Ask HN: How do you get out of a rut?
Software dev of 12+ years.
I'm in the worst creative and motivational rut I've ever been in.
I can't get excited about code anymore, and creative solutions simply will not come to me. Every single coding task feels 100x the effort that it actually is.
I desperately need to get out of this rut, as it's killing my mood and causing me to spiral downward. I've always been a great engineer but something changed in the last few months.
How have you gotten out of ruts in your life?
109 comments
[ 3.7 ms ] story [ 185 ms ] threadI'm 37, never figured out an exit plan from a dead-end tech career (QA & test automation), and may be facing homelessness in the near future.
I’m exactly 35 and in the same situation as the OP.
> I read this as "person, 35-ish, stuck in a rut" which is a situation so common that automakers engineer cars like the Mazda Miata specifically for people in it.
This refers to people going through a "mid life crisis" who end up buying a Mazda Miata convertible to drive around town in an effort to look young, cool, stylish, etc.
Now when I ride, everything is easy, relaxing. On my commute, I only pay attention to riding. No music, radio, or cellphone. The commute allows twice a day to recharge.
But regardless of "buy a car", put some effort into a thing you've always wanted to try to explore, no matter how "pointless" and explore it -- the point of life is to live it and we're all so willing to fall into our own filter bubble of life -- very realized at 'mid age' (41 here, really starting to appreciate birds and cars going slow by my house...)
Find YOU, no matter how unproductive financially / whatever metric that may be!
Find a local spin class. (In-person group class, not a peloton)
I've found spin classes to be an amazing way to go from "not in shape at all" to "in really good shape" without needing to come up with a complicated exercise routine. Spin classes are extremely welcoming to anyone of all fitness levels. Extremely low impact.
The main reason I like spin classes is the energy of the class. You're in a room with a bunch of people, usually with the lights down low, with upbeat music playing loudly. Since you ride to the beat of the music, I often end up sliding into a "flow" state which makes the time fly by.
2nd reason spin classes are great for getting in shape is there's a lot less next-day soreness to deal with compared to starting a more traditional workout routine.
Change your job. Change your relationship. Change the city where you live. Change your primary hobby. Change your friends. Go back to school or start a business. Go somewhere you've never been before, the further away the better.
You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do all of these, but you should probably do at least one of them. And changing your job seems to be one of the more effective and easiest ones, in my experience, and may naturally facilitate a few other changes as well.
Also take a break before the change happens, if you can. Like tell a new job you'll be available to start two weeks after you quit the other job (don't word it like that, just say you'll be available to start like 4 weeks after accepting a job offer). You probably could use at least a couple of weeks, if not more, to not have to think about code.
we are all wired diff. adding 3 more - may or may not work for you but here we go:
1/ explore new ideas: read, go look at art in museum, play games. expose yourself to creative work of others 2/ read https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/01431... and do some of the exercises 3/ workout. if already doing it = ignore. if not = exercise. 5+ days/week
tldr/same as OP: take action
It's actually a pretty common pattern to observe, where someone is really upset about an issue, but doesn't try anything to improve it. I think everyone falls into this trap at times, to varying degrees. Doing something about a problem, even if you aren't sure the best path, usually helps you feel better immediately and can often lead to a good solution sooner or later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkKwyjsJGxk
- O U T - O F - I D E A S -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHcqNVjGJN4
https://github.com/sei40kr/nvimacs
As much as I admire the sentiment here to change the surroundings that puts someone in the vicious cycle of negative thinking, most of these are impractical. Changing a job as easy as you say is a privilege most can't afford in my opinion.
I was in a rut and in sessions with a therapist became convinced that it was all my wife's fault. Now I don't have a wife and there's no hope of going back. A nebulous rut related to not having enough purpose or socialization in life has been replaced by a deep depression and crippling loneliness.
Don't worry about the grass on the other side of the fence. Watering your own lawn is often better than moving on.
My advice on how to dig yourself out of a rut - Spend a week focusing on making your loved ones' lives as happy and easy as possible. Removing a stressor from someone else's life will make you feel better about your own stressors. Making someone smile on the outside will make you smile on the inside.
There's always risk when making big changes, and relationships are probably the toughest change to make, since it tends to be a permanent one, but for some people, it's also the one they need most.
Sounds like it wasn't in your case, but unfortunately it can be hard to know for certain until you make the change, which sucks. I do wish that sometimes I could set a savepoint like in video games, try something different for a while, then be able to go back to the checkpoint if I'm not happy with the change. I'm sure I'd make more changes in my own life if I had the ability to do that.
I don't understand. It sounds like the situation vastly improved.
But it did seem to be more effective and easier than some other options at getting me out of the rut I was in at the time. Also when I actually pulled the trigger and put myself out there on LinkedIn, it ended up being easier to find a new job than I thought, although in fairness that was also in 2021 when tech hiring was still white hot.
By change friends, I just mean start going to meetups and meet some new people, find a couple other people you might like hanging out with. They can introduce you to new experiences that way. I've been doing that myself recently. Went to a dinner meetup with 8 people I've never met before just last Friday night, and a meetup at an Oktoberfest meetup with mostly new faces the week before that. And went back to a book club meetup I hadn't gone to since before the pandemic the week before that (and read a book I'd been meaning to read for a long time for it).
Changing which hobby you focus on isn't that hard either, unless you're trying expensive hobbies, but even then there's usually cheap ways you can experience them, like take a few lessons, or watch Youtube videos about it. But for me this wouldn't be enough, I already bounce around from hobby to hobby anyway. For someone who had only had one main hobby focus for most of their life though, or doesn't really have any hobbies outside of work, this could be enough to get them out of a rut.
Again these are ideas for changes and I only suggested changing one of them, not all of them. Some changes will be more suitable for someone based on their current situation than others. And really it doesn't even have to be these, they were just ideas. The main message was just 'Change something significant enough that you'll notice it'.
Like changing your breakfast cereal is likely not enough to get yourself out of a rut in life. But working out three times a week for six months and you start feeling better and healthier? That could be enough.
Agreed. It worked for me, at least, when it came to job. I was feeling stuck in my last job. There was nothing to complain about but something didn't feel right. Switching job improved my mood 100%.
Just a fair warning, after initial excitement of new job dies down, you may get buyer's remorse and miss your old job a lot. It was comfortable, you knew what you needed to do, you had built up respect and reputation. Now you will need to start over; just work hard through this period until it passes. Soon excitement and energy will return to you and you will be glad that you switched your job.
I moved to a different country. Found a partner but the emotional heavyness is still in me.
I am slowly waking up to the fact that I need friends that can handle my emotional state and who will support me. But how to find them in a new country ...
You know, moving and changing is good(for some) but be careful with burning bridges.
I was hoping to feel recharged and energized after, but for me, it didn't help. Mostly due to having to deal with some mental health stuff with one of our kiddos. It's been exhausting.
Best I’ve found is to try and keep things at a slow burn. You’ll never really relax but you can try to reduce the stress peaks.
25 years later I use every bit of my PTO...every year. I'm in a much better mental state.
If your office says they can't run without you, tell them you can go away for a week at a time occasionally, or you could get hit by a car and be gone forever...shouldn't their process have a little resilience?
Just be wary of hitting a cap because then new PTO gets straight up _deleted_ with no recourse (had this happen to a report of mine).
"I've been working here 40 year and never took a day off!"
Is not the flex you think it is.
I mean, use PTO if you need it. That's what it's there for, but you don't lose it if you don't use it (unless you hit a cap like I mentioned). The old dude you talked to was wrong when he said "you're not taking that money". You lose nothing by hoarding PTO (unless you hit the cap) since it gets paid out if you resign or get fired.
>"I've been working here 40 year and never took a day off!" >Is not the flex you think it is.
Who said this or implied this?
* LSD
* Do another job for a while
I've been struggling with work a lot lately and I think kid issues are a huge part of it. We've been having some serious behavior problems with our 7 y/o and it's taken A LOT of mental energy (and lots of actual time doing research, calling doctors, etc) to deal with.
I've been burnt out, tired, and just have no desires or interests lately and it's because all of my and my partner's energy is spent dealing with this.
Good luck and hold on. I hope you find a solution soon.
I used to enjoy hacking around in the evening, checking out new tech, rooting and flashing phones, overclocking computers, etc, however, now I literally don’t feel like doing anything.
Kids are hard.
Mid life is basically a 20-year hang-on until one's kids and work leave one so one feels a lot better.
Good luck and hang on there!
I think the way we get into this industry is a doubled edged sword. A lot of us do this because we love computers and software. The upside of this is that it's easy to stay motivated and move up. A lot of us probably grew up as black sheep in our communities, and are now being handsomely rewarded for our efforts. It's very validating.
However, I think there is a dark side to this validation. Eventually, some of us begin to see our self worth in our output. On top of that, there's always pressure to learn new things, because if you're not keeping up then you may get left behind. This is easy enough in your early 20's when you're full of drive, but real life responsibilities pile up with age, and it gets harder and harder.
I can't say for sure if you fall into this category, but I know I did, and I realized two problems.
1. I saw my self worth in my career. In general, I needed external validation to feel happy. This is not sustainable because sometimes you're working on projects that you know are bullshit, and sometimes you screw up. If you ever bite off more than you can chew or get stuck on a project you know is stupid, it will burn you out.
2. I needed to turn off the computer. You say that you desperately need to get out of this rut, but the rut isn't the problem. The fact that you think you need to get out of it is the problem.
Turn off the computer. Stop coding for a few days outside of work. Go outside and don't bring your phone. If you are on public transport or something and you have the urge to check your phone, pull out a book instead and begin reading.
It may sound counterintuitive, but all of this is way more productive and inspiring than desperately trying to escape a rut that was created by your own mind prison. You need to unplug for a while. You are most likely burned out.
This is an incredible insight in and of itself, thank you.
Do a good but not great job at work, and instead focus on doing things like travel or finding a girlfriend/boyfriend if you don't have one. Work out once a day, visit friends in other cities, go on a road trip, etc.
Overall, I'd suggest talking with a psychiatrist and psychologist. Get screened for depression and other possible mental issues that may cause this.
If everything else in life is amazing, maybe you're starting to burnout. Can you take a few weeks off?
Has worked for me multiple times.
1. How is my sleep?
2. Am I limiting caffeine intake?
3. Anything else affecting my sleep? Room temperature? Lights? White noise? Eating too late? Alcohol?
Sleep is how the brain repairs damage caused by daily life. Not enough or poor quality means you will drag, not just over days, but weeks and months is exactly a downward spiral.
4. Checked my Vitamin D levels recently and supplementing with D3/K?
Circadian rhythms and cognition are poorly studied, but there’s good evidence on Vitamin D and mood and seasonal affective disorder.
5. Managing stress?
Too much stress affects key brain functions like learning, memory, and attention. Too little sleep leads to more stress.
6. Exercising enough?
Am I getting outside daily, going for walks or runs, etc.
7. Nutrition
Am I making good food choices that give me sustained energy or am I eating mindlessly?
The pandemic was the last piece on nutrition for me. I saw how one bad meal (e.g. burger and fries) affected me for 2 days.
That sounds (almost literally) unbelievable to me. I've had periods of eating trash and periods of eating healthy home made food. It doesn't make any difference to how I feel.
(I understand people are different, I was just surprised how far from my experience this is).
But here's another one. Lower the stakes. Take some easier tasks. Try and reduce the stress of the job.
Could it be that you're not able to relate to how whatever you're doing actually matters? If so, I'd say speaking to a few would-be users might help.
For example if you don't like running or cycling, but you have to do it daily, then you'll end up liking it (be "motivated")
Otherwise, post pandemic I was in a similar situation. Some combination of time off, reduced load (stress), more sleep, more exercise, better nutrition all finally added up to getting me out. Good luck.
I think to get out of the rut, you actually need to do significant changes that feel scary but those are the only ones that will shake you and get you out of the rut. It’s actually really simple but also not easy. In a sense, we crave for that rut and familiarity of what the next day brings but that’s also what kills us. Need to shake up things periodically, try to discover other parts of yourself you didn’t know or forgot about. That will do the job.