Ask HN: Stuck as a developer for 15 years. How to become a manager?

82 points by mike_tyson ↗ HN
I've been a developer for entire 15 years career.

Used to enjoy but no more. Very difficult to tolerate the work. Every day is mental pain as I get older and younger folks are above me. It feels undignified, humiliating at times.

Stagnant in my current job for 6 years. No promotion opportunities. No motivation for the interview process.

Feels like i'm driving at 70km/hr towards a brick wall. Not close enough to panic. But no forks in the road also.

Can I leverage my experience (i think i have a lot..) to move into a management role when i don't have any job experience in that role?

Should I just lie on my resume?

Thanks

133 comments

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My perspective on this:

Starting your own side business to get the living expenses covered and then quitting and rolling a one man company.

Perhaps it's not being the manager that you want, but to control your own destiny? Being a manager will just lock you in even more.

Also no more need to drive 70km!

Use your current job, if you’re actively hunting already! I don’t mean try to be a manager there - I mean, get their feedback on why they haven’t already made you a manager in your next 1:1.

Your boss may not know you want it, or they know you want it and can provide insight on what you have to do to get there.

Definitely worth chatting with your manager. Sometimes an internal move is all it takes get on a career path you are excited about
I'll second/third this. When I was interested in becoming a manager, I talked to my manager about it and developed a long term plan to make the transition. This included stuff like going through internal company courses on management and incrementally taking on management-type responsibilities and tasks. I ended up changing my mind, but I'd say your manager can be a good resource for making that transition.
Do you know what a manager does? Why do you think you’d enjoy/be good at that type of work?

Or is it more that you don’t want to be a developer?

Were you a team lead or squad lead? That’s a form of management experience. Were you a mentor for junior employees even if not a team lead? That’s another (weaker) form.

If your company has a need for squad/team leads, take one of those spots and try it out. You may very well find that you hate that more than whatever is bugging you now.

(I’m hoping to “retire” from management someday and go back to SWE3 type of coding. Grass is always greener and all that.)

My belief: If you’re burned out on engineering, switching to management probably won’t fix it.

Is being a manager better? Is it a raise you want? There may be other ways. I make more than my manager.

I've had great managers and I've worked with great software developers and while it certainly helps to be a great developer to be a great manager, some of the worst managers I've had were also great developers. You may have a different skillset. And I don't know that avoiding humiliation is the best motivation to want to be a manager.

As it stands now, I'm a self-employed contractor and that brings some of the upsides of being a manager. I am running my own small business, after all. Maybe that's worth considering? It's not without downsides, though, especially in a soft job market.

I've also been a developer for 15 years (I'm 40 and graduated late at 25) and feel some of your angst, though I think the traditional approach is to take up woodworking or try to start a brewery :-)

> Is being a manager better?

If a manager is higher on the totem pole, isn’t that by definition “better”?

No, not at all? It sounds like you have an implicit bias that "broader-scope" is "better". And/or "can wield more power" is "better". But those aren't better, only a role you might want for yourself, if what you want is to operate at a more abstract level or have power over people.
Yep, it’s the “can wield more power” is better. I’m biased in that way because to me if you fail when you don’t have a lot of power, the consequences are worse than when you fail as a CEO or some high level managerial position where you’re given golden handcuffs/parachutes.

In other words, to me it feels like an IC can “fail down” but managers/directors/c-suites only seem to “fail up” - hence, better. I also think managers make way more than an IC, as they are a “level above” in the org structure.

I’m happy to change my bias, but I haven’t seen any evidence to the contrary.

> No motivation for the interview process.

Sounds like a 3 months sabbatical is due?

Cynically speaking: You need to chase the opportunity you want. Also if that requires you to leave your current place. Being motivated to do that is important.

I would probably take 3 months in your situation. Do things you like, exit your comfort zone in non-work related matters.

I was in almost your exact same situation about 8 years ago. What I did was start looking for leadership positions outside of work. I became a CrossFit trainer, president of my HOA, and for a short while started my own business.

A friend of mine offered me an opportunity to lead a small team at a start-up, and I joined even though I made less money. I actually went back to being an IC after a few years because I didn't like managing at that company, but a few years after that, I had the chance to manage a team while the director was on paternity leave and I really enjoyed it. By that time, I'd read enough and had enough experience to get hired as a manager. So I changed jobs to manage a team full time and have enjoyed it since.

Good luck on your quest.

I made this jump quite quickly in my career and for me it came down to having a genuine interest in the operations of the company, joining meetings that weren't directly related to my work just to get a better understanding/share my views. It wasn't long before I was offered the position when someone else was leaving.

Basically make yourself and your interest visible.

But ask yourself if it's what you genuinely want, as well. The work and the responsibilities are very different to what you're doing as a developer. Maybe you haven't made the "jump" simply because you don't want to? I know there's a theoretical ladder of progression "up the chain" but I don't know if it's true; they're simply different roles suited to different personalities. It's quite common to hear of developers who went into management only to regret it. There are other options, like tech lead etc. that could give you a position of working more in the overview side of things and that could put your experience to good use, while still remaining faithful to the interests you had that brought you into this worldiin the first place.

But definitely if you feel like you're stuck in a rut with your current company then _communicate that_ to someone already in management where you're at and brainstorm some ideas. If your company is healthy then they'll appreciate that and appreciate you and help you find an avenue to explore.

If they aren't receptive to that, then you might start considering if the problem is with yourself and your age or whatever you're suggesting now, or with the environment you're working in.

Best of luck to you!

> I made this jump quite quickly in my career and for me it came down to having a genuine interest in the operations of the company, joining meetings that weren't directly related to my work just to get a better understanding/share my views.

For anyone reading this, remember to understand the tightrope before walking it. Sharing your views is great, but only in the right context. Most people benefit from listening rather than talking early on.

Sounds like you really want out of your current situation. And "promoted to management" is the only exit you can see, without heavy financial penalties or social stigma.

I don't get the sense that you have any actual interest in studying or doing management.

Yep, unhealthy interest in personal status rather than in the health and success of the team.

Which would make for a terrible manager.

I'm a couple years away from 50, and "stuck as a developer" and it's fine, and having "young people above me" is no concern. They're team-mates and sometimes friends.

If I eventally make the switch to management, it would be because I got less interested sofware systems and more in team systems.

!(manager > engineer). Just different.

this is the case for most managers, unfortunately, and this is what is destroying the industry. These are the people who will manage people and have no clue how people operate, most causes of burnout that I have seen come from managers that don't care about people, they just push tasks and see people as resources.

The first step I always think that is being honestly concerned and caring about people and making them the best that they can be without toxic behavior and then balance it with company expectations and project management skills.

Folks complain that this is too much to learn, but this is the reason why managers get paid more. Not the case in the real world, unfortunately

I want to be a manager as well, and I haven’t had any opportunities to become one. I’m often a go-to but I haven’t been able to go one rung up to management, either because there are already people with management experience so I get passed up, or I joined a team that recently got a new manager. Either way, I’m not seeing any opportunities and it’s extremely maddening.

So if I can study my way into management, I’d love to know more about it. Simply getting a masters or an MBA shouldn’t cut it, because it’s just theory and not real experience, right?

As someone who fought 10 years to get it, it's not easy. Best way is to find a situation where you can be promoted internally, at least to a team lead. Make it clear to your boss that's what you want to do, and hopefully he or she will listen and you'll get lucky. Alternatively work in your current position to get some experience that could lead to a team lead position (project management, coaching, 1 on 1's leading discussions, etc), and start applying for them.
> younger folks are above me. It feels undignified, humiliating at times.

I'm not sure becoming a manager would solve that, as there might still be younger people managing you. Even if you become CEO, shareholders and investors might be younger too. I think a better approach would be to discover first why it bothers you so to be managed by someone younger.

it is also about why are you there. Both friends and I have had manager that are decades younger than us. Wasn't really a problem. Depending what if you want to deal with meetings, C-Level people, or just develop software at your job.
> why it bothers you so to be managed by someone younger.

The idea that when you grow up you go up in rank. And if you have younger people who are above you, and you have not moved up at all, then you feel like you’re not performing well.

I think this feeling is artificial and externally influenced. Some of us are made to do work. Others are made to oversee. They are both equal in rank. Just different set of skill.

I think this is the core of it. Good managers never feel like they “outrank” you, they make you feel like they operate in a broader context and allow you to do your best work.

I am management now, I only took this role because every time I trusted someone else to manage they let me down; but it really is just a different job, its not “superior” and using words like that to describe management is a huge part of the problem.

Indeed. The word superior comes from army ranking as in superior officer via chain of command.

And then there is the other word: subordinate.

Can your reports fire you?
Well, no but that's mainly because of asymmetric numbers.

If all reports of a manager complain to the managers manager, that manager will likely be reassigned or reprimanded in a similar manner to a manager and an IC.

Also I should note that in most of Europe (at least the parts I've worked in), a managers voice is just a louder voice in a room of other managers- and firing someone is something that is not done by an individual, it's a discussion with managers and HR.

It's not taken lightly to fire people, even in places that are "at will" (theoretically) like Denmark.

Depends on the company but I'd say in most small and medium-sized companies in the US, your manager can fire you without cause and be just fine with maybe some half-assed explanation if upper management asks questions.
At most companies your direct manager can't fire you either. They simply write reviews and escalate problems to upper management/executives/HR, who then decide whether to act on it or not.
Interesting. I never thought of managers as being a "higher rank" than those they are managing. Managers are just doing a particular job that needs to be done, like all of the other jobs in a company.
Ranking is about a hieararchy and where someone is positioned in it. Managers are positioned higher in the hiearchy so it seems fair to say they are "higher rank". Whether that translates to real power or not depends on a lot of things. I think this discussion is conflating ranking and skill and these don't often correlate.

> Managers are just doing a particular job that needs to be done, like all of the other jobs in a company.

That particular job can fire you, in most cases. Our industry lives in a bubble compared to most other industries. Here a senior programmer can have as much power as the manager that is managing them. Especially in the case of staff/principal engineers.

> Managers are positioned higher in the hiearchy

What hierarchy? Are you talking about the org chart? I don't see that as a hierarchy in the sense I think it's being used here. It's just a description of who is managing who, not of "rank" in some sort of militaryesque sense. My manager is not my "superior". He's the person responsible for ensuring that everyone in his department is working in an aligned manner, and for ensuring that everyone has the fewest roadblocks possible.

> That particular job can fire you, in most cases.

Well, he can't, really. He can recommend that I be fired, and his recommendation carries a great deal of weight, but it's not his call. But ignoring that...

I don't see how that's very relevant. But perhaps I'm just being misled by the use of the term "rank". That implies a superiority of some sort to me, and that superiority doesn't exist. It's just a different job, is all.

It also implies that "manager" is a rung up on a ladder, and I don't think it is. It's a different job altogether, not an evolution of the job I have.

You seem to be attributing your personal view of the world to the word "rank", to be honest. It's not about an individual's self worth or how you think companies to organize.
> It's not about an individual's self worth or how you think companies to organize.

Well, I already confessed that I'm not sure what people mean by "rank" here. I know it's not related to self-worth (not sure why you think I did relate it to that). But if it's not related to the org chart, then I don't have a clue what people mean by it.

What does the rank/hierarchy mean to you in this context?

It's the org chart. The. org. chart.

I think we're talking past each other.

Except managers have more authority and higher bonuses, the definition of higher rank.
The obvious solution is not to become a manager, but to become an 18-year-old.
We need more of this type of root cause analysis in our industry.
How do I get into your industry?
Root cause analysis, weren't you paying attention?
Slightly tangential, but in the span of my career, when I have worked with young people, I have enjoyed it much more than old boss-stereotyped bosses.

I only once had a younger supervisor, and I preferred that much more than an old boss.

Is it just me? I have also had a friend tell me the same.

Of the two best managers I've ever had, one was ancient and the other was fresh out of college. It leads me to think that age is not terribly relevant to the issue.
I quit my last job mainly because my new manager was a few years younger than me. I found it got under my skin but dude was kind of annoying too lol.
As a manager you have the responsibility of achieving some goal through other people. Have you tried this before, or always worked on individual tasks? If you haven't tried it, I bet there is some managerial responsibility you can pick up TODAY in your team which your engineering manager / team lead doesn't have time for, and which would help you both learn about management and your aptitude for it. Such proactivity might also get you promoted if you decide to stick with development, who knows?
There should be no shame in younger people above ourselves. I am 46 and a coupple of years ago the CEO and CTO of the company I worked for were in their twenties. It did not bother me at all. If they do their jobs properly, it is fine at any age. If they dont do their jobs properly, it is not fine at any age.
> Every day is mental pain as I get older and younger folks are above me. It feels undignified, humiliating at times.

Age is not a rank. If people younger than you are better at delivering value than you then they should be above you, and rightfully so.

Moreso if they outwork you.

You should get with the program and work on being at peace that other people around you can and often are better than you at something.

If you're hoping to become a manager so that you can abuse your position to keep others down, you definitely are not cut out to be a manager.

As others have said here, but I’ll try being more explicit: do you want to manage or do you want more money/respect?
I got my first management job because they needed a manager for a new team and I was already taking on and managing that new teams responsibilities in my current role.

I've promoted quite a few people into Team Lead and Manager roles and it was ALWAYS the person that was currently already leading, mentoring and making my problems go away.

Same with how do you get to be "Senior Engineer" or "Architect" ... do the job first.

It sounds like you just want a change of scenery and the prestige the title gives you, I don't even know if that will make you happy.

+1 to this. It is how I got “promoted”. And I am hesitant to call it a promotion, it is more like an entirely different job role compared to being an IC.
Management isn’t a promotion, it’s a different job, and being “stuck” as an IC shouldn’t be a thing. There’s nothing wrong with staying on the IC track forever and getting promotions rather than changing to management.

You say that there are no promotion opportunities, but have you talked to your EM about the gaps to the next IC level for you?

Hope I'm not being too much of an internet psychoanalyst here, but...

Couldn't agree more.

I think there's this perception from legacy engineering companies that a career track is a single line transitioning from IC to management, with some overlap defined by either pay grade or prestige (or both) between the seniors from IC and the juniors from management. This might be the source of OP's feelings of frustration.

I just crested the 10-year mark on my career and one of the things I try to sniff out in interviews is whether there's a genuinely workable long-term IC track which doesn't just fold into management, cause seniority in management in my experience is directly proportional to the number of hours you spend in meetings every week, and that's reaaally not for me.

@OP: perhaps you could go into more detail about why you feel unhappy being an IC to younger managers? I get that there's the accountability structure aspect of it, but it sounds like you're frustrated because they're younger despite them being in an orthogonal career track. Are the managers you dislike incompetent?

Even if there is an IC track, how viable is it. while management competition is stiff, there still tends to be more opportunities up top than engineers. Sure I could be CTO, but below the CTO there are not many high level engineers before you get to the standard level. There are a lot more opportunities to move up in management. Of course CTO is itself a management job that gives you a little time to look at something technical, and most of the high level technical positions under that are likewise more people jobs than technical.
This might help people sleep at night, but it's incorrect. Managers have more pay, more direct reports and more responsibility. It's the definition of a promotion.
There are upper technical people who don't have direct reports, but have more pay and responsibility. However there are a lot more in management than those positions in most companies.
At a seed-stage startup I was paid more than the CEO, and technical founder. High-value IC's absolutely can be paid more. I had plenty of responsibility, but it was in the systems not people.
I am an IC and I outlevel my manager and probably make more than my skip who is at the same level (I have some significant extra performance bonus equity grants), so no.

Obviously managers have more direct reports, the definition of an IC is that they have zero direct reports, besides maybe a temporary intern.

At any competent tech company, moving to management results in no immediate change to compensation. It is a transition, not a promotion.

Not true in tech companies , eng usually has an equivalent career ladder up to VP level with same pay bands
Just saw your comment after I added mine. There is too much gaslighting about management and what the role is.
So much gaslighting. It's a new role with more responsibility, more power and a higher salary or bonus. The definition of a promotion.
Be sure you want to become a manager.

(As a CTO coach, I'd say book a coach but ...)

Tell your boss. If they don't know there is no chance to be promoted. Ask what it takes to be promoted.

Know the boss of your boss. Only they can promote you to the same level as your boss. Your boss usually can't (Most important promotion tip).

Try to get some management into your job title for no salary increase. This makes it easier to switch jobs and be hired into a management role.

Try to become co-founder (CTO) in a small startup.

Found a startup on your own, easiest way to get the CTO title. Build for one year, close the startup if it doesn't work.

A person with 15 years of experience looking for a management position has relevant experience to apply for a management role. Start the conversation or apply! You may want to take time to understand and learn what's required to become a good manager. Also, you shouldn't be ashamed of ageing. Good luck!
> Every day is mental pain as I get older and younger folks are above me. It feels undignified, humiliating at times.

This is transitory. I get it, but it only stings now because you're not that old yet, so you feel you should be in that fight. A few years more and it's typical for the manager to be younger, nobody has the population pyramid for seniority promotions anymore.

It helps to get somewhat out of the ladder and go freelance or similar. It ends up being very very similar, but in your head you're on a different track.

Accepting a management position likely won't make the feelings you have disappear. You may not even like the day-to-day job of managing more than being a engineer, and there will still be people younger than you are higher than you on the totem pole. There is always a bigger fish.

Solve the "no motivation for the interview process" problem, and you may find that a change in scenery can fix the rest of the problems you are experiencing.

That sounds stressful.

There's a short book I like called The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday that talks about dealing with adversity like this.

The secret is to take full responsibility for your situation. Nobody will be more invested in your success than you are.

Ask yourself - why do you feel stagnant, and what can you do about it?

For example, talking to your manager about it, making a plan and working toward a promotion as an IC, taking over a struggling project and leading it to success, or transitioning into leading a team.

If it's changing jobs, take responsibility for understanding your goals and finding a role that fits.

And don't lie, that stuff catches up to you.

Seems like you must be really good at your developer job, otherwise you would get promoted. :)

You might want to move into a more mentorship role where younger developers have to look up to you.

Being a project manager is more about handling politics and trying to carve out a viable way forward.

Cannot emotionally connect. I have never once wanted to be a manager. It's a chore that I don't want.

Learning the skills is a beginning. Take notes during meetings, share them with the group. Engage your manager in planning, through questions or adding information. Give considerate feedback.

Leaders lead no matter what their job title is. If you think being a manager is what is needed to command respect then I think your view of leadership is skewed and you are only going to be authoritarian. If you want to grow focus on the outcomes you are achieving, engaging directly with the outcomes of the business and accelerating those is the way to get ahead. Frequently I see engineers who believe their work is to write code, this is not the right mental model, great engineers solve business problems through engineering, process design and at times simply through leadership and saying no. Ticket monkeys whose job is to code what is on a jira ticket and nothing but that, are limited in their use.
Sounds like to you need to find something you are fascinated by and excited to dive into without worrying about things like promotions, your age or the age of other people around you, your dignity, and other things that actually don't matter at all.

When you do find something like that life is joy and you can also become incredibly successful. Maybe management is that thing, but validate that you are really motivated for it and excited for all the hard work it will undoubtedly create for you. Or maybe it's something different.

If you're not sure, try many things, or ask yourself what would that thing be if it wasn't "work".