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I liked the part where your investors are also random startups.
Love the random C-level positions.
You absolutely nailed the blur that these startup pages and mission statements become. Lols were had!
Best one:

    DO YOU LOVE?
    You like to love. Lovely does too.
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<strikethrough>Don't click the link, it puts you in an infinite loop.</strikethrough>

Edit: If you click the link, your browser will be put in an infinite loop. I accept no responsibility for loss of time.

Don't tell me what to do! I'm clicking it!!!
as soon as i saw the redirect seizure my browser was enduring i thought i'd never get out. somehow, one click of my back button brings me back to HN... (Chrome).
It's fixed now, thanks for the heads up!
my work here is done. thanks for creating this
I love this:

"The son you've been waiting for.

Sonn is a cheerful son service that makes it easy to turn your sons into cash."

"Yell something responsible.

Yellly is why you'll never yell the same way again.

'One of the biggest challenges we faced after we hit our early goals was how do we stay top-of-mind and keep our users engaged? Enter Yellly. Problem solved.' Chelsey Nino Perry, Florida"

"Grandmother

Mature. Experienced. Tested.

Buying grandmothers just got a whole lot better..."

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/?s=113068361511

Acquisition target:

YOUTOOTH

YOUR TRUSTWORTHY TOOTH. Youtooth was created to help you find teeth in your area. From local teeth to national brands, no one knows teeth like Youtooth. No one.

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/?s=5246736

>Grandmother. Mature. Experienced. Tested.

That is amazing. Do you think its using some kind of graph to link the words or did you just get lucky?

I think they just write a few lines that make sense for each and let the randomization make the page.
Good for them. I think the grandmother space has been ripe for disruption for a while.
Hah, I absolutely love this one. By a lucky stroke, almost every detail fits together.

(nsfw) http://tiffzhang.com/startup/index.html?s=879752450855

"Build enchanting relationships with your customers."
"One of the biggest challenges we faced after we hit our early goals was how do we stay top-of-mind and keep our users engaged? Enter Undressme. Problem solved."

Perfect. Just perfect.

Nailed it.

The way the webpage looks is like every startup ever. Heck, even my company's website looks like that (It had a great design, until my boss decided it wasn't startupy enough)

No employee pets in the "About Us" section?
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This site literally displays how much talent is required to make a flat design and come up with a startup idea. (none)

Implementation and execution are key.

What happens after you spend a year implementing and executing a bad idea?
> What happens after you spend a year implementing and executing a bad idea?

Choose to get hired at a VC, turn to Page 42.

Continue executing on your same bad idea, turn to Page 56.

Travel to SE Asia, learn the cuisine, come back and start a Food Truck, turn to Page 94.

//Page 94

During the grand opening, several customers get food borne illnesses, resulting in massive lawsuits.

You're ruined.

The End.

Choose your own startup book needs to be a thing. Someone hit up kickstarter.
A whole series of them, please. I'd buy it. I'm holding cash right now.
LIKE NO OTHER SERIES OF THEM. Series of them makes it easy to turn your them into cash now.
http://tiffzhang.com/startup/index.html?s=49029980379

Girl

"Once again, Girl came through. And even before estimated delivery date! Just impressive! Thank you! You’re awesome!"

Why Girl? Unstoppable. Girl is easy to use, no matter who you are.

Best part about Girl is the team behind it.... no girls!
Including the guy who, according to his title, is the product.
very nice, congrats to the creator
This is pure satirical genius. My faith in tech as a higher art form has been reinforced.
This is really great!

Refusey DO YOU REFUSE? We're refusing to drive things that matter.

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/index.html?s=61244441196

I'd consider investing in Refusey!
Why bother? Your investment proposal would be refused most likely.
OP this is actually very interesting and a potential money maker.

The designs it generates are quite distinct and pleasing. You can actually sell this as a template generator.

except, it only generates one template.
Easy, switch to Templatizer, the startup for people with only one template.
OTaaS (One Template as a Service)
One Template to rule them all…
This is great! After I clicked through a few of those I switched to another open tab in my browser, where an actual startup website was displayed and for a few seconds I wasn't sure if it was another random one.
Anyone else disappointed that all these domain names are already taken? Guess I need to add a "get" in front of them... ;)
I hate to do this, but I did the same thing several month ago. www.launchnik.com
Makes so much sense. Owning your own slaves just doesn't make sense, especially in an urban environment.
There are 20 million people being trafficked around the world. Might as well make an app around it.
http://www.launchnik.com/footio

Receive feet

No fancy algorithms (yet), no automation (yet). I will personally send you a foot I think you'll like every day, entirely determined by your preferences. Each foot will come as a surprise, probably not at the same time every day.

http://www.launchnik.com/whaleio

OP's doesn't have enough io. Yours does. Is winner.

I just laughed out loud at this: "It’s the 21st century my friend—you should have someone that brings you whales"
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>I will personally send you a thief I think you'll like every day, entirely determined by your preferences. Each thief will come as a surprise, probably not at the same time every day.

http://www.launchnik.com/thiefio Sounds wonderful.

Appropriate:

Gasio

It's uber for gases.

This idea has been done to death, to be fair.
DISASTERABLE

YOUR HIP NEW DISASTER.

Disasterable is the last word in hip disasters. We know you never settle for less than the best and neither do we. Control with professional grade tools and benefit your future.

"When I needed a new disaster my best friend told me about Disasterable. I gave it a try and was completely thrilled!"

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/?s=192936

TERRIFY

DO YOU TERRIFY? Terrify is a different kind of terrifying app.

"Terrifying apps are not for me. Being recommended by a friend on Terrify is exactly what I need."

Why Terrify?

Attentive

Turn Research into a Team Sport.

Righteous

Find out what people are saying using our righteous tools.

Connected

What makes Terrify connected? Our commitment to connectedly pursuing excellence at every turn.

"Terrify was very useful not only in case of our project but just good basis for every business we would start in the future."

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/?s=963310

SMARTSCARE

MODERN. PROGRESSIVE. UPBEAT. You like to scare. Smartscare does too.

"Definitely recommended. Great experience, which gave us a better perspective and helped to solve several business problems."

"As a professional in the scaring industry, I tell all my new clients to start out with an account on Smartscare. It puts them miles ahead of the competition and makes my job that much easier!"

http://tiffzhang.com/startup/?s=107589