Ask HN: How do you chill your mind after work?
Initially, I assumed this is because our projects are open-ended and after work, I'm still thinking about what to do tomorrow or some research ideas. This is partly correct but i tried 10 min meditation after work, 30 min reading a book and going out for 5 min to smoke. These helped not to think about work but I still feel that my "thinking motor" is still on and active. I think about a lot of things (this time not about work) and I am not at all as mindful and as chill as what I am on the weekends.
I noticed that on the weekends when I look at the flowers, i cherish the experience and enjoy this little thing. But after work, i still notice the beauty, but don't feel that good experience of enjoying observing a beautiful flower. I think because I am not as mindful and as chill as what I am on the weekends.
Is it because deep down the work anxiety is still there? or scientifically we have a notion of "thinking motor" which we turn on during the day and it's not clear how to turn it off? if we can turn it off and be like weekends, how?
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[ 3.1 ms ] story [ 99.7 ms ] threadYou've noticed this is easier on the weekends, I submit this is because you give yourself permission to relax on the weekends due to social convention.
Perhaps deciding on a time after which you give yourself permission to relax on weekdays will both help your situation, and also drive daily thinking and objectives towards small, manageable wins that let you put a pin in the day.
Meditation made things worse for me. The key is to focus on only one thing and avoid thinking about everything else. It can be a game. It can be a movie. I prefer motion. Tennis is great; focus on the ball and not how you swing. Running is great; focus on how your feet hit the ground. Cooking works too. I like particularly hard recipes like poached eggs after work. Do the things that you can't do without focusing; it forces you into flow and being in flow is fun. If you're watching a movie while swiping your phone, you're failing at relaxing.
If you have to think about work, then do so. Take a long shower, lie down and don't blank your mind with meditation. Draw on a piece of paper what you're thinking. Take notes. Take a nap. Don't jerk your brain out of work because you think that's how you relax. It has to be "completed" somehow. But you don't have to do it in front of a PC.
The brain can only handle one scope at a time. There's a massive switching cost, to the point that it's usually cheaper to try to do the thing slowly, rather than switch out then switch back in.
Off with the work clothes and on with shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops, or appropriate outdoor clothes to go out and play in the snow.
The mind-shift always shocked me, and on the evenings I didn't do it for an hour or two I always regretted it, to the point I wrote a note to myself that said "CHANGE CLOTHES NOW!" that sat where I put my keys down.
For me, the two main strategies I have for putting a breakpoint in my day are cooking and woodworking.
Woodworking is a great hobby to try. You can do it in your kitchen — Festool et al let you work indoors dust free.
On the weekend you design projects, build them, solve problems and fit pieces together but on the weeknights you plane, sand, paint, oil, and shellac your work. It is mind numbingly relaxing and couldn’t be more different to work. It even requires a change of clothes which sounds like a small thing but is an important step to breaking the rumination cycle.
I bet knitting would fall in the same category. Rare is the guy who takes it up, but none are disrespected. My mom and ex knitted a lot, and we all got something out of it.
It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, a good cup of tea can get a lot of the same results: ritual, pleasure, creation, and concentration.
Have an organic grower locally that sends me artisan cigars and tobacco.
Then I light a cigar or smoke a pipe.
Never inhale, only puff and play with the smoke.
I take 500mg of theanine[0] instead of tea, which I never liked. Too much water in it, and leaves me bladderless if I drink too much of it
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theanine
It fulfills: 1) focusing on other things 2) finding somethings fun
Easily repeatable, no-fail(doesn't matter if you don't do it) routine. Using a ritual repeatedly will eventually signal to mind and body you are in a different physical/mental space now.
Many people like exercise based rituals; walking, running, sports. "walking around the block" was highly suggested as a substitute for the commute during lockdowns. Some walked clockwise to get to work. Anti-clockwise to go home.
Second part is to deliberately not think about work BUT ALSO not have to concentrate hard. You've done/about-to-do a good day, give yourself a break for a moment.
I commute via motorcycle and find the requirement to be "present" enforces not thinking about work.
Edit -clarity
I try to get on my BMX as often as possible after work. Either I'm completely concentrated on riding or there will be pain. After 30-60 minutes everything work related is gone.
Also, if you are not on-call, disable work related stuff on your phone (slack, work email, etc.).
One more thing which I consider helpful is using the last 5-15 minutes in the office to write down ideas or problems related to work which I can pick up the next day.
I think it has to do with how much of your self worth and identity is tied to work. The more you are able to say ‘I’m just an average person’, the more you are able to avoid ego traps.
Work is not something you can solve outside since that is the root cause of the issue. You have to solve it at work. Learning to say no, accepting being lazy sometimes, accepting being good and bad, and so on. Solve these things at work (goto sleep if you are tired, be comfortable sucking from time to time - delay delivery of work, etc). Be comfortable with letting the job go if it comes to it (yourself leaving or them letting you go).
If you solve it at the source, then it will not spill over for the most part.
Now, with all that said, I concede that such a strategy is difficult to implement (especially if your identity is already deeply tangled into your career). You may need to untangle (refactor) first and foremost.
Do not underestimate the healing power of just sleeping something off.
It’s a process, good luck.
High intensity exercise works best for me. Activities that require focus, concentration and lots of sweat, e.g. boxing, cycling, trail running. Then after showering and a fresh change of clothes the concerns of the workday are left far behind.
The main idea behind meditation is "becoming the observer", it has helped me when I detach from myself and just try to observe, feeling things is ok.
The best analogy is you standing on beach, waves will come and go, idea is not to eliminate your environment and be blank, the idea is to be OK with your surrounding.
Also, Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020 is a fantastic form of meditation for me these days. Nothing like a sunset flight down the coast to clear my mind.
Games that overwhelm your brain. This might sound counter-intuitive, but works fine for me. Bridge or Draughts problems, Math puzzles, programming side-projects etc.
Music.
Other mundane activities such as exercise, cooking, reading, sex (this one, may be not so mundane)...
After trying out different things the last years I’ve sticked with walking/hiking for 2+ hours almost every evening. Important: it has to be in the nature and the most relaxing experience is when I don’t meet any person at all.
During this time I can reflect best on my life. Surely it’s not a meditation but for me a nice technique to find more peace in life.
At the end of the work day i write all the stiff currently in my mind down. Either on a notepad that is always laying on my desk or a fullscreen text editor window where i write it in the center. (It is basically like dumping the ram to disc)
The I rode my bike home for about 20-25 minutes. This really cleared my mind.
(Now since corona i am in home office and i just step out the home office. I miss the bike rides. But the suggestion of someone else in the thread about taking a shower before lunch sounds great)
Making music, and physical activity that’s intense enough to crowd out thought. Or ride a bicycle, you can’t stay in your mind too much when you’re watching traffic and uneven pavement. But running, harder biking, hiking up hills, lifting weights not only shift your mind to activity alone, they’re also good for your physical health.