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Beat to the punch yet again
Let's hope it's not HTTP & JSON
That last quote in the "article" (PR release) is far more informative than the rest of the words combined. Welcome to phase 2 of their strategy to infuse artificial confidence in Bitcoin so they can cash out of the $11 mill in BC that have been stagnating since they purchased them back in 2013. Winkdex was phase 1.

I mean, I get it, one doesn't need an Econ degree from Harvard to connect the dots on this scheme that adds absolutely zero value to the world at large. There has to be some sort of Wall Street Wheel-of-pump-and-dump in finance/econ rings where they spin to decide which "investment vehicle" they want to use to transfer money from retail investors into their pockets.

If they wanted out why wouldn't they just sell it on the open market?
Selling $11M in bitcoin on the open market would likely crash the market. According to blockchain.info, the average day sees about ~7M USD of bitcoin traded. Not to mention any of the negative signaling if people got wind of the sale.
Also that they bought at pretty much the all time high. We're at what under half that now?
No they didn't; they bought when it was under $10. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-switch/wp/2013/11/09...
According to that exact article they bought when it was $266. It's completely baseless that they bought earlier, and by current prices they're still making a loss ($256 USD).

Which isn't to speak of the fact that it's almost impossible for them to realize a sale value of $256 in the first place.

Try re-reading the article with better comprehension. There is a difference between "buying" and "announcing that you bought."
And there's a big difference between what you claim they did, and what it is possible for you to know based on publicly available information.
Obviously they would not sell it all at once. If you're speculating they'd put many months of effort into an ETF, there's no reason they couldn't alternatively spread their sells out over many months, meaning it'd account for only a fraction of the volume.

Making an ETF just to cash out doesn't make sense.

If you read the ETF S1 filings you'll see that they plan on charging fees to maintain accounts for investors. It will be an ongoing profitable operation to run, not just a one-time cashout.
Next step: sue Coinbase for stealing the idea of creating a US-based Bitcoin exchange.
Well, then let's wait until then to report the debut. This hype over nothing is dumb.