Ask HN: When do you know your startup has failed?

325 points by superpi ↗ HN
I'm currently going through a mini depression. We've gone without salary for the last 4 months, abandoned our business model to do pay for hire work in the hopes of trying to raise money to keep the lights on.

Honestly I feel like I'm going to be evicted from the house. My rent is already up, and as of now I have < $1 :).

My partner is fine actually, he has rich parents and doesn't really depend on the startup for income. Which actually gives my friends and family the illusion that we're both killing it.

We have almost 0 chance of raising more money, it's much harder to get money it seems if you're in a poor country.

So, if you've had a failed startup, how did you know? Did you run out of money and call it quits? If you succeeded, did you have a patch so rough that you were evicted?

I'm 25, I feel like I'm losing at life already. It was okay to be broke earlier, because it's expected. It's not anymore, when almost none of your peers are. Also, I'm not in a developed country, where being broke means living on ~$1k a month. I've been living on ~$200 a month.

Anyway, I just want any input from you guys. Like anything, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Not even sure I've really expressed what I wanted to express (English isn't my first language).

178 comments

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As someone whose startup failed failed way after it actually failed, this is the point at which a business fails: "We've gone without salary"

That's it. If a business cannot sustain itself, it has gone bankrupt. A bankrupt business is donesky.

But in my case it took being fired from the company I founded to face the facts. Not making salary is not cool. Not putting food on the table is even less cool.

Remember, you can't eat equity.

PS: I'm 27 now, the startup failed failed when I was ~23. It feels like a different lifetime. You will move on.

PPS: if you want to talk about stuff at length, email me -> swizec@swizec.com . Even a mini depression can suck :)

Well, if you're living off your savings to work on your startup, then it's officially failed when you'd rather get a job than continue to burn through your personal savings.
The maths still holds. When money in bank is less than this month's salary -> business failed.
Many early stage startups can't afford to pay salaries prior to raising capital. When I started working at a full-time capacity on my current startup, I went through 6 months without pay.

"If a business cannot sustain itself, it has gone bankrupt" might work for some more traditional cash-flow businesses, but I don't think that it applies very well to startups.

You had to have lived off of something. As I said in another comment, if there is less in the bank than it takes to pay this month's expenses. Then the business has gone bankrupt and has failed.

It really is as simple as that.

Reality is that many founders / writers / actors / band members / famous mathematicians and scientists have lived off of their spouses / girlfriends / family / side jobs / benefactors for a long time before making it big. Investors is no magic solution.

*Based on studies I've seen and hundreds of people I've talked to across these industries. Bankruptcy is a legal process that you have to initiate and won't happen if you refuse to initiate it.

I agree. They have. And that was their spouse/girlfriend/family/benefactor investing in them. Or in case of side job, themselves investing in themselves.

And whether those investors wanted anything in return or not, doesn't matter. Said founder/writer/actor/bandmember/mathematician still could not do their work if somebody hadn't put food on the table.

You really do have to stay alive and relatively healthy, if you want any chance at success.

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I'm a bit confused by the reasoning too. We worked 18 months and put in 10s of thousands of our own money in the early stages prior to our first funding - a hefty negative salary. I think the only logical way to view it is that the founders are ALWAYS taking a loss relative to what they could earn elsewhere, for the life of the startup, until the very late stages or acquisition.

Very few investors will see it as a good sign if the founders pay themselves at or above their market rates, or if they do at or below the market amount of work. Likewise, the competition will punish startups for slacking or blowing money too fast.

but I don't think that it applies very well to startups.

Do you mean contemporary tech startups? As you may know, startups are businesses after all and the rules governing their operations are the same. When your business runs out of cash , you need someone to throw you a lifeline (debt or equity), or sell some assets to raise money or unfortunately file for bankruptcy and let nature take its course and creditors to recoup some of their investments.

There is no difference between knowing when your startup fails compared to when anything else fails (eg. a relationship). It fails when you've lost hope for a future with it. If you don't believe that it's gonna work out, that's the time to stop doing it.
Great answer. Something fails when you loose belief in it. If she really believed in it she could ask for credit. The problem is that she doesn't believe in it anymore. Time to move on.

Imagine that you are swimming. In your hand you carry a heavy stone, you believe it is a diamond, but you can't be sure. Time passes, you are getting tired, you can't see land. What do you do?

Some people get so attached to their stuff that they sink with them. Be happy that you are not like this.

Stuff it in your shorts so you have another hand to swim with.
Good, but not good enough. Ask some successful founders if there was ever a time when they felt like all hope was lost. Very few will say never.
They may say and think they felt it, however I don't think they would have kept going if they honestly thought no hope at all was there.
The lows of startups are far more terrible than you probably think.
Didn't downvote but... the issue with this line of thinking is that of sheer numbers.

If you give 100 people a 1% of succeeding, but difficult times in the first years, and they all refuse to give up, after it's all said and done 99 will be depressed, estranged from friends & family, in debt, feeling like a failure etc.

And 1 person will be successful, and he'll do a PandoDaily fireside chat and talk about how he lived on a couch, and racked up creditcard debt, and woke up crying, but that he kept on going and is a billionaire now. And he'll command the majority of the media narrative around startups.

Of course I'm exaggerating to make a point, but the notion that most people fail and don't make it, and probably shouldn't continue after some point is completely true.

It's the same line of thinking that says 'well Bill Gates was a drop out, and so was Zuckerberg etc'. It may say that dropping out is not the end of the world. (similar to how being at a low point in a startup is not the end of said startup).

But it also carries the implication that dropping out is somehow not an issue, or that being at a low point in a startup is just a phase. For the majority of people, dropping out carries consequences, and being at a point where all hope seems lost, is usually rightly so the beginning of the end of your startup.

Expecting endless perseverance by looking at the tiny percentage of hugely successful startups that went through difficult times, ignoring the much bigger number of completely unsuccessful startups that went through difficult times, is probably why people downvote your post.

As the OP doesn't appear to have traction, have any semblance of salary, shifted to do freelance work and didn't provide ideas on how to pivot, I think it's probably time for him or her to put this one in the freezer and try something else.

edit -- weird thought you mentioned getting downvotes. Might be going crazy :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expected_value

If your strategy involves doing something that eliminates your upside potential, while leaving downside potential, then the strategy has negative expected value and is a bad strategy.

If nearly 100% of non-consulting startups go through bad times, but you've chosen the strategy of cutting your losses as soon as you run into bad times, it's fair to estimate that the eliminating the upside potential may have lowered the expected value for that strategy to below 0. Might as well go gamble or just do a fun hobby in that case.

Non-consulting tech startups are particularly rigged against using this strategy of cutting out as soon as things turn bad, because it's typical that founders are forced to take a big loss relative to their alternatives until the very end when the exit happens. The norm is for it to always be financially worse than the more stable alternatives, until eventually maybe it turns good at the end.

Sounds like a sunk cost fallacy. The EV of startups could be negative, and probably is.
Sounds like? Is it or is it not?
I tend to think of Gates not so much "dropping-out", but pivoting, once he was convinced he could make it with software.
Absolutely, he only took a leave of absence (rather than dropping out) to try software, and once that took off in a huge way he actually dropped out.

It's also important to mention he got in at 73, and left late 75 with 2-3 years of education, and that he chose his major (applied math) because there was a rule that you could get into any class with the angle of applying math to it. So he was known then to go to many classes, as he still is to this day (he spends a huge chunk of his time on education, mostly books but also courses).

So yeah not a drop-out in a technical or figurative sense.

for some reason the Gates/Zuck drop out references always forget to mention what school they actually dropped out from
Exactly. Success is a quality of the person, not their education. Thus, in reality, dropping out isn't really going to matter one way or another.
This idea reminds me of the primary premise of a book titled The Halo Effect. It basically goes on to say that glorifying the apparent traits of highly successful companies is a good way to miss the underlying wisdom, if any, in addition to the possibility of just plain good fortune, that allowed the success of said company. Plus, even a person from a successful startup may be unaware or deluded of the true reason for his or her success.
It's not quite that simple, because both in startups and relationships you can lose all hope for a future for a time, recover it at some point and be successful. I would say you've failed when that situation persists for too long - something completely subjective and dependent on your pain threshold.
Sounds like you already know the answer. If you have less than $1 you are broke, you have been broke for a long time. You need money for shelter, food, warmth and security.

Rich people can start companies, companies may run at a loss for years before making good money. I think this is normal.

Re: hard to get money in a poor country - well. They have less money. But it's hard to get money in any country, rich countries have more competition -- see how hard it is to get into Ycombinator.

There are some comments about inheritance tax, but we'll leave those for another day.

Not all places are equal for raising money. Competition has not not suddenly equalized the markets for capital across the whole world. Why's this? Exactly one reason:

1) Physical Proximity - nearly all investors will only consider you if you can pitch them physically in-person. This is the source of the great inefficiency in equal access to capital for everyone in the world. Note: you'll have to physically be there long enough to become friends with the introducers, since most investors don't allow you to approach them directly.

> But it's hard to get money in any country, rich countries have more competition

Absolutely not true. I wish Europeans would stop spreading this myth to each other. Disclaimer: I'm currently living in Europe for the past 3 years, and several other places before this. I hear this myth here constantly.

Some cities are FAR easier to get money in than others. The "more competition" idea that it balances out equally everywhere is complete nonsense.

Some have written about this in far better detail than I will here, but consider:

1) Some cities have the convention of making early stage investments in 1 DAY, after 1 pitch meeting. Not 3 to 6 months and dozens of meetings for every single investor, as is often the convention in EU. Competition for speed between investors is hugely beneficial to the entrepreneur, in this case.

2) Almost no cities in the world, except for a couple, have tons of rich, active angel investors who themselves got rich by starting tech startups.

3) The incredible density of founders and investors within certain places is 1000x greater than the lesser cities. This speed and efficiency of being able to see dozens of investors per week with nearly zero overhead helps enormously. The density of each investor being able to immediately introduce you to several more has an exponential compounding effect.

I found these to be a good intro as to why not all cities are created equally. EU and SV are enormously different in key ways that few outsiders realize:

http://www.paulgraham.com/siliconvalley.html

http://www.paulgraham.com/america.html

Make sure you're watching out for yourself. If you feel like your needs aren't being met then you need to sit down and speak with your partner. It may be working for him, but it doesn't seem like it's working for you.
You're done with this one (because it seems you lack energy and conviction to continue), but: You haven't lost at life and you're not losing at life, you've gained something extremely valuable: experience.

Find a job, recover for a while (or if your partner is really wealthy kick back for a week or two and do absolutely nothing until you can't wait to get back to work, if you are from such different backgrounds it would not be outrageous to ask for a bit of support from that direction) and then try again, the start-up world does not care as much about your failures as it cares about your experience and you'll do much better the next time around, I guarantee it. Been there, done that, have several t-shirts, failure is absolutely ok and simply the expected outcome so don't sweat it. Best of luck and if I can help you or if you have concrete questions drop me a line, email in profile.

Apropos different backgrounds financially: that's a bad combination to start with, it means you will have a hard time keeping your respective goals aligned in the longer term.

If your partner does want to continue the business without you then that's fine, simply hold on to your portion of the business even if you don't work there any longer (your obligation to work stopped when you stopped receiving payment) or sell it to him (he can afford it after all...). And don't sell too cheap, keep in mind the company owes you at least several months back-pay!

To piggy back off this, some are easily able to go out and find a job after a failed startup, but it strongly depends on your skill set and where you live. Programmers in the Bay Area - easy, founders outside the US - this could be much more difficult, I don't know. What I do know is that doing a job search in a tough market after a failed startup, with no money and bills due, can be even more draining and depressing than seeing something you were so passionate about fail.

I don't want to get you down, but want to encourage you to look for the option that is best for you (the OP suggested starting another startup, if you can as well). It may be hard right now, given your emotional state, but if you are the type of person that has always been able to find creative solutions to problems (or ways to do things better) no matter what you are working on, then have confidence in yourself that you can add value by doing this in whatever you decide to do next.

As far as what to do next then, start small. Look for the easiest/lowest risk way to make $1. If it's manual labor - mowing lawns, cleaning houses, whatever, then go do it. You'll rebuild your confidence in doing this, and if you believe you are a creative problem solver (most founders are), you will see new ways to do your work as you go about it. You will also figure out new ways to scale, and build a business. It won't be an easy path, but you will start to feel better about yourself almost immediately, and that's what's most important.

My experience for failing in a developing country: it might take you to a different industry.

I was the technical founder in the startup and finding a technical job afterward became harder. However, I did get a job in VC and then PE because of my failed experience.

May not be the same experience as coding, but the pay is outrageously good + you get to know awesome people. In the end, you broaden your network to find even more opportunites to found ventures.

Might be too much to ask, but do you mind sharing some details on why it was difficult to find a suitable job in tech ?

Thanks for your insight.

If you're just an engineer(no seniority/management required), you'll be fine, but wages are low in my country.

If you wanna be an senior/lead/head engineer, many assume you weren't competent enough to manage the development of a product, even if it wasn't the reason the startup failed.

Thanks alot, from all the feedback, seems I'm better off applying for a job now, and recovering later. I've actually just sent a quick email to one of my contacts at a company I don't mind working for. Fingers crossed.
If you have the luxury take a couple weeks off before you decide for sure on where you want to start working again.

After the startup I was working at failed I thought I wanted to work at a big corp that was stable because I felt disillusioned by the failure of the startup. But after a couple weeks of talking to different companies and interviewing I realized that I wouldn't be happy working for a big corp even if it was risk free.

I ended up turning down a nice offer from a big corp and jumping on board another startup (a much more successful one though).

"You haven't lost at life and you're not losing at life, you've gained something extremely valuable: experience."

Very well said!

If you take one thing from my comment then take this - you're 1/2 the age of many people here and have decades of opportunities ahead of you.

If you're 1) unable to raise money, 2) need money to scale and 3) don't have any money then I suggest taking care of your needs first and foremost. There are lots of glamorized stories of people barely scraping by and beating all odds. It doesn't have to be that way and it's healthier if you're wise about the risks you're taking.

I'd like to give more optimistic advice but the truth is that you're young. For many it's an opportune time to do a start-up but you're in a position which makes something that's already difficult even more difficult.

If you truly believe in the your idea and partner then you can take up some consulting work and do the start-up part time.

I also question the working relationship if you and your partner aren't feeling the same level of stress. It's critical that either you're both in the trenches or neither of you are.

it's over when you quit. plenty of people work on their startups/business without a salary, sometimes for years. it's fucking tough, it's no easy street.

Get your shit together and then reassess, you need a roof over your head first if you wanna keep at it.

good luck.

I think failed vs successful is a false dichotomy. Pretty much any idea could become viable if you dump a ridiculous amount of time and money into it. The best ideas are runaway trains and you have to struggle to keep up with demand. That doesn't seem to be the case with your current idea.

If I were you I would borrow money from family to pay the rent, get a job, save up money, and try again in a couple of years if you still want to.

> So, if you've had a failed startup, how did you know? Did you run out of money and call it quits?

Yes, that's exactly it. Even better when you know it when you determine that X months before you actually run out of money

Close shop and get a job. This is not the end of the world, so don't sweat it.

if I may: are you a Pole?
Yeah I was wondering that, too. But $200 seems a bit on the low side for Poland for someone doing work for hire in tech. Also him/her saying it's 'not a developed country' wouldn't make me thing of Poland, it's a developed country by most standards (e.g. IMF, HDI etc), though struggling in rural areas and opinion differs.
Sounds like it's time to move on. Keep in mind that you (as in you, the person) matters a lot more than your (or any) startup. Don't ever equate a failed business with a failed life. There are many successful founders that hadn't even thought about starting a company at your age and you'll probably get many more shots at this over the course of the next few decades.

It does sound like you've reached a point where the best course of action is to call it quits and start something new - contrary to popular opinion, startup companies are just _one_ instance of the many things you can do with your life.

having this sort of income inequality between partners is a big problem. it changes how you look at the business. it seems to me you've already at a point where you have to find a job.

what I recommend is this: discuss the situation with your partner. you need to find investors - it is as simple as this. if you cannot find one, ask for your partner to invest in the company some money if you both still believe in your business model. it doesn't make sense to to forgo your salary when you don't have any money in the bank - what will you eat ? grass ? if you can't raise money or not willing to invest your own it means that your expectation for a viable business is gone. if that is the situation call it quits asap. it doesn't make sense to try to go another few months and lose more resources and acquire debt - find a job and try your hand again in future when you're financially more stable...

If you die from hunger you can't expect to succeed in the startup.

Don't count on being the next big miracle.

My best advice is to talk to your partner. They are suppose to be as close as a spouse if not more. You need to make sure that they understand your circumstance. This will help you make a better decision going forward.

What we decided was to take time off and make money and come back after we've fixed financials. We believe in our partnership but felt maybe we did not execute fast enough or the business model wasn't strong enough at the time.

You should remember that not all the ideas work and that you can always try again unless you're dead.

25 is young to feel like you are "losing at life". I was 35 when I started my first startup, completely bootstrapped. I ploughed all my savings (considerable amount) into the startup over a 5 year period, with lots of rollercoaster moments during that time.

From someone who previously earned a lot of money and now had a family to support, this was incredibly hard. I almost gave up a few times. Actually, I try give up once or twice by finding a job, but circumstances conspired to make me keep going.

7 years on, and things are much better now, and the business is actually doing quite well, and is a nice lifestyle business.

Seriously, 25 is young. You have loads of time to fail. Better to do it now, then when you have family obligations. That's when things are very different.

As someone contemplating starting my own lifestyle business I would be interested in hearing more details.
same here.
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> 25 is young

25 is more like the end of the childhood, really :)

You have no idea how young 25 is until you're, say, 30. I didn't even find the right career path at 25. I just started in tech around 28.
My 90 year old grandmother told me 2 weeks ago how young I am. I am 42. It is never too late to do something new.
Indeed. My mother founded an educational software start-up at 60. 4 years later it's doing rather well actually.
>It is never too late to do something new.

Absolutely. Our individual lives aren't even a blip on the radar of life as a whole on our planet, let alone our universe. We get a very short amount of time to live, even shorter to live well (health, mobility, etc.). The idea of going to do something you dislike every day for 30-40 years of that very short time is just about the anti-thesis of what we should be doing with our time here.

You have no idea how young 30 is until you're, say, 40. :)
Yeah, I just turned 40, tell me about it :)
You have no idea how young 40 is until you're say, 50 :)
around 32 in my opinion.
Car rental firms won't even rent you a car until you turn 25, and that's because your brain has only just stopped developing.

Please get some perspective, and stop caring caring what others think. It's liberating to drop something that isn't working. It sounds like you might be in a culture where failure is shameful, but who cares. Hold your head high and say 'yeah, that didn't work out, learnt a lot, doing something new now'.

It's only a failure at that age if you didn't absorb any of the lessons. At least you didn't waste the time doing a useless college degree in a field nobody cares about.

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I'm currently in your stage. Would love to hear more about your experience. How do I contact you?
FWIW, I didn't achieve career or entrepreneurial success until my 30's.
Anyone who has ever changed the world has been in your shoes, and it's because they were in your shoes that they were able to change the world.

Just remember that, and you will forever be fine, my friend.

It fails when you want it to. Let te me tell you my situation:

Some of my projects have been getting a beating lately. One of my sales reps. just went missing. Just gone. For 4 weeks now. Together will a kinds of random stuff that makes me feel like this house of cards is coming apart. But I still believe in the product. We have clients and there are still ways to go.

I've put it all on hold for 3 months to do some contracting and cash-up, than it's back to trade shows and sales.

But I also think that having a startup is a luxery and (more and more) a marketing term that comes from the investent people. "Do a startup" and you can ask people to work 60 hour weeks. "Build me this product" and that same amount of work will cost you way more money and time.

I have been so blindly running my own products ("Startups") for 6 years, until 2 weeks ago I realized that contracting myself as a developer makes me 21k a month. I had no idea it was like that, I hadn't checked what all my newly gained knowledge has meant for my rates.

So what does it mean to you? If it is making you depressed, maybe don't do it? With SO MANY startups right now, it's very unlikely that you will make more money from it than from contracting. So are you in it because of your passion? Or to make money? Ask yourself these questions.

21k month? That sounds crazy (and amazing) to me as new frontend dev. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of development are you doing and how many hours are you working a month to make that amount? Might help me decide what to learn next : )
Assuming 70% utilization, you can make about 20k a month billing at $150/hr (or 5k/week).
and assuming 100% utilization you can make about 172k a month billing at $1000/hr...

You can plug in whatever numbers you like into any formula you like, but it doesn't help most developers earn more.

The reality is that most devs can't charge those rates and get significant amounts of work, because they don't have the required skills / experience / reputation, etc needed to distinguish themselves from the competition and attract clients that are willing to pay those rates. Obviously in some geographies it's easier than others because of supply/demand forces, but the vast majority of developers can't do this easily.

I think the real question being asked in most cases when people ask how it's possible to earn incomes like that, is what can they do to be ABLE to earn those types of rates. More helpful answers would be advice on what niches pay well and are in high demand, how to market themselves, etc.

What does your startup do? Maybe someone here could be interested in funding it.
fail fast and do it public. don't keep dragging the failure in hopes of a miracle
> When do you know your startup has failed?

That's a good question, maybe not the right one. I'd rephrase it as "When should you decide to stop working on your startup project?".

You should decide when to stop pushing the startup, when you realistically see no path to revenue, and your savings get low. Try to take this decision early enough.

As you write you don't have any cash anymore and can't pay your rent anymore, it's probably urgent that you seek revenue asap.

> I'm currently going through a mini depression

Don't worry, it's normal, you know, entrepreneurship is an emotional rollercoaster. We all go through this. Let's try to focus on what can and should be done at this stage.

What have you learned from the startup experience? You can probably make a big list of things to do, and things not to do.

Let's forget about your startup idea, product/service for a minute. What skills do you have, how can you help people with them? In your network, are there people to whom you could benefit from your help, either as a freelancer or as an employee?

I've been in your feet recently. After much hesitation, I've decided to kill my startup last January, after working on it for 2.5+ years. Taking this decision has been difficult, uncomfortable. However, after taking it, I was much relieved, and had this sweet feeling of freedom.

Fast-forward four Months, I have now lots of revenue from consulting on interesting projects, and lots of people keep trying to recruit me. I didn't need to make much effort to launch this, just create an attractive offer, where my skills can solve a common problem. It's very surprising to me that this is happening so easily, after facing so much difficulties to sell a product at my startup previously.

> I'm not in a developed country

This probably doesnt' matter. People do business, you can find clients anywhere. Just decide to leave the startup now, and move on fast. Good luck :)

Is there anybody who wants your product? Do you have customers? Are they paying you? Is there cash that's just going straight out the door for hosting etc, or is there no cash at all?

I've run one startup that failed outright after 18 months with 10 grand still left in the bank, and I've run one that scraped through to become a success after 4~5 months of having nothing in the bank - I was sleeping on couches because I couldn't afford rent and my girlfriend bought me most of my meals - I got very close to packing it in. The difference between the two was that nobody wanted what we'd built the first time, the second time we were losing money, but people were paying us good money to use the product.

If somebody wants what you're selling - keep selling it, tell your partner that if he wants it to work he needs to put some cash in your pocket to keep your lights on and focus on the money, do whatever you need to do to get your customers to give you more. From where you are, the time for focusing on perfect product is over - you need to cash in what you've built. If you haven't built anything that anybody wants to pay for yet, forget about it, it's not going to happen this time - take a break, get an easy job, get some money and start again when you're ready. It'll be sooner than you think.

We had cash coming in, but it just stopped all at once. Like no one renewed their contract, so I guess that's a red light
[I've not been in your situation so please take my comment with a grain of salt.]

I feel there needs to be a closure. The "experience" that @jacquesm refers to is an understanding of what worked and what didn't. Solely based on your the comment above, I think you may need to spend some time learning why the cash flow stopped. Look into what lead to that situation and what could have been done different. Perhaps this may (as it's fresh in your memory) or may not (due to your emotional state) be the right time to do the analysis. People with more experience can chime in here.

Anywho, I don't think people who set out to do things of this nature can be failures. The experience and knowledge gained will easily put you above the median. Replenish & repeat.

This is a great comment. I have been in the OP's position. In fact, I technically kind of am in the OP's position (again) right now.

Personally (and forgive my language), when I look into what lead to the situation and what could have been done differently, my perspective on what happened changes as time goes on.

For me, stage one is "I'm a fucking failure whose head is so completely full of shit that I could make a fortune selling manure". Stage one is great fun because it is when I look at every single choice that I made and find the negative in it. This stage is completely irrational and is likely a symptom of mental illness. My brain usually just lies to me during stage one, so I usually prefer to get the most mindless job imaginable (delivering pizza is amazing) and spend my days listening to vinyl, reading books and lifting weights. I am in my late 30s, so this is a little too close to the plot of American Beauty for even my comfort, but so it goes.

Stage two is where the real growth starts. It is the "I'm a fucking failure because" stage. My startup post-mortems tend to come out of this stage - they are a point where I begin to focus on the particular choices that killed off my startup. All of the noise and ambiguity of stage one is gone, the emotional pain is still there, but it has been dulled by the knowledge that nobody can screw up 100% of the time.

Stage three is the "I learned..." stage and is the place where I feel ready to (as you eloquently say) rise 'above the median'. This is the stage where I realize that I actually did something...it didn't work out, but most crazy ventures fail. I did something, I earned my skin, and nobody can ever take that away from me. Strangely, in stage three, I usually laugh at how naive my startup post-mortem was.

The OP likely can't stop analyzing what went wrong, but at this point, it is just as likely that his/her brain isn't telling him/her the truth. This sounds like his/her first business and, I know that this is hard to believe, but it will get better. This feeling of failure will turn into a profound learning experience that will propel him/her above the median.

Once again though, excellent comment and huge respect for focusing on the positive!!

hang in there my friend. may the force be with you
Hi Superpi :-)

First of all I want to congratulate you and your partner for taking the huge step of starting a business - something that very few people will ever attempt (although many will think about attempting). In my opinion it's a great thing to take hold of your destiny in that way but it's a very difficult thing to get right and for every success story there are dozens or hundreds of "failures" - I use quote marks because that word gets a bad press generally; many people seem to forget that they "failed" at many things in their life on the way to learning how to succeed at them. If you're not failing then you're not learning and life would be much less interesting that way (although of course much easier).

About ten years ago I went self-employed (you wouldn't call it a start-up as such, I was just a freelance software developer), and for me, the point where I had obviously "failed" was when a) I was deeply in debt and could no longer afford to sustain my personal basic requirements, that is, a place to live, food to eat, a car to get around in, and b) there was no prospect of improvement in the business. I think if you're on the point of losing your house but the business is looking very promising then it's probably worth the risk - spending your last dollar to win the $1million contract, as it were - but if the business looks like it has no future then why make sacrifices to keep it going? Perhaps the reason is...

>I'm 25, I feel like I'm losing at life already. It was okay to be broke earlier, because it's expected. It's not anymore, when almost none of your peers are.

You're not losing at life, you're learning about life, and instead of making safe choices that suit everyone else, you're making difficult choices that suit you. Bravo! Sometimes those choices don't work out well but that's life, unfortunately; if you don't take risks, you won't get rewards - if you do take risks, sometimes you still won't get rewards, but other times you will, and those rewards may be far greater than you would get from an easy life. Try not to worry about your peers - they are living the life that suits them, you are living the life that suits you.

So I would say: make an honest assessment of the future of the business. If it still has good potential, then suffering hardship now could lead to great reward later. If you're keeping it alive because you don't want to feel like a failure, then recognise that, as I said, "failure" is really just learning, and don't be ashamed to make mistakes along the way. In that case, get a paid job for a while, take a break and recharge your batteries. Then you can start your next great adventure when you're ready :-)

Best of luck to you!

I've been there. CEO had rich parents and could do the startup indefinitely while I was seeing my peers do everything I've wanted to do while I was shit broke living on ~120USD in a third world country where nobody understood what I was doing ("You're smart why dont you just work at X. Look at Y's son, he's already working at Y"). Lost a lot. Lost money, opportunities, relationships, my youth. I quit, worked corporate (still working corporate) just to recover my sanity and finances and some semblance of "life". It's been one year and looking back it was the right decision. If you want to talk my email is in profile.
Hackernews tends to skew a persons perceptions about how hard it is to start and run a business. It's fickin ruthless and you have to be damn lucky. I feel very uncomfortable selling myself or my product to someone who can't really afford it, know damn well that I'm charging 10 times what it costs me.

But that's what you need to do to run a start up.

For the other 98% of people on this forum, a corporate job that pays the bills is all we're going to get.

I actually disagree--it's not at all hard to run a regular ol' business. It can be time-consuming, and it definitely requires mastering a different set of skills (marketing, talking to people, etc) than we're used to.

But if you wanted to start a one-person construction business, with a goal to employing a few people by the end of the year, no, it wouldn't really be that hard.

In any business, you're going to spend 80% of your time talking to people (and persuading them to give you money), 10% of your time building some fancy new product, and 10% of your time changing the product based on the 80% conversation time.

Not hard, just different. I guess, though, to the technically inclined, that makes it seem really challenging.

Spot on. Where else on this forum are the posts about how to do the 80% time talking to people. We talk about the product, how to make the product, what technology is used in the product, if it fails the pivot. There's not much to say about talking to people.... but 80% of your time should be spent doing it. 4 out of 5 days (more or less) .... when I go to work I spend 5 out of 5 days at my PC coding.