I live a pretty confusing life. I am sure that something is wrong.

I'm 35 and since the birth of my daughter I feel even more apart from "normal" behavior than before.

I have had several different therapists and autism has always been ruled out. My behavior is attributed to my intelligence. But I don't believe that.

I have approached problems methodically and functionally for as long as I can remember. I am infatuated with problem solving.

I find maintaining social interactions and simple friendships not easy and rather exhausting.

Approaching strangers is extremely difficult for me.

I have noticed over the years that I am not only very systematic at work, but also with people.

At the same time I have impulsive emotional outbursts for the most trivial reasons. For example, it can be that I have to go to someone to deliver something. Or partly shopping and asking for something. Or a screaming child. I can handle most things by now. I still don't like to go shopping, but I do it because I have learned to position myself differently with my thoughts.

I have learned to act, I can talk and behave in the best social manner. I have only been able to read people well since I was about 16. I have a library of behavior patterns in my head and try to deduce something from them.

Now as a father, the world looks very different. Every day I am confronted with a screaming child, it whines or it laughs. What I have to say is that I am not cold and I love my child. But I can not cope with many things.

I realize how much my analytical approach brings nothing. I try to comfort and play. But what I noticed made me think.

It always feels like a new problem, I can't get used to it. Everyone who has a child knows that it is a similar game every day. But I find it hard to understand the behavior. Sure I understand why kids scream, I know they have no other way to express themselves. I understand that a child has needs and I give her as much love as I can.

But in the back of my mind I always have the problem that needs to be solved. Which prevents me from accepting it and developing a routine.

So what is wrong? Or are all people like that?

Why on hackernews? I had already tried about others. Social networks to achieve something, but unfortunately I did not find an adequate answer.

Since I am here often, I know about the great community and just hope for understanding and not so much for a concrete answer. Maybe someone is going through the same thing.

About myself: I have been in therapy for other reasons. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. Which also narrow down to social interactions.

I am a happy person. I do not have depression. Our child is doing great and we are also very happy with each other.

Why anonymous? For internet reasons.