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Ask HN: New city, freelancer job, how do you make friends and fight loneliness?

12 points by yulaow ↗ HN
So basically I recently moved to a new city in south eu for a new job but after just some weeks I felt like that place was cancer for my mental health and I quit asap.

So ok, that's was a very unlucky event but now I am stuck in this city and at the moment, while evaluating what to do, I am working as a freelancer (via sites like elance).

The problem is... I really feel the loneliness of living so totally alone for the first time in my entire life and really don't know what to do.

Without a work in a company it is hard for me to make new social relationships and I don't know where to start.

Any suggestions or ideas? How did/do you fight loneliness? (NB at least for the next 6 weeks I can't move from this city for economical reasons)

16 comments

[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 39.1 ms ] thread
thirdtruck
There's a worthwhile chance that someone you already know back home has connections with others where you live now. That's how I made such a smooth social transition from one state to another twice in the space of a year: I asked everyone I knew for connections, and someone set me up with an existing gaming group even before I arrived. I had new friends within a week of moving.

In the meantime:

+ Check out as many conventions or conferences as you can, but focus on the "hallway track" and the bar (you don't have to drink, either!).

+ Check out Meetup.com or even OkCupid.com (or the EU equivalents). Other people are trying to make new friends through those sites.

+ Chat with the folks where you work. Spend time in a coffee shop or co-working space if you don't already. I made a good friend, for example, out of a totally random Starbucks encounter.

Hope that helps!

yulaow
It is ironic, I am in one of the biggest city of this country right now but on Meetup.com I can't find more than 4 - boring - events in the next 30 days

Anyway I already planned to join an hackthlon this weekend even if I never tried one and fear to be the "noob of the group" but well, I hope we all started from that position somewhere

I have for sure to improve my start-a-discussion-with-strangers skill.

thirdtruck
And it _is_ a skill that you can improve with practice. Good luck!
LadyMartel
What do you do for fun? I always just go to some meetups related to either my work or my hobbies. I think any sports (hiking, mountain climbing) or artistic endeavors (woodworking, photography) type of hobbies make it really easy to make friends.
yulaow
I was thinking since months to start a yoga course but I fear that in those lessons the "let's socialize" part is not considered a lot in comparison to the physical activity
LadyMartel
Sure there's time to socialize. Waiting for class to start, walking to and from class/etc. You won't know until you try. (And if it doesn't work out then you'll still have done some yoga.)
atmosx
I'd rather write a blog post and use it as reference. The topic is been discussed in very long detailed on HN, but I'm too lazy t find the link.

The only advice I have is: Take haircuts and dancing lessons as often as you can.

yulaow
Well this seems a very simply but effective suggestion I mean, I indeed considered to go to some dancing party (bonus I am still at an age in which I am young enough to be considered a college student) but I feel a bit awkward going there all alone, I would prefer to have with me at least one friend but I have to find one first elsewhere
atmosx
Well, that's the thing with dancing classes: The members of the group ared forced to actively interact with each other. So even if you go alone, you'll need to interact with men and women in your group in one way or another. The haircut is both related to the aesthetics and non-stop-talking mentality most styling saloons have.
alain94040
I had the same problem a few years ago. I solved it by going to coffee shops to work maybe an hour per day. And in good hacker fashion, I eventually built an app for that, that lets you find "co-lunchers" (check out http://colunchers.com). Hope you find it useful.
donotbackup
Reading a bunch of Classics always help melt the time away. But also just go to a local bar and socialize with the locals.
munimkazia
Don't underestimate the old fashioned way of making friends..

Hit the bar, have a few drinks, talk to other people at the bar.

lazyfunctor
Try to find a co-working space in your area. If not maybe work from a cafe for some time during the day.

I was gonna suggest meetup.com but looks like you do not have interesting meetups in your area.

Maybe pickup some sport in your free time. Leisure, fitness and socializing all rolled into one.

ainiriand
meetup.com is a good way of finding other people interested in the same things as you are.
GFischer
Others have suggested it, but:

- local groups for your preferred hobby (there are lots of tabletop gaming events, I met some cool people in Europe that way)

- taking classes is a way I've met lots of people. Even if it's short courses

- going to events

- sports and other hobbies - as some mentioned, biking, trekking, climbing, running. In southern Europe there has to be some kind of sports app.

Other family members use other kinds of social support:

- couchsurfing (there are local couchsurfing events almost everywhere)

- churches / NGOs / charities / volunteer work

thirdtruck
It's only been a few days, but has any of the advice so far yielded results? I'm cheering you on. :)