Ask HN: What helps you improve your mood and keep your sanity?

77 points by _Microft ↗ HN
There is an "Are you depressed"-AskHN trending at the moment and I am glad that people are being reminded both that they are not the only ones having a problem and that it is OK to talk about it.

In case you are suffering from an actual depression (or suspecting that you might do): you definitely should talk to someone qualified and not take advice from randos on the internet. And be it a helpline where you can just dump your worries to and get ideas what to do about them.

So, this out of the way: what does actually you help to keep our mood up? The cheaper, easier and more practical it is for most people, the better.

Among other things, activities that help me are:

- Going outdoors, somewhere where I do not need to be too careful, i.e. away from roads where I would need to pay attention to not being overrun, also not too muddy cart tracks where I would have to be careful not to step into puddles,... Just anywhere where I can more or less walk and look without anything requiring my attention.

- Doing sports feels very good afterwards, sometimes for days if the activity was intense enough. Running or walking might be the easiest thing to start, the latter does not even require comfortable clothes. Just go out and walk. Bodyweight exercises can also be intense and do not necessarily require any weights or machines. There are exercises that require no more than a yoga mat or a carpet to train on. Cheap and effective, imo. Check the web for details.

- Sauna (if you have access to one)

- Spending time for oneself if domestic bliss is lacking (running or walking is great as does not require one to justify why one would like to be for oneself).

- (Offline) reading is great, it really helps me focus on something and to silence other thoughts. This doesn't work with every book for me and I usually need to read into a few to find a good one.

- Anything that makes you feel in control to boost your (perceived) self-efficacy. (And be it something as simple as taking a pill of vitamine D each day because you are convinced that it might help you avoid a severe cases of Covid in case you ever catch it)

Other ideas?

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Swimming+sauna, hiking, excercise, dancing, singing, going for 100% in what I do, sharing what I can with others, being with others even if it's outside with 1 meter apart, spending time on interests, finding out more what interests me, watching good series/movies but taking long breaks in between, do things I'm afraid of doing but isn't dangerous, being creative in what I do, letting go of any cynical nature and being playfully curious, avoid thinking and supporting stuff that violates my integrity.

Humans are social beings, so living with someone is usually the better option. If one is feeling depressed, it might be due to hanging out with bad company, not pursuing your quest in life, simply lacking the stimulus you need or being too inactive. The worst is when people try to help you out of it, which makes one feel even worse. Some phases in life might be expected too, which changes over time. So having the perspective of impermanence and adventurous investigation can help explore any situation.

In many ways I'm still just a kid. Just trying to avoid being a spoiled entitled brat and act responsibly too.

I pick a random friend I haven't spoken to in a while, and force myself to make the call even though I have nothing particular to say. Sometimes it feels like everyone is looking/waiting for an excuse to call, so they can have a chat without it feeling weird. Just do it without a reason! Feels great.
I love this book called "Soowing Down to the Speed of Life". In one chaper the author talks about the incredible boon that comes from heading towards boredom instead of away from it. He decided to take a night to just do nothing.

At first, it was uncomfortable, but then his whole world slowed down. He started noticing things he hadn't noticed before: a particular color, a detail on a flower. It was like a different reality.

I use this idea of heading towards boredom to clear my own head. I find it incredibly helpful to sit in a dark room with no sounds and no goal for about 2 hours. After the initial discomfort (might last 20 minutes, might last an hour) my brain feels renewed and free. And the quality of my ideas goes way up.

I don't do it to be more productive though. I do it because it helps me get to a better, more attuned experience of reality. Closer to joy, peace, and acceptance, and further from always thinking about what's next.

The brain is an incredible instrument. With repeated meditation, yoga or other exercises like slowing down and being intentionally bored, you can at any time recall that feeling and focus. So meditation is not just an activity you do to calm down, but to train your mind too.

Avoiding being too hectic is good too though, or it becomes more of a mental gymnastic. The benefit of that is calmness and clarity to make better decisions and priorities.

I discovered something similar in the book "Lead Yourself First". It boiled down to: give yourself time alone with your thoughts. We've become so used to being easily distracted by checking social media, turning on the TV, browsing randomly. We've forgot how to be bored.

There is a dive bar close to me(in Chicago) that had no TVs, no wifi, and no cell service(at least for my provider). Pre-COVID, I would go there regularly to just be forced away from it all. I would read, sketch, talk to regulars, or just stare into the void.

When I lived 2.5 miles from work, I would just walk to work. Some days I would listen to a podcast, but mostly I was just stuck alone with my thoughts. It helped me level out a lot.

Couple of ideas, not necessarily ordered by importance.

- Going into nature (walking, running, hiking, etc.).

- Corollary to (1), have a form of activity, maybe throw some Yoga in the mix.

- Interpersonal relationships (it's more difficult in these times but I believe necessary).

- Mindfulness exercises (a form of meditation).

- Sometimes doing absolutely nothing is nice / contemplation.

- Maintaining a healthy diet.

- Consistent sleep schedule (and healthy habits/routine in general).

- Relaxation, which includes sauna but also breathing exercises for example (see Wim Hof breathing method / connected breathing), massages.

- Work on your passion if you have one.

- Is maybe going to be a bit controversial, note that I am not advocating for illegal drug use (should they be illegal in your area): using psychedelics (both in microdose/macrodose format) shows very promising results with regards to regulating mood (especially for those suffering with med-resistant depression) and re-connecting with one-self/others (especially with higher doses). I recommend reading "How to Change Your Mind" from Michael Pollan as an introduction, but there are also pretty good videos on Youtube.

I was clinically depressed before the lockdown, and now I'm doing much better. I made a couple changes.

- ~1 hour vigorous exercise 6 days a week

- ~45min of rucking with a 30lb pack most days

- Skype music lessons once a week to learn a new instrument

- Playing tabletop RPGs over discord 2x a week

- quitting my stressful job for a new job that's got a very different set of challenges

- hiking and tent camping whenever the weather is not rainy

- trying to embrace Hygga now that it's getting darker here

- signing up to get access to medicinal flowers that are now legal in my state that I use sparingly to keep my tolerance low

- quit drinking alcohol

These all really combined to put me into the best place I've been in a long long time. My heart goes out to the people struggling, and maybe something here can help you!

I like to do something mundane with a guaranteed success. For example recapping vintage gear like EQ etc. Or do rewiring.
Good point, I would add that activities with tangible results are also great in general. This might be as easy as tidying up a room or raking leaves (if one actually has a garden).
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For me, it's working out, working out, working out, exhaust yourself for one to two hours, especially whenever you feel sad or uneasy.
The interesting thing about workouts is how they can give back energy. I can workout and feel more energetic after the exertion than before.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 7 or 8, over 30 years ago. It's been a long time since I've been clinically depressed. Knowing that I've been through periods of down moods before helps me ride out down periods and keep patiently going through the things I've found help me cope.

I've found that high-intensity workouts several times per week are very important for my mood. St. John's Wort also works very well for me. If I start feeling a bit down, I need to make sure I get out on the weekend and don't let myself sleep in much past 10 a.m. Breathing/mindfulness exercises also help keep my mood steady.

Any photosensitivity with St. John’s wort?
I've always sunburned easily, so I'm not sure I would notice.
Going to the shooting range and shooting friendly matches between club members. Fiddling with my home servers (NUC-s). Eating chocolate. Running on an elliptical machine.
I try to go to the range once a week. For one, it gives me something to look forward to all week. Two, it's an outdoor range, so I can get some fresh air. Three, it's a hobby you can really deep dive into that isn't computers, so it keeps me interested. Four, somehow it's a good release valve. I always feel a little "high," and very relaxed driving home. Not sure if it's the boom, or the focus, or what.
Stick to a Keystone habit. It doesn't matter what it is. Pick something that you can do every day. Walk a mile, read for 30 mins, wake up at 6:30am, or etc. The habit can be tailored to your goals. Then, make sure you stick to it. Do it daily, make it your anchor.
Reminds me of something I read in Roy Baumeister's book "Willpower" [0] about a explorer going on expeditions. No matter what happened, he kept shaving daily. The blade might have been blunt, he might have been sick, they might have been going hungry but no matter what, he shaved daily.

Edit: I was right about the source [0] and the explorer he mentioned was "Henry Morton Stanley".

[0] https://www.amazon.de/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human...

Exercise and sauna are truly essential for me and I happen to live in Finland so the latter is very accessible.

I notice how my mood goes down quickly (specially approaching winter) if I don't exercise even if other parts of my life are ok. It doesn't matter that I have some nice goals set, good books to read, side projects, nice games... I just feel very apathetic if I don't do it.

Oh yeah and no alcohol and definitely no coffee.

Why no coffee? What are your observations?
I wrote a bit about it here in HN [1]. Not everyone is the same but for me quitting gave me back the chilled mood and personality I had before starting with coffee several years ago. I didn't realize coffee took it away until kind of recently.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23001396

Speak to a same person regularly about other than work stuff, even if that person is a stranger on internet. Colleagues does not count.
Go for a run. Doesn't need to be fast - just a gentle jog for 20+ mins will do. Enough effort where it would be difficult to talk in full sentences.

There is something about it that kinda resets the brain and it can be quite meditative.

- workout with a personal trainer. It took a long time to find the "right" one but boy that twice a week for one hour relentless plyometrics workout is worth the stupidly large amount of $$
Exercise. Outside. No headphones or earbuds. Just me, the rhythm of my pace and nothing more.
I think you hit the big ones, I’d add:

1. meditation/self-reflection (could even be journaling)

2.talking with friends/family

3. Small pleasures (brewing that perfect cup and sitting somewhere quiet and enjoy it, taking the dog for a spin around the block in the evening

4. Limiting your news (e.g. just read the Sunday edition) and social media intake

5. Limit non-work/non-essential screen time

6. Go to bed and wake up at reasonable hours (don’t stay up late or sleep in a ton)

7. Eat healthy - don’t over eat, cut the processed foods and sugars, eat more green vegetables etc.

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This is going to sound a bit weird, but if I am in the middle of a moment of deep despair then eating something with hot peppers snaps me out of it. Something like Tabasco on popcorn, or Buffalo wings. Or sometimes just munching on sandwich peppers.

It doesn't really "make me happy", but it can remove that deep depressive feeling. Or if I'm in a good mood, it can kick-start an intensive programming session.

For me it's abstaining from sexual activity (masturbation in my case), having empty stomach for at least 6hrs before sleep and quitting stimulants (mainly coffee in my case). Also, overeating or eating when I'm not hungry does much harm. It took me about two weeks to notice benefits from nofap and I'm never looking back. Coffee was the last thing to quit and it was impossible without nofap. If I do anything against these rules my perceived sleep quality degrades significantly and I feel like sh*t next day. YMMV.
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