Ask HN: Please critique my cover letter and settle a debate

I like personal cover letters more than the cold, cookie-cutter standard ones. However, yours is too emotional. Be more objective and straight to the point.

This is most definitely a more persuasive approach than the standard format. Stick with it.

I prefer this to the standard cover letter, but make sure you don't come across too arrogant. e.g. this line is unnecessary in my opinion: "Do you remember your first CS class? How there were a few people who just couldn’t handle the obscure bugs and the hours upon hours of staring at the screen and they ended up dropping out?".

HTML and CSS are not programming languages.

Trying to stick out is good.

  I love to program... haven't looked back.

Great.

  Do you remember... never had a moment of doubt about my career.

Unnecessary and arrogant. Why do you assume the person reading your cover letter has been in a CS class in the first place? Lots of programmers didn't go to school for it and lots of people who make hiring decisions aren't programmers.

  To me there is nothing more gratifying...

Not really saying much new.

  I'm a realist and I understand... I don't care.

"Your field of work is boring, but I can deal with that" is not the message you want to convey. You should show interest in a company you are asking for employment.

  Give me a problem...

Fine, but nothing you haven't already said.

  I love Linux...

Geek cred, no problem there.

  I program for profit...

Several possible readings, none of them good. Why do you assume the company only programs in "boring" languages? If they do use Java, why do you feel the need to tell them you disapprove, but will suffer for the sake of cash.

Unfortunately, this letter does not make you sound like someone I would like to work with. I think you can find a better way to make your cover letter stand out. The thoughts you are trying to convey (hard worker, willingness to dig deep) are good. I just think you can do a better job of saying them in a way that sounds good to someone making a hiring decision.

This is a little informal to me and strongly suggest you write a targeted cover letter for each one you send out using an existing job description or at least targeted role at a specific company.

A cover letter I would love to see:

"Hi,

I was excited to see your job posting for an entry-level bioinformatics software developer and would like the opportunity to speak with you further about the role.

Specifically, I see you are seeking a developer with experience with Linux, SQL, shell scripting, and some Ruby or Clojure programming experience. My primary development environment is Linux - I used to use Arch, but have shifted to Ubuntu for simplicity's sake.

My Ruby/Clojure experience is limited, but here is a link to a project I did as a learning experience on github (<insert link here>). The project was created to do (<insert short description here>) and originally used Ruby, Sinatra, and a PostgreSQL backend. I have recently started porting it over to Clojure/Compojure.

I have attached my resume, which contains some short descriptions of work I did as an (intern/student/previous job) that demonstrate the background you are looking for.

Thanks for considering me as a candidate, <me> ps - if we meet and decide to go further in the process, I am happy to provide references at that time."

Even the above is a little informal - you might want something a little more conservative for a big company. I think of the above as having a conversational tone, which is personally comfortable for me.

But, if you send me the above letter and I think your code examples don't look like a complete travesty, I am at least going to interview you.

There isn't a lot of information actually in the example text, but to be honest (and keep this mind) - I want you to be the one. I am going to read between the lines of the cover letter, generally assuming the best. If I got the above, I am going to think, ok, here is a candidate who bothered to write me a cover letter, addressed my job requirements, and looks like they at least have some initiative.

Anecdotally, I have friends who run small consultancies that have literally received one-liner responses to job posting: "I can do this and my rate is $95 an hour"

Anything you do better than that probably helps your case.

Also, it is an old horse, but I'll beat it again - try to weasel a real contact in your network to make a recommendation or introduction. I am not particularly good at that personally, but it makes a huge difference when it happens.

I like the less formal, personal tone. It makes you seem like a real person, and it makes you more likable. That's important. The problem is that it's all about you.

A cover letter's goal is to position yourself as the solution to someone else's problem. That means showing that you understand their needs. It's hard to do that without a cover letter that is highly personalized.

You also don't mention any specific accomplishments. You can write for hours about how much you love programming, but what most hiring managers are really concerned with is your end product.

Keep the personal tone, but talk more about the employer and less about you. When you do talk about yourself, talk about specific things that you've done that demonstrate that you're the guy for the job.

I think some of it's good, but that in the main it ignores the needs of the reader in favour of your personal needs.

A good cover letter answers 6 key questions. Within that, you can employ as much creativity as you like, as long as you keep things either A) succinct, or B) entertaining enough to pull the reader through.

The 6 key questions you need to answer for the reader are:

1. Which position you're applying for. 2. Can you do the job from a functional point of view? 3. Can you do the job from an organisational point of view? (human awareness, business awareness) 4. Are you motivated to do the job? 5. Are you the type of person they'd enjoy working with? 6. Should they actually get in touch with you?

Here's how I'd mark you on those:

1. 0/10. 2. 8/10. 3. 0/10. 4. 6/10. 5. Subjective, but I'd say 4/10. 6. 7/10.

Total: 21/50. Presumably you'd score better on '1' in a real-life situation, therefore 31/50.

Hopefully this feedback is useful to you.

Thanks for all of the help, everyone - HN is great for this sort of "real-world" feedback.

I'll update this thread later when I have a chance to make some changes.

Personally, not a fan of the letter, but that perhaps speaks to my character. It comes across a bit brash (though I'm in Britain so maybe culture-clash going on), a bit arrogant and a little bit like the guys who always try to hard-sell me mobile phones, coupled with a dash of youthful exuberance over experience. Also, I would really prefer a cover letter tailored specifically towards an opening rather than what looks more like a mailshot.

to nit pick one point:

"To me there is nothing more gratifying than fixing that last little bug, or better yet, having a piece of code work perfectly the very first time I run it."

um - it's not the first time you run it that is the problem....it's the three millionth time a user runs it with some unforeseen interaction just before it that really screws it up.

I hope you take my feedback constructively but I am going to criticize most of this. But let me tell you the positives first: it is refreshing, different and definitely very confident.

Now, your cover letter, even though trying to stand out by being personal, does not offer any value to me as your potential employer other than the fact that you are cool and trying a new approach. Reason is that you are telling me a lot of good stuff but not showing me what you have done already. What are your accomplishments as a coder in your own words ?

For example, you say "to me, there is nothing more gratifying than fixing that last little bug". Sounds good. How about you give me an example of when you did something like this which helped the team?

"Give me a problem to solve and I won’t give up unitl it kneels before me"

Great. But again, give me specific examples. For example, if you say "I solved the problem of performance in the system by doing xxx which saved the team yyy in terms of time and efficiency" would be effective.

So overall, make it specific with examples. You can keep your personal tone but by adding specific achievements (small or big), you get the attention of any employers.

This would work well for applying to jobs that aren't advertised or that they don't know they need yet. Some specific comments: 1. Do you remember CS?-- this sets up a possible "No." reaction in the reader's mind (is it a given that ALL readers of this cover letter will have taken CS courses?. 2. "I can honestly say" is a hackneyed phrase - it's not that bad, in fact it only sticks out a little because of the rest of the letter which has so much personality shining through it. Cliches and stock phrases are personality-smotherers. 3. If you're applying to a specific job you'd have to work it in, or else it would feel a little disconnected, as if you're mass-mailing this. 4. Did you leave that typo in as an ironic comment on your bug-slaying superpowers? "give up unitl"

The enthusiasm is good, but add more specific examples of problems you've solved and things you've built.

For the love o' Pete - break this up into paragraphs. As-is it's unreadable.

If I were a hiring manager (I'm not, but I scan resumes for them now and again) I'd give you an A for enthusiasm and circular file it.

The actual content .. this won't fly at all with a mid-to-large organization, or an HR person, that's for sure.

Might work with a smaller company, or startup.

Best advice echoes that above: tailor your letter to the recipient. Use this enthusiasm to tell them how you would solve _their_ problem.