Hacker News, thank you for all the links and all the great reading. Now I have to say goodbye.
I’m with my wife Bess (https://bessstillman.substack.com/) and my brother Sam, and crying, but it is okay. At the end of Lord of the Rings Gandalf says to the hobbits, "Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” And that is how I feel now. Ending prematurely hurts, but all things must end, and my time to end is upon me.
Gandalf also said, "End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it."
Also, props for a cool personal blog and project list, I'm listening to Phasmaphobe now... congrats on creating and publishing a full-length album! No easy feat.
Gandalf says this in the movies, not in the book. However the descriptive language is drawn from Frodo's dream in the barrow downs and his experience sailing into west at the end of LOTR.
> And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise.
But "sailing into the west" is not a metaphor for death, Valinor is not a metaphor for heaven (as it's a real place within LOTR world where e.g. Frodo dies). Gandalf's movie quote does not appear to be based on book material.
> But "sailing into the west" is not a metaphor for death, Valinor is not a metaphor for heaven
Tolkien wasn't a fan of allegory that's for sure and you won't find a 1:1 between his fictional works and his own religious beliefs but a devout Catholic like him was definitely channelling heaven as the new glorified Eden to some degree when describing the "undying lands" that were lifted up into the heavens after the corruption and treachery of Numenor and ruled by the great spiritual powers that rule as stewards for the Creator. The movie did paraphrase, and perhaps I'm wrong but I don't think its something that Tolkien would have been offended by.
Jake, I am so, so sorry for everything you’ve gone through and wish peace for you and the best for your loved ones. I’ve followed your story here and always been touched by your candor. Thank you for all your contributions. I was rooting for a better outcome and am sorry that it hasn’t arrived. Goodbye.
Thank you, Jake! ---and your wife --- for your links and great reading that highlight the importance of clinical trials for mRNA tumor vaccines! Will keep posting to HN her articles when they come out.
https://archive.ph/bessstillman.substack.com
(Archive listing jseliger's wife Bess Stillman on clinical trials (including how to navigate them as patients) as well as comments)
UPDATE:
other concretes that have been mentioned, that are worth highlighting:
0) assume good faith & promote (& improve) Right-to-Try
Thanks for sharing your journey with the world. I haven't read them all, but I have read several and while terrifying I know they will help others navigating similar journeys.
Rest well and all the love for those close to you.
Thank you Jake, it's been real to follow these developments.
You've touched a lot of us, and if leaving impressionable impacts on others is the highest quantifiable order in this life -- I think this was a job very well done :) and you've inspired many to continue that cycle. Rest well, see you on the other side.
I've been reading your writings for a few months and I can assure you that you're on a lot of strangers' minds, passively making positive change in other people. I wish all the best to you and your family.
Wishing you the best Jake. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I sort of believe the little bit of what Douglas Hofstadter said in I am a strange loop, essentially, small bits of your soul live on in the rest of us who read your story and interacted with you here.
Hey this might be kind of a weird thing to say but screw it. I’ve been suicidal recently and seriously considered ending my life. One reason I have decided to hold on and get help is inspiring stories like your own. I look at how much dignity, energy, and love you have espoused even while having a terminal illness and I feel ashamed. Some people out there have been given so little and done amazing things with it, and I’ve been given so much and done nothing. In this strange way I feel like I owe you something even though you’re a stranger on the Internet. I want to be someone like you who is strong. Just wanted to let you know that.
With love, please consider - the "shame" you're describing is really something else in a mask.
Perhaps... a longing? Maybe this stranger has helped you find the place where you do truly long for life.
Let the feeling be. Don't label it shame. Don't label it longing. Just let it be. Give it space. Cry if you feel like it. Laugh if you feel like it. Just feel it.
And when you're ready to speak about this with others, there will be many, many willing to be there for you. You are loved.
Another perspective: shame can be good. Feel it. Shame for who you are can light a fire in you, can propel you into transformation. Shame for one's past self is normal, if one has undergone any growth, and in time one may forgive himself. But not now, not when you know yourself and you see all the ways you are lacking. Not when you are so wholly disappointed in your life that you want to end it. _Longing_ for a different life will not result in change. Shame, and deeply ruminating on it can. In time you will transform and can forgive the past self you are ashamed of, but not now in your time of desperate need.
I think it’s worth drawing a distinction between guilt, which can be positive, and shame, almost never. Guilt is feeling badly because you know you’ve done wrong. Shame is feeling badly because other people know you’ve done wrong.
I still feel shame can be noble. To try to live up to the example of others and feel ashamed that you are not anywhere near their greatness. Not guilty, because you have not done wrong, but shame, because you are not enough compared to another.
I've been reading Five Chimneys by Olga Lengyel, a Holocaust survivor who went through the most terrible of ordeals. She became suicidal and a Frenchman who got her involved in the camp resistance told her that if there were just one reason not to do it, it was so she could do little things to make the lives of people around her better. She took this to heart and it pushed her through to eventual liberation and living till her 90s. I appreciate words are cheap, but I found this inspiring and a good way to think about life when all else seems lost.
Please don't be ashamed for your thoughts, nor feelings.
Each of us have struggles of our own and we cannot compare our paths or strength with others.
Just because some people cope differently, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or the way you process pain. Each of us is unique, with our own backstory.
I have recently also struggled with the decision whether to end my life. I was afraid to seek help and to talk to a professional.
If you ever feel like you need someone to listen or just talk to, please reach out at Twitter or at <username>@gmail.com
It takes a lot of courage to write what you've put into words out in the world, even if anonymously. You have value and it is possible to find the help, support and love you need. You can do it; you are strong enough. Please reach out: https://988lifeline.org/
Go in peace. Through your writing you've made a positive impact on me, and I'm sure others in your time here. That's all any of us ever hope to do. Go in peace.
You have been such an inspiration in how to make something impossible almost bearable. You are doing the hardest of hard things so well. Thank you for sharing and hope you find peace
Thank you for your writing - its taught me a lot about a lot of things. One concrete highlight is how important patient agency is in the patient-doctor relationship - which you've written about a few times.
I'm truly deeply sorry about this whole situation. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge.
2. Ultimately, reform and speed FDA approval for fatal diseases like recurrent / metastatic head and neck cancers: https://jakeseliger.com/2024/01/29/the-dead-and-dying-at-the.... A drug like petosemtamab (MCLA-158), which I was on from Sept. 27 2023 to March 29 2024, should already be approved, instead of continuing to wander around in clinical trials.
Have you discussed anything about targeted therapies? For example, how the different genetic makeup of some tumors are used to treat them. Keytruda comes to mind.
I see where he discusses it. He said it only works for a small group and not for him.
He’s mentions trying drugs that target EGFR mutations, which I believe tries to stop the blood supply to the tumor. Targeting specific protein receptors, like HER2 in breast cancer, seems to be promising.
The FDA is a joke. I mean that in the kindest way possible as someone with long covid waiting for the FDA to allow me access to previous covid therapeutics that show promise in this disease.
Yes the clinical trial system is super opaque and it's not clear what benefit one can get if one doesn't understand the process or even the risk profile of it.
This lack of patient agency applies to all of medicine, really.
I plan to improve patient-doctor relationship in general. Gut tells me that enabling educative access to the basic sciences component of medical school and paring it down to patient specific focus, we can enable much higher patient agency through better patient-doctor communication and a deeper understanding of ones condition.
More importantly a better decision making process and ability to query and understand the doctor.
I've been through this with my wife and it's just so important.
Thank you for writing such a transparent and deeply touching essay. Even if it was painful to read because the topic feel unsettling to me, it made me reflect a lot about life and gratefulness. I look forward to read the rest of the things you have posted
Reading your updates has been important to me since I started seeing your posts.
Thank you for taking the time and energy during the most difficult of circumstances to share your journey with the rest of us. I know it's given me a lot to think about and a lot to be grateful for.
Best of luck to you and yours as you come to the end of the journey. You'll be in my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your story, may the end come peacefully with family at your side, wishing you a safe journey to where we all must go someday to be reunited. My heartfelt condolences brother.
Thank you for your writing. I'm sorry it has come to this, and I don't quite know what to write other than that you've provided lots of valuable insight to an area I was unaware of.
I watched your efforts and have tried applying them to my loved one. To be human, to be one with intelligence to figure things out as you have, the digital touch you have made, thank you. Go in peace.
Jake, I have read your previous posts and am deeply saddened to see this post; if there are LOTR references to be made then perhaps the part in the Appendix where Aragorn tells Arwen that "beyond the circles of the world there is more than memory" can be mentioned.
I’m sorry for both of you. I thank you for your words. As someone who’s right behind you in line, your words mean more to me (and hit harder, and cut deeper) than I expect they do for many.
Take my love with you both. See you on the other side.
Thank you, Jake! ---and your wife --- for your links and great reading that highlight the importance of clinical trials for mRNA tumor vaccines! Will keep posting to HN her articles when they come out.
Bon voyage, Jake. I follow in your steps from the same diagnosis. Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and helping others in similar predicaments <3
Thank you for documenting your journey, and sharing something so difficult and intimate with us. It is really eye opening. I wish your family all the best and hope you find peace.
Will your blog remain available to share with others?
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Thanks for everything Jake. I only have a vague understanding of what you are going through after seeing my grandma go through some of the same things, yet I still can’t imagine how hard it is for you and your family.
Wishing you and Bess all the best and if you or her need anything feel free to reach out. Godspeed
3 and 1/2 years ago I lost my mate prematurely. A long protracted illness with much pain and suffering. I'm sorry for you and your wife are going through and have gone through. It is very hard.
There were a lot of things that helped me through. If your wife would ever like to talk to someone who's been through it, even though I'm a guy, she is always welcome to reach out to me.
I used to be convinced that NDEs were either made up, or the brain rebooting or something like that. I'm not so sure about it anymore. I'm not religious (not anti-religious either), but there are a lot of options between nothingness and a religious expectation of an afterlife. Maybe these NDEs are indicators of something else. I was surprised to see that almost 20% of people that "die" report them. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/
This is all speculation based on things I've heard, so take it with a big grain of salt.
I used to be on a forum with somebody who posted about having an excellent relationship with his dead wife. He said they interact regularly. He was not religious. Normally I would think he's a crackpot or somebody trying to sell something, but he was not either of those things. He came across as very honest and intelligent and sincere. The forum had nothing to do with life after death, but it came up occasionally. His other comments were always very rational.
There are others, e.g. Bernardo Kastrup, who think that there is a single consciousness, and that life as a human (if I understand correctly, any physical life) is like when somebody has multiple personalities. When we die (according to Kastrup) we "remember" that we are part of that consciousness.
I think panpsychism in general is a non-religious basis for at least the possibility that consciousness doesn't have to be physical. Consciousness could be fundamental.
To be clear, I don't believe any of those things, but I don't rule them out either.
The same goes for religious belief. My reasons for not believing might be due to perspective. I doubt that my dogs had any clue as to why I put them on a leash. I (and humans in general) could be in a similar situation, and that would change a lot. I suspect we are in a similar situation as far as making assumptions that work for us, but are not necessarily grounded in reality. I think it's very likely that there are things that we don't and maybe can't understand.
Oh, it very definitely is. It's an invariant "information" substrate of the universe.-
PS. I am personally convinced that one of the things that AI and the AGI search will yield is more clarity into - or even the discovery or demonstration - of that fact.-
I really want to believe in something after death, but watching my Grandma die of Alzheimers makes me skeptical. She was completely gone before her body died. She did not remember her name, or any of us. Whatever intangible thing was "her" was long gone. On scans of her brain you could see huge pieces just atrophied away.
How can we have some intangible "me" that transcends my physical form if that thing literally disappears as my physical form degrades. What part of me goes on? 20 year old me? 50 year old me? The broken remnants of when I finally die?
We have accounts of people on strong psychedelics that are similar to these NDE and we know the body produces endogenous psychedelics during crisis. I would postulate many of these life after death type NDE are just strong Psychedelic experiences. Most NDE accounts are just: "I remember right before unconsciousness and then my next memory was waking up".
I highly recommend this film "Griefwalker" to anyone anytime death comes up. I find Stephen's views fascinating and for an end that meets us all we sure like to avoid talking about death.
I have always like the quote "Death the price of entry you pay on the exit". We all have to pay it at some point. All that matters is that you had a grand time.
Take it easy. Have a laugh where you can. Embrace the love. And take that final curtain call like a champ!
You put words onto page with which given a thousand I could not have equaled. We will all follow, in time.
"I see life as a roadside inn where I have to stay until the coach from the abyss pulls up. I don't know where it will take me, because I don't know anything. I could see this inn as a prison, for I'm compelled to wait in it; I could see it as a social center, for it's here that I meet others. But I'm neither impatient nor common. I leave who will to stay shut up in their rooms, sprawled out on beds where they sleeplessly wait, and I leave who will to chat in the parlors, from where their songs and voices conveniently drift out here to me. I'm sitting at the door, feasting my eyes and ears on the colors and sounds of the landscape, and I softly sing - for myself alone - wispy songs I compose while waiting.
Night will fall on us all and the coach will pull up. I enjoy the breeze I'm given and the soul I'm given to enjoy it with, and I no longer question or seek. If what I write in the book of travellers can, when read by others at some future date, also entertain them on their journey, then fine. If they don't read it, or are not entertained, that's fine too."
Your courage in not withdrawing in your sickness, of being open with all of us about your journey and what you've learned, is heroic. It's an amazing example of how to be a mensch to leave behind for your daughter.
If our civilization survives, we will, one day, through one manner or another, banish death. If that day comes, when it comes, I hope Jake's name is remembered for the monument to all who we lost, all of us who've had to grow and live and find meaning under the specter.
I don't know about banishing death entirely, but I do believe (echoing the sentiment of "if our civilization survives") that we'll significantly, massively increase life expectancy in the next century (like by a factor of two or more), and/or discover how to digitize or preserve brains to the degree that we'll be able to live on in some capacity beyond the deaths of our bodies.
If this does turn out to be true, it's a bummer that many/most of us alive today are likely too early to benefit from it.
Lost my wife about 1.5 years ago. It was expected and unexpected at the same time. Long metastatic cancer treatment that ended all of the sudden, in a few weeks of unconsciousness ("coma") with an auto immune brain disease, likely caused by chemo.
As the partner left behind, I nothing but empathy to Bess. As an avid, ultra pragmatic, HN reader though, I've gathered resources so I'll list them here:
Forums / chats:
https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/ - This one I used immediately after. Yelling into the void. Crying. Having other people cry with me. Make sure I'm heard.
https://discord.gg/CFQfCdby - /r/widowers discord. This one is "good" for the first few days / weeks / months, when the pain is great and the sense of lost is overcoming and you just need someone to talk with, someone who's been through this, right now. Everyone is friendly, rules to keep things sane and not triggering are in effect.
Facebook groups - I know, ugh. But it helps to see other people in the same boat. Somehow. A little. For me it was "Young and Widowed With Children" (well, me) and some of the black humor groups e.g. "Widow(er) Humor". Find your tribe. It really does help.
Books:
It's ok you're not ok - https://www.amazon.com/Its-That-Youre-Not-Understand/dp/1622... - This is "the book". Everyone recommends it and it's justified. If you can't bring yourself to read, get the audible version. I did, it was easier to lie in bed with eyes closed.
Irreverent Grief Guide - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08L5RRJ9D - this one is a "how to" guide. I mean a real "how to", emotionally. I, and possibly many on /r/widowers/ found it priceless.
- The invisible string - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/031648623X
- Fix-it man - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1925335348
- Missing mummy - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0230749518
- The sad dragon - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1948040999
- Something very sad happened - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1433822660
Read once or twice:
- Love is forever - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0615884059
- I'll See You In The Moon - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1989123309
- My heart will stay - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0578794578
- The heart and the bottle - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399254528
- Always remember - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399168095
- The garden of lost balls - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BLQW27XX
- Gone but nev...
Forgot to add: Journaling helped me a lot. I favored writing this as "letters" / "texts" to my wife. As if she's here, just telling her about my day, feelings, emotions, what our kid did, what happened around us, family and friends. Venting, crying, blaming, being frustrated, being happy, being proud. All goes in there.
I think I will be forwarding funny animal videos to Jake on instagram for all time but the idea of them being delivered to no one is this weird minor detail that is just so hard.
That happened to me too. Then I switched writing in "notes" and eventually switched to https://dayone.me/ which has a webapp as well as mobile app, so it's easy for me to write on any device. It was less disheartening not to see that "delivered, not read" on messages.
Thanks for sharing, bironran, I ordered the irreverant guidebook, and appreciate the suggestion. I'm avoiding all medications because I'm 7 months pregnant, but have Tetris available to try and prevent PTSD https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-pos...
160 comments
[ 4.1 ms ] story [ 235 ms ] threadI’m with my wife Bess (https://bessstillman.substack.com/) and my brother Sam, and crying, but it is okay. At the end of Lord of the Rings Gandalf says to the hobbits, "Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” And that is how I feel now. Ending prematurely hurts, but all things must end, and my time to end is upon me.
Also, props for a cool personal blog and project list, I'm listening to Phasmaphobe now... congrats on creating and publishing a full-length album! No easy feat.
> And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise.
Tolkien wasn't a fan of allegory that's for sure and you won't find a 1:1 between his fictional works and his own religious beliefs but a devout Catholic like him was definitely channelling heaven as the new glorified Eden to some degree when describing the "undying lands" that were lifted up into the heavens after the corruption and treachery of Numenor and ruled by the great spiritual powers that rule as stewards for the Creator. The movie did paraphrase, and perhaps I'm wrong but I don't think its something that Tolkien would have been offended by.
(Archive listing jseliger's wife Bess Stillman on clinical trials (including how to navigate them as patients) as well as comments)
UPDATE:
other concretes that have been mentioned, that are worth highlighting:
0) assume good faith & promote (& improve) Right-to-Try
https://www.fda.gov/media/133864/download#:~:text=Right%20to....
1) donate to (or even joining!) HN-adjacent Arc Institute (mRNA research)
2) sue the FDA for clinical trials, in general.
Here's one case https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2023/10/xocova-en...
Rest well and all the love for those close to you.
You've touched a lot of us, and if leaving impressionable impacts on others is the highest quantifiable order in this life -- I think this was a job very well done :) and you've inspired many to continue that cycle. Rest well, see you on the other side.
Infinite love to you and your family.
https://jakeseliger.com/2023/07/22/i-am-dying-of-squamous-ce... .
HN discussion:
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36827438
Perhaps... a longing? Maybe this stranger has helped you find the place where you do truly long for life.
Let the feeling be. Don't label it shame. Don't label it longing. Just let it be. Give it space. Cry if you feel like it. Laugh if you feel like it. Just feel it.
And when you're ready to speak about this with others, there will be many, many willing to be there for you. You are loved.
I have recently also struggled with the decision whether to end my life. I was afraid to seek help and to talk to a professional.
If you ever feel like you need someone to listen or just talk to, please reach out at Twitter or at <username>@gmail.com
Take care of you and yours as you can. My thoughts are with you and Bess who has been a true champion through your ordeal.
Good luck, to the extent that's even possible anymore.
I'm truly deeply sorry about this whole situation. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge.
1. Help and educate other people who are suddenly facing the opaque clinical-trial system: https://bessstillman.substack.com/p/please-be-dying-but-not-...
2. Ultimately, reform and speed FDA approval for fatal diseases like recurrent / metastatic head and neck cancers: https://jakeseliger.com/2024/01/29/the-dead-and-dying-at-the.... A drug like petosemtamab (MCLA-158), which I was on from Sept. 27 2023 to March 29 2024, should already be approved, instead of continuing to wander around in clinical trials.
https://www.keytruda.com/
Antibody drug conjugates also seem to be discussed often:
https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/antibody-drug-conjugat...
He’s mentions trying drugs that target EGFR mutations, which I believe tries to stop the blood supply to the tumor. Targeting specific protein receptors, like HER2 in breast cancer, seems to be promising.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/25213-her2-po...
RAS is a target for (some) colon and pancreatic cancers:
https://www.cancer.gov/research/key-initiatives/ras#:~:text=....
https://www.fda.gov/media/133864/download#:~:text=Right%20to....
The FDA is a joke. I mean that in the kindest way possible as someone with long covid waiting for the FDA to allow me access to previous covid therapeutics that show promise in this disease.
This lack of patient agency applies to all of medicine, really.
I plan to improve patient-doctor relationship in general. Gut tells me that enabling educative access to the basic sciences component of medical school and paring it down to patient specific focus, we can enable much higher patient agency through better patient-doctor communication and a deeper understanding of ones condition.
More importantly a better decision making process and ability to query and understand the doctor.
I've been through this with my wife and it's just so important.
Thank you for taking the time and energy during the most difficult of circumstances to share your journey with the rest of us. I know it's given me a lot to think about and a lot to be grateful for.
Best of luck to you and yours as you come to the end of the journey. You'll be in my thoughts.
Take my love with you both. See you on the other side.
https://archive.ph/bessstillman.substack.com
(Archive listing jseliger's wife Bess Stillman on clinical trials (including how to navigate them as patients) as well as comments)
UPDATE:
other concretes that have been mentioned, that are worth highlighting:
0) Promoting (& improving) Right to Try
https://www.fda.gov/media/133864/download#:~:text=Right%20to....
1) donating to (or even joining!) Arc Institute (mRNA research)
2) suing the FDA for clinical trials, in general.
Here's one case https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2023/10/xocova-en...
Will your blog remain available to share with others?
Godspeed, enjoy your family.
Wishing you and Bess all the best and if you or her need anything feel free to reach out. Godspeed
There were a lot of things that helped me through. If your wife would ever like to talk to someone who's been through it, even though I'm a guy, she is always welcome to reach out to me.
Username at gmail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL1oDuvQR08
https://youtu.be/gpfriTZDWCY?t=2777
See you on the other side
I used to be convinced that NDEs were either made up, or the brain rebooting or something like that. I'm not so sure about it anymore. I'm not religious (not anti-religious either), but there are a lot of options between nothingness and a religious expectation of an afterlife. Maybe these NDEs are indicators of something else. I was surprised to see that almost 20% of people that "die" report them. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6172100/
Thanks for posting these.
May I ask what you consider some of those are? Honestly curious.-
I used to be on a forum with somebody who posted about having an excellent relationship with his dead wife. He said they interact regularly. He was not religious. Normally I would think he's a crackpot or somebody trying to sell something, but he was not either of those things. He came across as very honest and intelligent and sincere. The forum had nothing to do with life after death, but it came up occasionally. His other comments were always very rational.
There are others, e.g. Bernardo Kastrup, who think that there is a single consciousness, and that life as a human (if I understand correctly, any physical life) is like when somebody has multiple personalities. When we die (according to Kastrup) we "remember" that we are part of that consciousness.
I think panpsychism in general is a non-religious basis for at least the possibility that consciousness doesn't have to be physical. Consciousness could be fundamental.
To be clear, I don't believe any of those things, but I don't rule them out either.
The same goes for religious belief. My reasons for not believing might be due to perspective. I doubt that my dogs had any clue as to why I put them on a leash. I (and humans in general) could be in a similar situation, and that would change a lot. I suspect we are in a similar situation as far as making assumptions that work for us, but are not necessarily grounded in reality. I think it's very likely that there are things that we don't and maybe can't understand.
Oh, it very definitely is. It's an invariant "information" substrate of the universe.-
PS. I am personally convinced that one of the things that AI and the AGI search will yield is more clarity into - or even the discovery or demonstration - of that fact.-
I really want to believe in something after death, but watching my Grandma die of Alzheimers makes me skeptical. She was completely gone before her body died. She did not remember her name, or any of us. Whatever intangible thing was "her" was long gone. On scans of her brain you could see huge pieces just atrophied away.
How can we have some intangible "me" that transcends my physical form if that thing literally disappears as my physical form degrades. What part of me goes on? 20 year old me? 50 year old me? The broken remnants of when I finally die?
We have accounts of people on strong psychedelics that are similar to these NDE and we know the body produces endogenous psychedelics during crisis. I would postulate many of these life after death type NDE are just strong Psychedelic experiences. Most NDE accounts are just: "I remember right before unconsciousness and then my next memory was waking up".
https://www.nfb.ca/film/griefwalker/
Take it easy. Have a laugh where you can. Embrace the love. And take that final curtain call like a champ!
So sorry to hear these incredible people's sufferings
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFh5AuV_CJU
I feel the world is a better place, for this kind of thing.
Your words have made a wide impact on this corner of the internet, and I’m lucky to have experienced them.
... that is to - perhaps - say "if we manage to survive the 'collective' death that seems oftentimes inevitable" ...
> we will, one day, through one manner or another, banish death.
How do I ever wish I had your certainty - I do not mean it as a backhanded criticism. I mean it literally.-
If this does turn out to be true, it's a bummer that many/most of us alive today are likely too early to benefit from it.
Unfortunately, they have been undercut in terms of temperature. Some guys in the US claim they can 3d print glass at ~200 deg Celsius..
So Glassomer is probably dead in the water (from the POV of VCs) unless they can find someway to beat the 200 deg C record, or to do it without UV.
As the partner left behind, I nothing but empathy to Bess. As an avid, ultra pragmatic, HN reader though, I've gathered resources so I'll list them here:
Forums / chats:
https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/ - This one I used immediately after. Yelling into the void. Crying. Having other people cry with me. Make sure I'm heard.
https://discord.gg/CFQfCdby - /r/widowers discord. This one is "good" for the first few days / weeks / months, when the pain is great and the sense of lost is overcoming and you just need someone to talk with, someone who's been through this, right now. Everyone is friendly, rules to keep things sane and not triggering are in effect.
Facebook groups - I know, ugh. But it helps to see other people in the same boat. Somehow. A little. For me it was "Young and Widowed With Children" (well, me) and some of the black humor groups e.g. "Widow(er) Humor". Find your tribe. It really does help.
Books:
It's ok you're not ok - https://www.amazon.com/Its-That-Youre-Not-Understand/dp/1622... - This is "the book". Everyone recommends it and it's justified. If you can't bring yourself to read, get the audible version. I did, it was easier to lie in bed with eyes closed.
Irreverent Grief Guide - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08L5RRJ9D - this one is a "how to" guide. I mean a real "how to", emotionally. I, and possibly many on /r/widowers/ found it priceless.
Videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzOvi0Aa2EA - Huberman labs - a really short video on how your brain needs to reorient itself after loss.
Kids:
"The widow's survival guide" - https://www.amazon.com/Widows-Survival-Guide-Living-Children... - "you're not alone in the mess" kind of book. Again, audible version available.
Kids' books (mine was 3.5 so YMMV):
Reread over and over:
Read once or twice: