hiding vulnerabilities is something they get very good at.
My thoughts and condolences go out to you and the people affected by this tragedy.
Suicidal people usually do not exhibit much abnormal behavior for strangers to get the idea. There is little strangers can do, anyway. Even professionals can only help when the person genuinely wants to be helped. This is sad, but this is life.
There doesn't have to be a reason. Sometimes it might just work like an aneurysm. Nothing detectably wrong. It's nobody's fault and there's no narrative for it. The wrong set of things happens inside of you, you were fine, and then you're not.
I've been through this; never as close as Tom to Dan, but close; and that's what helped me make sense of it. Sometimes it's just a sudden illness, and sudden illnesses are tragic but they happen.
When people don't mention the reason for a death in an announcement, I've always thought: "Why? Why keep it a secret? They're gone now anyway." I think I've just realized why.
I can't say anything else other than that I'm sorry for all of your losses and I hope you do his dream proud.
Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others.
Some days you can feel completely fine, have amazing connections with people, love your work, be a completely present and loving parent and spouse. And on really bad days, it feels like the sky has completely collapsed on you and that the only logical thing to do is make the world a better place by leaving it. It may sound silly if you don't suffer, especially when you recognize much of it is brain chemistry, but it is very real to the person experiencing it.
If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time, I strongly recommend that you let them know that you are there for them at any moment when things feel really dark. They can call, text you, get you on the computer, whatever. Things can go downhill extremely rapidly, so if you ever get a 9-1-1 from a sufferer, react immediately. Get to them in person if it's possible or get someone who lives close to get to them, don't stop communicating with them until you do.
And don't try to fix the problem, telling them it's all in their mind. Again, it's all very real. Let them talk, just allow them to express themselves in whatever way it comes from them, it might be sadness, anger, rage, pain. Let them know they are safe to communicate anything with you, even the dark thoughts. I hope none of you have to go through this, but if you do, you might be saving the life of a friend, spouse, child, parent, aunt, uncle, someone many people love dearly.
You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life.
Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.
This is very sad. Deepest condolences to his family and friends. Really makes the poll that was done only a few days ago more brutally shocking: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=849650
Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
Indeed, there are consequences, but the outing isn't binary. You don't have to tell everyone, and the sensitive nature of the whole thing means that if you confide in someone or someones close to you, it's not likely to be the gossip of the town tomorrow.
Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)
This is true not just for depression, but really for anyone who experiences (by choice or not) reality in a non consensus way-- autistics, women, pot smokers, gays, etc. The fact that this is such a problem is a huge failure of science; pretty much to science what pedophilia is to the church, except that because the issue is epistemological it's going to take more than a change in leadership to make the problem go away.
"You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life.
Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive."
What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more.
What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before!
When admitting to even a brush with mental illness doesn't disqualify someone from running for public office, my point with be moot. Until then, people who suffer from serious depression have to be very careful who they share this information with.
Feel free to elaborate the whom you are speaking of.
I guess I could start a list...
1. Navy seals
2. High level CIA/FBI agents
3. Airline pilots; any person whose work deals with the lives of others.
Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
What do you do when you don't feel like eliciting pity? IMO if you do this people will treat you as an oddity and try and take care of you. F that. RIP Dan, I feel for you.
I have a friend in the Navy. He has some problems, but he can't see anyone about it because if he does, he's taken off of active duty. Essentially, he loses his job.
Also, I have been asked on several applications for various things whether I've ever seen a mental health professional. One can lie, but...
And of course, there's a number of people whose real problem isn't depression, but wanting attention. The real depressives I know are the people least likely to seek help.
I'm doing the startup thing, but didn't really think about medical insurance too much. It turns out I'm uninsurable. That is a real and serious consequence of accepting (professional) help.
There's what appears to be an excellent discussion here in the comments, from people grappling with the consequences of depression and other difficult mental states — people talking about their struggles and the issues that have come up for them. This is exactly the kind of discussion that can help people who are dealing with these issues themselves, and prevent tragedies like Dan's suicide.
But these posts have been [dead]ed by some administrator.
Whoever deleted those posts bears the responsibility for the next YC founder suicide, a tragedy which may happen this year, or next year, or five years from now. This person should be stripped of their administrator bit and publicly chastised for their misbehavior.
There are people (who keep this stuff confidential) to talk to though. You have to pay them and it can be difficult to find one that just doesn't want to blame the past instead of helping you move forward. But these people do exist and are helpful. I suggest finding someone who knows something about cognitive behavioral therapy.
I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.
Drugs drugs drugs, money money money. Seems like a poor ROI in most cases. I've gone, they tried to give me antidepressants even when I said I didn't want them. Worst money I ever spent.
Depression is an incredibly insidious disease folks, especially because sufferers normally keep it hidden from others.
Depressed people don't merely keep it hidden from others; they often develop a coping mechanism of keeping their depression hidden from themselves too.
If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time
The last part of this is the most important part. If someone is depressed and have recognized it then it's very important to provide whatever help you can. But it's also important to not intrude prior to that point; otherwise you risk forcing them to confront their depression before they're ready to do so (not to mention alienating them).
Thanks for those words. I don't know at what point a person actually goes through with suicidal thoughts. I suspect they don't either. If you even suspect someone has them, pay attention, be a friend even if you do not know them well and let them know you will not let them out of your sight until they are over this period in their lives.
One of the truly insidious things about depression is that the sufferer often knows that it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head". That doesn't help.
Depression is not a sign of personal weakness, misguided thinking, or flawed character. It's a medical condition, like diabetes or glaucoma. There shouldn't be any moral judgement attached.
There's still a hell of a lot that we don't know about depression. However, there are treatments that help. If you suffer from depression, one of the best things you can do is to find a psychiatrist (an honest-to-god M.D.) that you can trust and work with.
And if you know someone that suffers from depression, bprater is absolutely correct. 100%. Offering someone that kind of support may be more important than you know.
"it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head"
I don't think that is true in general, except in the most trivial sense (that everything is just chemistry).
Maybe there are some diseases where the chemistry is disturbed and it makes you feel depressed. But there are a lot of "natural" causes for depression, too.
I second that. The only two people I have known who died by their own hand were both incredibly radiant, ebullient individuals. Nobody saw it coming either time. For some, the higher the highs, the lower the lows, it seems.
In a bout of major depression, creativity is just lost. The feeling that I will never get it back was a main source feeding suicidal thinking. Luckily, I sought treatment, and an analyst told me that this is normal, that it's part of the illness, and that basically nobody can be creative while being clinically depressed (yes, I was in a clinic at that time). That helped, at least a little.
I'm fighting, and I'm slowly getting it back. But it's hard.
That's really sad news. If you can, posting any warning signs you can recognize after the fact might help other people identify when one of their co-founders might be at risk.
In the greater context of start-ups and the pressures associated with that, it's not just 'young kids dying', it is 'young kids working on start-ups dying'. I realize that some people are of a mindset where 'failure is not an option', and this in and of itself brings some risks with it.
No clue what the factors are in this particular case beyond what's in this thread but I've seen people literally break because of the strain a start-up put on their lives.
Working past what your body can normally do and taking on mental burdens past what you could cope with under normal circumstances (huge responsibilities) is not going to be without its consequences.
Again no idea how much of that was a factor here, but I really think that those that get into the game should be very much aware of the pressure and should be able to somehow get rid of that and always remember that even though your start-up is important it is never more important than you and your health.
I'm not sure it's fair to point to a trend from a sample set of one. The other guy was killed in a car crash; it'd be pretty hard to peg that to being part of a startup.
Polls in the past here have also shown that most of the readers of HN are not involved in startups. There's also a big difference between "being in a funk" and killing yourself.
This situation is truly tragic, and I believe we'd all like to understand what exactly pushed Dan over the edge -- we'd like for there to be a reason that could somehow be instructive -- but from the information out there, we don't have that. As such, it's really a reach to assume that this is because he's a founder.
Not aiming wanting to offend anyone, but in my experience depression is more often the result of external pressures (real & imagined) rather than internal strife, mainly from religion and/or 'morals'.
Looking at Dan's pictures on Garry's site immediately brought back memories of the one friend who committed suicide. He never seemed completely at ease or happy in pictures. He was gay (we all suspected this anyhow and loved him) and apparently too afraid to tell us or his very religious parents... and chose the wrong way out.
I find this difficult to believe. He wrote me 4 weeks back, and the email is still in my inbox, starred, so that I could reply it when I had a bit of time.
Same here. Dan wrote me out of the blue a few weeks back with words of encouragement about some issues I'd posted about. We exchanged a few messages. Wish I'd written him more. This is very sad news.
A blogger wrote about a competitor of TS and I mentioned in the comments that the blogger totally missed TS. Dan reached out to me via e-mail to say thanks for the note. From that quick e-mail, we developed a great friendship.
Dan was another "business guy" with a finance background who jumped into a startup because he was angry, physically angry, about a problem he saw and wanted to make it better. He was the first real kindred spirit I've found on my startup journey. He was more than a mentor, he was an inspiration.
I leaned on him a lot, probably more than was fair, but Dan was always there to help me out, think things through, or just offer a pick-me-up when I was down about user numbers, distraught about my inability to help my startup because I couldn't code, or whatever else was on my mind. He introduced me to new ideas and new techniques, but most importantly, he introduced me to a world of new friends. Because of him, I have a place to crash and people to hang with when I visit San Francisco.
Dan paid it forward and did it because he liked to help people. He will be missed.
Tom here. I am exhausted so pardon the informality and lack of feeling. Questions, etc. please contact me. Paul has a note that he's going to be posting on the YC blog at some point; try to keep discussion to one post, for my sanity. I will be keeping an eye on stuff and answering questions where possible.
Ok, now I can think of something to say. Compared to Dan and Tom, I'm kinda old. And yet, I went out to a hockey game and a baseball game, and beers with the two of them, and Dan made me feel comfortable, and I felt that he was my friend. I've just moved to Boston, and was looking forward to going out with them again, and drinking too much, and laughing, something I don't do enough of these days. It really sucks. I, personally, will miss him. And hope that Tom can keep going with ticketstumbler on his own, and have lots of good things in his future. And at least I'll be able to have beers with him.
Everyone should use ticketstumbler for their next purchase, just as a vote of confidence for Tom, or a memorial for Dan, or both. I'm going to do that tonight.
Dan was always great at making everybody feel like his friend -- the crazy part is that he was pretty much always sincere about it!
He was definitely the reason we met you in the first place (hell, he's the reason I know a lot of people) and I'm sorry you're now stuck with the short end of the stick, as far as TS founders go :(
Don't kick yourself while you're down, Tom... I know Dan was certainly more on the business side of it and this could mean that things may not continue as planned but there may be good things you can do with what you do have left. Even if that means starting or doing something else (I hope not because of all that's been invested thus far) but by no means are you the shorter end of some stick, dude.
You are a talented mother fucker, is what you are.
I last talked to Dan ten days ago. Can't believe he's gone. His feedback was instrumental to us getting into YC - it was exactly the kick in the ass we needed. If we succeed, a share of that success will belong to him. I think lots of other people could say the same.
It doesn't make it any better but it's pretty remarkable what some chemicals swirling around in our brains can do to us as humans. A lot of good things, sure, but a lot of distressing, uncharacteristic stuff too.
Not so much as a smidgen of a hint. His comments seemed consistent up until the last with no hint of despair. No wonder this caught people by surprise. It's flabbergasting.
My condolences to everyone close to Dan. Although I didn't know him personally, he seemed like a terrific guy.
Oh my gosh. This is just awful and I'm literally at a loss for words.
We've had several tragic deaths amongst the YC community both recently and over the past few years, but Dan's is definitely the first to viscerally choke me up. I didn't know him personally, but I've read so many of his posts here that I feel like I did.
Please accept my condolences during this difficult time.
A solemn reminder to shower our friends and family with love while we still have the chance...I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend...my condolences.
I started reading HN years ago and I always saw a user by the name of fallentimes posting really insightful comments. Through his threads, I found out a lot about he thought through startups, biz, PR...you name it. I learned a lot from him.
We exchanged IMs and emails about little things like TS' press in the FT and how it came about or help with my HN password. I was planning on going to Boston to see my girlfriend's sister and was hoping to meet him in person.
My heart and condolences go out to his friends and family. Tom, be strong - you have all our support and best wishes.
We shared a few lunches in Cambridge, as well as more than a few emails about business-guy strategery. There are so many impressive YC startup founders, but Dan had a remarkable x-factor that one sees in successful entrepreneurs without any of the arrogance, avarice, or powerhunger that so often accompanies this talent.
We only knew each other through a shared investor [YC], yet I very much wanted to see him succeed, and believed would - something most people must have felt upon meeting him.
We were all looking forward to watching him have a long and fruitful career.
As PG said, the world is indeed much poorer without him. Dan's family & friends are in my thoughts.
I, too, had a good friend in Austin back in the 90s who committed suicide unexpectedly. The cause of death was phrased delicately as an "accidental hanging". Let's just say that depression is not the only cause of suicide. Some people are the sort who just have to try everything once.
Not suggesting that's what happened to Dan, but if so it would mean that nobody should feel remorse or guilt about failing to notice he needed help.
169 comments
[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 219 ms ] threadWe will miss him always.
Dan, you were a good friend and will be missed.
Brad, one of my co-founders, and I had flown in from Chicago to start living there that summer and hadn't found a place to live yet so we crashed at Tom and Dan's pad for a night, sleeping on the couches. It was a nasty, hot summer night and they didn't have A/C. Not only did we stay up late drinking but Brad and I barely went to sleep.
Early in the morning before we had to leave, Dan was up (he was usually a morning guy) and made us this incredible breakfast for us. It was just about the nicest god damn thing we could have had that morning after such a shitty night's rest. Dan was in my book instantly as one of the nicest, coolest guys to have met and gotten to know that summer.
http://garry.posterous.com/dan-haubert-1984-2009-we-will-mis...
I'll miss him so much.
how did he die, if you don't mind me asking?
Most of all, don't beat yourself up about this - there was nothing you could have done to have stopped it, and he did what he wanted to do for his own reasons.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I wish people who mod comments down would at least explain why.
Sometimes the line can be blurry. Accidental suicides do happen. Especially since there was no note.
Everyone wants to ask these questions, so I don't fault you for asking.
I didn't realize until seeing this that you were the person who found him. Please don't be afraid to seek counselling if you have flashbacks / nightmares / difficulty sleeping / etc -- post-traumatic stress disorder is very commonly experienced by those who find suicide victims.
God no - there is a stigma associated with various things that cause people to seek counseling (justifiably or no)- but this sure isn't one of them.
I'm very sorry for all involved.
Suicide is one of those things that I don't think we can ever reconcile in our minds. I've never resolved the questions raised up by my friend's death, but I promise that you do learn to find a quiet place for the feelings that I'd imagine have you mentally turning in dizzy circles right now.
My thoughts are with you. If you'd like to talk please don't hesitate to get in touch.
Take care, Emmanuel.
I second this. A close friend killed herself 15 years ago, and I still think of her, probably at least once a month, and mourn her, and wonder what her life would be like if she were still alive. But that remembrance comes from a quiet place, certainly much quieter than in the months surrounding the event. It doesn't stop, but it does change.
My condolences to all affected by this loss.
That said it is probably a good idea to really get to the bottom of your feelings about it once you get a little breathing room. I mean don't try to 'just push through' and bury yourself in work in order to suppress grief.
What I would ask you to do though is to keep talking about it, as much as you can with people you trust. It'll help your healing. Whatever you do, share your feelings with someone.
It's a puzzle that, despite my only knowing him personally to a limited degree, that I may never understand.
My thoughts and condolences go out to you and the people affected by this tragedy.
I've been through this; never as close as Tom to Dan, but close; and that's what helped me make sense of it. Sometimes it's just a sudden illness, and sudden illnesses are tragic but they happen.
I can't say anything else other than that I'm sorry for all of your losses and I hope you do his dream proud.
Some days you can feel completely fine, have amazing connections with people, love your work, be a completely present and loving parent and spouse. And on really bad days, it feels like the sky has completely collapsed on you and that the only logical thing to do is make the world a better place by leaving it. It may sound silly if you don't suffer, especially when you recognize much of it is brain chemistry, but it is very real to the person experiencing it.
If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time, I strongly recommend that you let them know that you are there for them at any moment when things feel really dark. They can call, text you, get you on the computer, whatever. Things can go downhill extremely rapidly, so if you ever get a 9-1-1 from a sufferer, react immediately. Get to them in person if it's possible or get someone who lives close to get to them, don't stop communicating with them until you do.
And don't try to fix the problem, telling them it's all in their mind. Again, it's all very real. Let them talk, just allow them to express themselves in whatever way it comes from them, it might be sadness, anger, rage, pain. Let them know they are safe to communicate anything with you, even the dark thoughts. I hope none of you have to go through this, but if you do, you might be saving the life of a friend, spouse, child, parent, aunt, uncle, someone many people love dearly.
Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive.
Sometimes it's really difficult to ask for help. Building a support network is one of those paradoxical things... if you don't have one already it makes it even more difficult to build one. And for some people (as it appears in the case of Dan), the saddest thing is that it may not even matter making it worse for those left behind.
Depending on the circles and acquaintances you have, often the reaction to it is a lot less... impactful than you'd expect. And, unfortunately, as I've alluded to elsewhere, in some circles it's considered almost cool. (Especially if you have a Livejournal.)
"You keep it hidden because for every 1 person who takes your advice and helps you out there are 5 who will write you off as a serious person for the rest of your life.
Edit: I'm not saying this is right/wrong, but there are real consequences to outing oneself as a depressive."
What are the consequences? After dealing with OCD and social anxiety issues from 18 to 28, I finally started to open up and talk about these oddities that conflicted me to others. What I learned is most people I talk to all dealt with something similar. These were just random people I met at work, friends and family members. I wish I talked about what conflicted me before I was 28, I would have been able to enjoy that 10 year span of my life more.
What I am saying is don't think you are alone, think you are crazy the one dealing with ocd, social anxieties, depression - the majority has been there and when you learn/realize that we are the same a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. In other words talk talk talk about your problems, oddities (obessesive thoughts or actions), social anxieties and depressive thoughts until you are blue in the face. If people are going to look down on you for being a depressive screw them, they are hiding behind their own wall of B.S. - no one is perfect and everyone has dealt with something from the above in various degrees before!
My condolences to Dan's family and friends.
Maybe that is a good sampling of whom you speak of?
Also, I have been asked on several applications for various things whether I've ever seen a mental health professional. One can lie, but...
And of course, there's a number of people whose real problem isn't depression, but wanting attention. The real depressives I know are the people least likely to seek help.
But these posts have been [dead]ed by some administrator.
Whoever deleted those posts bears the responsibility for the next YC founder suicide, a tragedy which may happen this year, or next year, or five years from now. This person should be stripped of their administrator bit and publicly chastised for their misbehavior.
I agree with a sibling comment here that it is vital to talk through these things. If you can't trust your friends, first find someone else to talk to and then find some new friends.
Depressed people don't merely keep it hidden from others; they often develop a coping mechanism of keeping their depression hidden from themselves too.
If you know someone who suffers from depression and has communicated to you that they have suicidal thoughts from time-to-time
The last part of this is the most important part. If someone is depressed and have recognized it then it's very important to provide whatever help you can. But it's also important to not intrude prior to that point; otherwise you risk forcing them to confront their depression before they're ready to do so (not to mention alienating them).
One of the truly insidious things about depression is that the sufferer often knows that it's just brain chemistry, that it's just "all in their head". That doesn't help.
Depression is not a sign of personal weakness, misguided thinking, or flawed character. It's a medical condition, like diabetes or glaucoma. There shouldn't be any moral judgement attached.
There's still a hell of a lot that we don't know about depression. However, there are treatments that help. If you suffer from depression, one of the best things you can do is to find a psychiatrist (an honest-to-god M.D.) that you can trust and work with.
And if you know someone that suffers from depression, bprater is absolutely correct. 100%. Offering someone that kind of support may be more important than you know.
I don't think that is true in general, except in the most trivial sense (that everything is just chemistry).
Maybe there are some diseases where the chemistry is disturbed and it makes you feel depressed. But there are a lot of "natural" causes for depression, too.
Tom, I wish I could tell you the answers will come with time, but if your experience is anything like mine... Well, I'm still waiting...
My sincerest condolences to Dan's friends and family, you'll certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm fighting, and I'm slowly getting it back. But it's hard.
No clue what the factors are in this particular case beyond what's in this thread but I've seen people literally break because of the strain a start-up put on their lives.
Working past what your body can normally do and taking on mental burdens past what you could cope with under normal circumstances (huge responsibilities) is not going to be without its consequences.
Again no idea how much of that was a factor here, but I really think that those that get into the game should be very much aware of the pressure and should be able to somehow get rid of that and always remember that even though your start-up is important it is never more important than you and your health.
Don't push it too far.
This is not "a sample set of one". There's a pattern here.
This situation is truly tragic, and I believe we'd all like to understand what exactly pushed Dan over the edge -- we'd like for there to be a reason that could somehow be instructive -- but from the information out there, we don't have that. As such, it's really a reach to assume that this is because he's a founder.
Looking at Dan's pictures on Garry's site immediately brought back memories of the one friend who committed suicide. He never seemed completely at ease or happy in pictures. He was gay (we all suspected this anyhow and loved him) and apparently too afraid to tell us or his very religious parents... and chose the wrong way out.
I still miss him.
You can do better than that.
My condolences. I always appreciated his input and he was one of the usernames I seeked out when browsing comments pages.
Dan was another "business guy" with a finance background who jumped into a startup because he was angry, physically angry, about a problem he saw and wanted to make it better. He was the first real kindred spirit I've found on my startup journey. He was more than a mentor, he was an inspiration.
I leaned on him a lot, probably more than was fair, but Dan was always there to help me out, think things through, or just offer a pick-me-up when I was down about user numbers, distraught about my inability to help my startup because I couldn't code, or whatever else was on my mind. He introduced me to new ideas and new techniques, but most importantly, he introduced me to a world of new friends. Because of him, I have a place to crash and people to hang with when I visit San Francisco.
Dan paid it forward and did it because he liked to help people. He will be missed.
I feel terrible about this.
tom@ts also gtalk
Thank you.
He was definitely the reason we met you in the first place (hell, he's the reason I know a lot of people) and I'm sorry you're now stuck with the short end of the stick, as far as TS founders go :(
You are a talented mother fucker, is what you are.
He will be sadly missed in #startups and obviously on hn.
My condolences to Tom, Dan's friends, and family.
I initially thought it was a mishap. The news that He took the exit door by himself is what chokes on my thoughts.
Why do the good guys do this to themselves? Why did he go away?
Sorry for your loss, Tom.
http://friendfeed.com/danhau http://twitter.com/danhau
Not so much as a smidgen of a hint. His comments seemed consistent up until the last with no hint of despair. No wonder this caught people by surprise. It's flabbergasting.
My condolences to everyone close to Dan. Although I didn't know him personally, he seemed like a terrific guy.
What sad news.
We've had several tragic deaths amongst the YC community both recently and over the past few years, but Dan's is definitely the first to viscerally choke me up. I didn't know him personally, but I've read so many of his posts here that I feel like I did.
Please accept my condolences during this difficult time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Perazzoli
Indeed, the world is a poorer place without him.
We exchanged IMs and emails about little things like TS' press in the FT and how it came about or help with my HN password. I was planning on going to Boston to see my girlfriend's sister and was hoping to meet him in person.
My heart and condolences go out to his friends and family. Tom, be strong - you have all our support and best wishes.
We only knew each other through a shared investor [YC], yet I very much wanted to see him succeed, and believed would - something most people must have felt upon meeting him.
We were all looking forward to watching him have a long and fruitful career.
As PG said, the world is indeed much poorer without him. Dan's family & friends are in my thoughts.
Not suggesting that's what happened to Dan, but if so it would mean that nobody should feel remorse or guilt about failing to notice he needed help.