I think it is because a lot of people waste a lot of time thinking and fantasizing instead of living. And a lot of that thinking, especially recurring thoughts, is sexual in nature.
People often talk down on sex, I've noticed. Why is that so?
I think it varies by age and by forum. Old people are probably less excited about sex than younger ones. In addition, HN and similar forums have a selection bias thing going on; people who really really like sex and have it as a focal point of their lives probably don't spend a lot of time here.
If you spend time here (I think the link is SFW, but if you have a very paranoid work wait): http://www.goodlookingloser.com you'll probably get a different impression.
I've also heard sex compared to water: If you're getting all you want, it's not very important-seeming or noticeable, but if you aren't, it rapidly becomes very important.
(There are of course ways sex isn't like water; you don't need to point them out in the responses.)
I'm not talking down on sex. I'm saying it's not the be all end all. That's what putting something on a pedestal means.
In my particular case it really fucked me up. Raging hormones, poorly socialized, no support network, bad luck, poor communication, and shitty judgement. Yay, puberty.
In general chasing sex for its own sake can be destructive.
That said if you come from an unbroken family, have a network of good relationships, and have learned to have a healthy attitude towards sex... then you're golden.
It is an excellent piece of advice!
What I think he means is that most people don't react to what you do but how what you do makes them feel. People that are geared towards logical thinking should run a small emulation inside their head of how their actions would make their loved ones feel in response to their actions or inactions (yeap that last one is more tricky...). It doesn't have to be rational or fair all the time and requires you either are similar to that person so you can predict what they will feel or that you understand that person and can imagine what they would feel.
If you are a logical person and you don't master this then people will think you are inconsiderate and will subconsciously punish you for your lack of empathy...
EDIT: To emulate better the opposite sex seek advice from a completely honest outspoken friend of that sex.
Most of the world makes decisions based on emotions and egos. If you only understand the world in terms of logic then you will fail to make progress with the people that only operate with their emotions. You will pay the price, not them. I would argue it's better to understand the reality that some people only operate in logic, others in emotions and deal with each person at their own level.
Assuming everyone keeps their word and follows logic will leave you at 4AM alone in Berlin with nothing more than tube socks and a bag of vomit.
To self:
1. Read Graham's intelligent investor.
2. Discover the Harry Browne ("Permanent") portfolio sooner ( http://gyroscopicinvesting.com/forum/permanent-portfolio-dis... ).
3. Investigate a brokerage window account through your company's retirement plan earlier.
4. Pay attention to P/E and P/B ratios.
5. Review the holdings of your index funds and consider whether ownership of growth stocks is acceptable to you. 6. Consider investing in value or dividend-growth index funds rather than a generic S&P 500 index.
Hi, I am you from decades in the future. I have experienced some crazy stuff, highs and lows, and I would like give you the benefit of my wisdom.
I'd like to but I still don't know shit. Just keep doing what you are doing I guess. Maybe eat a little less. I am still struggling to lose all that weight you put on me.
People who don't know you, do not care about what you do. Stop worrying about their opinion. Most people who know you, do care. Show you care for them.
The impostor syndrome is real and you may have it.
Do not take rejection personally.
Never stop cycling.
You always look stupid in hindsight and your current you seems to know everything. This never changes.
Riding a bicycle. I find cycling very satisfying for all sorts of reasons, and although it can seem easy to compromise on cycling (infrastructure isn't there, car is easier, whatever) it's a joy when it's happening.
I rode a bike that I rescued from the dump for over a year. Besides a new chain, tubes and loving maintenance it was a nice solid 70s era bike. I swear it was made out of iron pipe. Oddly, it came with track drop bars.
Otherwise, I'd say that you have one life, and that everything important thing anyone has ever done has been accomplished one deliberate decision, and one day, at a time. Today you have a day. What will you do to further your long term goals? What will you do to eliminate or remove distractions? Those are the most important questions you can ask, every day.
Regarding romance: If you want a wife, make many male friends. Consistently be honourable, selfless, and good. Volunteer for your friends. Go out of your way. The networking effect is subtle, but your name will "spread through the marketplace".
Don't hunt for your spouse as a lone-wolf ...there's nothing that way but isolation.
Thanks a lot. To be honest, I've already went through the "change" described in the article, but the article helped me see the better picture. I now have a reasonable social life and a happy relationship with my girlfriend. Thanks a bunch for your comment and advice, have a nice day!
I agree about marriage, but if you want the experience of dating around, for shorter, medium term relationships, you really have little choice but to hunt as a 'lone wolf.' (You don't want to end up on dates with girls who have 'husband' on the back of their minds, which is often what the settled down social circle delivers... and anyways it can be more rewarding to 'win' someone on your own instead of having them 'delivered' to you.). So seems a little dramatic to say there's only isolation since less committed romantic involvements can be fulfilling too, and some would even argue (thinking "Sex at Dawn" author/ TED talk) that it's what your biology craves.
Stop being tyrannized by the fear of being wrong. Read Plato and Plotinus earlier. Try to see the essence of what others are saying, the essence of what you're learning, the essence what you're doing, etc.
Don't join a frat or sorority in college. I don't care if it's a 'nerdy' or 'good guys' frat at an elite university (my experience), it will be a very dumb time sink, and the networking from it is not worth it when you can get involved in other groups which offer useful connections as well.
And really, really try to become as fiercely independent as possible. Otherwise you almost certainly will start measuring yourself by others' standards, it becomes increasing worse the older you get. (You'd be surprised how common fresh out of college people think "Oh I must get into x,y,z incubator or nail down funding so I don't look like a failure and can still command lots of respect in my social circles and stand out as a 'successful young person' at parties"). It's disgusting at its worst, and it's a sufficient condition for sliding into mediocrity.
As a counter, joining a fraternity was the best decision I had ever made. After my first few years of college, I still had no social network and very few friends. After rushing a fraternity, I became part of an ultra-inclusive group and made friends and bonds that have lasted the rest of my life.
Don't rush a fraternity or sorority for the connections - you'll be sorely disappointed when you find out 95% of the other members are just normal people from a normal background. The few connections that may be valuable business-wise probably won't even be in your field.
Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you're looking to make friends and get the social college experience. If you have a history of having a hard time making friends, there are few options that are better than joining greek org.
Don't rush a fraternity/sorority if you have a tight schedule. Parent comment is serious, they're a huge time sink - especially during your pledging semester.
Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you want a head start in social/management experience. I can't tell you how hard it is to promote engineers into management positions because the vast majority don't have the social skills required to reward, pressure, or inspire their underlings. Getting involved in a fraternal organization will get you extremely valuable leadership experience, experience in how to organize people, and most importantly, experience in how to inspire people to do the things you need to get done.
I honestly can admit that I wouldn't be where I am today without the social skills I learned during my tenure in a fraternity. While the vast majority of bad press about the greek system are puff pieces meant to enrage people, do know that the greek system is not for everyone.
Just to summarize your points as I see them. Only join a fraternity if...
a) You don't have social skills, so you can learn them (even though I think this can be achieved through plenty of other organizations on campus)
b) You aspire to be in management, i.e. not technical trades or career paths that don't require heavy person sacrifice and investment (like STEM or startups... again something that I also think can be achieved in other groups on campus - if even just the 'business fraternity' which a lot of uni's have, which is actually a club and not a 'fraternity').
I am glad however, that joining a fraternity worked out for you. I do also think almost everyone looks favorably on their college experience and have trouble imagining it had they made different choices.
But again, it's a massive time sink, and if there is something you are truly serious, ambitious about pursuing, a fraternity will absolutely work against you. If you just want to have 'a college experience', and if you don't really know what you want to do, then sure, join a fraternity.
(As a final note, the successful people I know from my fraternity are working basically non technical finance jobs (non technical in the sense there aren't heavy prerequisites before you start except be generally good at math) at ibanks or hedge funds that their parents or network got them, basically jobs where you can afford to mess around most of college, so long as you have your connection.)
I realize this may be in jest, but I personally have learned so much from both sites. I view my time on both sites as quite productive, especially reading threads like these.
There's a lot to learn from both sites, don't get me wrong. The problem is finding the right balance between learning and wasting time, which turns out to be a pretty difficult thing to do once you get sucked in.
-Time is your most valuable and most finite resource. Don't waste it on working 24x7 for companies who will take advantage of your desire to do so.
-Ask yourself if what you're doing will matter to anyone in 10 years, 5 years, tomorrow. Especially in a corporate environment.
-Never sacrifice friends or family for work. There will always be work; you will lose (in some way, drifting or death) persons, and regret the couldas.
-There's always a shiny new gadget, and they repeat every decade or so.
-Set aside the computer/smartphone and do something without it a couple of hours a day. Woodworking. Cooking. Trainsets or scale models.
-Exercise a couple of hours a day.
And finally:
-Never, ever move to Des Moines. Unless you're an actuary.
Exercise:
Don't do things other people tell you to do. Do things you think might be fun. Don't run, don't go to the gym. Sign up for Taekwondo, Pilates, dancing or swimming lessons.
If something is worth doing it's worth doing right:
If you really want to learn something spend at least 15 minutes every day studying it. If you can't commit to that, stop wasting your time.
Some university classes are boring but that's not a reason to dismiss them. You never know what knowledge might become useful to you a few years down the road.
Listen to your mentors and keep them close at hand. I was lucky to have a number of good ones early in my career. When you have a tough decision to make, seek their advice, don't bear it alone.
When I found myself without a mentor for a period of time, I tended to go astray.
77 comments
[ 3.4 ms ] story [ 146 ms ] threadGet investing in Stocks as early as possible with a buy and hold strategy for companies you believe in.
Sex isn't worth the pedestal it's often placed on.
FOMO (Fear of missing out) is a life killer. You'll never be able to do all the cool things all the time.
Find a mentor.
I think it varies by age and by forum. Old people are probably less excited about sex than younger ones. In addition, HN and similar forums have a selection bias thing going on; people who really really like sex and have it as a focal point of their lives probably don't spend a lot of time here.
If you spend time here (I think the link is SFW, but if you have a very paranoid work wait): http://www.goodlookingloser.com you'll probably get a different impression.
I've also heard sex compared to water: If you're getting all you want, it's not very important-seeming or noticeable, but if you aren't, it rapidly becomes very important.
(There are of course ways sex isn't like water; you don't need to point them out in the responses.)
In my particular case it really fucked me up. Raging hormones, poorly socialized, no support network, bad luck, poor communication, and shitty judgement. Yay, puberty.
In general chasing sex for its own sake can be destructive.
That said if you come from an unbroken family, have a network of good relationships, and have learned to have a healthy attitude towards sex... then you're golden.
Trust your own instincts when it comes to new technology.
No one ever had "I wished I'd worked harder" on their gravestone.
- Jobs are just a means to an end. Not the main part of your life.
- Stress is never worth the moments of happiness it creates. Hard work is.
- Put yourself through hell. You will find out who you are and what you want.
- Don't trust the media or mainstream thinking. They're in it for the money.
- Most people are emotional. If you use logic and reason, you will fail miserably.
Can you explain this one further please?
If you are a logical person and you don't master this then people will think you are inconsiderate and will subconsciously punish you for your lack of empathy...
EDIT: To emulate better the opposite sex seek advice from a completely honest outspoken friend of that sex.
To which I hope my younger self would retort
'That thing you're doing, you're not half as good at it as you think you are'
I'd like to but I still don't know shit. Just keep doing what you are doing I guess. Maybe eat a little less. I am still struggling to lose all that weight you put on me.
The impostor syndrome is real and you may have it.
Do not take rejection personally.
Never stop cycling.
You always look stupid in hindsight and your current you seems to know everything. This never changes.
Wow I faced this many times.I thought this only happened to me.
Thank you for this insight!
Otherwise, I'd say that you have one life, and that everything important thing anyone has ever done has been accomplished one deliberate decision, and one day, at a time. Today you have a day. What will you do to further your long term goals? What will you do to eliminate or remove distractions? Those are the most important questions you can ask, every day.
Thanks for an inspring and helpful read! This actually helps me (a 17 year old) out a lot.
Don't hunt for your spouse as a lone-wolf ...there's nothing that way but isolation.
And really, really try to become as fiercely independent as possible. Otherwise you almost certainly will start measuring yourself by others' standards, it becomes increasing worse the older you get. (You'd be surprised how common fresh out of college people think "Oh I must get into x,y,z incubator or nail down funding so I don't look like a failure and can still command lots of respect in my social circles and stand out as a 'successful young person' at parties"). It's disgusting at its worst, and it's a sufficient condition for sliding into mediocrity.
Don't rush a fraternity or sorority for the connections - you'll be sorely disappointed when you find out 95% of the other members are just normal people from a normal background. The few connections that may be valuable business-wise probably won't even be in your field.
Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you're looking to make friends and get the social college experience. If you have a history of having a hard time making friends, there are few options that are better than joining greek org.
Don't rush a fraternity/sorority if you have a tight schedule. Parent comment is serious, they're a huge time sink - especially during your pledging semester.
Do rush a fraternity/sorority if you want a head start in social/management experience. I can't tell you how hard it is to promote engineers into management positions because the vast majority don't have the social skills required to reward, pressure, or inspire their underlings. Getting involved in a fraternal organization will get you extremely valuable leadership experience, experience in how to organize people, and most importantly, experience in how to inspire people to do the things you need to get done.
I honestly can admit that I wouldn't be where I am today without the social skills I learned during my tenure in a fraternity. While the vast majority of bad press about the greek system are puff pieces meant to enrage people, do know that the greek system is not for everyone.
a) You don't have social skills, so you can learn them (even though I think this can be achieved through plenty of other organizations on campus)
b) You aspire to be in management, i.e. not technical trades or career paths that don't require heavy person sacrifice and investment (like STEM or startups... again something that I also think can be achieved in other groups on campus - if even just the 'business fraternity' which a lot of uni's have, which is actually a club and not a 'fraternity').
I am glad however, that joining a fraternity worked out for you. I do also think almost everyone looks favorably on their college experience and have trouble imagining it had they made different choices.
But again, it's a massive time sink, and if there is something you are truly serious, ambitious about pursuing, a fraternity will absolutely work against you. If you just want to have 'a college experience', and if you don't really know what you want to do, then sure, join a fraternity.
(As a final note, the successful people I know from my fraternity are working basically non technical finance jobs (non technical in the sense there aren't heavy prerequisites before you start except be generally good at math) at ibanks or hedge funds that their parents or network got them, basically jobs where you can afford to mess around most of college, so long as you have your connection.)
-Time is your most valuable and most finite resource. Don't waste it on working 24x7 for companies who will take advantage of your desire to do so.
-Ask yourself if what you're doing will matter to anyone in 10 years, 5 years, tomorrow. Especially in a corporate environment.
-Never sacrifice friends or family for work. There will always be work; you will lose (in some way, drifting or death) persons, and regret the couldas.
-There's always a shiny new gadget, and they repeat every decade or so.
-Set aside the computer/smartphone and do something without it a couple of hours a day. Woodworking. Cooking. Trainsets or scale models.
-Exercise a couple of hours a day.
And finally:
-Never, ever move to Des Moines. Unless you're an actuary.
If something is worth doing it's worth doing right: If you really want to learn something spend at least 15 minutes every day studying it. If you can't commit to that, stop wasting your time.
Some university classes are boring but that's not a reason to dismiss them. You never know what knowledge might become useful to you a few years down the road.
When I found myself without a mentor for a period of time, I tended to go astray.
- Sleep properly. You're gaining nothing by staying up to 4am, for some misplaced fear of missing out.
- You are worth more than you think.
- Surround yourself by people smarter than you. Ask for their help. You will learn more this way.
- Stay curious. If you're convinced that you know it all, you're probably entirely wrong.