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Ask HN: What does your mother tell people about your work or employment?

152 points by IncRnd ↗ HN
Does she say, "My son created the color on the Start Button!" or, "My Daughter created the button that opens the Beast Limo's partition behind the driver!!!!" (The Beast is the US President's vehicle.)

Just what does she say? I imagine the answers can be humorous!

PS Take "Mom" to mean Mom, Nana, daughter, Son, or whatever seems appropriate for the comment!

153 comments

[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 198 ms ] thread
IncRnd
Starting this off, StevePerkins just wrote on a different thread here:

  STILL, "my son built the Breaking News banner on cnn.com!" is the thing that
  my mom tells her friends. It's the only thing that my wife ever understood
  about what I do for a living.

  https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31598324
coltoneakins
Not exactly the same, but when I worked as an _intern_ for a program funded by NASA, my grandmother ("Nana") used to tell her friends I worked for NASA.
IncRnd
It's impossible to say Nana shouldn't be in the comments! She is every bit as good as Mom for an HN comment!
bicx
In that case, I also worked for NASA!

...as an intern for a computational engineering program in Chattanooga, TN, where I changed RAM in servers. We received like $10k in NASA funding.

anthuswilliams
My mom used to say I "worked for Google" (back when that was considered respectable) when I participated in Summer of Code one year.
roflyear
I don't know. But I recently asked a dad what his son did, and they said they don't know! That's really sad.
jethro_tell
Sometimes depending on the context and the person it's just easier to say IDK.

Our industry has lots parents that aren't really equipped in any way to really grock what we do outside of computers, I'd assume taking that limited knowledge and trying to answer with more than 'computers' might be more of a pain in the ass than saying 'IDK'

Wouldn't be to hard on them, there's a lot of valid reasons to say IDK without being a bad parent.

alphabettsy
Seems to be more common with dads. My own has asked where I work probably a dozen times and likely couldn’t have named more than one of my friends when I was younger.
yabones
"He's an internet plumber. He wrestles the big greaseballs clogging up the tubes to make it go faster"
bicx
"He's an internet gastroenterologist..."
pimlottc
"He's an internet proctologist." "Oh, so content moderation?"
Jugurtha
Wouldn't content moderation be "last one in a human centipede"?
bombcar
This is basically what I respond with. Though since I do IT for people who plumb the interwebs, I say I’m a janitor for internet plumbers.
atonse
"My son is in IT" (FWIW, we're of Indian origin, living in the DC metro area for 30 years)

But I don't know what to tell my parents, saying "he builds software for a living" isn't really that much more specific, and they resort to "My son is in IT"

I got slightly more curiosity with "I build Apps" when I used to build mobile apps. But not with my parents.

aaaaaaaaata
Software Developer

Web Developer

Software Engineer

IncRnd
Is IT like MIS only not as important? Of course I'm being sarcastic. (from my own experiences of what people say)
omgmajk
She says I work with computers.
b3lvedere
Yup. Same here. Mom is over 70 and tells people 'i do something with computers at various companies'. She's not wrong though :)
stevenisageek
My Mom tells people I "work on the internet".

She's not wrong... but it's kind of like saying construction laborers "work on the earth"

Good chuckle regardless

bombcar
He “does computers” is basically where we get to.

Amusingly enough, my dad, who has written kernel-level drivers, has basically the same answer for what I do.

Me? I’m a janitor for the internet plumbers.

CoastalCoder
> Amusingly enough, my dad, who has written kernel-level drivers, has basically the same answer for what I do.

Maybe he's just learned the futility of trying to give more detail.

Barrin92
might also be a generational thing. A lot of older folks in my experience tend to be more plain and just say "I write software for a living" rather than doing the whole I am head of X in the Y division and I'm a code artisan".
kjellsbells
yes, i suspect that with age comes a certain zero-fucks-given modesty about what you do. youve got nothing left to prove and you are at peace with what you did. imagine Theo de Raadt aged 60 telling a room full of toddlers "i helped people on one computer do things on another" while all the grasping 25 year olds are claiming to be the Vice President of Interdomain Nodal connectivity (SSH Division 2)
xcambar
You nailed it.

I've spent 10+ years in SaaS businesses, and I've simplified my job description to: I work for a software company.

It does not say anything about what I do, it could mean engineering or accounting or... And if/when people want to know more, they just ask.

Bring rather vague helps everyone get just what they want. I always show up happy to answer and open for questions but also offer them exit paths regularly.

formerkrogemp
What sort of work do you do that involves software and accounting? Disclaimer: I work in accounting in industry.
xcambar
That is a misunderstanding. When I say "I work for a software company", there are a myriad of job positions, not only software. Accounting was just another example, but also legal, HR, sales, etc. It is up to the audience to assume (or ask, resp.) what I specifically do.

I happen to be a software engineer, currently employed to manage an enginering team, since you ask.

formerkrogemp
> I've spent 10+ years in SaaS businesses, and I've simplified my job description to: I work for a software company. It does not say anything about what I do, it could mean engineering or accounting or..

I see now where I misunderstood. I took that to mean the roles that you performed in the course of your work despite your job title, not that a variety of job roles are available in specific companies such as SaaS. Thank you for clarifying.

impoppy
I don’t know, but she’s constantly pushing me, throwing me articles about huge companies hiring, about investments, savings, getting a mortgage. She constantly asks me if I got a job in that huge company I was applying to. It’s a lot of pressure.
bombcar
Often all those questions boil down to “are you happy?” And sometimes parents don’t know how to understand that a child could actually be happy doing things differently than they did.
_carbyau_
As a parent with a toddler this is what scares me most.

What I want to do: make them an amazingly capable human being and leave them to make themselves happy.

What I must stop myself doing: intervening ALL the time, advising how to do it better, helicopter etc etc.

It isn't always easy to stand by and watch your kid hurt themselves.

bombcar
> It isn't always easy to stand by and watch your kid hurt themselves.

It's by far the hardest thing you have to do, but the only consolation is that if you let them push the boundaries early they more quickly learn that they have boundaries.

Of course you limit the maximum harm, but finding things that are "acceptable" is the trick.

IG_Semmelweiss
A bump on the head now is worth the price of admission to avoid a visit to hospital later, when your offspring are adults..
jedberg
My parents just say "he works for X" where X is the company I work for at the time, or "he has a startup". I've told them what I do, but they don't really grock it. If they get pressed, they say, "he does cloud computing stuff".

This answer also applies to my wife, who knows what I do but doesn't care to explain it to anyone for fear of more questions. :). Also she mostly just cares that the bill get paid.

alexoro412
When I worked in networking, my brother told my mom that I’m a, “telephone repairman,” which has now become a running joke in my family
kitten_mittens_
I work in 'spam mail.' My company name is basically never remembered.
sethammons
Hah, having worked at SendGrid, that was just about as far as my dad's understanding was
cwdegidio
Both my mom and dad have no idea how to talk about what I do. Mom just tells people I do things with computers at a major bank. My dad tells everyone I work in IT... which drives me up a wall. Not that I don't respect IT, but as a developer I'm about useless when it comes to the hardware side of things.
pcthrowaway
Technically all computer science and software engineering falls under Information Technology
AlotOfReading
Which entirely misses the point that most people think of the IT guy at work when they hear "IT". They're different skill sets.

It's analogous to the relationship between mechanical engineers and mechanics or machinists. Yeah, they're both working with 'physical technology' and there's some overlap in skills, but they're ultimately very different roles.

RheingoldRiver
"Stuff with computers that I don't even understand and she gives us tech support"

Which gets the point across pretty well, honestly.

ishjoh
My wife tells people that I 'build parts of the internet' which sounds a lot cooler than building ecom, marketing sites, and mobile apps. Most people are pretty happy with that description too.
duncan-donuts
My folks think I do on site tech support. Doesn’t matter how I explain my work or correct them they don’t really understand.
jakebasile
My mom has told more people where I work than I have. For her, she's much more concerned with the company vs the day to day.
schwartzworld
Tangential: my favorite conversation starter at parties / gatherings is getting people to describe their spouse's job in front of them.
smithcoin
That’s a good one, I’m going to use this.
BoGs83
This is by far the best to watch. My wife used to describe "He works for <insert company name> (ecommerce) and makes the systems scale for famous stars flash sales and black friday cyber monday."
atonse
I’m totally stealing this.

In fact, I had to explain to my wife (and mother in law) what my father in law dad and her brother did in their careers.

They claim the guys never explain it but I found that their eyes glaze over!

dsr_
My spouse used to run technical customer support for ISPs. Then she ran technical customer support for a big CDN. Now she translates software engineering bug fix reports into customer-appropriate release notes for a big process-automation company.
technothrasher
I tell people my wife is a product manager, and when they invariable ask what that means, I say, "I dunno, it's like marketing I think, you know, sales." She used to hit me. Now she just roles her eyes.
formerkrogemp
When people are told I'm in accounting, one of the most common questions is related to taxes despite that not being my actual line of work. Oh well.
peteradio
Somehow people learned I was working on my doctorate and I had several relatives/in-laws start telling me about their chronic symptoms, one time I was just sat there patiently at my own wedding dance listening to this guy talk about his droopy balls or whatever for 5 minutes only to inform him I was studying physics. Bunch of clowns the lot of them, maybe they were effin with me.
em-bee
it's an issue caused by gravity
dhosek
I would totally do that.
Gigachad
That’s easy for me, they do the same job at the same company I used to work at.
smithcoin
I’m a Tech Director for a fintech start up. My mom says “he works for Bitcoin”.
aaaaaaaaata
Oh, I've heard of you! CEO of Bitcoin, right?
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smithcoin
We get customer service calls from people demanding to "speak to whoever is in charge of the Bitcoins"
MikeTheRocker
My 61 year-old Mom is not at all technically savvy, but she does have a surprisingly decent grasp of what I do. When I was working at Oculus, she bought a Quest 2 to try out my work <3
CSSer
"My son built the thing that helps you find where to order from for [insert regional pizza chain]!"

I've worked on a lot more interesting CRUD, E2E encryption, and projects for industrial manufacturers that easily dwarf the size and scope of that location finder. It's just Google's geocoding API, some KLM files and a CMS I'm sure you've heard of. I think it sticks out because my parents and I are from a small town and we rarely ate out. When we did, that chain was the only place close enough to deliver to us, so they deeply and immediately relate to the value proposition.

EDIT: updated to more accurately reflect language my parents would use

_jal
One grandmother died still convinced I was some kind of secretary. "He types for a living."

Mom has a fairly reasonable idea of what I do. Once upon a time, she was the public library director and ran the NOC for country government, because the T1 terminated in the library. (It was a small town.)

Aulig
My grandparents think I don't work at all - because I have no employer (self-employed) and work from home. My parents understand pretty well that I turn websites into apps [0]. Recently someone described it as "Oh you make the big thing (websites on computers) go into the small thing (app on smartphone)". I found that wholesomely funny.

[0] https://webtoapp.design

prawn
Part of my work mix is aerial photos/videos for tourism. I always liked the moment my then-7yo son said to me "Dad, is your job to make people want to go on holiday?" Yeah, basically.

The other part of my work mix is building websites, since the mid to late-90s. While the web is now common enough that my parents get it, I never found a good way to explain websites to young children.

Riseed
Websites are like a special kind of book that everyone everywhere can read at the same time, if they want to.
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nwsm
I think she just says "is a programmer for X". She actually is a mainframe architect (banking z/OS) still today, but hasn't really kept up with "client/server", as she puts it, technology.