Ask HN: What to do if you are ridiculously burnt out?

I'd say chill out, the project is probably not that big of a deal in the scheme of your life. I've been in a situation like that and most of the problem is your own thoughts reinforcing themselves. In reality you can pause work at any time. You can drop out of the project entirely. All it takes is saying "sorry, I'm not going to work on this any more."

So talk with your marketing partner and tell them you're working too hard and need others to help you more, and that you're going to take a week off from stress. Then try to think about other things. Go see people you haven't seen for a while. Come back after a week and see how your partner can address the work imbalance and see if you want to keep going with them. Seriously, just do it.

Are you sure you haven't buried yourself in a technical hole of despair?

If you have, it may be faster to treat your existing version as a prototype and rewrite a highly simplified version (an "MVP"). You can probably reuse a lot of the existing code and fix all of the big mistakes that are dragging you down, like not using React.

Make it your goal to get it released by a certain date and stick to it. Ruthlessly cut features until it's possible to meet that date. Reevaluate every sacred cow. Reason from first principles about what your product absolutely must do.

Can you supply some details about the business-related dynamics at play here, specifically whether or not you're being paid any flat rate (or just equity), what your share is compared to the marketer, and whether you have a contract that puts you on the hook for anything?

A recent article ( http://www.hailpixel.com/articles/technical-cofounders ) and the accompanying HN discussion ( https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8959377 ) highlights how exploitative the "technical co-founder" relationship can be -- you may want to evaluate whether your situation resembles something like that and whether you want to re-negotiate or leave.

You need someone who understands business- the fact that you work so hard and cannot finish it is a business problem. Marketing partner is not enough, if he is hard-limited to that role and does not know what to do in this situation.

I quit my job, sold my house, sold all my stuff and moved to a lazy beach town near the equator. Never felt happier, never felt more rested, never thought as clearly as I do now.

Totally not answering you question when it comes to finishing the project, but sometimes you just have to call it quits because your health is more important than yet-another-website.

If you are ever in Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca, Mexico -- give me a shout and we'll hang out :)

Just tell him you are reaching a burn-out point and need a few days of complete R&R. That is normal especially when you are working really hard. If he's a good partner he'll understand.

What's the ideal work flow? I tend to lean toward steady, solid flow day after day with a good work/life balance. Others seem to like more of a sprint/celebrate kind of flow. In a small company you should be able to just do whatever is best for you if you are the one writing the code.

Easy. Tell your partner to kiss off. You work 40hrs a week. You won't get more than 40 hrs of productivity out of a week. So what's the point in destroying your health and interest in the project by putting in more hours?

Sometimes, the best way to accomplish your goals is to work nonstop. Sometimes, it's more productive to dial back and make a long, sustained effort. Sometimes, the thing you're working on isn't worth the effort, so you do something else.

No matter what you choose, I strongly recommend you talk to your buddy. Don't vent, but try to help him understand what you're going through. Tell him what needs to change, and be concrete. For example: Say you'll work 40 hours a week, plus one weekend a month if there's an emergency. If your requests are wishy-washy or open to interpretation, each of you will have different expectations. It will just postpone the problem.

Lastly, don't get too worked-up about this. Worst-case, you walk away and the project falls apart. The end. Nobody gets physically injured. Nobody's life is ruined. Everyone moves on to other stuff.

Remember: Nothing is ever as good, or as bad, as it seems at the time.

my thoughts

- i would reduce hours down to 8 and take the weekends off

- you aren't anywhere close to burnout, for me burnout is when you can't work anymore not when you can work 10*7!!

- don't fret it, the project will be done when its done

Is the idea behind the app validated ? Has your partner talked with the potential customers ? Is the problem you're solving really an important problem ? Have you already built an MVP ?

I've been in similar situations where my non-tech friends ask me to start dev work on their ideas. My response usually to them is to find 10 customers willing to pay even before the product exists.

So the bottom line is that you should ask your partner to find paying customers for the app and not continue dev. work until they do.

Your time away from the keyboard is more important than at the keyboard. I've been glued to a laptop keyboard for 15+ years where it's never been more than a few feet away.

There is a Marissa Mayers interview out there that talks about yahoo hiring practice that centers around an idea of "deal breakers". The few things people must have that lets them sustain working crazy hours.

Whether it's family responsibilities every week, or some other activity, rediscover or find yours.

A few honest days of letting yourself do some reflecting (read: reflecting is not working) on the project, how you're spending your time, and how you need to spend your time. If you keep doing the same thing (work even harder) expecting different results......

Stop working such long hours and take some of that time to exercise. You will feel more energetic, blow off steam, and have plenty of time to defrag your brain during your workouts.

I know exactly where you're at. As I too am in a very similar situation. It is almost as if we have become the bottle neck in that nothing can progress without finishing the tech. My burning question is why cannot things progress in parallel?

Take some time off doing things you enjoy. 7 days a week is unsustainable and unproductive.

There is the easy way--which should not be thought of at all as the shameful or inferior way--and that is to just quit everything and hit the reset button. You really need to rest. I've been there myself too many times.

And there is the hard way--which I am not really sure I've ever seen implemented successfully--and that is to wrestle control of your situation and pull it back to normal, healthy habits without quitting. Maintain your obligations, but stick up for yourself and take care of your health at the same time.

On the one hand, it's a lot easier to take care of yourself if you don't have a lot on your plate.

On the other hand, it's really easy to get a lot on your plate again, if you don't force yourself to learn how to take control.

Try wrestling control first. Quitting will still be an available option. And don't forget, it's a perfectly acceptable one!

you're being taken advantage of.

quit and recuperate and find a real job or a real co-founding team.

if you insist on going through with it, have a lawyer verify all the company paperwork.

good luck.

you're being taken advantage of.

"I can't eat from the stress getting to my stomach, and I can't sleep because I always think about the project"

I think you should take it as a rule of life that this is an unacceptable state to be in. You should see this as justification for drastic action - be it letting your team down, or standing up and saying you can't do this, or quitting entirely and moving to the equator, or whatever works for you.

I think there's no state in which it's reasonable for a human to be mentally oppressed like that, and you should do absolutely whatever it takes to get out of that situation as soon as possible and to not edge back into it. (Not to be confused with having a lot of work to do and having to work late and being under pressure from timelines. That doesn't have to necessarily come with these physiological effects.)

Give your life to God and start keeping the seventh day sabbath (Saturday).

Totally agree with all the comments about taking care of your health and managing expectations with your business partner. Trying to be practical though, you feel a commitment to "get the job done." Maybe try to think of ways where you can fulfill your role as technical lead and out source some of the development to contractors off odesk. There will be a couple weeks of inefficiency while you figure out the process, true, and then you should have a couple developers you can lean on to help you out. Your role will change from coder to product manager / architect. It's an uncomfortable transition, but I think worthwhile. If you want tips on getting through this process let me know.

I was in a similar situation working 12+ hours all the damn week, no paid OT. They gave me no expectation of downtime. Which was where I started to lose hope. I eventually reached a point where I quit on the spot. No resignation. No notice, after my 17th consecutive panic attack and manic call to my father, who knew I was in pain.

It took me at least three weeks to totally process where I was. Being with my family helped even if they didn't understand the technical background of things.

Sometimes you have to take the nuclear option.

My advice is keep working on it. But work as much as you can even if its for a couple of hours per weekend. You'll eventually finish it. I've seen a lot of projects get done that way. Also, don't damage your health because you need to have a clear and healthy mind to successfully build and run a startup! If you think you're over doing it, take time off and get back to it later. Just don't give up ;)

(Using a throwaway account for this...)

I got burnt out a Big Company. The politics, idiocy and short-sightedness finally got to me. I felt sick, couldn't get up in the morning at all. One day, I decided to just quit. They didn't believe me at first; but I insisted. So they had to let me go.

I had some money saved up (I am a saver, so that helps). Been out of work for more than a year; living in SF and just playing with whatever catches my fancy. Docker, Hadoop, ML, Go, etc. etc. I attend interesting meetups; go to talks, etc. I'm enjoying every minute of it!

In a few months I'll probably go back to work, but this past year has been the best year of my (adult) life.

One can keep digging to understand if it is worth all your efforts. But neither you or your team can be 100% sure about it. Thats why SteveJ said, you cannot connect dots looking forward.

I do meditation and it has done wonders for me. You should give a try.

http://www.ishafoundation.org/Ishakriya/Learn-online

-NJ