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Ask HN: What do you wish you had known before you turned 40?

186 points by cup ↗ HN
So I've noticed a few posts over time where users have asked similiar questions but at younger age brackets (18, 20, 25 mainly).

I'm slightly more interested in further down the road. I know HNs user base might be skewed to the younger crowd but I'm sure there are a number of 40+ year olds who can impart their wisdom.

Thanks.

185 comments

[ 5.7 ms ] story [ 108 ms ] thread
gregd
I wish I knew how unimportant material things were.

Live in the now.

You are not your job.

Don't take things personally.

Ask for what you want.

Would you rather be right, or loved?

Lambdanaut
I'm in my early 20s and I learned this. I'm so thankful that I'll be able to live the rest of my life free of an over-bearing ego.

Meditation got me there. I think people should seriously give it a shot. It's potentially lifechanging in very positive ways.

l33tbro
Beware, I had similar revelations in my early 20s and personally found it very tough to uphold these ideals. I doubt that I'm alone here on this.

Life throws curveballs at you, and the more you stack responisiblity and ambition - the harder it is to live for your own ideals. Eventually your friends start getting married and getting ahead, and you begin wanting more for your own family than for yourself.

All I'm saying is that it's one thing to realize these values, yet another entirely to consistently uphold them throughout your adult life.

But, as gregd will attest, it is possible.

Lambdanaut
Certainly. I'm living largely stress-free right now because of my remote job that pays well, and so it allows me to easily live an unfettered life. I know for a fact that if I were not so fortunate that living lucidly and carefree would not come as naturally. In the past I was very stressed and not happy with myself, yet still needed to be the best for some reason. I think living in the now and keeping a clear mind is the best thing I can do to maintain my peace with myself and my situation, whether it be fortunate or unfortunate.
michaelpinto
Something to keep in mind:

I turned 40 in the year 2005, but my life experience was someone different than my father who turned 40 in the year 1982, and I suspect that if someone was 20 today that their life experience looking back will be a bit different in the year 2035.

Yes I can give you all of the cliches from "enjoy your hair while you have it" to "i wish i put aside more in my IRA". But aside from that the lessons in your life could be different than mine.

For my father's generation (the silent generation) the path to success was a steady union job or say becoming a professional like a lawyer. However for my generation (gen x) union jobs didn't exist and many of my friends who became lawyers are doing quite badly.

So I would say that to take the advice of anyone over 40 with a grain of salt as your results may not be the same. Common assumptions of the path of success of today could be badly placed bets.

For example even though I was a hardcore Apple fanboy if you told me to load up on Apple stock in 1996 I would have thought that you were crazy. Also if you told me in the 80s that Japan would face a lost decade in the 90s followed by being in the shadow of China i would have thought that you were crazy.

PublicEnemy111
>For my father's generation (the silent generation) the path to success was a steady union job or say becoming a professional like a lawyer. However for my generation (gen x) union jobs didn't exist and many of my friends who became lawyers are doing quite badly.

I wish I could up vote this more than once. the past two decades have taught us that there is no such thing as a safe job or a risk free investment

AndrewKemendo
the past two decades have taught us that there is no such thing as a safe job or a risk free investment

This conclusion is what has driven me to just jump in head first to doing my own thing. I think a lot of people are searching for something "stable" and I'm not sure that really exists anymore if it ever really did.

mathattack
These things ebb and flow. Now is the right time to "Jump in" as you don't lose much from joining a startup and gain a lot of potential upside. But who knows - in 30 years, it could be the return of "the Company Person".
bsegraves
Don't be passive in your life, or you might wake up one day on the wrong side of 40 and realize that you haven't been in control of your life.
michaelochurch
Isn't the idea that there's a "wrong" side of 40 a bit silly?

Sorry for the snipe/snark, but... I mean, there's no right or wrong to chronological age. It's not something we have any control over.

anigbrowl
You're pretty successful already. I'm turning 45 this year and and am uncomfortably aware that I need to accomplish certain career goals within the next few years or see the chances of ever doing so diminish dramatically.
michaelochurch
I wasn't debating the substance of what you are saying. I was only questioning the idea that there's a "wrong" side of an age, as opposed to just "later".

My read of age in software is that the age discrimination culture is less severe outside of the Bay Area. I certainly meet people over 50-60+ in Chicago and New York who are still programming and highly respected.

anigbrowl
I wasn't thinking of any region or profession in particular, but I am more aware of age as a filtering strategy than I was a few years back.
michaelochurch
Got it. Sorry to hear that you're dealing with that shit.

It does seem better in the Midwest. And it's not that bad in New York, although the cost of living is brutal. The nuttiness going on in the Bay Area seems to be a young man's game (and, if you're not well-connected enough to be made a founder out of the gates, a stupid young man's game).

Surio
I totally agree with the point you make. But, then again, maybe it's my bias showing. :)

Having said that, I also read the parent's phrasing/remark more as an "observation" of ageism and similar social cut-off constructs that have lately become very prevalent in most professional spheres. So, perhaps they have voiced what they've been observing both around their own lives and within their circles.

arcticsoul
Floss
ross_lambert
* No tombstone ever said, "He wrote great code." Ponder the implications of that.

* Don't let anybody else define success. You are not in high school anymore--chart your own path.

* Count your blessings. Be grateful, if not to God then to your parents or somebody besides yourself.

wyclif
Nobody on their deathbed ever says, "I wish I had worked more instead of spending time with my family."
toolz
While that's not strictly true. It's also worth considering that working more means nothing to someone on their death bed. What does money do for a dying man? Of course people ask for family and friends when they are dying because there is no longer any value in the products of work.

With that said, there are plenty of people who believe their job does the world good and wish they could do more good before they are taken away from this life. I hope to be one of them.

wyclif
That's missing the point, though. It's about regret—what people feel they didn't pay attention to when they were younger and healthy, not what is going on at the moment of death.

To say such a thing also isn't necessarily opposed to belief that hard work is good, or that it is valuable to one's self and society. It simply means that if you work too much, you can miss out on life.

nightski
Or that death is a very emotional time which increases our desire for people/things that play on that emotion - such as family. But even if this is the case that does not mean that the person did not get more enjoyment from what they actually did than to what was thought on the deathbed.
JabavuAdams
I was just thinking about this yesterday, and I disagree. I think it's something that people repeat without really thinking about it.

Sure, if you hate your job, or it's meaningless. But let's turn this around. Do great painters wish they had spent less time painting? Or do they wish they could finish their last project. Do writers wish they had written less, or do they wish they could live long enough to finish that last book?

I do what I do because I enjoy doing it more than spending time with my family. For better or for worse, it is a compulsion, a calling, not a job.

Padding
I agree.

The way most people seem to mean this is one in which it's trivially true, since work is unpleasant but necessary and family is pleasant but scarce.

There is work out there that people love and not only activities that you get compensated for qualify as "work". Similarly there's relatives out there that people do wish they'd spend less time with.

pan69
Start exercising when you're young and make it a life long habit.
wyclif
Don't listen to people who say that you are "job hopping" or unreliable if you change jobs earlier than 5 years in the same role.
issa
One of the lessons I've learned is that things don't really change very much. Obviously the internet has changed how we do things, but not by much: A time traveler snatched from 1975 would feel right at home in most ways that matter.

When I was younger, I expected change to happen much faster. Hovercars and jetpacks, but also World Government, peace on Earth, and food for the hungry.

We haven't really made much progress. I have high hopes for new players in the transportation and space industries, and for medical advances based on genetics and bioinformatics, but experience tells me not to hold my breath.

But there are also surprises the other way. In 1975, no one believed the U.S. would have a non-white president so soon.

I now live in a state of (very) tempered optimism.

dpweb
Don't borrow money.
squiguy7
Don't borrow more money than you believe you can repay within in a reasonable amount of time. But your overarching goal is true.
crimsonalucard
The super rich had to leverage there way up to the sky.
lmg643
I'm not a fan of the saying "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life" - too easy to take that literally. A similar sentiment, but more precise, that fits for me is "know your temperament and strengths, and if you find a career that fits them, most importantly you will enjoy yourself, and have better odds of doing well at it since you are more fully engaged."
lkesteloot
Practice is the key to getting better at everything. Ignore the concept of innate talent or gift. People who are good are good because they spent a lot of time practicing.

People who practice a lot usually do so because they’re interested in it. It’s not hard or homework for them. If there’s a gift, it’s the gift of interest.

Artists copy a lot. They don’t come up with stuff clear out of their heads. They look at a lot of things, keep a lot of references, and blend ideas together.

Most people who are famous are so not because they’re good, but because they’ve worked hard to become famous. It was important to them, so they did what it took to become famous. Being good at something is a small part of that, small enough that famous people aren’t usually all that good. Their time was better spent becoming famous. (This is the biggest lesson from this list. It basically implies that you can ignore people who have blogs and podcasts. Seek out the unknown experts in your field.)

Don’t make decisions based on money. Don’t stay at a job because the shares might be worth something, or because the company might get acquired. These things rarely happen and you can’t get your time back.

Everyone is totally winging it all the time. Confident people are just better at hiding it.

mortenjorck
My favorite example of someone gradually working their way from rank amateur to accomplished professional through sheer volume of dedicated practice has to be the cartoonist Mike Krahulik of Penny Arcade. Over the span of about ten years, you see his art style transform from what would pass for an average college newspaper comic into the richly expressive vision of a master illustrator.
stingraycharles
Would you mind to show us some concrete samples that show us what you mean?
OedipusRex
Not Penny Arcade but here is an early xkcd: https://xkcd.com/6/

Contrast that against current xkcd: https://xkcd.com/1471/

And it doesn't stop there. He's done amazing things that stretch the concept of "web comic", like https://xkcd.com/1446/ or arguably his most famous work https://xkcd.com/1190/ "Time"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_%28xkcd%29

proveanegative
I don't think xkcd is a good example of practice making perfect. Many former xkcd fans think that the average xkcd comic became noticeable less funny somewhere in the low to mid hundreds. Part of it was the novelty being gone but part, I'd say, really had to do with the quality of the comic's writing.

The author's growing experience and confidence allowed him to pull off ambitious and genuinely imperative things like "Time", which improved the mean comic, but the median never really recovered.

proveanegative
Instead of "genuinely imperative" I meant to write "genuinely impressive".
OedipusRex
Yes but we're not talking about how funny the comic is just the how good the illustration has become.
visural
First penny arcade comic - http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/1998/11/18

A recent one - http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2015/02/16/attempted-recid...

vacri
To me that recent one is an example of overdevelopment of the art.

I remember commenting on a different artist's rework of his old comic strip, about how the new strips looked too busy and that there was something beautiful and thematic about his earlier work. He replied that he also preferred his earlier work, but he just couldn't make himself 'stop that early' when drawing anymore.

Certainly in both cases there's a lot more skill in the later work, but it's interesting to note that overdevelopment is also a thing.

xmonkee
I call this the Pink Floyd Effect.
thenomad
Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content has had a similar journey. Very interesting to watch the transformation.
LiweiZ
"It basically implies that you can ignore people who have blogs and podcasts. Seek out the unknown experts in your field."

Fully agree with this. But it seems not easy to find hidden gems. It takes time and energy to deliver what's in one's mind. Take this into account, what we can find is only a fraction of the real gems with lots of noises mixed with them. The best shot I can think of is to have some kind of small circle to exchange ideas and opinions. Another resource is reading books, I guess.

As for famous people's wisdom, they have way more access to information average people don't have. And the average quality is probably better. Just like what the artists do you mentioned, they do the same with information.

graycat
> But it seems not easy to find hidden gems.

Yup. Very glad to hear that you want the "hidden gems".

Finding them is a nutshell description of the purpose of my startup.

Thanks for the wording!

charliefg
> Another resource is reading book

Absolutely. I've gotten high quality information from books. Sometimes it seems you gotta pay through the nose... but when you look at it, many of these books are refined down from the person's life in the field. That is pretty cool!

AndrewKemendo
Everyone is totally winging it all the time. Confident people are just better at hiding it.

I don't think people really understand how true this is. I think we all might feel it, but to really believe that [insert name] doesn't really know what is going on is a revelation.

To wit, whenever given the opportunity to talk with someone who is or was in a large powerful role (Fmr Undersecretary of the Navy two weeks ago for example) I always ask them how confident they were, that what they were doing was the right choice, or how much they felt in control of a particular action/decision.

Across the board they all say they feel like they have very little control and are just doing the best with what they have.

steven2012
85% of the population will listen to anyone who who talks with authority. Even in tech, when someone talks with authority, most people rarely push back. I know plenty of below-average programmers who formulated great careers by simply talking and talking and talking.
rm999
There's a subtle caveat here: true confidence is earned, not fabricated. If you try to bullshit your way through life you'll lose credibility and rarely be given the chance to get far.

I think your advice is most valuable to people who constantly underestimate themselves. I've worked around extremely capable people who do this, and it's frustrating to see how little they achieve because of it.

djloche
The best is someone that knows exactly how capable they are in the moment - and how to reach beyond that when needed.
AndrewKemendo
I think it's a blend. "Fake it till you make it" is a valid strategy in my experience, but only works if you genuinely want to be good/get better. You still have to eventually "make it" though otherwise you will run up against someone who has made it and they will see right through your faking.
SilasX
>Everyone is totally winging it all the time. Confident people are just better at hiding it.

So skyscrapers and jumbo jets are built on guesswork, despite all the things that can go wrong in their design and construction?

I wish people would be more precise about what is meant by this, since it seems trivially false when taken literally.

AndrewKemendo
I think the OP is speaking more strategically.

eg. When do you make the decision that it is the right time to build this kind of skyscraper or jumbo jet with this compliment of people etc...

SilasX
I saw nothing in the OP's statement to clarify that context, nor have I seen it in any of the numerous other posts that repeat the same claim.

If there are a hundred non-obvious caveats, which people may even disagree on ... maybe it's not actually so wise?

At the very least, those who promote this claim should verify they're not confusing "use gut instinct when you have to make a judgement call" with "the entirety of coding, including iterating 1 to 100, is a judgement call".

31reasons
I think your question is legit. It shouldn't be down voted. It doesn't apply to science and engineering disciplines because we humans have made those disciplines "human proof" by rigorous analysis and testing. Here when people say "winging it" is I think meant to point out that Humans are limited in their capacity to know everything about things ,especially predict the future yet people sometime act like they do know. "Winging" might be a coping mechanism we have to employ to stay relevant in the rapidly changing world. It may not have been true 100 years ago.
graycat
Thanks for the emphasis on the possibility and importance of rock solid engineering.

At times, information technology entrepreneurship seems to believe that no such thing is possible.

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bentcorner
I think these things are made in spite of people winging it. Everybody is doing the best they can, but we're all not going to get it right 100% of the time. Given that, there's processes and organizations in place to identify errors and correct them.
anigbrowl
Well, you could be very solid on the technical aspects of what you're doing, but realize that you're wining it in terms of whether your proposal delivers economically, ie how long it will take to implement or what cost savings will be realized. Being brilliant within the scope of your own specialization will only take you so far; you need to understand your colleagues and their constraints well enough to productively address resource conflicts and so on. If you're too competitive with your colleagues that can lead to zero-sum situations that fall short of collective potential even though everyone is sincerely trying to deliver the best possible result.
SilasX
Not everyone is good at business != everyone in every role is just "winging it" (as the OP claimed)
anigbrowl
I'm not talking about business or management.
jdietrich
We figured out how to build good skyscrapers and jets by building lots of bad ones and studying the failures. We stopped building skyscrapers that collapse and jets that fall out of the sky by amassing institutional knowledge, not individual knowledge. We developed processes and methodologies that prevent major blunders from making it into the final design, and mitigate the impact of minor ones.

If some element of guesswork wasn't involved, we wouldn't need massive safety factors, because we'd know exactly how strong and stiff to make things. If engineers could be trusted to avoid disaster purely through their own skill and expertise, then we wouldn't need building codes and inspections, we wouldn't need FAA regulations and the NTSB.

SilasX
"Some element of guesswork" != "just winging it"

If 99% of the job is applying well-understood techniques to well-trod problems you have an intimate domain understanding of, and 1% is judgment calls you can't rigorously justify, that's not "winging it".

What I think is going on is that people think back to their work, only remember the 1%, and then casually conclude that "aw, heck, the whole thing is just judgment calls", which doesn't follow at all.

Many projects crucially depend on someone having that deep understanding, and their success proves that at least one person (and probably a lot more) aren't winging it. If people would just operationalize what this nugget of wisdom is supposed to mean, I think we'd find a lot more disagreement on what it means, or a much less surprising insight.

avn2109
hmmm, sounds like a job for J.E. Amrhein (speaking about structural engineering, but broadly applicable to many engineering disciplines):

"Structural engineering is the art of molding materials we don't wholly understand, into shapes we can't fully analyze, so as to withstand forces we can't really assess, in such a way that the community at large has no reason to suspect the extent of our ignorance."

SilasX
Again, "not fully/wholly understanding" != "lol just winging it".

If the New York City skyline is "just winging it", then it should no longer be reassuring to tell someone that "lol don worry we're winging it too".

Padding
There's a joke about whether software engineers that write aircraft software would dare board a plane they've written software for..

I'm sure there's lots of places in skyscrapers and jumbo jets that the engineers in charge feel at least somewhat ashamed for, and are only there because they needed to "ship" and it was empirically shown to be "good enough" for practical purposes .. and then every once in a blue moon a plane crashes.

Similarly to how debuggers help us beat code into doing something "good enough" for practical purposes, but no one really understands what the code does anymore .. and then every once in a blue moon there's something like heartbleed.

Striving for perfection in a market context only sets you up for pain - since stakeholders rarely care about quality, they care about more money and less headaches now, consequences be damned. So everyone is just winging it.

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lkesteloot
If you were running such a project, you would FEEL as though you're winging it all the time.
harkyns_castle
I like the practice bit. And if you enjoy something, and live it every day and do it all the time, you'll get good at it.

If you hate something, and you have to force yourself to do it, I wouldn't bother, and I'd look for something else to do.

That, and our whole system of fractional reserve banking is deeply flawed and is killing us, to the benefit of a greedy few.

mathattack
Practice is the key to getting better at everything. Ignore the concept of innate talent or gift. People who are good are good because they spent a lot of time practicing.

Very true. And even when it's not 100% true, we're better off pretending that it is. If you think you can learn something, you're much better off than if you think you can't. The latter attitude is self-fulfilling.

anigbrowl
- Most people are foolish, and rationalize their emotions rather than thinking. Relying too much on logic or rationality will thus be a barrier to social advancement. In other words, it doesn't matter how right you are; if what you say makes people feel bad, that's ll they'll remember.

- The more vociferously people express their opinions about some external issue, the more likely it is that they're talking about themselves.

- Pay less attention to the news. If it's really important you'll hear about it anyway. Devote more of your mental attention to what you're really interested in.

- Quitting smoking starts to really pay off after about a year. After a few years, it feels outstanding.

griffinheart
> - Most people are foolish, and rationalize their emotions rather than thinking. Relying too much on logic or rationality will thus be a barrier to social advancement. In other words, it doesn't matter how right you are; if what you say makes people feel bad, that's ll they'll remember.

This one is bitting me so much, I always thought my biggest challenge in my career would be something technical. Now I know better and am trying to improve my communication skills.

I'm the kind of guy that is usually right but the way I communicate things makes people hostile, feel bad or defensive. It was easy to see/admit this was hurting me, it hasn't been so easy to change it.

> - Quitting smoking starts to really pay off after about a year. After a few years, it feels outstanding.

It been 2 months now I stopped smoking, that is good to know.

darkmighty
> Relying too much on logic or rationality will thus be a barrier to social advancement

I would like to think that we should be careful when and how to relay knowledge and advice (and not a statement about how you actually think!). Logic soundness is irrelevant if the listener can't absorb it, and as obvious as it is, even more irrelevant if it doesn't positively impact my life/his life/our relationship.

That's one of the things I love the most about online forums. If you're wrong, people will probably tell you. You learn it's far more useful to let go of barriers on your beliefs (I think we built them as a culture to avoid volatility of knowledge). You gain a lot of confidence if you're sincere to yourself about your beliefs (I think denying opposite opinions is a dishonesty to yourself).

> Pay less attention to the news. If it's really important you'll hear about it anyway. Devote more of your mental attention to what you're really interested in.

This varies a lot by occupation I guess. But this looks like very sound advice to me. For most news, you would "gain" a lot more per time reading a compressed delayed perspective. It really is important to judge how actionable each medium of news is.

anigbrowl
I really, really like news, but unless you're high up in the power hierarchy very little of it matters to the individual; I can see why many people just take in their local news or professional news within their industry. I do think it's very good to be interested in the world at large, but I miss news before the internet, because so little of what is offered as news is unworthy of attention and 24-hour publishing cycles have further eroded quality standards. Despite the flows of media institutions, I'd happily go back to getting news in the form of a daily paper if internet news magically winked out of existence.Contrary to my naive youthful expectations, all-the-news-you-can-handle on the internet has resulted in commoditization rather than democratization of information, with a correspondingly unhealthy effect on the body politic.
JeffL
I wish I took better care of my knees. It's important to do quad strengthening and hamstring stretching. Just playing a lot of soccer and basketball by themselves can lead to loss of cartilage and having to give it all up.
cglee
Find someone to love, and who loves you back. Try to find a community of people, not only here on HN or online, but who you can be with physically. Also, while I love the startup ecosystem, I highly suggest finding a community that doesn't hinge around "success" or money. For example, a gardening group, or a city league team, etc. Find people who you wouldn't mind giving your time to for nothing in return.
graycat
Congratulations: You just rediscovered solution #3 to the fundamental problem in life!

From the E. Fromm, The Art of Loving (say, love and its connections with emotions, psychology, and religion), I simplify and paraphrase: "For humans, the fundamental problem in life is doing something effective about feeling alone. Only four solutions have been found, #1 love of spouse, #2 love of God, #3 membership in a group, and #4 [not recommended]."

So you rediscovered #3! Darned good!

ronilan
1. That people would prefer a piece of advice to be given by Kurt Vonnegut at an MIT commencement speech rather than for the same advice to be provided by Mary Schmich in her Chicago Tribune column. Even if she wrote the original and he never gave the speech.

2. That people will always prefer the YouTube video over all other alternatives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

3. That meta is convoluted.

seajosh
Take cash over equity. Drop acid or shrooms at least once. Don't get married young.
SuddsMcDuff
Agree with acid or mushrooms, everyone should experience this. Or DMT.
chilicuil
wow, even with so little entries these ones are lot better than the other 2x threads.
protomyth
Get the stories from your mentors (and parents / relatives if they're not your mentors) before you turn 40. Learn about their history. Sadly, your turning 40 is going to start being the age where these folks are passing away. Ask the questions now. Knowing about their history will give you some great insight into the whys of their beliefs and actions.
11thEarlOfMar
I wish I'd realized that everything I'd ever looked forward to eventually had happened, no matter how far into the future it was.
visarga
My realization is that I am about in the middle of my life. That means half of it has already passed. There's only half left, and that includes old age. It makes me think deeper about how I am living my life.
Surio
Yes, you've summarised my everyday thoughts rather well. This is something that is pretty predominant lately in my mind, and also the fact that my own parents' mortality is an impending one from this point onwards. These two thoughts combined, have become sufficient to make so many other things appear trivial by comparison (and thank God for that).
carsongross
1) For some reason it got a lot easier to not care about things I knew, rationally, that I should not care about, right around age 35.

2) The red pill. I don't agree with everything what comes out of that cesspool of a community, but there is a lot of ugly truth in it as well.

3) Kids, job, sleep (and, therefore, happiness). Pick two in your twenties & thirties. However, if you pick the first two, sleep comes later. If you pick the last two, kids probably won't. The happiest people I know picked the outer two.

mahyarm
Isn't the sleep part more the first few years where kids don't keep a single-block-of-time sleep schedule? Then you have even more free time when they go to school.
carsongross
If you have three kids two years apart, it's about a decade of bad sleep. At two most kids are sleeping and at four they are sufficiently independent that your mental fatigue starts getting better.

Of course, at that point, organized sports start up. But at least you are getting sleep again.

OmarIsmail
As someone who has picked the first two, glad to hear that sleep comes later... though I think my wife will be much happier to hear that.
oldclock
> The red pill. I don't agree with everything what comes out of that cesspool of a community, but there is a lot of ugly truth in it as well

Examples of "ugly truths" on TRP? All I've seen there is trash and misogyny.

mycroft-holmes
The general realization that men and women are different and probably want different things in life. That alone causes controversy within the feminist spheres of social media.
itsjareds
Because it's massively overgeneralizing. As has been discussed ad nauseam elsewhere, people are influenced by the gender roles thrusted onto them from birth. Gender isn't binary, and the way a person acts doesn't always have to agree with what is "typical" of their gender.
mycroft-holmes
I have to say, you have some balls to say TRP without a throwaway account.
Bulkington
Anyone over 40 who is certain of anything hasn't been paying attention.
Sukotto
At 40-something, I find that money and health have become increasingly important. However, they both depend heavily on the foundations I laid in my 20s and 30s. So watch out.

I can't think of too much I wish I had known, but there are quite a few things I wish I had fully internalized:

- the math behind financial freedom and how small differences in savings rate, burn rates, and the carrying cost of owning "stuff" can greatly impact one's chances of reaching it;

- the almost unbelievable opportunity and money costs of having children (I thought I knew.... but I was off by orders of magnitude);

- that compounding growth (in any aspect of one's life, not just investing) only matters if you give it time. Start today with a little instead of waiting for the day you have "enough" to start;

- the importance of due diligence. I spent more time and care speccing out my personal computers than I did buying my home. Then compounded my error by hanging on to it long after I should have cut my losses;

- that if you are not working towards a specific destination, you're just floating where the wind and tide take you and hoping you end up somewhere good;

- the importance of caring for your body, listening and acting on its complaints rather than pushing yourself harder;

- that where you end up is mostly (aside from a certain element of sheer chance) the result of the choices YOU make (or allow others to make on your behalf) in life;

- to seek out relationships with the kind of people you wish you were. You grow to be more like the people you have around you;

- to learn from the past, and then let go of it. You need to focus on the future. It's especially important to let go of cynicism and bitterness as they poison your future and hurt everyone else around you;

- to take the long view when weighing your options and making your plans;

- that willpower is severely limited. I wish I had done more to make the right choices the easiest/default ones. Examples include automated savings, only keeping healthy foods in the house, building exercise habits into my daily routine, etc.;

graycat
> - the importance of caring for your body, listening and acting on its complaints rather than pushing yourself harder;

Yes! I found it way too easy to push way too hard and, thus, do some serious damage. One case took surgery and, then, years to recover -- I'm back to normal now.

fasteo
I spent more time and care speccing out my personal computers than I did buying my home

LOL, I can relate. Good one.

totony
>- to learn from the past, and then let go of it. You need to focus on the future. It's especially important to let go of cynicism and bitterness as they poison your future and hurt everyone else around you.

This. Past is past, it cannot be changed, put your efforts where it matters. I would also add that revenge is overrated, do not waste time on it.

ekanes
Who you know matters. Choose your friends carefully, surround yourself with people who can teach you something, and invest in meaningful relationships.
ChuckMcM
Time only flows in one direction.
akg_67
* Life is much more than just chasing shiny new things.

* Value experience more than things.