> "You basically just can't come in, bro up, stack up and get the f* out."
Sadly, this is a myth that has been perpetuated since the literal Gold Rush and before. Life is tough. There's no need to drink stylish $12 wine (read Balzac's Lost Illusions- it's a story about a poet who borrows money from his friends to Make It Big in Paris and utterly fucks everything up. It seems like we never learn from history.)
I don't think it's safe or fair to say that any place is unplugged from reality. Reality is what it is. And when you have opportunists flooding a place, it behaves differently, operates differently.
Sorry about your GF, but again– nobody owes anybody anything. Welcome to reality. You should probably take a long break. Things might not be as bleak as they seem- your experience might teach you some things you don't realize you're learning. (That said, some people seem to just blunder ahead for years and years: http://michalsobel.com/en/experiences/the-idea-of-giving-up-... )
Thinking further about this: How do you avoid tiredness? What you describe isn't just run-of-the-mill tiredness, but the sort of exhaustion you get when you've been pushing at a door marked 'pull'. If you create something of value and get positive feedback, that gives you the energy you need to continue along the process. It's absolutely crucial to get to your personal a-ha moments as fast as you can, because otherwise you run yourself aground.
There's your problem. I feel bushed after a 40 hour week (I typically work 30-35 hours a week), I cannot imagine working 6 days for 13 hours, that's just incomprehensible to me.
Where do people squeeze time for family and fun? You're burned out, and with good reason, don't feel sorry about that.
His employer is an idiot for thinking that this actually achieves anything. I used to do 50 hour work weeks, now I do 40. Those mere 10 hours have made a massive difference in the amount of usable work that I get done.
Either work out something with your employer, or better yet, find a job somewhere else and "educate" your current coworkers about work hours.
More time = less done. In a creative job 40 hours is already pushing the boundaries.
Quit yer whining. Wait until you're almost 50 and all your dreams are nowhere in sight, you have kids to feed, bills to pay, and a boss that has the intelligence of a cantaloupe.
The 80 hours a week thing broke me mentally and physically in the early part of this decade. You can't sustain it. They are wrong for asking you to. Nothing that any of these people are doing is worth that...and they will not pay you what it's worth, no matter what.
I've always found most of America outside New York to be hostile toward foreigners. This is one reason I love New York so much: nobody is from here, and even those who are, still have an identity and heritage that points to somewhere else (which they are usually proud of).
That diversity in background produces an attitude that I believe is unmatched anywhere else, and contrasts sharply with the bay area. And despite our city's reputation for being expensive, people from every economic band live here successfully while working hard to pull themselves into the next bracket.
To the OP: It sounds like you need a vacation more than anything. But after you take that, why not try out the city where everyone is going through the same immigration woes as you?
Lone parent of 2 kids (5 & 2) juggling a full time job and freelance on the side just to make enough to cover the bills and mortgage (which I'm trying to buy my ex out of).
Yeah, I know tired.
Don't have any advice, but you're not alone, and it's certainly not restricted to the SF location.
Oh, as a parent of two kids myself (4 years & 6 months), I tell you: CONGRATS! I can't imagine having to deal with a job and the two kids alone. Good luck to you!
> I'm doing fine, I'm not broke in terms of money. I would say from the materialistic side, I have good life.
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
<cynicism>
Since you posted about an hour ago, right now you will get mostly responses from HN'ers in Europe, Australia, etc... who will mostly sympathize with you.
Can't wait for the west coast to wake up, where you will get told it's your fault.
</cynicism>
Long-term stress can deplete your body from some minerals and vitamins. Go to a doctor and check your levels of blood pressure, thyroid function, vitamin b and d, testosterone.
Try to work only 40h/week, and go talk to a cognitive behavior therapist, you might discover something about yourself you didn't know.
So, the question is, is this what you want to be doing?
And if it's not, what do you want to be doing? Where do you want to be next year? What do you value in life - location, friendship, money, comfort, what?
Yes. I feel tired too but I don't live where you live or have your exact lifestyle.
I think I'm tired of fitting myself into a system of work that emerged and wasn't designed to be fulfilling emotionally.
I think most people need to tell lies of some sort to convince others, and even themselves, that everything is good and that we're fine with it, we're doing great.
Lying is really tiering. My plan is to try and be a bit brave, try being honest and follow the ideas that appeal to me, ask the questions that I want to ask etc...
Just a side note, it's wrong to believe that just because you don't have any money problem, your problems are not real or serious ("first world problem"). "Money doesn't buy happiness" might sound like an overused stereotype but it's very true. Especially when you don't have time to spend your money.
"You basically just can't come in, bro up, stack up and get the f* out."
Actually yes, you can. Just go easy on the $6 coffees, fancy restaurants (with pricey wine and lyft) and with a software engineer salary you should be able to save a few thousands a month. The problem is that you'll want to live the life that your friends/coworkers live, and they can be big spenders. So you restrain yourself, and after that you move to a place where housing is cheaper, and that's a nice downpayment for a house.
You just need to figure out what you want to do. Stay in Silicon Valley? Move to
some cheaper/quieter place? For your job, get a salaried position or go independant? Create your company?
You're free to live the life you want, where you want, especially if you're a programmer (as I assume) because there's pretty much no unemployment in most countries. People here will often recommend you to go for the most ambitious path, create a startup, etc, but that's not the best path for everyone.
I've been doing 80hrs a week a lot longer than you. It can be done, it's not always possible to cut down your hours. But do get out of pressure cookers like SF.
I did it for 10 years in Hong Kong, it will kill you. Move to a place with a lower level of stress. I'm in Phnom Penh now and even though my work is high stress, PP isn't. It helps. But you'll need to find work that will allow you to live in a nicer, cheaper, friendlier and less stressful place than where you are.
Stress over visas is also taking it's toll. I know from experience. Move to a place where immigration isn't constantly treating foreigners like dirt. They do exist. Sadly the United States is no longer one of those places.
20 comments
[ 3.5 ms ] story [ 28.2 ms ] threadhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusions_perdues http://www.salon.com/2005/08/08/balzac/
Sadly, this is a myth that has been perpetuated since the literal Gold Rush and before. Life is tough. There's no need to drink stylish $12 wine (read Balzac's Lost Illusions- it's a story about a poet who borrows money from his friends to Make It Big in Paris and utterly fucks everything up. It seems like we never learn from history.)
I don't think it's safe or fair to say that any place is unplugged from reality. Reality is what it is. And when you have opportunists flooding a place, it behaves differently, operates differently.
Sorry about your GF, but again– nobody owes anybody anything. Welcome to reality. You should probably take a long break. Things might not be as bleak as they seem- your experience might teach you some things you don't realize you're learning. (That said, some people seem to just blunder ahead for years and years: http://michalsobel.com/en/experiences/the-idea-of-giving-up-... )
Thinking further about this: How do you avoid tiredness? What you describe isn't just run-of-the-mill tiredness, but the sort of exhaustion you get when you've been pushing at a door marked 'pull'. If you create something of value and get positive feedback, that gives you the energy you need to continue along the process. It's absolutely crucial to get to your personal a-ha moments as fast as you can, because otherwise you run yourself aground.
Your comparison to the gold rush is an apt one, though.
Cheers.
There's your problem. I feel bushed after a 40 hour week (I typically work 30-35 hours a week), I cannot imagine working 6 days for 13 hours, that's just incomprehensible to me.
Where do people squeeze time for family and fun? You're burned out, and with good reason, don't feel sorry about that.
Either work out something with your employer, or better yet, find a job somewhere else and "educate" your current coworkers about work hours.
More time = less done. In a creative job 40 hours is already pushing the boundaries.
It's called the human condition.
I've always found most of America outside New York to be hostile toward foreigners. This is one reason I love New York so much: nobody is from here, and even those who are, still have an identity and heritage that points to somewhere else (which they are usually proud of).
That diversity in background produces an attitude that I believe is unmatched anywhere else, and contrasts sharply with the bay area. And despite our city's reputation for being expensive, people from every economic band live here successfully while working hard to pull themselves into the next bracket.
To the OP: It sounds like you need a vacation more than anything. But after you take that, why not try out the city where everyone is going through the same immigration woes as you?
Yeah, I know tired.
Don't have any advice, but you're not alone, and it's certainly not restricted to the SF location.
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
- Albert Einsten
Can't wait for the west coast to wake up, where you will get told it's your fault. </cynicism>
Try to work only 40h/week, and go talk to a cognitive behavior therapist, you might discover something about yourself you didn't know.
And if it's not, what do you want to be doing? Where do you want to be next year? What do you value in life - location, friendship, money, comfort, what?
I think I'm tired of fitting myself into a system of work that emerged and wasn't designed to be fulfilling emotionally.
I think most people need to tell lies of some sort to convince others, and even themselves, that everything is good and that we're fine with it, we're doing great.
Lying is really tiering. My plan is to try and be a bit brave, try being honest and follow the ideas that appeal to me, ask the questions that I want to ask etc...
Ethics, principals, humour.
"You basically just can't come in, bro up, stack up and get the f* out."
Actually yes, you can. Just go easy on the $6 coffees, fancy restaurants (with pricey wine and lyft) and with a software engineer salary you should be able to save a few thousands a month. The problem is that you'll want to live the life that your friends/coworkers live, and they can be big spenders. So you restrain yourself, and after that you move to a place where housing is cheaper, and that's a nice downpayment for a house.
You just need to figure out what you want to do. Stay in Silicon Valley? Move to some cheaper/quieter place? For your job, get a salaried position or go independant? Create your company?
You're free to live the life you want, where you want, especially if you're a programmer (as I assume) because there's pretty much no unemployment in most countries. People here will often recommend you to go for the most ambitious path, create a startup, etc, but that's not the best path for everyone.
I did it for 10 years in Hong Kong, it will kill you. Move to a place with a lower level of stress. I'm in Phnom Penh now and even though my work is high stress, PP isn't. It helps. But you'll need to find work that will allow you to live in a nicer, cheaper, friendlier and less stressful place than where you are.
Stress over visas is also taking it's toll. I know from experience. Move to a place where immigration isn't constantly treating foreigners like dirt. They do exist. Sadly the United States is no longer one of those places.