Having a first child can be an incredibly stressful and confusing time. I think the best preparation is to have a solid support network ready to support you and your family while you adjust to your new life.
In my city, there is a nonprofit that connects groups of parents of newborns together so they can process the crazy stuff that's happening in their lives. I would heartily recommend finding this kind of support to any new parent. https://www.peps.org/
Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings.
This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, and why you shouldn't take parenting authorities too seriously.
It's also helpful to know when comparing yourself and your kids to other couples with kids. The worst is parents of a single kid with an easy disposition. They can sometimes be judgy and wonder why you don't just do what they did, because clearly they are amazing parents, and you are failing hard.
My mom told me that the most surprising thing to her was about being a parent of a second child, and finding out that she had just as much to learn as with the first one, because everything worked differently.
This is what every person I know with grown children says. Also my grandmother said for that reason be wary of advice from other people. Especially new parents with young children.
>This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, and why you shouldn't take parenting authorities too seriously.
I have a 7mo old and, naturally, for the first couple months my wife and I drove ourselves bonkers worrying about whether or not we were any given task "the right way". I mean, don't get me wrong, we still check with his pediatrician and do basic online research about certain things, but for the most part you just develop an intuition about your kid and what their needs are.
Hear hear. My first was easy and level 1, but apparently with our second I cheated to the endboss. She is all "won't do" (she's two years old now) and really does everything how she wants it.
This was a surprise to me too, to the extent that I started wondering where I got the notion that all infants should be that same right out of the womb.
Not sure if I got the answer, but one reason might be found in our historical heritage, i.e. the influence of the enlightenment and the furious fight that was fought out between those who believed heredity was everything (ultimately supporting the Kings right to rule) and democrats to whom heredity in such matters was so abhorrent that they tried to wipe out such "a priori" nature from reality using a "tabula rasa"[0] view of humans, a view that prevailed but is ultimately false as parents of several children are left to discover to their surprise.
A case of conceptual overreach it seems, since accepting hereditary or other a priori traits in humans surely don't mean we can't have democracy.
As the parent of fraternal twins, I can say this was the biggest surprise. We have two absolutely and incredibly different children in one delivery.
I guess the other lessons learned were:
- as soon as you get comfortable with a routine, it changes
- they come into this world as their own people. You can guide them to find their strengths and weaknesses and give them tools to work with those, but it really is nature at the core and nurture only helps them to be better versions of who they intrinsically are
We had twins too (and one older sister). I _was_ amazed that, despite spending less than 48hrs apart in their first couple of years of life, they were _completely_ different. I mean, their personalities are chalk & cheese, and neither of them are anything like their sister. They're really very individual, all of them.
Basically, this is just echoing what the rest of people say on here. There's no "one true way", every child is so different, you have to just trust your instincts. Lots of people will give you advice, you basically have to just nod your head and ignore it 95% of the time.
The only thing I can suggest as preparation is get as much sleep as you can for the fortnight before the little one(s) due. You'll need some in the bank!
They are 6 years old at this point so we are past the point of banking sleep, for the most part. Scarily, they also had different sleep schedules and one had colic and the other one didn’t (fortunately). It was difficult, but we had help so I can’t complain in earnest.
Not sure where you're from but I enjoyed Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. It's all about French style parenting as she's an American raising her children in France.
That said, nothing will prepare you for the reality. It’s like learning to swim in a lap pool, then getting dropped into the ocean in the middle of a storm.
Just learn as much as you can, talk to as many people as you can, and prepare yourself for the fact that you will not be prepared.
All good! Other than that, there’s nothing like a child saying “I love you too.” So, it’s all worth it once you get to it.
There's a great series of books called 'What To Expect' ... When Expecting, The First Year, etc. They are an awesome resource.
Other than that I wouldn't over think or analyze preparation too much. You'll be surprised how much instinct kicks in and you just know what needs to be done. Just do it!
If you have multiple kids, they'll all be different and it can take some time to figure out what works and doesn't with each one.
It's a fun journey. I'll never forget the first night home with our first born. It was just us and her and it was quite a shock to the system. But you learn quick!
The Expecting book is kind of good. But I often think of it as "200 things to scare the sh*t out of you when expecting". Most of the book is a long list of things that could go wrong, and most of those have a very, very low chance of happening.
I'm kind of glad I read it, but it did a job on me, worrying about about so many things that never came to pass.
There’s nothing that can prepare you. Just take a deep breath, enjoy it, and don’t overprepare.
One piece of advice though: ask for help. Don’t be shy. Western culture prizes independence. This is not a time for independence. Ask the grandparents to help even if they don’t offer it. Pay for babysitting. Get lots of help. It takes a village is absolutely true!
(Oh and it’s absolutely ok to ask for help just so you can have fun)
I agree with this a lot - asking for help can be tough when you're used to solving your own problems. Paying for help - such as a regular house cleaner if you can afford it - is totally worth it.
One thing that we did that was unreasonably helpful was to sign up for a meal kit service (we used Good Eggs, but I assume there are loads of them around). It just meant that we had less decisions to make about food, and removed a lot of friction there.
Last thing - try to sleep when the kid is sleeping. Better to do that than catch up on TV.
You more or less don't. Breathe deep, seek peace, and roll with the punches.
Especially in the early months:
- prioritize sleep.
- use your damn words with your partner.
- try real hard not to get angry. more than normal, act on the assumption that the other party isn't hostile, just at least as tired as you are. Everyone's going to be on edge; be gentle.
- remember that you more or less get a new kid every 48 hours. that sleeping trick that worked on monday won't work on wednesday _and this is not your fault this is a good sign of progress!_ After 6-8 months, you merely get a new kid every week! then every month...
Read "What to Expect When You're Expecting", looked around at the baby store, maybe did a little research if I saw something interesting, talked to other new parents, talked to the OB, selected a pediatrician prior to the due date, went to a class recommended by the OB where they teach you how to swaddle and do some other basic tasks. It's pretty easy. You get ready really quickly because you don't have a choice. Don't forget people used to do this in caves and humanity made it this far so don't stress it. Enjoy this time because it's fun and it's over with way too fast.
- First aid for infants course: self explanatory.
- "Baby Bargains" book: does a fairly good job at creating a list of important data points to consider when purchasing a class of of baby products (strollers, car seats, etc.). You can then use it to optimize your purchase to your needs (price point and features).
- Babycenter website had a nice weekly email you could sign up for that describes the various milestones you could expect for your child.
The most important thing I think is to have friends in a similar situation. If you dont know anyone in your immediate area with a newborn, try very hard to find some. Actually they dont have to be friends, just anyone in a similar situation whom you can swap ideas with and find sympathy.
Presumably you're a guy. Make sure your wife gets some spare time. Let her go out for an hour or three and look after the baby by yourself. Its really hard work being the main responsible one. If you have Grandparents that can help this is invaluable.
The Baby Book: How to Enjoy Year One Paperback by Rachel Waddilove, was the best book we read. Its very structured, which is good to enforce some routine in your life. Dont follow all the rules, but is a good guidance.
Dont forget you'll often feel terrible at the time, but you'll look back fondly at the memories.
I joined /r/babybumps on reddit. It's technically for expectant mothers, which I wasn't, but it was enlightening as a way to better empathize with my spouse. I could also participate by relating what was happening to my wife to the other women there (with her permission of course).
I also joined up with babycenter.com, which has a newsletter that they will send you each week saying what size the baby is "pea, lemon, etc" and things that you should expect like physical body changes as well as logistics like "this week you'll probably get an ultrasound for the anatomy". Stuff like that.
I tried reading some books, but they all sucked and bored me.
Other that that, I tried to get as many big chores done as possible. I cleaned out the garage and storage, trimmed all the trees outside and all the bushes, got the cars fixed and had their oil changed, bought and built the crib and stroller, the kind of stuff that is tedious and hard to do with a baby strapped to you.
And lastly, I tried to get a lot of good sleep. It'll be hard after the baby comes.
Good luck! It'll change your life but for me all the joy and fun has been worth every moment!
This...
You can get so tired that cooking a meal from scratch is just not something you feel like doing. Having frozen meals or being able to throw some pasta or rice together with something prepared earlier is preplanning well spent.
And if someone asks if they can do anything to help - suggest cooking a meal.
Saw some midwifes, bought some baby stuff. Oh, and I let my work know so I could take some paternity leave. Probably a good idea to get a few nappies, the hospital gave out a couple of freebies but you’re going to want to use more.
The serious answer is, there’s nothing we can think of and say, oh I wish we’d done/had that. Be ready for a lot of disruption and learning on short notice and bonding with a new person who’ll depend on you for everything and is working really hard on improving their communication.
Oh you’ll probably also benefit from knowing where the hospital is, how to get there, where to park/get off the bus, &c.
It’s very hard to prepare. I had two sons in 16 months, and the hardest part is not knowing what will happen today.
Better than any book or video about parenting it’s better to learn to be calm and collected.
Your life is over, what ever it is / was it’s done. You now get the opportunity to build a new life, with a new family. When you have a baby it’s like getting a significant other which needs your assistance to do everything.
I found that just starting by giving everything up and slowly adding back a social life, work, etc worked best for me. For both kids I basically cleared my slate and saw what I could do.
In terms of preparing, I’d recommend any local parenting classes (get to know people too). You can also get the book “Nurture” (I believe it’s called). But the reality is little can prepare you, but you’ll figure it out with time. A lot of one off searches like “what to do when toddler won’t stop vomiting” are things you’ll probably need most.
Also! Set a schedule and stick to it. It makes it easier to at least know you’ll have your significant other take over in 15 min so you can sleep.
Yes! A schedule was imperative for me to feel like I had some expectations and control. Waking up with absolutely no structure was just a little too overwhelming for me, so having "naptime is ___, lunch is ___" really put me at ease. I didn't read many books on parenting, but one that was immediately helpful was on sleep schedules of children and how they evolve as the kids age. This helped us figure out a schedule that worked for us.
Another thing we did that really helped was artificially limiting inputs regarding advice. In those first weeks, we had a handful of books and dozens of blogs and websites that all had contradictory advice; it was really overwhelming. We decided we would only subscribe to three primary sources of info where possible: Mayo Clinic online, some book we had on sleep schedules, and our pediatrician. Only having three places to consult when we had questions (as opposed to the entire Internet) was an enormous help.
Best preparation in my opinion is "On Becoming Babywise" the the other "On Becoming ....wise" books. They're the instruction manuals that should come with a new kid.
We got them before #1 arrive and they've worked great for all 7 of our kids with very different personalities and temperaments.
Set 7 alarms on your phone, one to wake you up each hour.
Go to work the next day and try to do your best work.
Do this two months before the baby comes and you'll already be adjusted to your new mental norm.
I'm only half-kidding. The eradic sleep is tough - babies through toddlers wake up for all sorts of reasons. Depending on the child, it could be years before you sleep consistently through an entire night.
That being said, the first time your baby smiles at you, or when they offer a drink of their juice because they are being thoughtful, when they say "love you" the first time, when they are genuinely excited to see you after a long day.. No other feeling like it.
My wife and I worked out a deal so we didn't have to do this. She was pumping so either of us could do a feeding.
I would take the feeding around 1am so she could pump then. Then I would go to sleep. She would pump and feed overnight. I'd wake up around 7 or 8, and then do the next few feedings while she slept till around noon, when she'd get up to eat and pump. Then she'd take a nap at some point with the baby midday so she could get her hours in, albeit split up. We did this through the entire paternity leave.
By the time I went back to work I was able to get about six hours a night after doing the late night and early morning feedings.
As a newish parent of a 6 month year old, one thing I've found hard is the amount of misinformation/opinion pieces online when trying to research things. The best resources I found are from the NHS [1] for things like breastfeeding/first solid foods, and Emily Oster's two books [2] which provide a fairly unbiased summary of the current state of research both before and after birth.
I found prenatal classes really informative with regards to what to expect while at the hospital, but I found they didn't really prepare me for the first few days back home after the hospital.
I wrote a few notes [3] on things at 1 month. As my wife was the one giving birth, I was told and read that I would essentially be useless during labour, and after the birth I couldn't do much for the baby and my job was to support it indirectly by supporting my wife. In reality the only thing you can't do that your partner can potentially do is breastfeed, and that isn't guaranteed.
I think responding to a child’s emotional needs from age 0-3 is perhaps the single most underrated thing a parent must do to ensure their kids grow up emotionally well-adjusted and capable of secure attachment.
Sadly I don’t think this is widely known or taught to new parents. I fear we will see a generation of emotionally neglected children of distracted parents.
You can plan, prepare, and do what you feel is best, but at the end of the day you have to be flexible and know that you will learn. I wish I could say there was a method or a book or something, but just knowing that some parts would be hard and confusing helped set my expectations. I wasn't surprised I was cleaning poop off the floor of my in-law's because I knew I would experience failure, but I was surprised babies pooped that far.
Started reading a couple books (never finished them though), went to every single doctor appointment and asked questions, talked to parents/in-laws. The last 2 were the most helpful. I still attend every doctor appointment and ask questions.
With a good support system it's not too hard. Lots of it is instinctual. Doctors and nurses will brief you on the big no-nos.
My advice: Don't try too hard to be fully prepared. You won't be. Learn how to establish a relationship with your doctor, learn how to communicate with your significant other, learn a healthy way to deal with stress (there will be stress), and learn how to make funny faces and noises.
I thought the child-birth classes we did were amazingly helpful for a number of reasons:
* You become familiar with the terms (procedures, drugs, etc) so that during delivery they don't sound scary and unknown.
* We met other people in our relative neighborhood at the same stage. We're still friends with many and it was a HUGE support network before and after our children were born. I think this is especially helpful with a first kid.
That aside, I recommend 'The Expectant Father' for dads as a decent book that I found helpful.
Final preparation tip: Lie about the 'due date' to everyone. Add an extra 2 weeks. It helps getting those annoying calls so close to delivery date. (Like if you don't return someones call in 5 minutes they assume you're in labor...) It gets annoying and fast.
And for after the baby is born: Just remember that you will get your 'sleep' back one day. It will be worth it. I have such a HUGE appreciate for un-interrupted stretches of sleep now. Hang in there :)
5 weeks out from my first. Read 4 books. Went to 6 classes. Made lots of spreadsheets for some reason.
Mostly, just getting as comfortable as possible with "me and wifey will figure it all out, like we always do." What's coming will come, and we'll face it when it does.
Also, "have fucking fun, dude" reminders on the hour to myself.
113 comments
[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 190 ms ] threadIn my city, there is a nonprofit that connects groups of parents of newborns together so they can process the crazy stuff that's happening in their lives. I would heartily recommend finding this kind of support to any new parent. https://www.peps.org/
This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, and why you shouldn't take parenting authorities too seriously.
It's also helpful to know when comparing yourself and your kids to other couples with kids. The worst is parents of a single kid with an easy disposition. They can sometimes be judgy and wonder why you don't just do what they did, because clearly they are amazing parents, and you are failing hard.
I have a 7mo old and, naturally, for the first couple months my wife and I drove ourselves bonkers worrying about whether or not we were any given task "the right way". I mean, don't get me wrong, we still check with his pediatrician and do basic online research about certain things, but for the most part you just develop an intuition about your kid and what their needs are.
This was a surprise to me too, to the extent that I started wondering where I got the notion that all infants should be that same right out of the womb.
Not sure if I got the answer, but one reason might be found in our historical heritage, i.e. the influence of the enlightenment and the furious fight that was fought out between those who believed heredity was everything (ultimately supporting the Kings right to rule) and democrats to whom heredity in such matters was so abhorrent that they tried to wipe out such "a priori" nature from reality using a "tabula rasa"[0] view of humans, a view that prevailed but is ultimately false as parents of several children are left to discover to their surprise.
A case of conceptual overreach it seems, since accepting hereditary or other a priori traits in humans surely don't mean we can't have democracy.
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabula_rasa
You have a multitude of well-meaning friends with gobs of parenting advice.
Everyone knows what’s best.
But you have to figure out what works for you.
I would encourage two things: First, be consistent, but give your kids grace.
Second, keep in mind this is a marathon and not a sprint. Have a long-term mindset.
I guess the other lessons learned were:
- as soon as you get comfortable with a routine, it changes
- they come into this world as their own people. You can guide them to find their strengths and weaknesses and give them tools to work with those, but it really is nature at the core and nurture only helps them to be better versions of who they intrinsically are
Basically, this is just echoing what the rest of people say on here. There's no "one true way", every child is so different, you have to just trust your instincts. Lots of people will give you advice, you basically have to just nod your head and ignore it 95% of the time.
The only thing I can suggest as preparation is get as much sleep as you can for the fortnight before the little one(s) due. You'll need some in the bank!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594203334
That said, nothing will prepare you for the reality. It’s like learning to swim in a lap pool, then getting dropped into the ocean in the middle of a storm.
Just learn as much as you can, talk to as many people as you can, and prepare yourself for the fact that you will not be prepared.
All good! Other than that, there’s nothing like a child saying “I love you too.” So, it’s all worth it once you get to it.
Congrats!
Other than that I wouldn't over think or analyze preparation too much. You'll be surprised how much instinct kicks in and you just know what needs to be done. Just do it!
If you have multiple kids, they'll all be different and it can take some time to figure out what works and doesn't with each one.
It's a fun journey. I'll never forget the first night home with our first born. It was just us and her and it was quite a shock to the system. But you learn quick!
I'm kind of glad I read it, but it did a job on me, worrying about about so many things that never came to pass.
One piece of advice though: ask for help. Don’t be shy. Western culture prizes independence. This is not a time for independence. Ask the grandparents to help even if they don’t offer it. Pay for babysitting. Get lots of help. It takes a village is absolutely true!
(Oh and it’s absolutely ok to ask for help just so you can have fun)
One thing that we did that was unreasonably helpful was to sign up for a meal kit service (we used Good Eggs, but I assume there are loads of them around). It just meant that we had less decisions to make about food, and removed a lot of friction there.
Last thing - try to sleep when the kid is sleeping. Better to do that than catch up on TV.
Especially in the early months:
- prioritize sleep.
- use your damn words with your partner.
- try real hard not to get angry. more than normal, act on the assumption that the other party isn't hostile, just at least as tired as you are. Everyone's going to be on edge; be gentle.
- remember that you more or less get a new kid every 48 hours. that sleeping trick that worked on monday won't work on wednesday _and this is not your fault this is a good sign of progress!_ After 6-8 months, you merely get a new kid every week! then every month...
What to Expect When You're Expecting: a baby.
Baby 411 was a good book.
The hospital also offered a class on things like how to swaddle and change diapers, which was helpful.
And we liked an app called The Wonder Weeks that describes some of the milestones / developments the baby is going through.
Otherwise we didn’t do much else and we were just fine. There’s always google if something comes up!
Presumably you're a guy. Make sure your wife gets some spare time. Let her go out for an hour or three and look after the baby by yourself. Its really hard work being the main responsible one. If you have Grandparents that can help this is invaluable.
The Baby Book: How to Enjoy Year One Paperback by Rachel Waddilove, was the best book we read. Its very structured, which is good to enforce some routine in your life. Dont follow all the rules, but is a good guidance.
Dont forget you'll often feel terrible at the time, but you'll look back fondly at the memories.
I also joined up with babycenter.com, which has a newsletter that they will send you each week saying what size the baby is "pea, lemon, etc" and things that you should expect like physical body changes as well as logistics like "this week you'll probably get an ultrasound for the anatomy". Stuff like that.
I tried reading some books, but they all sucked and bored me.
Other that that, I tried to get as many big chores done as possible. I cleaned out the garage and storage, trimmed all the trees outside and all the bushes, got the cars fixed and had their oil changed, bought and built the crib and stroller, the kind of stuff that is tedious and hard to do with a baby strapped to you.
And lastly, I tried to get a lot of good sleep. It'll be hard after the baby comes.
Good luck! It'll change your life but for me all the joy and fun has been worth every moment!
Oh yeah, I cooked 10 kilos of pasta sauce & mince and froze it so we didn’t have to think about cooking.
And if someone asks if they can do anything to help - suggest cooking a meal.
The serious answer is, there’s nothing we can think of and say, oh I wish we’d done/had that. Be ready for a lot of disruption and learning on short notice and bonding with a new person who’ll depend on you for everything and is working really hard on improving their communication.
Oh you’ll probably also benefit from knowing where the hospital is, how to get there, where to park/get off the bus, &c.
Better than any book or video about parenting it’s better to learn to be calm and collected.
Your life is over, what ever it is / was it’s done. You now get the opportunity to build a new life, with a new family. When you have a baby it’s like getting a significant other which needs your assistance to do everything.
I found that just starting by giving everything up and slowly adding back a social life, work, etc worked best for me. For both kids I basically cleared my slate and saw what I could do.
In terms of preparing, I’d recommend any local parenting classes (get to know people too). You can also get the book “Nurture” (I believe it’s called). But the reality is little can prepare you, but you’ll figure it out with time. A lot of one off searches like “what to do when toddler won’t stop vomiting” are things you’ll probably need most.
Also! Set a schedule and stick to it. It makes it easier to at least know you’ll have your significant other take over in 15 min so you can sleep.
Another thing we did that really helped was artificially limiting inputs regarding advice. In those first weeks, we had a handful of books and dozens of blogs and websites that all had contradictory advice; it was really overwhelming. We decided we would only subscribe to three primary sources of info where possible: Mayo Clinic online, some book we had on sleep schedules, and our pediatrician. Only having three places to consult when we had questions (as opposed to the entire Internet) was an enormous help.
We got them before #1 arrive and they've worked great for all 7 of our kids with very different personalities and temperaments.
Go to work the next day and try to do your best work.
Do this two months before the baby comes and you'll already be adjusted to your new mental norm.
I'm only half-kidding. The eradic sleep is tough - babies through toddlers wake up for all sorts of reasons. Depending on the child, it could be years before you sleep consistently through an entire night.
That being said, the first time your baby smiles at you, or when they offer a drink of their juice because they are being thoughtful, when they say "love you" the first time, when they are genuinely excited to see you after a long day.. No other feeling like it.
I would take the feeding around 1am so she could pump then. Then I would go to sleep. She would pump and feed overnight. I'd wake up around 7 or 8, and then do the next few feedings while she slept till around noon, when she'd get up to eat and pump. Then she'd take a nap at some point with the baby midday so she could get her hours in, albeit split up. We did this through the entire paternity leave.
By the time I went back to work I was able to get about six hours a night after doing the late night and early morning feedings.
I found prenatal classes really informative with regards to what to expect while at the hospital, but I found they didn't really prepare me for the first few days back home after the hospital.
I wrote a few notes [3] on things at 1 month. As my wife was the one giving birth, I was told and read that I would essentially be useless during labour, and after the birth I couldn't do much for the baby and my job was to support it indirectly by supporting my wife. In reality the only thing you can't do that your partner can potentially do is breastfeed, and that isn't guaranteed.
[1] https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/
[2] https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=emily+oster
[3] https://www.reddit.com/r/predaddit/comments/b9g9p5/graduated...
+1 for prenatal classes, the more granola the better.
Bizarrely, we had a married pair of clowns in the class before my older kid was born. All I could think of was, what if their kid is scared of clowns?
Sadly I don’t think this is widely known or taught to new parents. I fear we will see a generation of emotionally neglected children of distracted parents.
You can plan, prepare, and do what you feel is best, but at the end of the day you have to be flexible and know that you will learn. I wish I could say there was a method or a book or something, but just knowing that some parts would be hard and confusing helped set my expectations. I wasn't surprised I was cleaning poop off the floor of my in-law's because I knew I would experience failure, but I was surprised babies pooped that far.
With a good support system it's not too hard. Lots of it is instinctual. Doctors and nurses will brief you on the big no-nos.
My advice: Don't try too hard to be fully prepared. You won't be. Learn how to establish a relationship with your doctor, learn how to communicate with your significant other, learn a healthy way to deal with stress (there will be stress), and learn how to make funny faces and noises.
Congratulations!
* You become familiar with the terms (procedures, drugs, etc) so that during delivery they don't sound scary and unknown.
* We met other people in our relative neighborhood at the same stage. We're still friends with many and it was a HUGE support network before and after our children were born. I think this is especially helpful with a first kid.
That aside, I recommend 'The Expectant Father' for dads as a decent book that I found helpful.
Final preparation tip: Lie about the 'due date' to everyone. Add an extra 2 weeks. It helps getting those annoying calls so close to delivery date. (Like if you don't return someones call in 5 minutes they assume you're in labor...) It gets annoying and fast.
And for after the baby is born: Just remember that you will get your 'sleep' back one day. It will be worth it. I have such a HUGE appreciate for un-interrupted stretches of sleep now. Hang in there :)
Mostly, just getting as comfortable as possible with "me and wifey will figure it all out, like we always do." What's coming will come, and we'll face it when it does.
Also, "have fucking fun, dude" reminders on the hour to myself.