But the echo chamber is strong, there are hundreds (thousands?) of wealthy and well-connected teenagers graduating from the Andovers of the world who want to hear from their lauded peers.
As for me, my kids are at our neighborhood public school where my son's best friend has a single parent who drives full-time for Uber and had to borrow running shoes from the coach for cross-country. It's important to pick the life lessons you want your kids to experience before they leave your house, and in my book the "gold star" my son earned by recognizing his friend was hungry and offering to share a Subway footlong with him is worth far more in life than trying to decide which clubs to join at a top 10 university.
The advice in this blog post is specific to college, and the author of this post is in their last year; they certainly have the qualifications to give advice catered to incoming college students.
For what it's worth, I've been out of college for a bit, and I've had very similar sentiments towards college as the author, but they came to me much later than they did for the author.
I might also resonate more with the article because I was one of those people who fell into the trap of following my peers instead of prioritizing what I was actually interested in.
> Many of the incoming students I speak with are overachievers who spent a lot of time in high school thinking about how to get into a great college. They strategized their extracurriculars and optimized their grades. (To an extent, that was me.)
It really is a different world for the well-connected.
I went to a Stanford comparable school for my undergrad.
I was not connected, being the child of first generation immigrant parents who never heard of schools like "Princeton" or "Duke" until I was in 10th grade.
I had to make my own path and optimize for admissions, as a top tier program helped open doors that my parents could only dream of.
This story is common for most kids at these programs.
By "this story", are you referring to your story, or the story described in the parent post "> Many of the incoming students I speak with are overachievers who spent a lot of time in high school thinking about how to get into a great college. They strategized their extracurriculars and optimized their grades. (To an extent, that was me.)"?
Referring to thelastparadise saying "It really is a different world for the well-connected."
It is, but plenty of us at these programs went to average High Schools but had great grades, extracurriculars, and an actual goal we wanted to achieve.
HFT, Consulting, Politics, Venture Capital, Investment Banking, Entrepreneurship, Well paying entry level tech jobs (this is achievable at most decent programs though)
What do you think of people that couldn’t get into Princeton or Duke and don’t have these opportunities? Are we just inferior?
I worked at Amazon as my first job out of college - I don’t think you count that as a “well paying tech job” though. Not seeing much reflection on your part of the fairness of this “meritocracy” either.
What should people like me do if we are going to be considered inferior for the rest of our lives?
They seem to think that there wasn't 10 other equally qualified students that could have had their spot had the dice fallen slightly differently.
Anyways, to answer your question: just live your life man. If you wake up in the morning with a roof over your head (and no odious debt) and have a nice cup of coffee and can say "what a nice day it is," you win. How do these silly status games even matter? Who cares if you make $300k more than you can spend in a year?
I live my life but then I wake up realizing I have accomplished nothing in my life and that I’m inherently inferior and won’t have any of the experiences these elite school types take for granted. It feels like I’m stuck in a hopeless rut, having gotten nothing for my work while everyone (including presumably OP) looks down on me.
> while everyone (including presumably OP) looks down on me
I ain't looking down on you for your educational background. I'm just pointing out the bitter elitist truth outside the tech and accounting industries.
> I live my life but then I wake up realizing I have accomplished nothing
That's bullshit. You worked at AMAZON - one of the largest companies and brands in the world. Even kids at MIT and UCB and Stanford aren't getting new grad offers there anymore in 2023. Most freshman CS students would look up to you.
Pat yourself on the back, you worked at a S tier company. It sounds like you're in a mid-20s rut. Take a deep breath, go backpack for a bit, go live your bliss, and stop giving a fuck about external validation. Do what makes you happy. In 10 years you'll look back and see how much you have accomplished.
Nobody can look down on you unless you do that to yourself first. People here are just random strangers on the Internet, and what we think about you shouldn't be relevant to what you're actually worth.
You choose the people to compare yourself with. There's really no point in choosing a group to compare yourself with if it makes you feel sad and inferior.
Maybe you're in a bad spot now (judging from your username) but don't let money and "career achievements" determine your worth. In the end, very very few people, even in tech, are able to accomplish actually meaningful things beyond getting a paycheck and feeding their families. (I mean, for example, would I want to be Mark Zuckerberg? Probably not, being responsible for creating a mostly toxic social network isn't necessarily something to be proud of as my legacy.)
You probably need to reorient yourself, trust that your value doesn't just come from the number in your paycheck or how high you climb the corporate ladder, and figure out your own reason for getting out of bed every morning.
I mean, I know it's easier said than done, but I can only say what I can say here. Good luck.
> What do you think of people that couldn’t get into Princeton or Duke and don’t have these opportunities? Are we just inferior?
You don't have an alumni network. That is the issue. There's no major skill difference between a Mich undergrad or a MSU undergrad that couldn't be rectified in a year of training, but no employer wants to deal with that.
It's difficult to break into the following without an elite private school or public flagship as your Bachelors degree:
It's unfair, but it is what it is. These are industries that employ at most 3,000-10,000 people globally.
> I worked at Amazon as my first job out of college - I don’t think you count that as a “well paying tech job” though
It is a well paying entry tech job, but take a look at your class of fellow NCGs - most will have attended CS/EE/EECS/ECE at Cal, UCLA, Mich, Illinois, GATech, UW, etc which are extremely difficult and expensive to get into. If you can get into CS at that kind of school, you are equally capable to get into top private schools like USC or CMC or Chicago as well (like a couple of my EECS@Cal hs friends who chose that over UChicago or USC).
Tech (and Accounting) is also unique in that it is a massive equalizer. They are both white collar industries with MASSIVE margins, extremely high skill barriers of entry, and not as school prestige oriented.
> What should people like me do if we are going to be considered inferior for the rest of our lives?
Work in tech, cognizant that your starting TC is higher than that of a Senator or Chief of Staff, and recognize that your only options are to either play the game (prestige whoring/marrying up a la Toms Wambsagan) or make your own game (upskill in knowledge industries like Tech or Accounting, build your own thing).
The world is a dog eat dog place. Live with it. Those of us who's parents immigrated from Latin America, Eastern Europe, Asia, and Africa had our families instill this reality in us. It's high time for Americans and Western Europeans to recognize that too.
What exactly is an NCG? The new grads that started with me went to UMBC, MSU, UTenn, Clemson, SDSU and Cal Poly SLO. People at the public ivies you mentioned go to Google, not Amazon (generally speaking).
> cognizant that your starting TC is higher than that of a Senator or Chief of Staff
My starting TC was only $150k about 5 years ago so this is definitely not true.
> Latin America, Eastern Europe, Asia, and Africa had our families instill this reality in us.
My dude I’m literally Indian. There were lots of Indians at my cow college!
> UMBC, MSU, UTenn, Clemson, SDSU and Cal Poly SLO
Those are all decent Eng schools which are hard to get into. Sure they ain't "Harvard" but they are still prestigious. CS@SLO was my target school actually (though ended up getting rejected).
> My starting TC was only $150k about 5 years ago so this is definitely not true.
That is higher than most Chiefs of Staff working in the House or Senate (aka 15-20 YoE); and factoring in Base+Stock Appreciation you would have broken $170k, especially factoring the fact that WA didn't have income tax back then, which DC does.
My wife leveraged a top-10 school who gave her full undergrad scholarship + housing allowance + spending stipend to go from growing up eating rice and ketchup for most family meals to $300,000/year at MBB.
I mean I make $300k a year too but I’m not exactly going to be considered “smart” by anyone because I went to a mediocre ag school. It just feels so hopeless.
What hope can I even have if I’ve already failed, either because I’m lazy or just incapable of being an overachiever?
I also went to a similar level non-Stanford school. My family was "not at all connected" (my parents' generation was the first on either side to attend college) and we spent a fair amount of time doing things that were (in retrospect to me, less sure about my parents' knowledge) optimizing for admissions.
For every kid whose parents bought the university a building there are hundreds who did nothing more than follow the cookbook process to optimize their transcript, extracurriculars, and then won the admissions lottery.
I agree but I don't understand how your statement relates to what you quoted.
You don't have to be well-connected to plan your high school years with getting into a highly selective college in mind. Your family probably does have to be not poor, which is more common than being well-connected. If you're not poor, you're more likely to have good extracurricular opportunities available and to have time for them and for studying (vs. having to work an unimpressive job to help support the family and/or spend long hours commuting from home to a better high school).
And this poor kid has started working for the Stanford Internet Observatory, one of the biggest censors of the Internet. It's sad that this is going on at an institution of higher learning.
The advice mostly still applies if you replace "Stanford" with "Higher Education Program"
For most 18 year olds, doing well in school has been _the_ thing to focus on, for their entire life. Using school as a means to achieve something _else_ is a pretty big change in how they think about the world. And using it well requires both knowing what the "something else" is and how to use your higher education program to achieve it.
This shift comes at the same time as a huge amount of independence & life changes (from parents/home town), and most people I know (me included) didn't really understand the purpose of higher education until they were a senior, or later
Or even if they do, it's hard at 18 to know what the "something else" is
To give some context here it should also be said that many 18 year olds don't even remotely have a fixed vision of what that "something else" will be. In Germany there are multiple programms in schools for students around the time the decision for university/ learning a trade/ ... etc. comes to explicitly prepare people to find that "something" for themselves.
I generally agree, but having a degree from a top 20 school would definitely make even a software development career easier, just because some companies filter candidates based on that, and some filter even more aggressively. And if you want to start a startup, being friends with connected folks from Stanford would help... assuming connecting with them is possible if they're wealthy and you're not -- assuming you can bridge the cultural gap.
A lot of success really is who you know, so going somewhere where you meet a lot of people who are going somewhere can be very useful. But of course, they also need to be people who are open to networking, understand the value of networks, etc., which I suspect is somewhat more true of people who attend Stanford than those who go to UCs just because of the mindset of the folks going in.
A CS degree from Stanford is how you get a red carpet entry to a $500k+ entry-level AI/VC/Trading role.
An astounding amount of tribal knowledge is hidden behind elite-CS-spaces. Some high-school hackers are the right combination of lucky, talented-and savvy enough to enter these spaces. But, walking that path without the fallback of an elite university puts you 1 mis-step away from eternal mediocrity.
Having known a number of people taking that route, I don't believe it guarantees success any more than following a less defined path. If ones definition of success is limited to money, then maybe.
I don't believe one can be successful and miserable. Accepting misery is accepting failure. You can have money and be miserable. It is actually quite common.
I have read "directionality" being translated as trend in Spanish. I think it is a misnomer because it doesn't appear on the Cambridge dictionary. The correct word should be direction!
Directionality is a tendency to move in direction (presumably rather than meander).
Direction is ... a direction.
A person may "have a direction" but lack directionality, and thus fail to move in that direction. Somebody else may lack a direction, but should one become established, their directionality may ensure that they move along it.
But ... it's all gobbledygook speech and mostly meaningless. A person does not have momentum either, other than as a metaphor or in the uninteresting case of simply being physically in motion, which I doubt Stanford cares about.
Yes, but I read directionality to include the thoughtful/intentional choice of a given direction, making the pairing of "you should be thoughtful about your choice of direction" (directionality) and "you should also commit energy to ensure you actually make progress in that direction" (momentum).
Suggesting that students can't milk their prestigious degree is just false. It is a fact that you can, and it is stated as supporting the author's argument.
Being a student at Stanford (or anywhere else) doesn't obligate one to 'great pursuits'. This is just evangelical nonsense trying to keep the prestige of the school high. It also sets up a false narrative that an individual's choices are the main factor of one's success.
I think there is value in looking at recognizing that school isn't an end in itself, but this sort of preachy message is too much.
Here's some better advice: Do what you want, ignore people telling you the 'right way'.
I don't disagree with you completely, but I do disagree slightly. The biggest part of what bugs me about the article is the assumption it makes implicitly that there is some external arbiter of what is good and bad.
The only person whose opinion of whether a life is wasted that actually matters is the person living it. We can hold opinions on whether another person's life is wasted, but it doesn't matter. We don't get to decide that. If they find joy in something I would hate, they should do it. My opinion doesn't matter.
That's the basis of why I think the article misses the mark. There is no right way or wrong way to 'use your education'. Each person gets to decide how to do their thing, and to decide whether they are succeeding or not. Success to me might look like failure to you (we may be measuring different things with different value systems).
Typically, Berkeley was more brutal. The EECS Undergraduate Handbook (graduation contract) used to say that the prestige of the Berkeley degree increases with distance from the Campanile.
Feels like there's so much massive societal damage coming out of Stanford (Theranos, FTX, so much more...), that it's kind of a dying platform. If I'm a high-achieving high-schooler, I'm going to have real second thoughts about applying here.
67 comments
[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 206 ms ] threadAs for me, my kids are at our neighborhood public school where my son's best friend has a single parent who drives full-time for Uber and had to borrow running shoes from the coach for cross-country. It's important to pick the life lessons you want your kids to experience before they leave your house, and in my book the "gold star" my son earned by recognizing his friend was hungry and offering to share a Subway footlong with him is worth far more in life than trying to decide which clubs to join at a top 10 university.
Also sounds like you’re doing something right with your son. Tip o’ the cap.
For what it's worth, I've been out of college for a bit, and I've had very similar sentiments towards college as the author, but they came to me much later than they did for the author.
I might also resonate more with the article because I was one of those people who fell into the trap of following my peers instead of prioritizing what I was actually interested in.
Sounds like a Stanford kid.
It really is a different world for the well-connected.
I was not connected, being the child of first generation immigrant parents who never heard of schools like "Princeton" or "Duke" until I was in 10th grade.
I had to make my own path and optimize for admissions, as a top tier program helped open doors that my parents could only dream of.
This story is common for most kids at these programs.
It is, but plenty of us at these programs went to average High Schools but had great grades, extracurriculars, and an actual goal we wanted to achieve.
What’s an example?
I worked at Amazon as my first job out of college - I don’t think you count that as a “well paying tech job” though. Not seeing much reflection on your part of the fairness of this “meritocracy” either.
What should people like me do if we are going to be considered inferior for the rest of our lives?
Anyways, to answer your question: just live your life man. If you wake up in the morning with a roof over your head (and no odious debt) and have a nice cup of coffee and can say "what a nice day it is," you win. How do these silly status games even matter? Who cares if you make $300k more than you can spend in a year?
I ain't looking down on you for your educational background. I'm just pointing out the bitter elitist truth outside the tech and accounting industries.
> I live my life but then I wake up realizing I have accomplished nothing
That's bullshit. You worked at AMAZON - one of the largest companies and brands in the world. Even kids at MIT and UCB and Stanford aren't getting new grad offers there anymore in 2023. Most freshman CS students would look up to you.
Pat yourself on the back, you worked at a S tier company. It sounds like you're in a mid-20s rut. Take a deep breath, go backpack for a bit, go live your bliss, and stop giving a fuck about external validation. Do what makes you happy. In 10 years you'll look back and see how much you have accomplished.
You choose the people to compare yourself with. There's really no point in choosing a group to compare yourself with if it makes you feel sad and inferior.
Maybe you're in a bad spot now (judging from your username) but don't let money and "career achievements" determine your worth. In the end, very very few people, even in tech, are able to accomplish actually meaningful things beyond getting a paycheck and feeding their families. (I mean, for example, would I want to be Mark Zuckerberg? Probably not, being responsible for creating a mostly toxic social network isn't necessarily something to be proud of as my legacy.)
You probably need to reorient yourself, trust that your value doesn't just come from the number in your paycheck or how high you climb the corporate ladder, and figure out your own reason for getting out of bed every morning.
I mean, I know it's easier said than done, but I can only say what I can say here. Good luck.
You don't have an alumni network. That is the issue. There's no major skill difference between a Mich undergrad or a MSU undergrad that couldn't be rectified in a year of training, but no employer wants to deal with that.
It's difficult to break into the following without an elite private school or public flagship as your Bachelors degree:
HFT, Consulting, Politics, Venture Capital, Investment Banking, Entrepreneurship
It's unfair, but it is what it is. These are industries that employ at most 3,000-10,000 people globally.
> I worked at Amazon as my first job out of college - I don’t think you count that as a “well paying tech job” though
It is a well paying entry tech job, but take a look at your class of fellow NCGs - most will have attended CS/EE/EECS/ECE at Cal, UCLA, Mich, Illinois, GATech, UW, etc which are extremely difficult and expensive to get into. If you can get into CS at that kind of school, you are equally capable to get into top private schools like USC or CMC or Chicago as well (like a couple of my EECS@Cal hs friends who chose that over UChicago or USC).
Tech (and Accounting) is also unique in that it is a massive equalizer. They are both white collar industries with MASSIVE margins, extremely high skill barriers of entry, and not as school prestige oriented.
> What should people like me do if we are going to be considered inferior for the rest of our lives?
Work in tech, cognizant that your starting TC is higher than that of a Senator or Chief of Staff, and recognize that your only options are to either play the game (prestige whoring/marrying up a la Toms Wambsagan) or make your own game (upskill in knowledge industries like Tech or Accounting, build your own thing).
The world is a dog eat dog place. Live with it. Those of us who's parents immigrated from Latin America, Eastern Europe, Asia, and Africa had our families instill this reality in us. It's high time for Americans and Western Europeans to recognize that too.
> cognizant that your starting TC is higher than that of a Senator or Chief of Staff
My starting TC was only $150k about 5 years ago so this is definitely not true.
> Latin America, Eastern Europe, Asia, and Africa had our families instill this reality in us.
My dude I’m literally Indian. There were lots of Indians at my cow college!
New College Grad
> UMBC, MSU, UTenn, Clemson, SDSU and Cal Poly SLO
Those are all decent Eng schools which are hard to get into. Sure they ain't "Harvard" but they are still prestigious. CS@SLO was my target school actually (though ended up getting rejected).
> My starting TC was only $150k about 5 years ago so this is definitely not true.
That is higher than most Chiefs of Staff working in the House or Senate (aka 15-20 YoE); and factoring in Base+Stock Appreciation you would have broken $170k, especially factoring the fact that WA didn't have income tax back then, which DC does.
What hope can I even have if I’ve already failed, either because I’m lazy or just incapable of being an overachiever?
For every kid whose parents bought the university a building there are hundreds who did nothing more than follow the cookbook process to optimize their transcript, extracurriculars, and then won the admissions lottery.
You don't have to be well-connected to plan your high school years with getting into a highly selective college in mind. Your family probably does have to be not poor, which is more common than being well-connected. If you're not poor, you're more likely to have good extracurricular opportunities available and to have time for them and for studying (vs. having to work an unimpressive job to help support the family and/or spend long hours commuting from home to a better high school).
https://www.npr.org/2023/07/19/1188828810/stanford-universit...
Well, I'm sure that resignation came about after a thorough finding of misconduct. checks notes Oh. Exonerated?! https://www.science.org/content/article/stanford-president-t...
Well, I'm sure that these were probably shocking, recent revelations that brought this about? checks notes again Years, you say?
https://freespeechproject.georgetown.edu/tracker-entries/sta...
Oh Stanford. You scamp.
And this poor kid has started working for the Stanford Internet Observatory, one of the biggest censors of the Internet. It's sad that this is going on at an institution of higher learning.
For most 18 year olds, doing well in school has been _the_ thing to focus on, for their entire life. Using school as a means to achieve something _else_ is a pretty big change in how they think about the world. And using it well requires both knowing what the "something else" is and how to use your higher education program to achieve it.
This shift comes at the same time as a huge amount of independence & life changes (from parents/home town), and most people I know (me included) didn't really understand the purpose of higher education until they were a senior, or later
Or even if they do, it's hard at 18 to know what the "something else" is
With a qualification in place, it's good advice.
Tech is one of the few fields you can succeed in without having to go to an elite university or enter higher education at all.
A lot of success really is who you know, so going somewhere where you meet a lot of people who are going somewhere can be very useful. But of course, they also need to be people who are open to networking, understand the value of networks, etc., which I suspect is somewhat more true of people who attend Stanford than those who go to UCs just because of the mindset of the folks going in.
An astounding amount of tribal knowledge is hidden behind elite-CS-spaces. Some high-school hackers are the right combination of lucky, talented-and savvy enough to enter these spaces. But, walking that path without the fallback of an elite university puts you 1 mis-step away from eternal mediocrity.
I don't believe one can be successful and miserable. Accepting misery is accepting failure. You can have money and be miserable. It is actually quite common.
What's the difference between "directionality" and "direction"?
Direction is ... a direction.
A person may "have a direction" but lack directionality, and thus fail to move in that direction. Somebody else may lack a direction, but should one become established, their directionality may ensure that they move along it.
But ... it's all gobbledygook speech and mostly meaningless. A person does not have momentum either, other than as a metaphor or in the uninteresting case of simply being physically in motion, which I doubt Stanford cares about.
(Edit: and potentially spin out of control and hit a wall...)
Being a student at Stanford (or anywhere else) doesn't obligate one to 'great pursuits'. This is just evangelical nonsense trying to keep the prestige of the school high. It also sets up a false narrative that an individual's choices are the main factor of one's success.
I think there is value in looking at recognizing that school isn't an end in itself, but this sort of preachy message is too much.
Here's some better advice: Do what you want, ignore people telling you the 'right way'.
i think this is not true. Stanford or any Ivy League essentially guarantees you get a good 9-5 job
When we focus on the metrics of successful employment we risk losing track of what matters more.
I don't disagree with you completely, but I do disagree slightly. The biggest part of what bugs me about the article is the assumption it makes implicitly that there is some external arbiter of what is good and bad.
The only person whose opinion of whether a life is wasted that actually matters is the person living it. We can hold opinions on whether another person's life is wasted, but it doesn't matter. We don't get to decide that. If they find joy in something I would hate, they should do it. My opinion doesn't matter.
That's the basis of why I think the article misses the mark. There is no right way or wrong way to 'use your education'. Each person gets to decide how to do their thing, and to decide whether they are succeeding or not. Success to me might look like failure to you (we may be measuring different things with different value systems).
I know he would have endorsed the critique above:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd_ptbiPoXM
Berkeley is still hell and I'd hire a Cal grad in a heartbeat, but that is also why Cal is an elite program