Oh man. This brings me back. I'm from Ireland and I raised so many red flags and assumptions from people when my wife (American) and I married less than a year after dating (married 16 years now in NY with two kids and our second dog).
I would also argue that the US is a much less attractive option for people now than when it was 10/15 years ago, given how immigrants and immigration has become even more divisive among white people.
When we got married my spouse was already on the green card waiting list. Their lawyers had prepared 2 reams of paperwork during the process. It shouldn't be this difficult.
From reading this article it looks like a lot of American men behave awful...so why not just treat these questions from a man as red flag?
She could just find a man from any other country (even from Finland), why is it so important for the man to be American, if she's not going for the green card anyways?
I'm assuming the dating pool is already not huge. Reducing it further by trying to find another foreigner to date would just make it really hard to find a partner.
There is no mention of the "importance" for the partner to be American. The author only describes the uneasiness that stems from the suspicion when dating Americans.
FYI, If you live abroad in a foreign country for years, it is not uncanny to develop relationship with 'locals', as they tend to be the majority of the people you interact with (even in a very cosmopolitan city like NYC).
I see, I have never been to NYC. Usually I as a guy meet local women depending the local male/female ratio. For example in Zurich most of the male foreigners I know invite women from their own country to live with them, or have long distance relationships.
But actually the foreigner gay scene there is quite big there, it's easy to find single gay guys at parties (I have been there with a gay friend).
Actually that's a lie. One of her agents Wolfgang Schwarz in Vienna stated about her modeling abilities that she was the worst model he ever represented. she lacked engagement, had no energy and spoke bad english.
she was also constantly lying about her background:
"Local biographers often criticize America’s first lady for distorting some details of her life in Slovenia. Pozar’s co-author, Igor Omerza, former deputy mayor of Ljubljana and parliament member, found several reasons for harsh criticism: “Melania Trump has said and written that her father was a ‘manager’; [her father owned a shop that sold car parts in Ljubljana] and her mother a designer—this is not true; and that she graduated from the faculty of architecture—this is not true either, she never finished university and neither did her parents.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/inside-the-cult-of-melania-tru...
But Paolo Zampolli turned her into some interesting business model. Not modeling though. But a EB-1 visa for what exactly?
The question about how long you are going to stay applies to every traveller in most countries. I emigrated to the UK and it didn't go away for 4-5 years. Then I moved back to my home country and they were wondering if I was going to go back to the UK for a few years.
Maybe you are looking for a green card? It's worth everybody knowing how long you're staying so they can build something worthwhile. I'd be more wary of those without the questioning attitude as they might just want to churn and burn foreigners.
People who stay in one place can see time pass, but those who travel just see changing places.
Do you date people asking them if they are after for your money or if they are trying to get something from you? Or do your friends at gathering casually joke about it?
As a foreigner who dated an american in the past I agree it hurts to hear that you are after a status/GC/money when you genuinely care about the person. It is humiliating and wrong.
Well, I'm the reverse. I'm an American that dated a foreigner. While my friends didn't actively joke about it, I had many conversations from concerned friends and family.
"It is humiliating and wrong"
While I don't think it's right, I can understand why it might cross a person's mind.
Many cultures have a different idea about marriage. If you are living in a country where there is no future because the economy is horrible and there are no jobs, and all you need to do is marry an American to not only get out of this situation, but also help your family. Wouldn't you do it?
Many choose to do this and because it's so prevalent from some countries, it becomes the rule, not the exception.
The article is about a person born and raised in Finland, who lived in Berlin, went to NYC to study in Columbia University, and who can afford to pay $8000 in legal fees and months of paperwork to get an O1 visa. With such a background such a person should be given at least the benefit of the doubt.
"Deceiving" marriages, sham marriages or other 'mail-order' brides services are unfortunately a thing, but to say that it has become the rule for relationships between Americans and non-Americans is a naive shortcut and is certainly untrue.
Your GF’a parents are just assholes. My GFs Dad and his family made me sit aside for many years while they took family photos and whatnot. They generally just accepted me as someone who’d be there but not a participant in the family stuff.
His reason, and they told me many times, was we are young and in college. You know those relationships just don’t last long so you’ll probably not be together for long. Going on 11 years.
I'm with GF's Dad on this one. You're just a boyfriend, not even a fiance. You're not part of the family...yet. Non family members don't get to be in family photos. Event photos, yes, but not family ones.
When we got engaged after 7 years I was still not allowed in the pics. Not until I was married. It caused family issues and they changed it next year for the favorite cousin and her fiancé.
He also goes back and very badly crops others peoples heads onto her steps sisters exes. It was awkward as hell when her niece was old enough to notice her dad being cropped over last year.
Taking pics without letting SOs is is understandable. Refusing to get to know someone because you might be gone is not. It goes much deeper but it’s too much to type.
Dating as a foreigner in Estonia: Everyone completely ignores me because I don’t speak any of the four local languages and they think I’m going to get fed up and leave in six months anyway
23 comments
[ 2.7 ms ] story [ 69.6 ms ] threadI would also argue that the US is a much less attractive option for people now than when it was 10/15 years ago, given how immigrants and immigration has become even more divisive among white people.
——
I don’t understand why you’d say “among white people.”
There are brown, black, yellow, and whatever other color people who stand on both sides of the immigration issue.
The issue is certainly divisive... but only among white people?
She could just find a man from any other country (even from Finland), why is it so important for the man to be American, if she's not going for the green card anyways?
I'm assuming the dating pool is already not huge. Reducing it further by trying to find another foreigner to date would just make it really hard to find a partner.
But actually the foreigner gay scene there is quite big there, it's easy to find single gay guys at parties (I have been there with a gay friend).
Pretty funny line there
she was also constantly lying about her background:
"Local biographers often criticize America’s first lady for distorting some details of her life in Slovenia. Pozar’s co-author, Igor Omerza, former deputy mayor of Ljubljana and parliament member, found several reasons for harsh criticism: “Melania Trump has said and written that her father was a ‘manager’; [her father owned a shop that sold car parts in Ljubljana] and her mother a designer—this is not true; and that she graduated from the faculty of architecture—this is not true either, she never finished university and neither did her parents.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/inside-the-cult-of-melania-tru...
But Paolo Zampolli turned her into some interesting business model. Not modeling though. But a EB-1 visa for what exactly?
i know , i thought the author was being humorous, guess i said it wrong
Maybe you are looking for a green card? It's worth everybody knowing how long you're staying so they can build something worthwhile. I'd be more wary of those without the questioning attitude as they might just want to churn and burn foreigners.
People who stay in one place can see time pass, but those who travel just see changing places.
As a foreigner who dated an american in the past I agree it hurts to hear that you are after a status/GC/money when you genuinely care about the person. It is humiliating and wrong.
"It is humiliating and wrong"
While I don't think it's right, I can understand why it might cross a person's mind.
Many cultures have a different idea about marriage. If you are living in a country where there is no future because the economy is horrible and there are no jobs, and all you need to do is marry an American to not only get out of this situation, but also help your family. Wouldn't you do it?
Many choose to do this and because it's so prevalent from some countries, it becomes the rule, not the exception.
"Deceiving" marriages, sham marriages or other 'mail-order' brides services are unfortunately a thing, but to say that it has become the rule for relationships between Americans and non-Americans is a naive shortcut and is certainly untrue.
His reason, and they told me many times, was we are young and in college. You know those relationships just don’t last long so you’ll probably not be together for long. Going on 11 years.
That side of the family are assholes too.
He also goes back and very badly crops others peoples heads onto her steps sisters exes. It was awkward as hell when her niece was old enough to notice her dad being cropped over last year.
Taking pics without letting SOs is is understandable. Refusing to get to know someone because you might be gone is not. It goes much deeper but it’s too much to type.
Sorry about that.