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Ask HN: Potential cofounder is good match business-wise but not personality-wise

2 points by valachio ↗ HN
I met a potential cofounder. He is the same age as me and we are both interested in building a startup in the same field. Our skillset also complement each other's. On the work-side of things, we are a solid match.

However our personalities are quite different. In other words, I wouldn't want to be friends with him or hang out with him as a friend. Actually come to think of it, he's not someone I want to sit next to for too long.

I figured that if I am to build a startup with someone, I could be sitting next to them 12 hours a day, every day, for many years to come. I have to enjoy or at least tolerate their company. At the same time, it's a rare opportunity to meet someone whose interests are very similar to mine with complementing skillsets.

I could keep looking for other cofounders, or I could try to see if I can learn to tolerate this potential cofounder. What would you do in this situation?

8 comments

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DamonHD
Keep looking.

But maybe you don't need to be friends to be effective together in business.

PaulHoule
It's a tough one. My take though is I would rather be working with somebody who is good for the business who I like less than a person who I like more but is not good for the business. I have wasted my time with salespeople who can't sell or people who solicit the advise of experts and ignore it systematically that I've gotten picky.
geocrasher
"He's not someone I want to sit next to for too long, but we're going to start a business together and spend lots of time cooperating on massive live changing decisions."

That's a hard no.

valachio
Thing is, in my experience I have been able to learn to tolerate someone after spending enough time with them.

It's possible I might learn to tolerate this potential cofounder as well, if I spend more time with him.

It's certainly not my first choice but he and I have nearly identical interests in terms of the startup we want to build, as well as perfectly complementing skillsets.

geocrasher
You make a good point. But that's something I'd iron out before co-founding together. Co-founding is like getting married. Essentially you're saying "yeah, she looks like an alien dissected a train wreck and put it back together inside out, but she's really smart."

Some people are okay with that. Some aren't. Are you?

And what good are experiences and interests if your visions aren't in line with each other, or you end up just never liking the guy? I mean, if you can find things to like and get along- that's great! But the fact that you're asking this question to begin with is troubling in itself. You shouldn't have to ask, IMHO. You should just know. And, I suspect you already do.

valachio
I agree that if I end up not liking him (as a person) at all, then it won't work out.

I was planning on setting up like a 3-month part-time working relationship where we can work together on some side project to get to know each other better.

A 3-month work commitment is not much, plus if I go into it and 1-month later I decide things dont work out, I can just leave.

But I'm wondering if it's worth investing time for this 3-month work arrangement at all

geocrasher
Honestly from what you're saying, I'd pass. Time is too precious. I mean, if you think you might have a Jamie and Adam type of relationship (mythbusters) where you don't always see eye to eye but you always do amazing work together, that's great. But if you don't see that now, and have that professional respect already, then I dunno.

Have you discussed this with him? And if not, why not? You'll be tackling much bigger issues together in the future, so tackle this one. What does he think? It might be as simple as saying "You know, we have a lot in common and I think we could work together, but our personalities just don't seem to click. I'm concerned about working together long term. What do you think?"

FrankWilhoit
Don't do it. Eventually a conflict will be fabricated and pushed to the breaking point.