This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that?
This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself.
I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters alone, too?
Years ago when I had much less responsibility and a MoviePass I went to the theater alone regularly. It was great. I could watch whatever I was interested in and didn't have to convince anyone to join me. I saw Alien on the big screen for the first time during a special showing, it was great!
Some kinds of film are just better with a big crowd. Comedies, often. Many horror movies. I'd say just about any Troma film is much better that way, as are many B-movies and cult classics. Even a few of the Marvel films have had a lot added to them by the theater experience, and hearing/seeing audience reactions (I'm thinking especially of Infinity War and Endgame).
Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, generally speaking.
The only time people will go out of their way to be cruel about such things is in school, which leads me to suspect the author might have had a rough time.
Yes but the key words are "at most". In my country at least, that is extremely unlikely to happen. You wouldn't necessarily even know if they did say something pertaining to you.
I have a favourite restaurant I go to regularly, alone. The waiters and cooks there know me, as I've been going there for years now. I also have a fairly stable taste, so for some time I've been seeing and overhearing them making bets upon my arrival about what and in what quantity I will order, before I actually make the order. Rather than being embarrassed about it, I'm amused and always want to smile when I notice this happening. People noticing your personal quirks is really not that bad.
At my local watering hole I pretty consistently order a makers mark on the rocks. To the point where they’ll anticipate my order and either have it ready for me or it’ll be the first question they ask.
Every once in awhile though I’ll mix it up and get similar reactions.
This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.
This is a little like saying "just do it". It's not really pragmatic. Many humans feel uncomfortable being "exposed" in various ways, and one of those ways is being conspicuous in public. I enjoy going to the theater alone, but you're sitting in the dark among people in a continuous sea of seats, not grouped into tables. In a restaurant, it feels conspicuous to be eating alone, even though I have the experience of being on the other side of it - seeing people eating alone at restaurants all the time, and never giving a single thought about them. Self-consciousness isn't compelled by logic.
For some reason I've never had this issue at diners though. It's always a joy to eat alone at 6 am in a diner, no matter how many other parties are there. I don't know how that environment tricks my brain into feeling comfortable. Bars, too. I guess there is a popular image of lone patrons in these settings, and it makes one feel less conspicuous.
You name it yourself - emotions, nothing more. Dont be a slave to them, telling you what to do, how to behave, how to think. You will end up with tons of regrets later in life, 100% guaranteed.
Let sinergy of cold hard facts (aka rationality) and emotions drive your life. You will make best decisions like that, and they will stand the test of time. Also this way you dont end up easily as an arrogant ahole who just doesnt think about any consequenced.
Just do it may not be enough if you are not there yet, but once you are, you will understand why its true. Or life is too short to XYZ, or whatever else clicks with you.
Feels very much like one of those "how do you reason a person out of a belief that they hold without reason?" type things.
There's generally no objective reason for someone to have the aversion besides their own self-created mental barriers. In which case the solution quite practically is "get over yourself and try it". If the person's social anxiety is high enough that such advise is poor and inactionable they probably should be working with therapy and not writing general advise blogs.
Back to the primary subject though, it seems our author even recognizes this:
>But with practice, I’m starting to become more comfortable with dining alone and even enjoy it. It has its own charms, and I think everyone should do it once in a while.
So it does seem quite literally that simple. Even to our author.
It seems to me that the author is very young, and very concerned about what others think of them. Which, to be fair, is something that often fades with age. I can remember when I was in my 20s, I found eating alone to be uncomfortable.
But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em.
Absolutely. I regret how much of my teens and early 20s I missed out on because of caring what other people think. But I guess it's rather normal. I guess that also explains the whole 'old naked guy in the shower room' trope...the older you get, the less you care.
Regardless, I'm trying to instill this in my 10 year old's head, but it's probably fruitless. She asks 'dont you feel embarrassed' when I go out in public with a grease stain, or messed up hair, or my trusty crocs.
I agree with this. I find it so weird that there exists a strong cultural stereotype with a narrative that young people are more independent minded and rebellious. I can very often predict the opinion people in their 20's with very few prior data points. However I find myself much more reserved when opening new conversations with middle aged folks since I'm so often surprised by their humor, independent thoughts, and unique experience.
I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.
Eh, you're paying a premium to eat out, so it's weird to go out and to treat it like eating at home. The lower-end the food (i.e. the lower the premium) the less weird it seems. Very few people feel self-conscious eating alone at McDonald's.
> Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that?
Why not?
What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.
Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive.
It's interesting the disparity in our experiences. I absolutely relish the chance to have an hour entirely to myself, get a nice meal without cleaning up after, have a beer or two, watch Netflix!
I also used to be a consultant, so there's that...
I'll usually listen to podcasts when alone as a restaurant. If I've got a wall seat where video won't distract people, I'll certainly sometimes bring up youtube/netflix. Might be a bit rude to the other patrons depending on the restaurant to watch videos in their view while eating.
Why are you so surprised, though? Am I supposed to just sit there and stare at the wall?
This is a pretty tone-deaf response. If you rarely get an hour alone, that means you're around others all the time, most likely a family and some good friends. While the poster you responded to is a solitary, lonely person. For you, dining alone is a respite, for him it is an amplification of his loneliness. Your inability to conceive of such a person and your brushing aside of his feelings is the exact thing that makes loneliness painful.
jakey_bakey to a homeless person: "Why so down? I absolutely relish the chance to go camping, sleep outdoors, cook a meal over a real fire. Isn't it interesting the disparity in our experiences?"
Does it hurt because you have the societal expectation that people really care whether you're alone? If so, disabuse yourself of that notion, because it's patently false.
That seems like it is phrased that way? I'm not saying it's wrong to feel that way, it was just a question if even being alone at home is really such a bad thing.
Wow, I had forgotten! Used to feel that way before I had SO. Even after breaking up, it just didn't matter after that.
Thanks for the memory. Also, I'd have to say, you'll probably feel much more comfortable in time. But I admit, I don't go anywhere without a few books on my phone - just in case. ;)
Thanks for sharing. That's a rough situation, and I hope you can get past it somehow. I have always regarded a meal out alone as a wonderful thing, or at least until I got too fat to make that a good life choice. I used it as an ideal time to study, and studying helped me be a success. Later it was doubly enjoyable: I could study, and I knew that had helped me move forward in life. For that reason I am just as happy to be at Del Taco or McDonald's as a fine dining establishment. Actually more happy b/c no wait staff to interrupt.
I don’t understand this perspective at all. Being alone is fantastic. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’ve never been in a relationship and so are effectively forced to spend time alone which at this point is associated with painful feelings for you.
Before the pandemic, I used to go out alone on purpose just to meet random people. (I'm married.) I know this isn't for everyone, but I got good at it and I enjoy(ed) it. I've noticed however, that this is a skill that can atrophy. It's taken me a little while to get back to my old self in public places.
I'm curious how this can work. What you're describing sounds impossible.
You go to a restaurant: how do you have any kind off conversation beyond maybe a joke to someone in a line? My impression is that people are friendly but not interested in anything beyond pleasantries with a rando.
If the restaurant has one, sitting at the bar is a pretty solid way to strike up conversations. There's a whole laundry list of mundane conversations starters, like "Whatchya drinking?" (followed by an offer to buy a round, often), or "Know how the X is?" etc.
Or restaurants with bench seating (popular amongst pizzerias and German restaurants around here), exchanging a few pleasantries with people sitting next to you sometimes starts a full conversation.
If you're at a restaurant and either sitting at the bar or at a communal table, it can be pretty easy to strike up a conversation. I mean sure, not every new connection is going to end up being a lifelong friendship or your soulmate, but exchanging numbers (or more likely, Instagram handles) with people at coffee shops or casual eateries is pretty common.
If you're wondering how to start a conversation, a compliment goes a long way.
I do this sometimes, just have random conversations with strangers. You’ve gotta be able to read their expressions and see if they’re interested. Sometimes people just aren’t in a talking mood, sometimes they are. Maybe just say “hey, what’re you gonna order?” Or something like that, and they’ll react one of two ways:
1. “Oh idk yet” (this means stop talking to me)
2. “Oh well I was looking at the shrimp, but the tofu also sounds good, I usually go for fish… etc etc” (this means keep talking)
If they react like #1 (short and not as interested, body language is turned away) then just smile and leave them be, no big deal. Just don’t keep talking at that point or you’ll just be annoying. Nothing personal, they just aren’t in the mood.
But a lot of the times, their eyes will light up, they’ll turn towards you, and they’ll tell you some more details like #2. This is where you ask more questions — “Oh, do you come here often? Do you live in the area? What other restaurants do you like? Have you seen the dolphins today?” And from that point, just see where it takes you.
Sometimes it’s just a quick 2 minute conversation and you don’t have much in common, so you just say “Ok well I hope you have a great rest of your night!” …But sometimes you get a response like “Oh the shrimp here is good, reminds me of a dish I got in Spain”, and you’ve been to Spain before so you go into more details about that! And it just takes off.
You’ve gotta just pay attention and be willing to stop talking if you run out of things to talk about, but sometimes you’ll have a lot in common and be able to dig deeper into shared stories and stuff.
Really it just takes practice, but nobody reasonable will be upset if you just kick off a quick chat & know when to stop if they’re uninterested.
I love eating out alone, as well as watching movies alone, taking walks alone, even traveling abroad alone (/r/solotravel) and so on. It's so much more liberating to do things you want to do at the exact time you want to do them without having to wait for anybody to accompany you.
At the same time, I'm not sure why there's so much anxiety from the author about doing things alone. As I'm not one of those people, perhaps I have a hard time understanding it, but the truth is, no one gives a shit about you in their day to day life, so there's really no societal pressure that I think the author feels.
I don't get why going to movies is seen as a thing you should do with your friends. You're not supposed to be talking during it, and if you are, you're annoying everyone around you. Unless the plan is to go to the movie and then get a meal at which point you can discuss it after. But otherwise, I pretty much only go to movies alone.
Friends and I often went to a less expensive cinema in a lower income neighborhood. The culture there was to react loudly and whisper amongst the neighboring seats. No one felt cheated since tickets were $1 each and movies had been out for a while.
It's more fun and excitement. It adds a whole new element which you don't get when you go by yourself. Sitting a movie by myself feels dull and lonesome and a lot of effort.
Interesting how the same action can be internalized so differently by different people.
Going anywhere with people adds a low level of stress that is completely avoidable by going alone. And at a movie, once the lights go down, the rest of the audience fades away and it's just me and the screen. Doesn't matter if I'm with friends or complete strangers or even if it's an empty theater other than me.
Funnily enough when I travel alone I do this all the time and think nothing of it. When I was younger I used to frequently sup alone before going to a concert or a party (that wasn't expected to have food). Rarely went to a movie alone, and now that I've experienced home surround sound I can't go back...
> why there's so much anxiety from the author about doing things alone
Not only alone, but other to me quite absurd fears replace those when being "together":
> I don’t need to stress about the check, ordering the same thing as someone else, or being judged by coworkers. I’m free to read, write, eavesdrop, order, and eat as slowly as I please.
I can understand some.. fortunately aging really taught "noone gives a shit" - and if they do you often just should care even less!! ÷) (sure it depends, some etiquette makes sense.. don't disgust others etc..)
I missed that day in school when they went over how you should be ashamed about doing this or that alone in public. I have some friends who are like the author used to be. Those can't do anything alone types. Absolutely mystifying to me. Heck, a lot of the time I straight up prefer the company of a good book.
I believe the introvert/extrovert divide also plays a role here. Some people in general can't be alone or they feel their energy is draining (extroverts), whereas others - I guess those who love to dine alone - feel their batteries recharged during alone time.
lol I'm single and I do this all the time, eat alone and watch movies alone, etc and I thought that was normal until I keep hearing people like this who's embarrassed to feel to do those things alone and thinks people who at alone are lonely. now I feel a little insecure eating alone cause I now know what people think about it. sigh I wish I didnt know
Don't think about "people". Think about individuals. Any person judging you for eating out alone isn't worth your time anyway. How petty do you have to be to sit there and judge someone for that?
Nobody actually thinks anything about it other than the folk who're insecure about dining alone. I've been married for a decade and regularly dine alone simply because I'm travelling for work. Thousands of people do the same.
I've known people who have an aversion to doing anything alone in public, even going to the grocery store. It seems to be mostly based on them feeling judged by others.
Yeah, I've postulated this for a while now too. It seems that people that NEED to be with other people have a big hole in their soul. Listening to the facebook founder on Joe Rogan reminded me of this, with his bogus stories about all his friends, and how he does all this stuff with all his friends. No one with real friends talks like that. He sounded like a cult leader, or like a robot or something. It was extremely evident when he was saying things like, "Me and my friends just love to go out and wrestle around on the mats." referring to BJJ. It was so awkward. They are the ones that try to alone shame others as well. Jerks.
This would send my anxiety skyrocketing to be honest.
Would rather just have them clear the second place - which makes me wonder if the difference is tables that are set before you seat vs tables that are empty before you sit down.
One of the most annoying things to me is not being allowed to dine alone, lonely or not. Many korean bbq restaurants explicitly require 2 or more people to permit you to dine in, which is annoying as fuck.
Two people use the same amount of table and significantly less than twice the waitstaff attention as compared to a single person. Singles cost more to serve.
It's just really frustrating that there are entire classes of restaurants I can't eat at while on business trip or similar. They will not even just charge me an additional fee or charge me for 2 people (I've asked, and I know how it works/don't need handholding or explanations so they really just need to drop off the meat twice and change the grill once if it's too burnt), just typically get "no we can't do that, minimum 2 people" in response
There was a TV commercial some time back. It was from a fast food place, acknowledging that the best hamburgers were found at "sit-down" restaurants, not fast food places, and they said how they hoped to change that reality.
While showing numerous men, sitting alone in restaurant booths and at restaurant tables, devouring hamburgers alone.
I also hate eating out alone and try to avoid it if I can.
I've always ate out with my parents, friends or even strangers (e.g. sitting next to a stranger at the university's cantine and making small talk).
Curiously I've never realised I hated it until I had to eat out alone for the first time, very late in life. I was doing a job interview in another city, involving an overnight stay and couldn't find a take away, for some reason.
I wandered into a nice, cozy, dimly lit restaurant, the kind you would go on a typical date or romantic evening, I suppose. I felt really awkward and anxious by being alone. Curious thing.
I find this relatable as someone who's somewhat introverted, but socially capable. For years, I denied that I had any form of social anxiety - but even in my late twenties when for better or for worse (maybe I'm letting myself go?) I've decided to stop care about being cool - the fear that I'll say something stupid or sound / look like a creep keeps me generally away from dining alone.
However, this was really only at places where mostly groups of friends / couples would dine. I've dated before, but sitting alone in a cool cozy place only seeing couples / friends having a good time just makes me feel like a robot.
I love eating alone - it's a rare treat for me. My suggestion is to always sit at the bar if you can. I feel like many of the social norms at a table don't apply at the bar - I don't feel bad reading my kindle, drinking a glass of wine and enjoying my meal in solitude.
The bartenders don't care at all, and will happily leave you alone - and I don't feel guilty about occupying a table.
Maybe I'm debating semantics, but I enjoy going to bars alone. I wouldn't go to a club alone though. Maybe it's more accurate to say I enjoy going to the pub alone. It depends on what each type of bar means to you I suppose.
I'm more akin to what the author describes: doing it primarily while traveling for work. I usually sit at the bar, have a pint and a basket of some sort of greasy finger food. I'd say 3/4 the time I find myself in smalltalk with others near me, or even the bartender. I'm not an incredibly social person either but I've found practically every experience doing it enjoyable. Doubly so since I'm travelling. Talking with others on their travels or the locals is great ways to find other things to do if you find yourself with the time to spare. Quick Edit: Airport bars are great some of the best for this experience imo. I've met some incredible individuals for the 10 minutes we share a space.
I never really thought about it much but I tend to only get counter service if I eat alone out of habit. Since I’m typically by myself for lunch when I’m working, I’m admittedly missing out on some good dining options.
I love eating out alone. I used to do a lot of travel for work, and had many a alone meal. It was great to just sit in peace, read, catch up on news, etc. I never saw what the big stigma with eating alone is.
When I was younger I used to absolutely avoid it, I could just about put up with a fast food place by myself, although I would prefer a drive through where I could sit in my car. Anywhere you needed to be seated and ask for a table for 1 was pretty much out.
I definitely felt a stigma from eating alone, it doesn't matter how small that stigma was, or even if it was just in my head. My insecurities were amplified by social anxiety. I was single, not by choice, through lack of success mostly due to anxiety / insecurity. I felt like everyone seeing me as a young man eating alone would notice me and instantly leap to the correct conclusion I was unhappily single (and the incorrect conclusion I had no friends) and judge me as a failure.
I am now older, married with a young child, a chance to eat alone at a restaurant would be a rare welcome opportunity, but asking for a table for 1 is still a little uncomfortable for me.
I know most people won't notice me, or care in the least bit why I am there. The server will have probably severed 100 lone diners that week with various reasons for being alone and I will not stand out from them in any way.
The logic of that is mostly irrelevant and has limited impact on how it makes me feel.
I have always preferred eating at restaurants alone to going with a group of people. If I have to go with somebody, I prefer one or two people at most. I also don't like to go to restaurants when they're very busy, since I feel a bit guilty taking up a whole table to myself when the restaurant is trying to seat lots of customers. Usually if I see there is a line, or am told there is a wait longer than a few minutes, I just leave, and go elsewhere. If I'm with people, they usually prefer to wait it out and then eat in the crowded, noisy restaurant, which is always a suboptimal experience for me.
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[ 4.3 ms ] story [ 196 ms ] threadThis is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself.
I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters alone, too?
The only time people will go out of their way to be cruel about such things is in school, which leads me to suspect the author might have had a rough time.
It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.
Every once in awhile though I’ll mix it up and get similar reactions.
This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.
For some reason I've never had this issue at diners though. It's always a joy to eat alone at 6 am in a diner, no matter how many other parties are there. I don't know how that environment tricks my brain into feeling comfortable. Bars, too. I guess there is a popular image of lone patrons in these settings, and it makes one feel less conspicuous.
But bars and diners are often “working” food and so you’ll see people alone all the time.
Let sinergy of cold hard facts (aka rationality) and emotions drive your life. You will make best decisions like that, and they will stand the test of time. Also this way you dont end up easily as an arrogant ahole who just doesnt think about any consequenced.
Just do it may not be enough if you are not there yet, but once you are, you will understand why its true. Or life is too short to XYZ, or whatever else clicks with you.
> When I went to college I discovered that I harbored a serious aversion to eating alone in public.
So the answer to this remark:
> It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that?
is that "because it's not simple for them".
There's generally no objective reason for someone to have the aversion besides their own self-created mental barriers. In which case the solution quite practically is "get over yourself and try it". If the person's social anxiety is high enough that such advise is poor and inactionable they probably should be working with therapy and not writing general advise blogs.
Back to the primary subject though, it seems our author even recognizes this:
>But with practice, I’m starting to become more comfortable with dining alone and even enjoy it. It has its own charms, and I think everyone should do it once in a while.
So it does seem quite literally that simple. Even to our author.
But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em.
But this perspective comes with age.
Absolutely. I regret how much of my teens and early 20s I missed out on because of caring what other people think. But I guess it's rather normal. I guess that also explains the whole 'old naked guy in the shower room' trope...the older you get, the less you care.
Regardless, I'm trying to instill this in my 10 year old's head, but it's probably fruitless. She asks 'dont you feel embarrassed' when I go out in public with a grease stain, or messed up hair, or my trusty crocs.
I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.
Alone, you're just paying $9 for a $2 beer.
Why not?
What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.
I dislike it more than being alone at home.
I also used to be a consultant, so there's that...
Why are you so surprised, though? Am I supposed to just sit there and stare at the wall?
Ended a very long relationship.
Is sharing one's feelings really a bad thing?
That seems like it is phrased that way? I'm not saying it's wrong to feel that way, it was just a question if even being alone at home is really such a bad thing.
I love being alone in the forest, though. I seek solitude on back logging roads -- places where people don't normally hike because it isn't 'pretty'.
Being alone in that context is freeing.
Thanks for the memory. Also, I'd have to say, you'll probably feel much more comfortable in time. But I admit, I don't go anywhere without a few books on my phone - just in case. ;)
You go to a restaurant: how do you have any kind off conversation beyond maybe a joke to someone in a line? My impression is that people are friendly but not interested in anything beyond pleasantries with a rando.
Or restaurants with bench seating (popular amongst pizzerias and German restaurants around here), exchanging a few pleasantries with people sitting next to you sometimes starts a full conversation.
If you're wondering how to start a conversation, a compliment goes a long way.
1. “Oh idk yet” (this means stop talking to me)
2. “Oh well I was looking at the shrimp, but the tofu also sounds good, I usually go for fish… etc etc” (this means keep talking)
If they react like #1 (short and not as interested, body language is turned away) then just smile and leave them be, no big deal. Just don’t keep talking at that point or you’ll just be annoying. Nothing personal, they just aren’t in the mood.
But a lot of the times, their eyes will light up, they’ll turn towards you, and they’ll tell you some more details like #2. This is where you ask more questions — “Oh, do you come here often? Do you live in the area? What other restaurants do you like? Have you seen the dolphins today?” And from that point, just see where it takes you.
Sometimes it’s just a quick 2 minute conversation and you don’t have much in common, so you just say “Ok well I hope you have a great rest of your night!” …But sometimes you get a response like “Oh the shrimp here is good, reminds me of a dish I got in Spain”, and you’ve been to Spain before so you go into more details about that! And it just takes off.
You’ve gotta just pay attention and be willing to stop talking if you run out of things to talk about, but sometimes you’ll have a lot in common and be able to dig deeper into shared stories and stuff.
Really it just takes practice, but nobody reasonable will be upset if you just kick off a quick chat & know when to stop if they’re uninterested.
At the same time, I'm not sure why there's so much anxiety from the author about doing things alone. As I'm not one of those people, perhaps I have a hard time understanding it, but the truth is, no one gives a shit about you in their day to day life, so there's really no societal pressure that I think the author feels.
Good times. Now people spend $20+ per seat.
Interesting how the same action can be internalized so differently by different people.
Going anywhere with people adds a low level of stress that is completely avoidable by going alone. And at a movie, once the lights go down, the rest of the audience fades away and it's just me and the screen. Doesn't matter if I'm with friends or complete strangers or even if it's an empty theater other than me.
Not only alone, but other to me quite absurd fears replace those when being "together":
> I don’t need to stress about the check, ordering the same thing as someone else, or being judged by coworkers. I’m free to read, write, eavesdrop, order, and eat as slowly as I please.
I can understand some.. fortunately aging really taught "noone gives a shit" - and if they do you often just should care even less!! ÷) (sure it depends, some etiquette makes sense.. don't disgust others etc..)
Just fyi, why avoid it when it is so basic and feels good.
Would rather just have them clear the second place - which makes me wonder if the difference is tables that are set before you seat vs tables that are empty before you sit down.
It's just really frustrating that there are entire classes of restaurants I can't eat at while on business trip or similar. They will not even just charge me an additional fee or charge me for 2 people (I've asked, and I know how it works/don't need handholding or explanations so they really just need to drop off the meat twice and change the grill once if it's too burnt), just typically get "no we can't do that, minimum 2 people" in response
I like spending time with other people.
And:
I relish spending quality time with me.
Or to put it another way: I am great company. Even for myself.
While showing numerous men, sitting alone in restaurant booths and at restaurant tables, devouring hamburgers alone.
I've always ate out with my parents, friends or even strangers (e.g. sitting next to a stranger at the university's cantine and making small talk).
Curiously I've never realised I hated it until I had to eat out alone for the first time, very late in life. I was doing a job interview in another city, involving an overnight stay and couldn't find a take away, for some reason.
I wandered into a nice, cozy, dimly lit restaurant, the kind you would go on a typical date or romantic evening, I suppose. I felt really awkward and anxious by being alone. Curious thing.
However, this was really only at places where mostly groups of friends / couples would dine. I've dated before, but sitting alone in a cool cozy place only seeing couples / friends having a good time just makes me feel like a robot.
The bartenders don't care at all, and will happily leave you alone - and I don't feel guilty about occupying a table.
The only place where I don't like to go alone are bars. It's boring and it feels a bit lonely seeing people partying where you're on your own.
I'm more akin to what the author describes: doing it primarily while traveling for work. I usually sit at the bar, have a pint and a basket of some sort of greasy finger food. I'd say 3/4 the time I find myself in smalltalk with others near me, or even the bartender. I'm not an incredibly social person either but I've found practically every experience doing it enjoyable. Doubly so since I'm travelling. Talking with others on their travels or the locals is great ways to find other things to do if you find yourself with the time to spare. Quick Edit: Airport bars are great some of the best for this experience imo. I've met some incredible individuals for the 10 minutes we share a space.
I definitely felt a stigma from eating alone, it doesn't matter how small that stigma was, or even if it was just in my head. My insecurities were amplified by social anxiety. I was single, not by choice, through lack of success mostly due to anxiety / insecurity. I felt like everyone seeing me as a young man eating alone would notice me and instantly leap to the correct conclusion I was unhappily single (and the incorrect conclusion I had no friends) and judge me as a failure.
I am now older, married with a young child, a chance to eat alone at a restaurant would be a rare welcome opportunity, but asking for a table for 1 is still a little uncomfortable for me. I know most people won't notice me, or care in the least bit why I am there. The server will have probably severed 100 lone diners that week with various reasons for being alone and I will not stand out from them in any way. The logic of that is mostly irrelevant and has limited impact on how it makes me feel.