HN Explorer

Ask HN: What is your best programming joke?

23 points by apon ↗ HN
There are many software, technology and programming related jokes. What is the best joke that you know?

32 comments

[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 54.8 ms ] thread
opendomain
There are 10 people that understand binary Those that do, and those that do not.
nickwhite917
I've also heard this one said: "there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who do not."

Either way, it's a great joke!

abhijitkini
Indeed a great joke and has become mainstream. Here's the latest version:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand Ternary, those who don't and those who mistake it for Binary

mindcrime
A newly married Microsoft software engineer is driving to visit his wife and her family somewhere in the mountains of Europe. He calls and says "I'm about 30 minutes away". Later he calls and says "I'm about 37 minutes away". A few minutes later he calls again and says "I'm about 5 minutes away". After about 30 minutes, he calls again and says "I'm about 2 hours away". His new wife's father grabs the phone and asks "you're the guy who designed the Windows progress bar widget, aren't you"?

---

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft software engineer are riding in a car going to a conference. They start down a hill and the brakes go out, and the car crashes into a tree. Luckily, no one is injured, and they all get out of the car and start trying to figure out what happened.

The electrical engineer looks at the car and says "Hmmm, must have been a short-circuit in the ABS electronics."

The mechanical engineer says "no, no, it must have been an over-pressure situation with a brake line, causing the line to burst and allowing the brake fluid to leak out."

They both look at the Microsoft guy who had been quiet so far and ask "what do you think"?

He looks at the car and say "I don't know - let's push the car back to the top of the hill and try it again".

apon
=D =D =D... your joke was really funny!!!
opendomain
This is the best database in the world. There is NoSQL
bbcbasic
Explain?
opendomain
NoSQL is a new type of database "No sequel" means there is no further story. There is nothing after it.
andreygrehov 

    function getTomorrowDate() {
        sleep(86400);
        return date("Y-m-d");
    }
lordCarbonFiber
I'd tell you a UDP joke; but you might not get it.
kek918
Clever one, love it :D
jhildings
The best things with UDP jokes is that the punchline can
dozzie
A. Would you like me to tell you a TCP joke?

B. Yes, I would like you to tell me a TCP joke.

A. OK, I will tell you a TCP joke.

bryanp
In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
veganjay
What did the system administrator bring back from the beach?

A C (sea) shell!

coledot
Two C strings walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Hello, bartender. I would like a beer."

The second one says, "I would also like a beer.a9545hn1g!#$8uq34fg98^ZDs7tgSDSR("

The bartender asks the first string, "What's up with your friend?"

It replies, "Don't mind him, he's not null-terminated."

---

And a variant on the above:

The first string says, "Hello, bartender. I would like a beer."

The second string says, "I would also like a beer.a9545hn1g!#$8uq34fg98^ZDs7tgSDSR("

The bartender replies "root@localhost #"

e19293001
> The bartender replies "root@localhost #"

The buffer overflow exploit worked!

JakDrako
A wife asks her programmer husband "Honey, could you go to the store and get a loaf of bread? Oh, and if they have eggs, take half a dozen."

So the guy comes back with six loaves of bread.

ramtatatam
++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.<<+++++++++++++++.>.+++.------.--------.>+.>.
darekkay
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?

An extroverted computer scientist looks at YOUR shoes when he talks to you.

---

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!

---

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem

csixty4
Three programmers come to a one-way street.

The computer scientist looks left, sees there's no cars coming, and crosses.

The professional programmer looks left, then looks right -- just in case! -- before crossing the street.

The distributed systems programmer looks left, then looks right, then looks up to make sure there aren't any planes falling out of the sky...

[deleted]
(comment deleted)
EJTH
My paycheck... :'(
debunn
A biologist, a statistician and a computer scientist are all riding a train together through Africa, when they notice a herd of zebra from their window.

The biologist notices that one of the zebra are entirely white, and exclaims, "Wow! Look at that – it’s a completely white zebra! This is an incredible scientific discovery!"

The statistician then responds, "Well, it’s only one zebra out of millions – it’s statistically insignificant."

The computer scientist then sadly laments, "Oh no! A special case!"

[dead] voodoochilo
What do we want!? ... NOW!!

When do we want it!? ... FEWER RACE CONDITIONS!!

M0llyPolly
A system administrator has 2 problems:

- dumb users

- smart users