I'm embarrassed to say: each one took about 10-25 minutes. The math ones took a lot longer. I used up two Sharpie markers in the process. My handwriting was hard to read, so I had to do a lot of editing with Paint.net to make them legible.
"Foot-Shooting Prevention Agreement: I, (your name), promise that once I see how simple AES really is, I will not implement it in production code even though it would be really fun. This agreement shall be in effect until the undersigned creates a meaningful interpretive dance that compares and contrasts cache-based, timing, and other side channel attacks and their countermeasures. (Signature) (Date)"
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[ 3.9 ms ] story [ 30.9 ms ] thread"Foot-Shooting Prevention Agreement: I, (your name), promise that once I see how simple AES really is, I will not implement it in production code even though it would be really fun. This agreement shall be in effect until the undersigned creates a meaningful interpretive dance that compares and contrasts cache-based, timing, and other side channel attacks and their countermeasures. (Signature) (Date)"
That being said, for my PHP+MySQL bretheren:
http://phpseclib.sourceforge.net/
http://dev.mysql.com/doc/refman/5.1/en/encryption-functions....
http://www.cs.bc.edu/~straubin/cs381-05/blockciphers/rijndae...