Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

742 points by tuyguntn ↗ HN
I am depressed and burned out for quite some time already, unfortunately my brain still couldn't recover from it.

If I summarize the impact of burnout to my brain:

- Before: I could learn things pretty quickly, come up with solutions to the problems, even be able to see common patterns and see bigger underlying problems

- After: can't learn, can't work, can't remember, can't see solutions for trivial problems (e.g. if your shirt is wet, you can change it, but I stare at it thinking when it is going to get dried up)

Take care of your mental health

342 comments

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You're not alone, I'm burned out too and tired of every AI-related company expecting engineers to work more than 40 hours a week and nights and weekends, steal scope from teammates, fight for clout, fight for internal resources, on top of dealing with rush hour traffic for some stupid RTO metrics, with stupid-short amounts of vacation time, and expectations to take meetings during vacations.

AI was supposed to allow us to work less, not more.

I'd be okay if science moved 50% slower than it does now. I'm okay with AGI happening in 3 years instead of 2. Or 5. Or 10. I just want time to take care of myself, spend time watching sunsets with my girlfriend, create some art, and learn about what's going on elsewhere in the world instead of die early.

I’m starting to wonder if this problem is more startup related or if big companies have this issue as well. The math for startup employees financially doesn’t make sense anymore anyway and for most probably never did.
I just left Amazon, and the situation is identical at several other companies based on anecdotal evidence from friends, so it's very much a big company issue as well.

The biggest problem with many startups I think is workaholic, narcissist founders who don't know how to treat humans like humans. It's generally less procedural and internal competition bullshit than big tech, but more immature management trying to bite more than they can chew or expecting employees who have a 0.1%-0.5% stake in the company to behave like founders with a 40% stake in the company. Not going to happen.

I don't think it's fair to use the term workaholic with founders. If you're not well capitalized you have to be a workaholic just to survive. There are a fair amount of narcissistic founders because extreme self confidence is table stakes for a startup, and people who have that level of confidence are statistically more likely to be narcissists than hyper competent just based on the frequency of the two.
It’s fine for the founder to work non-stop. That’s pretty much required for some period of time to get a company off the ground.

They should not expect this same level of dedication from employees. No one is ever going to care as much as the founder. Just like a teacher or baby sitter is never going to care as much about a kid as the parents (assuming good parents here).

I know founders do this (as a former founder myself), but it's also super unhealthy for the founder to do this for more than a few weeks at a time. Our bodies and minds are not designed to handle that.
I’d understand the expectations if you have 0.5% stake in the company. The problem is, most employers expect the same while paying below market rates to employees who have no stake in the company.
I wouldn't. If I'm employee nr. 5, why is my stake in the company 0.5% while yours is 30%? That wouldn't be enough to feel like anything more than an employee that doesn't have to give a shit to me.
It's more to do with your immediate boss and teammates than BigCo or Startup. Culture and Bullshit flow from the top, as the old jungle saying goes. The icing on the cake is your immediate boss being a certain kind of bodily orifice, and the same holding true for their boss as well.
It’s the same everywhere. ICs are expected to work themselves to death meanwhile the manager/executive class gets paid. The definition of what’s “normal” work has been shifting for years.

Personally I’m just curious to see what happens when everyone just gives up. People already feel working hard no longer leads to a better life. (https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/2020-edelman-tr...) Will the management class learn?

> People already feel working hard no longer leads to a better life.

For me, it's not just a feeling; objectively, it doesn't.

I tried working hard. As a PhD student, as a founder. I had my 1st cardiac arrest the week after my graduation and my 3rd cardiac arrest during the height of startup stress. After that all I can say is that I'd rather have a life than my life lost. Fuck working hard. Work smart, work healthy, get a reasonable amount of shit done, but take care of yourself, your family, and your friends and enjoy everything the Earth has to offer before you die.

I don’t know you but I’m glad you’re still with us.
I was afraid this was the case. Meanwhile corporations are about to see their taxes cut even further. Just wild the times we live in.
> AI was supposed to allow us to work less, not more.

We are never going to be allowed to work less in this current state of capitalism. No new invention will be allowed to help you more than it helps people richer than you. They have more power than you do.

Imagine the DVR being invented today. A device that lets you skip ads. It wouldn't happen.

I am currently working for Boeing and its a disaster. I get constant hell from my manager because i stop at 40.
Just tell him sorry, our messaging systems are incompatible until we both are on Office 365, didn't get your IM. Should be good for at least a few more years at this rate.
You should also know that it can take a LONG time to fully recover.

I got burnt out 3-4 years ago and am only now feeling like I’m coming back to normal. Maybe if I took a more intentional path to recovery I’d be back earlier, but it’s not like the kind of thing where you can take a couple weeks PTO and expect it to clear up

Did you take a break from working or did you find a way to recover and work?
Getting a new job at a big, slow moving company can be a good way to recover while not becoming destitute
For me, the big slow moving org CAUSED the burnout

Burnout isn’t always about overwork. There are several different typologies and mine was more related to a lack of control/pointlessness that led to a very extreme form of ennui. The end result was the same with depression, anhedonia, and cynicism.

I feel this way too to the extent that I am willing to take up a non technical role as well. Just want to be like a no name machine at my desk, alone. do my time, leave on time and then be free to live my life as I please... but I don't think large places are devoid of their own BS. They have lots of fluffy rituals that wastes a lot of my personal time and energy.
Month off and then to a new job that was arguably even worse. Only stayed there a year, but my new gig is good
The number one trait I have seen in people who are burned out is that they utterly and completely deny they are burned out. They often furiously push back on the idea. "I cannot possibly be burned out, because I have way too much to do," or something less articulate.

Admitting you're burned out is the fist step on the path back. It can take years to get back to normal and have passion again. But it will return if you take care of yourself and avoid the kind of things that send you spiraling into stress.

A related trait is people who tie their self identify up with their job.

When your identity is “person who does this job”, it’s hard to see that you’re doing the job too much.

And even if you do have that realization, it opens up a new struggle to figure out what you’re supposed to do if you’re not doing the job.

This was (and still is) one of my issues. I had the realization that I need a life, so I stopped working 60-80 hour weeks, but didn’t have anything to fill the time with… and even if I did, I’m too burned out to do anything.
Congrats and welcome to living your life! I know it’s overwhelming to find a new hobby or interest, just throw yourself into something and realize that you’re not going to be good at it
This is a very naive take. There are people who live paycheck to paycheck with the threat of homelessness. They can't just "accept" they have burnout, they have to work as if they don't just like any other person. I myself had a brutal burnout recently (hopefully recovering now slowly) but it was very difficult because I work on a visa and I can't afford to take a break or PTO etc. Yes I "accepted" that I'm burned out in an academic manner but almost everything my therapist offered was out of question. In that sense of course "I can't be burned out because I have too much to do." I still have to work every day, churn the churn, hustle the hustle, write the performance review forms, avoid PIPs, otherwise I'm deported in a matter of months. Managers expect exponential return every quarter!
Well in this case my friend, perhaps sometimes it's okay to go back home? I have lots of friends doing this to them, they are burned out both physically and mentally, people usually have options if they can step back a bit, do you really want to sacrifice your happiness for working abroad and become "successful"? Only you can drag yourself out as you've mentioned your therapist's solutions do not work for you, it's okay to take a break, giving it up is not giving up, but a reason to look different path, you can be truly be free only if you let yourself free.
It's not possible to do so due to having my entire life here and nothing "back home" where I haven't even visited last 15 years. I have my fiancée, my cat, my house, my career here and there I have nothing. Would you leave your future wife, mom of your future kids, and go to the other end of the world to a country you last visited when you were a kid?
Wait, did you keep jumping from country to country during 15 (!!) years or something, that you couldn't get citizenship in one of the new ones ?!?
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Maybe just get married and get that citizenship sorted eh? You are in a situation which obviously is exploited by your employers.
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In such case, I'll talk to my fiance about the situation to see if there's any thing we can do, if this person really loves you and support you, I'm sure you'll figure things out, you want a person that wish you happy, or else things will prolly only get worse even after marriage and kids, worst case, you'll trade your years happiness in a burned out state for this "future" you rely on.

One thing I realized recently is "don't put yourself in a bad state just because you have EXPECTATIONS for future", because if the future is not what you expect, you'll find yourself regretting every bit of your action, and to keep this expected future alive, you'll push yourself too hard.

I really wish you the best.

Its not "naive" to limit the scope or infer what the limited scope is, in this case it's tech workers. We aren't under contract to account for everyone else who is on a visa (that they chose to undertake) or works a low wage job. The comment is correct for an implied subset of the population.
"Mental health problems and life struggle doesn't matter unless you're privileged like me."
that's not what "privilege" means either.
I think the basic mechanism is:

You have an identity that says you're good at something, responsible, motivated, etc. that identity is the one that talks in meetings, promises to do stuff, signs up for things, etc. This is the part that would push back on the idea of being burned out as well, because it identifies with not being that way. Part of your brain is dedicated to projecting this identity out into the world.

Meanwhile you have another part of your brain which is your actual executive function, which responds to your needs and makes you want to do things. It will try to do what the first identity says, to a point, but if it starts wear down, be bored, be frustrated, etc, it will start to fail.

What's supposed to happen is that your first identity, or rather your whole coherent self with all of its parts, recognizes that something is not working and does something: takes a break, quits, stops working so hard, changes something, adjusts the identity to be healthier, whatever.

What happens instead is that those small failures are ignored and start accumulate into a larger and larger debt, of being behind, not getting what you need, and draining yourself of executive function to keep up with it. Eventually this becomes untenable and your brain just starts to shut down.

The way out is somehow reconciling the two. I expect that it looks like: first, realizing that you're drained and properly recuperating, then second, realizing that you're not getting what you need to stay driven and doing something about it. Just recuperating on its own isn't enough.

For me the critical moment was recognizing I had burnout. It happened when I saw this post on HN, whose list of symptoms almost perfectly matched what I was feeling: https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2022/03/29/how-people-fall-ap...

I’ve obviously heard of burnout and experienced it before, yet somehow I failed to recognize what was happening until then.

So thank you for posting this. Hopefully it’ll help someone out there realize they’re burned out and start addressing it.

> Rego emphasized the need to lean into life “with your hands, senses and via others.” To allow the prefrontal cortex to rest, he suggested doing hands-on activities, such as arts and cooking, and indulging the senses — especially in nature — and talking to people often.

In my hardest semester at college, I wound up spending a somewhat unreasonable amount of time in nature. I would walk 3-5 miles a day and up to 20 miles on the weekend. I had a wetlands preserve across the street (well, highway) from my apartment, and a great state park about 10 minutes away. My workouts got more intense as I was more stressed as well.

It all seemed to balance out and I've been trying to get back to that sort of balance of activities since I graduated.

This article really hit home for me as well. But this sentence leaves me in possibly more distress than before reading the article.

> The Cornell study found that after a month of reduced stress, these effects disappeared.

I do not believe I will ever be able to experience “a month of reduced stress” until the day I die. But maybe that’s just the burnout talking.

I am burnt out from work currently and am in the recovery process now. I told my work I was taking a leave of absence, and used my short term disability insurance to be able to afford the time off. If your company or state offers it, please take it. I am protected by FMLA laws so they can't lay me off while I'm gone. My therapist recommends that I stay out of work up to 3 months. I'm on week 2 and it's already taken a huge weight off of me.
I’m in my first month of my new job so it’s not really an option. Appreciate it though.
> I do not believe I will ever be able to experience “a month of reduced stress” until the day I die.

Read your sentence again, so you can see how ridiculous it is. What do you have to do that is so incredibly important that you have to throw away your entire life for it?

Provide for my family.
There are billions of people who provide for their families without being stressed out until the day they die. You should ask one of them how they do it.

Or you are using your family as an excuse for your self destructive patterns.

Please tell me how as an average American I can take a month off work.

You blaming me for the capitalist hellscape I happen to have been born into is hilariously absurd. I have some very not nice things I’d like to say to you, but I’ll just leave it at that.

Would you actually listen if I tried to help you? Or do you prefer being insulted that somebody does not admire your plight?
If you have a real suggestion on how I can not work for an entire month, I’m all ears. But I think you prefer to just think you’re smarter than everyone, but have no actual idea of how the world works.
No, I don't think so. I have no idea how your life is, because you haven't told me. But taking one month away from work is not something impossible, it is something common for people to do. Also for people who earn less than you and for people who are less intelligent than you.

You could ask your boss for a month off as a first step, if that's what you want.

Damn, this article is describing me.

I’ve always been an eloquent speaker in meetings but recently it seems like I can’t respond at all, I have these thoughts and then when I go to speak nothing comes out. I’ve began to doubt my skills and abilities even though I’ve been a senior dev for almost 20 years.

The past several weeks I get in front of my screen at work and just stare, sometimes for hours… it’s as if I have waking sleep paralysis or something.

Everything feels fake, like I’m observing myself from the outside and the person I’m seeing is someone else.

I got super burned out working in startups for about 8 years. didn't realize it on the inside. now that i'm out, i look back and realize i was in a constant state of stress and anxiety. i got my sleep back, started exercising, started doing ice plunge/sauna, cut stress, limited exposure to stupid messaging streams like slack. it's a new world. i had to remake myself chemically in tiny steps and it took about two solid years to do it.
While working?
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My guess is nope. That is very difficult to do, unless one works with people willing to make an investment to heal one of their own.

That is out there. But it is rare.

Yes, while working and raising a young boy. I just needed to escape the hellish pressure of having raised millions to build a business that didn't work, and worrying about my obligations to investors and the team members I hired. It was a bunch of tiny steps that I had to slot into the constraints of a working life. I recommend "Tiny Habits": https://tinyhabits.com Fogg has good ideas about how to redesign behavior under constraints.
This is a psychological issue, but everything psychological is also physical. It’s all one interconnected system. So please see a doctor and have your bloodwork done. Doing that was the first step to escaping my burnout. I wish I had done it sooner.
I would somewhat caution against this: you're much more likely to get told everything is fine, then be told it's not. And even if you're told it's not, it may not solve any problems: I lost a bunch of weight, got fitter, and deflected myself (so far) off a path to adult-onset diabetes...hasn't helped the burn out at all.

These are all good things to have done, but the secret hope of everyone once they walk into the doctor's office is to get told "take this drug and you'll be back to feeling like you're 24 and just graduated college".

My goal isn’t to get anyone’s hopes up about a drug fixing all issues. It’s more to encourage to cover the basics in case it helps. Because it did for me and it’s something I could have done sooner
Another anecdote here. My endocrine system was messed up in a multitude of ways. Getting it back closer to ideal has meant that, in general I can handle stress, and if I can't, taking time off is actually restorative, not just "not getting worse".

You really have to insist, in the US anyway, that there is really something wrong. I was told for ~6 years "idk you're depressed bro", when in fact there were material physiological things that could have been addressed right away.

> the secret hope of everyone once they walk into the doctor's office is to get told "take this drug and you'll be back to feeling like you're 24 and just graduated college".

The fear of this attitude, which is all too common, is what keeps me away from doctors.

I had a doctor several years ago who was amazing. She actually focused on lifestyle and would even host classes for her patients at night. Best doctor I ever had. Sadly I moved away, and I don’t know how to find another doctor like that. She was like a unicorn.

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I burned out around 3 years ago and couldn't fix it with a year of traveling the world and working on side projects - thankfully I discovered Vipassana meditation which helped me bounce back stronger than ever. Hopefully someone else in a similar situation might find this potential solution useful.
What in Vipassana helped the most? Refocusing on the body? Focusing on equinimity? Recalibrating the mind once or twice a day? Something else?
Second that question - did you do one of the ten day retreats?
Not OP, but for me what helped the most is the samadi / shamatha meditation where you go into this calm abiding mode. You are calm but alert with the whole body energized. This is a enjoyable state to be in, sometimes _very_ enjoyable. I listened to the guided meditations from the Alan Wallace retreat as well as a guided meditation retreat from Rob Burbea.
I've been through this quite a few times in my life, get outside some more, do some exercise (light), take it easy, you'll bounce back.
Burnout almost single-handedly ruined my life. Do not recommend.
Interestingly, while chronic sleep deprivation is harmful, studies show that a single night of sleep deprivation can have a rapid, temporary antidepressant effect in 40-60% of people with depression. I tried this after burning out on my third startup, and it helped me short-term when I needed it most. You can read more about the research Penn Medicine (https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-releases/2017/septemb...).
So people that keep going to bed too late are self medicating?
Dan Gross, in his “How to Win” talk, discusses the Software Engineer’s (SWE) 25-hour cycle and emphasizes the importance of sleep for overall performance and well-being. I completely agree with his focus on sleep. The strategy mentioned above is meant as a temporary fix when healthier alternatives—like restful sleep, regular exercise, a balanced diet, or sauna use—aren’t effective. It also has an immediate effect, unlike many medications, making it a useful, isolated experiment.

https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxy4qdJ_dSU4Thv0MpGzqxJ8OYPfSvPW3...

A psychiatrist told me that sleep deprivation does have a proven anti-depressant effect, but that the side effects are very severe. Makes sense. He preferred the SSRIs.

There is a moment, when I've been up all night and am engaging with the world, that I feel a lack of anxiety and a mental clarity. It's like I've finally "sobered up." I think it's my body telling me "we need to sleep, none of this shit matters."

Sleep deprivation is very bad for you, though, so try something else instead.

Sleep deprivation is one of those last resort options that psychiatrists will consider if the normal treatments persistently fail. But yeah, do the normal stuff like SSRIs first.
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Many of us have experienced what you describe and it sucks. I hope you're able to sort it out and feel better about things sooner than later. That's generally the case.

But you and others should keep on mind that "burnout" is not a very precise or actionable word and thinking of your current challenges as being products of burnout doesn't give you much traction on what you can do about not feeling well or what external circumstances might help you recover.

Reading between the lines, and trying to be more precise, it sounds like you may have pushed yourself too hard for too long while neglecting essential self-care pracfices.

* You probably weren't resting very well (sleep; low-stimulation idle time).

* You probably weren't eating very well (fresh, nutritious food) and may not have even been preparing food for yourself (cooking).

* You may not have been physically tending to your self (being active, cleaning, dressing) and your space (cleaning, decorating).

* You may not have been keeping up with your relationships (friends, family) and your community (hobby groups, church/etc, light acquaintances).

For most people (and animals) -- when you don't do those things for long enough, it eventually just catches up with you. You're wired to do those things almost every day and the wires short out and things get funky when you ignore them for weeks or months or years as many fall into the habit of doing.

"Burnout" often suggests that the malaise is a product of what you were doing instead when that often isn't even relevant. Presumably, if you're here, the thing you were doing was something you were passionate about (impressing someone, acheiving something) and probably isn't suited for villification anyway.

Rather than just casting everything that feels wrong into the big vague lot of "burnout", try to take a minute to figure out what you were specifically neglecting and then try to get your hands dirty doing those neglected things (even if it's clumsy or slow or whatever in your fog and fatigue).

You missed one of the most important things they may not be doing, excersize.

This has an incredible "freeing" effect on the mind and "soul". You dont need to be a HIT or cross fit fanatic. just get out and active reguarly. This will also help with sleep and eating better.

Get into regular tiring excersize. It will help with so much.

Indeed!

I had it there, then revised as "being active" as I think a lot of people get distracted and discouraged by the the contrived, abstract thing that is modern "exercise". I personally enjoy exercise as a hobby, but doing some productive labor, commuting or running errands by foot/bicycle, engaging with active kids, etc, can all hit the same mark in terms of ongoing wellness.

People on HN either hate exercise because they associate it with the old nerd vs jock battles OR they are absolutely obsessed because it’s just hacking on a big blob of meat
It's funny because it's true.

Front-enders get surface body modifications. Ink and piercings.

True engineers know that the worthwhile body modifications are a resting heart rate sub 45, or being able to bench double their body weight.

When I was a kid, I developed a strong aversion to anything described with the terms “healthy” or “exercise” because anytime they were used, it inevitably meant that the activity had nothing else to recommend it and would be unpleasant. I think I’m finally over that particular hang-up, but it took decades.
Walking for 30 minutes 3 times a day helps me a lot. I need to start doing it again. It's so easy to ass out on the couch after a grueling day, and when you're burned out, every day is a grueling day.
You can get burnt out while not neglecting any of those things. Going to bed at 10pm with fresh sheets after a nice healthy dinner with friends is not able to offset an unlimited amount of workplace stress, although it's surprisingly effective.

Once you're in a slump you'll probably start neglecting things, but that's getting the causation the wrong way around.

You are maybe right at the begining, but then I think it's both. It becomes a negative feedback loop.
Seems complicated, although this is the best description of depression I've ever read, go outside and start walking.
I've been burned out for two years after moving to a new country to work in one of the worst post-docs of my life. But, I've found I have no one to rely on but myself because employers don't care that you're burned out, they want to keep up their kpis. Sometimes you have to work even if you're already unhealthy.

By the way, this isn't a "when the going gets tough" sort-of post, I'm just stating the reality of life.

My company sends out blasts to everyone that tells us to take care of our mental health and stuff like that, but it’s all a show. Our actually managers drive us into the ground and any sign of weakness are met with a kick while the person is down. Everyone I work with is burned out and miserable, but too scared to say anything about it or take the time they need. Hearing grown men break down and cry on calls isn’t fun. I’ve heard it several times now.

At this point, quitting seems like the only option. However, I’m in what should be the best earning years of my life, and it seems like any new job would mean a pay cut. I don’t want to cut my legs out from under myself… especially when a new job is an unknown, it could be even worse. I also have this idea in my head that I would be able to be mentally strong enough to find happiness in any situation, and if I run away from something bad, rather than being pulled toward something better, than I won’t grow as a person.

> Hearing grown men break down and cry on calls isn’t fun. I’ve heard it several times now.

Okay. Let me stop you right there. If that is something that happened once, I could believe you ran across someone who wasn't very emotionally balanced at the time. Twice could be a coincidence. Three times or more means you work in one of the most toxic workplaces I have ever heard of.

I want to be a crystal clear as I can on this point, so I'm going to raise my voice a bit to be heard: THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

> I don’t want to cut my legs out from under myself… especially when a new job is an unknown, it could be even worse.

Yes, a new job is an unknown. But that's life, change is a constant and you have to embrace and embody that in order to truly thrive.

Based on the fact that very few companies are staffed entirely of psychopaths, outside of fintech anyway, let me ask you this: do you really think throwing a dart at a random list of companies is likely to hit one that's materially worse?

Either way, if you're not happy where you're at, wouldn't it make sense to throw the dart anyway, just to see where it hits?

> and it seems like any new job would mean a pay cut.

1. You are already halfway to the mental ward if you think a little extra money is worth all your sanity.

2. You are probably wrong anyway. If one company is willing to pay you X dollars for your skills and experience, others will too. In fact, and I speak from recent experience here, many are willing to pay a great deal more.

> I also have this idea in my head that I would be able to be mentally strong enough to find happiness in any situation, and if I run away from something bad, rather than being pulled toward something better, than I won’t grow as a person.

No offense, but that is extremely backwards thinking. Would you continue to live with a physically abusive partner until a better mate showed up on your doorstep? No? Why would you continue to live with an emotionally abusive one?

It sounds like you are waiting to be rescued from this situation by something or someone. Let me assure you: no one is coming to save you. You are the one in charge of your physical and mental well being. That isn't to say you shouldn't ask for help, but you need to be the one to stand up to whatever fears are holding you back and say, enough with this bullshit, enough working for fuckwits, I deserve respectful coworkers, competent managers, and rewarding work.

You may not find complete happiness, but you don't have to stand for constant misery.

> outside of fintech anyway

Funny you say that. We seem to use various fintech companies as our feeder for senior management positions, who then bring in all their people. I usually try to wait them out, as they typically only last a few years. The idea being that it can't get worse, so the next person will be better, but they just keep getting worse somehow. We just got a new guy recently, so the impacts from that remain to be seen.

> do you really think throwing a dart at a random list of companies is likely to hit one that's materially worse?

When I look at job postings online, without relocating, it seems I'd likely take a 25-50% pay cut. I also have some golden handcuffs on me, so I'd have to forfeit a bunch of stock. While money isn't everything, and I keep my cost of living pretty low, it is a concern when I think about retirement.

I've shared some of my frustrations with my dad, who spent his whole career in corporate IT and worked at several different places. I don't know that I brought up the crying, but I've told him quite a bit. His general replies are that he can relate, and will often point to Dilbert to show that it's the same everywhere... if it wasn't, that comic wouldn't have been popular. I've also seen people leave and beg to come back. These things together make me think the grass isn't always greener.

On the flip side, I've also seen a lot of people leave who end up with a permanent smile on their face after leaving. Several have also lost significant amounts of weight, as they stop needing various coping mechanisms or find healthier outlets.

I suppose this means the fear of regret is stronger than the hope that something new will be better.

My old boss seems to have a standing offer if I want to go work for him. However, a former co-worker did, and he texted me about a month ago saying how bad it was. And the boss is saying he makes less than me now, so the pay cut comes up again. While he liked me and gave me a lot of autonomy, he also lied to me for several years, manipulating me to sell my house and move several states away from home. When I was finally fed up and decided to move back near family/friends in my home state, he tried to keep the lie going. I called him on it, and found out it was all BS. So I'm not excited to jump into that again.

> No offense, but that is extremely backwards thinking. Would you continue to live with a physically abusive partner until a better mate showed up on your doorstep? No? Why would you continue to live with an emotionally abusive one?

I think what screws with me is that I will occasionally see someone who seems happy in spite of it all. It's rare sight, but there are a couple. I wonder what their secret is and how I can get to that place, where I can be happy in spite of my circumstances. Maybe it's all an act.

> I deserve respectful coworkers, competent managers, and rewarding work.

My coworkers, the ones I've been working with for 10-15 years, I like. I feel some loyalty to them. Maybe I shouldn't, but we've been in the trenches together for a long time. They've had my back and I've had theirs.

When it comes to management competence and rewarding work, that's currently at an all time low. I used to take on a lot of these shortcomings myself, to fill the gaps in leadership, but with 4 re-orgs leading to 4 new bosses, in 4 years... I'm sick of starting over and sick of doing other people's job, so I stopped. So far it's not gone well and everything is worse as a result, which has me questioning if I should go back to working 60-80 hour weeks to try and get the house in order as I've done in the past, but these people don't deserve that. I don't deserve that. And if I do all that work, they're just going to re-org in 6 months, so it will all be for nothing.

I once told my old boss I thought about quitting every day for 15 years. Though the reasons why changed over t...

> At this point, quitting seems like the only option.

Man, given this story, I think you have way more options. Like burning the place down, Milton-with-the-red-stapler style.

Jokes aside, GTFO that place, bro. Leave a harsh glassdoor review for the cathartic release (even if it won't get posted). The grass is definitely greener somewhere else even if it might be a gamble to find it.

Just note down everything you don't like about your current shithead employer and ask yourself, "what questions can I ask in an interview that will reveal these shithead employer tendencies?" Then go interview and remember that you are interviewing THEM. Don't worry about actually getting the job, interviews are a coin flip anyhow, just worry about how much shithead signal you're getting from them. If you end up jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, just update your list of shithead employer questions and do it again. Life is way, way too short to deal with shitheads. Love yourself more than that.

Where are you from? which city or country?
It depends on where you work, but some employers extend mental health benefits to post-docs as well. Depending on the country, therapists have sliding scales too. The irony of looking for a therapist while you are burned out is that it can be a long process, but there is the chance of it being worth it and to see more options afterwards.
How are you doing now? I too suffered pretty severe burnout. I’m a programmer.

I realised my burnout came from working (5 days a week), feels like an unending marathon

What worked for me was dropping one full day of work each week. Now work 32 hours a week, really happy

What to do? My company dropped support for therapy, I pay $4k a month in rent and feel I probably just won’t wake up some days. I wouldn’t mind taking a break, but the nonstop posts about not being able to get a job don’t help. Have never felt more trapped.
Same. I would rather put up with being burnt out than subject myself to interviewing. Ridiculous.
That’s the burnout talking. Took me a number of months on sabbatical before I realized that the idea of interviews no longer made me want to crawl into a hole.
When you say your company dropped support, do you mean they were providing it directly and now aren’t, or it’s no longer part of your health insurance?

I’ve worked at places that did both. Check your health plan. Most decent ones have mental health coverage.

Don’t let coverage stop you from getting help. From experience, there comes a point when staying just won’t be an option. Your body will make the decision for you.

I started a sabbatical right before all of the layoffs started. It was a little spooky at first but it was also the best decision I’ve ever made.

Also worth looking into taking medical leave. Easier if you’ve been speaking with a therapist and/or doctor who can help justify the leave. I almost did this but didn’t want any pressure to return.

OP, I don't know a solution to this, but I'm curious if you've tried intensive exercise routines, low calorie diets, time in nature, cold showers, socializing and, working on your non-work life as a whole? I've seen this help me out in similar battles and I have also seen them recommended to others.

I also have a more general question to everyone on this thread, what is the difference between burnout and demotivation? How can one tell the difference?

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I've felt burnout and feel that I'm dealing with it now. I know doing exercise, a better diet, nature, will all help, but it's the motivation to start doing it. You wake up not wanting to go to work. You're at work, not wanting to go home. You're at home and don't want to go to sleep since it means you're just going to start the cycle again tomorrow. My issue is finding the motivation to start improving.
Early on in my career (I was a late bloomer and already in early 30's) as a developer, I got burnt out pretty bad twice. After the second time and teetering on a third, I knew I had to do something to change what I was doing and how I managed my work load.

I just focused on getting MY stuff done and that was it. I stopped taking on other's people work. I stopped taking on more work once I got my stuff done. I would do exactly what a Sprint called for. Nothing more, nothing less. If I finished early with my tasks, I would stretch out the time and just tell the scrum master I was close, but not done yet, but always finished on time. I basically just did what was required of me. I wasn't out to impress anybody, I just became "Mr. Dependable" on any of the teams I worked on.

This was the approach that changed everything.

Now, some ten years later? I'm never too high or too low. I still do the same thing, I still just do what is asked of me and that's it. 5pm every night? Laptop gets turned off. Friday at 6pm? Laptop is off for the entire weekend. I turn it back on right before my meetings on Monday. Separating my personal life from my work life with a hard delimiter was paramount.

I found out that if you don't protect your sanity and your own well being, people will take advantage of you and your time and it will never end. Once you break the cycle and get that time back for yourself? You'll make sure you never willingly give it to someone else ever again.

Protect yourself. Protect your sanity. Once you lose it, like OP said, it's very, very hard to get back.

I hope this helps someone else struggling to break this cycle.

It’s worth pointing out that the people you need to protect yourself from aren’t necessarily doing anything malicious — they just don’t know your limits and will keep feeding you work as long as you keep saying yes.

It was a revelation for me when I realized I could tell people “no, I’m swamped right now” and they’d be “ok, no problem”

The moment you start saying "no" or expressing your limits, it can be surprising how easily others respect it.
I'm really curious, how do you factor in time to learn ("up skill")?

I'm a self taught dev with 2 young kids. I've always had a healthy approach to work, but now I'm feeling quite a lot of pressure to learn new things on my own time, whether to make sure I'm prepared for the interview circuit if I get laid off, or to patch my skills that are needed at work.

I'm starting to feel burnout creep in, getting an hour of study in the morning, taking care of family, and then working 8 hours.

I appreciate your insight.

If you’re learning a thing that you actually do for your job (eg, new language or tech), do the studying and training during work hours
Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages. For that the way that works for me is to never let go of it. I will solve 2 3 problems over a week even when I have a job. That downtime at work when you are at home or waiting for the next meeting...just leetcode. I absolutely hate LC and hate the fact that it is omnipresent but now no longer fear it. Except Dynamic programming. That thing can go f*ck itself. But ya now when it comes to LC I am "always" or rather one week away from interview ready.
> Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages.

I have never had a leetcode-style interview in 40 years. (I may have had one such question, maybe - hard to remember for sure.) So, no, it is not required at all stages.

Disclaimer: I'm in embedded systems, which is very different from FAANG.

Also never interviewed at FAANG and never been asked to write code in an interview
I'm with you and the GP, but I suspect all three of us have pursued a balanced and satisfying career instead of the one with top of market compensation.

Some of the folks here don't see alternative options when FAANG compensation is some integer multiple of what the rest of the industry has been supporting for the last 40+ years, and I don't entirely blame them for that. I'm not surprised when some later find themselves miserable and feel like they're trapped by golden handcuffs and insufferable bureaucracy, but I understand how they got there.

As someone currently in the process of trying to move from a cushy, interesting startup job to a soulless FAANG for that compensation multiple, the ONLY reason I'm doing it is because I have a young kid now. I wish there was another way, but it is genuinely impossible to provide a comfortable level of family life on a startup salary, unless your partner is also in tech and is ok with not being a stay at home parent.
There are other companies, too. I work at, statistically speaking, Your Phone Company, and they don't pay FAANG money but they certainly pay a lot better than I was doing at startups.

Caveat: I don't live in the Bay Area, though the Boston area isn't exactly cheap.

I hope it’s a great experience there, have friends in the risk/cyber areas and have heard nothing but good things.
Thanks! It's an interesting place, and I think the technical quality depends pretty heavily on what org you're in. But the quality-of-life is very high and I'm mostly enjoying myself.
I did the same for the same reason , but I moved from a soulless FAANG to a high frequency trading company. This is another integer multiple.

To my pleasant surprise, the HFT is more rewarding (not just in comp) than the FAANG was. At least for now, or that's what I keep telling myself.

> I wish there was another way, but it is genuinely impossible to provide a comfortable level of family life

It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it? It's basically the top 1% speaking. And you can't tell me that the other 99% have miserable lives.

> unless your partner is also in tech and is ok with not being a stay at home parent.

Stay at home parent is a choice, and a pretty expensive one. One does not have to choose that and can still live a comfortable life. Many women (and let's face it, we're unlikely discussing the man staying at home for the next 7-15 years, eh?) even prefer not to interrupt and/or basically end their careers because of parenthood.

Americans often look to Europe, claiming that these things are so much easier there, which might be true, but at least as much is it a matter of personal choice as well.

Can confirm that the 99% have very comfortable family lives, lower stress jobs, plenty family time... (based on having many lower income friends) Bottom n% is a different story, but a FANG salary is not a necessity unless your lifestyle choices and personal expectations make it so.
I'm guessing those lower income folks either don't live in HCOL locations or were fortunate enough to buy their homes before the pandemic. My family is all in HCOL, so with a young kid it's not really feasible to move away (or to go back in time and get a better deal on the house).

Yes, to some extent the asinine expenses of people like me are a result of various choices we made, but that's assuming those choices had any really realistic alternative at the time. And now I'm stuck.

Yes, I’ve been in tech for 30+ years and just recently broke 6 figures in salary. But I live where a nice house is under $300K and I take satisfaction in living frugally.
That's interesting. What's your line of work?
Webdev in various stacks, database design, programming and administration, linux administration. Mostly in higher ed with a few forays into short-lived startups.
I’ve run into a leetcode once over the course of five job hunts. There’s always some sort of screener that may use a leetcode style interface, but the problem is something like fizzbuzz/write a function to say if a number is prime/etc.

The interview is about finding the obvious resume frauds and seeing if they can communicate their problem solving process, not finding a genius that’ll invent new algorithms

Funny enough, I just had my first LeetCode question ever... for an internal job posting. Wtf
That is dystopian level hilarious.
We normally do minor fizz buzz code screens internally. But that's just a small test to see how much of the tech you know, like if you were switching from say Python Lambdas to Angular front-end. And it's mostly to see about how you approach the problem.

But some of the internal postions do it differently. My favorite was a mock code review on a PR that had intentional flaws. Then you'd call put what was wrong and how to fix it - not just pure code but also requirements, tests, commit messages, etc.

LeetCode is different though. The rating and stuff. Even the interface... I still don't know what it's doing behind the scenes to run the code and feed inputs and what those inputs are. Believe it or not, this LeetCode interview wasn't my worst internal code screen. I once had one that HR said to bring my laptop and use any language I wanted. When I got there, the manager handed me a Mac (which I've never used), told me to use Angular to create a page with a table (hadn't used Angular at that point), and told me to do it in Webstorm (most teams were still using Eclipse at that time, so no experience here either). I managed to Google my way to a working table, but cut the interview short when he wanted me to style it. It's and internal posting. I clearly know the basics and got something working, even in the worst possible interview scenario where I didn't know the tools at all. Surely I can learn the rest (this was a midlevel posting, not even senior).

You can be assured that the person who actually got the job worked on a Mac in Angular using Webstorm and that nobody wants to entertain ideas that their methods of interviewing are in any way tipping the scales.
I'd interpret that as they wanted actual usable work from the interview, I've had a few of those "technical tests" that boiled down to "if we get enough applicants to add to this code we won't need to hire any of them"
Not in this case. This was clearly a made up assignment and was very vmbasic.
Can't they just look at your code commit history ...
They absolutely could.

On the opposite side, I usually skip teams for their repo so I can review them. Are there test cases built out? Do they have east to follow code design, or descriptive comments? Do they have a normal level of abstraction, or are there multiple layers of interfaces for not real reason? I recently declined a position because the team was building a UI, didn't have a CMS, didn't have any real rests, and the code looked like a bit of a mess. It didn't help that the languages (Go, React) were completely new to me, so I wouldn't be able to make an impact on improving these issues.

But then where is the opportunity for ego stroking?
Interesting, I had the same thing a few years ago while interviewing internally for a manager position, and from a VP
The weird thing is I've gotten everything from no code to entry level to ultra-hard coding questions in FAANG-level interviews.

I also have a hunch I've gotten easier coding questions when an existing team member referred me to hiring for their own team.

Funny enough I had an interview today with a dynamic programming whiteboard problem. I feel like if I hadn't been putting in my leetcode hours I would have totally bombed
Apparently Google and finance firms are the ones that still ask dynamic programming. If any non-FAANG company is asking that, especially startups, I'd tell them to get off their high horse.
You do it during work hours. Period.

Your brain only has so many truly 'on' hours in a day, and it's already less than 8. Trying to burn even more in the pursuit of complex knowledge isn't just robbing Peter to pay Paul, it's eating the seed corn and wondering why your harvest failed.

It's a scary thing to realize, and can be hard to stick with. But limits are real, and respecting them gets more work done in the long run than not.

100%

This is so important. I have a 3yo and wife, I currently work for a series-A startup - It's incredibly easy to do things out of hours, answer messages, train, lab things up, etc... But at the end of the day that is a part of my career.

So except for when I'm traveling for work, I don't do a GD thing past 5pm, unless i choose to. When I choose to, it's likely because a lot of my team is in IST time zone rather than EST.

When you're a family person, your job is to be there for yourself first, your family second, your other commitments after that.

I have a weekly 4:30p friday call. Would i rather have that at 1:30p? Yes. But i've chosen to work remotely in Ohio instead of move to Cali like the last four companies have asked. So I take that friday 4:30p call.

But you better believe that i check out until monday after that.

During the week I'll take odd hour calls for my counter-parts in IST, but that's nearly entirely out of courtesy than necessity.

Take care of things in the following order: 1. You, as a human, holistically 2. Your family, spouse first, kids second 3. Your work 4. Everything else

It's reduced a huge portion of stress from my life by doing this.

You've said it twice, and I'll reiterate it a third time. Your own well being has to come first. You can't deliver on the rest of your commitments if you neglect your own needs. Being a martyr does not serve those who depend on you.
If you can’t love yourself how are you going to love someone else?
People are capable of giving and receiving love, even while struggling with self-love. In fact, relationships can often be a source of healing
I am trying to move to a country where this is a reality... I just need a life outside of work (and some quiet and peace and fewer people around me all the time) I want to be able to sit down in the park, stroll around the neighbourhood, ride cycle, swim, cook, etc without the worry of job looming over my head all the time. I want to live for myself.
I say this as a person who emigrated away from the US in my late 30's...

The hedonic treadmill exists in all countries, stepping off it is a personal priority and discipline regardless of where you live.

Fair point. I'm not chasing happiness, but rather seeking a lifestyle that is more in line with my personal preferences and values, such as quiet/peace, fewer people, and cooler weather. On days when I get to experience these, I feel very content with my life and more in control of it, All the other problems don't bother me much when these basics are right...
Come to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Start your day with a sunrise walk to the gym ($40/month). Grab an omelette and coffee for $3. Head home by 9am before it gets too hot. Work/learn/read/nap in the AC until 5pm. Take a sunset bike ride through the temples of Angkor Wat. Grab dinner downtown at the open breeze restaurants while people watching ($2-3 for a healthy meat and vegetable stir fry, $1 for pancakes, $2 for fried rice). Grab some drinks ($1) and play billiards with some friends. Head home to your modest 1 bedroom apartment for the night ($300/month). Not to mention the locals are really friendly here and if you’re in to helping out in some of your free time, you will be greatly valued and appreciated!

There’s a few other expenses and some cons of living here but some research and YouTube videos will help you figure out if it’s right for you. And of course you can ask me :)

All hours spent with kids under 5 is basically 'on'. Which would leave most mothers I've met at zero 'on hours' left for work. A reason for the 'gender pay gap'?
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Completely agree. And it’s just one more creepy weird thing that companies allow to be normalized. If you refuse to work in these conditions, you’re “burnt out” or you’re “a bad fit” or whatever other bizarre messaging folks want to astroturf on social media hangouts.
Yes! And Christianity to this day is still very and subtly misogynistic. For example, why does a woman need to give up her last name when marrying?
Not arguing that Christianity and other religions aren't misogynistic - I mean, seriously, there is a borderline unfathomable amount of serious misogynistic baggage there.

However, on the point of last names, I feel the urge to point out that I personally know several, very devout and traditional, catholic couples who kept their last names in wedlock.

Yep, look at the Spanish naming system for example. It doesn't get much more Catholic than that, but they combine both partners' family names.
Sure, but traditionally only the man’s name gets passed down to children
We have records of patronymics as old as the writing itself. It's hard / impossible / pointless to decouple religion from culture though.

On a slightly different note: Hammurabi's name means literally "his uncle is a healer" (related to Arabic عم (ʕamm) meaning paternal uncle, and the latter part to rabbi).

I my mind there's a mildly funny* movie where Hammurabi, the person who created/codified the foundations of our law, someone remembered for 1000s of years... was an insecure overachiever. "You conquered the Elamites? And Larsa? Oh, that's cute my boy. Now get a real job like your uncle who is a doctor!"

* (for me, my bar is low)

You raise a good point (and I'd enjoy the hell out of that movie!). Whilst I still stand by my point, I agree it's more of an anecdote and effectively meaningless in the context I presented it.
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How’s that related to Christianity?
It’s not a strict requirement but it was part of the culture when the Bible was written, and fits with the general hierarchy which is specified in various scriptures – the most common justification cited is in Ephesians where there’s an injunction for wives to be submissive to their husbands. Coupled with the way the Bible assumes the traditions of the time (e.g. sons taking their father’s name, the patriarchal line of inheritance, etc.) it’s common to many Christian cultural traditions even though there are exceptions.
It was part of our culture before Christianity emerged, it remained part of the culture afterwards. Seems like Christianity didn’t have much to do with it.
It wasn’t “our” culture unless you still live in the Bronze Age but I’d think of it more as a historical artifact which was preserved in part due to reinforcement based on that religious text. If Christianity did not give that text special significance you wouldn’t have millions of people saying they _must_ continue the practice.
Culture is a continuity that builds upon the past - in that sense it's our culture. Also, I've never ever heard anyone say that wives need to take names of their husbands, because the Bible says so. Is that an American thing?
> Culture is a continuity that builds upon the past - in that sense it's our culture

Cultures share history but the whole point is that they’re not continuous. You specified the pre-Christian era, and there have been many significant changes since then which any common definition of the term would consider discrete boundaries.

> Also, I've never ever heard anyone say that wives need to take names of their husbands, because the Bible says so. Is that an American thing?

It’s not specific to the US but there are certainly American churches which have strong opinions on this point. One thing to remember is that these things aren’t just the literal text of the scriptures in whatever version of the Bible they use but also the collection of interpretation and custom around it, and people have a history of interpreting scriptural text differently based on a position which they want to support.

There are places with a Christian tradition where that is not the case. For instance, Spain.
Most of the research actually supports what op says. When you adjust for industry and such the vast majority of the remaining gap is due to motherhood. So much so that many researchers in the field call it the motherhood pay gap as opposed to the gender pay gap. Childless women make about the same as men (within 2-3%, some show higher, some lower).

Now is the fact women take over the majority of the childcare and are more likely to take off to raise their children misogyny? Depends on your definition and perspective.

> Now is the fact women take over the majority of the childcare and are more likely to take off to raise their children misogyny? Depends on your definition and perspective

Yes, given that:

- In conservative circles, there is a strong expectation that a woman's chief job is to be a mom,

- Many businesses are lead by conservatives, and

- Many states (at present) are run by conservatives and enact policy to make this so (anti-abortion laws being the biggest example)

Regardless, whether women want to enter motherhood or not should be irrelevant when determining employee compensation.

Many of us developers justify our sky-high compensation packages in today's remote-first working culture by the "value" that we provide relative to the profit margins produced by our work.

If this is true, then this should apply equally apply to working moms since them being moms doesn't take away from the value they bring to the table. Moms don't stop being great programmers once they bring children into this world!

However, if we're going to use _availability_ as a compensation-affecting performance metric, then dads should also be paid less since, in an ideal world, they are just as involved in parenting as moms are.

Given that being paid less due to being a parent is de facto illegal in the US, then I think that any argument for suppressing women's wages is either uninformed or in bad faith.

(As an aside, we don't and won't have kids, but I am a huge advocate for equal-length parental leave; nobody is at their best when they're working on two hours of sleep because the baby's always crying through the night.)

I also think leave for father's should be as long as leave for mothers so families can decide how they divy up the childcare in a way that works for them.

> Regardless, whether women want to enter motherhood or not should be irrelevant when determining employee compensation.

Whether a women wants to enter motherhood is irrelevant to her compensation. But how much time, effort, and experience she brings to the job is relevant to her compensation. And despite there being plenty of mothers who bring more of those things to their job than their childless counter parts, most people cannot bring as much time and energy to bare on work as they could if they were childless given how we currently divide up childcare. If you're on partner track at a lawyer, you're expected to bill 2000 hrs a year which means working 3000. It's very hard to continue to work 3000 hrs a year while raising a kid and the lack of billable hours will effect bonuses and promotions. How could it not?

From the HN guidelines:

Eschew flamebait. Avoid generic tangents. Omit internet tropes.

Please don't use Hacker News for political or ideological battle. That tramples curiosity.

Childcare is skilled, necessary labor, and should be subsidized by the government at the level that food production is. Maternity leave and paternity leave in the United States are also woefully insufficient.
Proposal rejected by society. You will raise the child into a productive citizen, then society will tax the shit out of them while yelling "we paid our property taxes for our shit schools, so we deserve a slice."

Then the social security cut gets distributed regardless of preference to who raised the kids who now pay the taxes.

It's a classic tragedy of the commons, offload almost all the cost on moms then socialize the taxed gains.

It works great until women have control over whether or not they have children.
Very high value, lucid advice.

My experiences were similar, however I must add when your day job is not related to skill building activities, you may find your "on" time to be greater.

Still, be careful.

In my case, my day job was manufacturing and I was an effective prototype mechanic. Loved the work, hated the pay, so...

I used a percentage of my free time learning more computer related things.

When the time was right, I was ready to take the jump.

Landed nicely, and have no regrets.

Now, later in life I find the dynamics above are in play and we all ignore them at our peril.

I'd agree with what others have answered (do it on company time if it's company related), but although I don't have kids, I've burnt out quite badly 2 or 3 times. Apathy is the scar tissue you get from burnout, it's helpful in avoiding it after recovery, but it's best if you don't include your family in that. If possible (probably if you try hard enough) I'd suggest separating the things you want or feel you should learn into the things you're learning for yourself and things you're learning for your job, and then allocate a deliberate day or significant block to just that. Ask for help from your family if possible in letting you occasionally just isolate and immerse. Jon Carmack does this, and although I'm just an average guy or w/e, I've found it to be the only way to give hard subjects the attention they actually require. For example, the Nand2Tetris project, Swift programming, Postgres, they really take some tinkering time and deliberate practice. Nothing super valuable comes from passively digesting podcasts while driving imo either, or walking down the street, or buying groceries, so take those airpods out if you're doing it, and let your brain take a break in those moments.
Ask for help from your family if possible in letting you occasionally just isolate and immerse.

My family wouldn't understand that, so I play hookie.

Twice a year, I schedule a vacation day that I don't tell my family about. I act as if I'm going to work like normal, but I spend the day at the art museum or sitting in the park reading, or something else that doesn't involve anyone else.

And then some day someone will recognize you somewhere, tell your wife "hey, I saw reaperducer at the park today!", and then she will think you're cheating on her.
I mean, that sounds great, I can totally get behind this in a way.

My big thing is being able to protect my sense of autonomy, even when I'm responsible for things or obligated toward others. If I literally can't take a day away from my phone or without telling people where I am, I've found myself in a risky space emotionally. So I'll occasionally leave the phone at home, or go hiking from sun up to after nightfall alone with the phone off, only maybe telling someone (including my spouse). People need their own space.

In addition to my previous comment, burnout seems to happen when you're working a lot on something you don't really control the outcome or reward of, along with the presence of some force that gradually erodes your sense of autonomy. If you feel like someone else is the arbiter of not just most of your energy, but all of it, over a long enough period of time, you'll grow to resent yourself, those people, and the work.

This sounds depressing. I’m sorry that you had that experience.

It’s a frustrating position to be in, and you can feel quite helpless.

In my experience, it’s less about “do only what’s asked”, and rather “say no”.

I.e. explain “I can do X, but if I do that then Y will suffer, and Y is a priority”. (Y being another company priority, or even your own mental health). Stated in these terms, it’s easier to negotiate your time with your coworkers.

Thing is that may not depend on you.

I did this but I was surrounded by coworkers who were stupidly running straight into burnout themselves and said yes to anything.

Well, upper management felt I wasn’t doing enough in comparison and pressured/harassed me. Ultimately, I were the first to burn out.

Of course, in hindsight, I should have left way before it happened, but when you are in, you have no hindsight. Sometimes you can’t grab the surrounding toxicity before being hurt.

This feels impossible for someone who is early career. How could you balance growth with this? You could say "if your job isn't providing you with opportunities to grow, look for a new job or talk to your manager". But that takes extra time as well. You need to work on portfolio/side projects with in-demand skills you don't currently use, talk to managers, apply to jobs, network, read, etc.
I'm 43 now and you couldn't pay me enough to do several things at job now, like working saturdays (normal here in mexico), working from an office, doing death marches and whatnot.

But, I did all that and more in my 20s as IC and 30s as a leader. I helped 3 startups go up and now 2 of them are unicorns (That was pure luck but doesn't change my view).

My point is, there is a time for everything. I've hired a couple of JRs at my startup nowadays, and I tell them: what you lack of experience, I want you to cover by will.

Guys at 20s want to eat the world. The energy and motivation is amazing. Those are the years to run and hustle like a demon. However, I would never do that in a big Corp environment (like Goog, IBM, MS, etc) because you will only be abused by middle manager.

But as 1st, 2nd or 3rd engineer in a startup. I'll do it all again.

Thanks for sharing and really appreciate the "break the cycle" mindset. A lot of people feeling stuck is holding on "strong work-ethics" as their identity, but it is an endless cycle and you are going to lose as you age.

And your sanity is only yours to keep, protect it at all cost.

Any words of encouragement to a 32 year old considering a career switch to software development? I have a CS undegrad and have been working in the industry, although in strategy roles and never as a developer.
Where do you live?

I transitioned to software development in the age of ~30 and am based in Austria, Europe. The way I did is was to work on a project in my free time, and use that to a) LEARN, b) demonstrate that I can aquire skills myself and c) can stay motivated and push through. I wanted to show that I'm worth being given a chance. It worked flawlessly, I got hired on the first try.

Just try it, what's the worst that can happen? :)

I've got the feeling good software engineers are a bit more rare here, though, and Whiteboard interviews are not a common thing either.

It’s never too late to switch to software development, especially since you already have a strong foundation with your CS degree and industry experience.
You might as well be narrating my own experience. This is the definition of work life balance.
> Laptop is off for the entire weekend. I turn it back on right before my meetings on Monday. Separating my personal life from my work life with a hard delimiter was paramount.

That sounds like a good philosophy for work-life balance. I sometimes work evenings or weekends, but it might be a bit different since I don’t work at a company but at a university, so my work hours are a bit flexible. I have had burnout before, especially during Covid home office.

A big improvement for me was:

- Regardless what’s going on, have at least one day per week when I don’t work at all (usually Saturday) and never pull all-nighters (no work after midnight);

- Stop syncing work email to any mobile devices, and close the mail app on my laptop outside standard working hours. (This does wonders for destressing.)

- Track the amount of time you “try to work” (e.g. how long you have your work laptop open). Note that this is not the same as tracking e.g. “focus hours”. Keep an eye on it and don’t let it accumulate too much per week.

> Regardless what’s going on, have at least one day per week when I don’t work at all (usually Saturday) and never pull all-nighters (no work after midnight);

Why are you working during the weekend and after work hours?

> I just focused on getting MY stuff done and that was it. I stopped taking on other's people work... I would do exactly what a Sprint called for...

This is my reason for burnout, opposite of your example. There's a thin balance doing more work because you enjoy, and doing it because managers are pushing you to do it. And now that I JUST do my job and what I'm asked to do, I have lost a lot of the drive that I loved about being a developer and engineer, making life kind of dull. Weird thing is that it is the job description that put me into this place, with no room for growth, and the search for new jobs has been dry, year after year of searching.

I traded my sanity for a big chunk of my life's enjoyment. That ain't great either.

My theory is burnout comes from a lack of autonomy.

If your "do the minimum" is having complete control over a module and implementing features as slow as you can without pissing anyone off too much, you're going to have a great time.

If your "do the minimum" is picking up the bare minimum number of Jira cards in a sunshine and roses "teamwork makes the dream work" team where everyone is responsible for every line of code but nobody knows more than 5% of the codebase, your mental health is going to go straight down the toilet, because nothing is more stressful than working with over-complicated code you didn't write, and the less cards you pick up, the less code you're going to understand.

your example seems to show that autonomy doesn't matter so much if your choices are ill informed or the environment in which you have autonomy is toxic.

Personally, I think autonomy has little to do with it and lacking autonomy is dangerous to pin burnout on because it puts the responsibility on the person, when burnout is often the result of a system (broken or exploitative).

Sure having autonomy can help cope or delay burnout, but I don't think lacking autonomy is causing burnout singlehandedly.

I have a slightly different aspect (as I was the complete opposite of that) of this from my life - but it's not a disagreement.

So I have always had such a nice (some would say epic) work-life balance as far as "hours" and "availability" go. After a (forced) break from work, and exploring health related help professionally, I came to know I was clearly burnt out. I was told high number of "hours" working or "visible or quantifiable work load" don't necessarily have to be present for a burn out. There are other factors at work which cause stress/etc and they are often more insidious than the typical "load" (not to reduce the ill effect of the typical load^). And were those signs abundant in my life and work!

It was quite shocking. I always used to think that with my kind of work-life balance at least burn out was never going to be a problem.

^ It was added by them - those typical load/etc almost always cause mental health damage so I should not consider them okay all.

Your comment is very vague to the point of not containing any information. I would sum it up as "there are factors other than hours spent when it comes to burnout". What are those factors?
You really do have to protect yourself. I think at some point I felt like if I set boundaries I'd get fired, then I realized if I didn't set boundaries I'd go insane which seemed worse than fired so I started telling people "no," and logging off on time. It's been an improvement.

"Will the fight for our sanity, be the fight of our lives?" - flaming lips

> You really do have to protect yourself

I don’t know why this is a revelation to so many people.

Who cares about you more than you do? Nobody — especially not anybody at work.

For me the revelation wasn't so much that I have to protect myself but that it wouldn't get me fired.

Maybe it is a revelation for those who haven't been taught to say no outside work?

I was told to be quiet and obey growing up, why would anyone expect me to be equipped to stand up for myself as an adult after that?

> I was told to be quiet and obey growing up, why would anyone expect me to be equipped to stand up for myself as an adult after that?

Because you are equipped to do it. It’ll be a new experience for you but it shouldn’t take you long to figure out that it’s in your best interests.

> I stopped taking on more work once I got my stuff done. I would do exactly what a Sprint called for. Nothing more, nothing less. If I finished early with my tasks, I would stretch out the time and just tell the scrum master I was close, but not done yet, but always finished on time.

A PM at my company told me a few weeks ago "if you finish your work early, we can always find other things for you to work on" and I told him "you understand that my incentive is not to do that, right? If working faster only gives me more work to do, then why would I work faster?" He told me that fast workers are repaid with bonuses, promotions, etc., but I don't think most people believe in that kind of upward mobility anymore. I certainly don't

We all need to understand the importance of setting healthier boundaries in a work feald. That shift made a big difference for you
it was fun for me.

i just forgot how to do my job. not exact operations or how to code. by what is exactly my job consist of what. for year like. and at same time appeared i started to do my job better as per 3rd parties feedback.

also i was thinking i am clever, but after just came realization i am far from. so i did learn some math and what are other people really are to catch up with the world.

just learn math, hear what boss/wife/child tell, no coffee , and some meditation of absolutely any kind.

after some years, i feel life as like walking in a forest with animals and random forestfires here and there.

Learning quickly and easily intuiting solutions for problems is something that will ebb and flow throughout your career. Totally normal. One symptom of burnout is getting anxious and hypervigilant about your effectiveness!
I experienced several episodes of what I thought was burnout (from all the symptoms often described), but in retrospect were periodic recurring depressions from type 2 bipolar disorder, triggered by stress.

PSA for anyone who might have the same situation — if you've experienced anything that resembles hypomania this may be worth investigating. The average time from first bipolar depression to diagnosis is 10 years, and I mistook several depressions for burnout while doing plenty of damage to my career and personal life during that time.

This is one of the best books on the topic: https://www.amazon.com/Depressed-Recognizing-Managing-Bipola...

Did reading the book help you? Did you seek treatment?
I read many many books, re-read my personal journals, and basically had self-diagnosed by the time I spoke with a psychiatrist, who agreed with my assessment upon presenting the evidence.

The huge challenge with diagnosing type 2 BPD is that it basically needs a historical time series of data to be detected properly, so either you or someone close to you needs that data. It's believed to be a lot more prevalent in the population than officially diagnosed, which sucks because it results in consistent, increasing depressions that don't respond to treatments for "unipolar" depression (major depressive disorder), which are actually dangerous as they can trigger mania.

I was lucky that the first medication I found worked really well with no side effects, and I basically went from "random 3-6 month depressions every 1-2 years" to "normal person", which removed a huge debuff, in video game terms.

In my opinion, everyone should try therapy at least once.

Just like you have a primary care physician for your general health, a dentist for your teeth, it makes sense to have a medical professional to help you with your brain.

I think of it as a best practice. Can you get by with out it? Sure. Will you be doing things optimally? Definitely not.

Sorry to hear OP, hope you’re in a position to take some time off.
From my own experience of burning out and getting out of it:

Mechanics: it seems easier to get in to burn out but far far longer to get out of.

I know what I wanted to do but could not bring myself to do it.

Though not always, gut health (or the lack of it. My burn out coincided with my IBD episode) could be an early symptom to back off the throttle a bit.

Subjective: I've learnt to remember that look on someone face who's heading down burn out wall.

In long distance cycling, in order to not 'bonk', you must fuel and hydrate sufficiently and consistently over time. With burn out, I feel the same dynamics apply, but with different 'fuel' and 'hydration'. And every person is so different that the rate of replenishment needed should and have a wide variance.

What really helped me get out was, ironically COVID, when I couldn't do anything about my startup and I had to stop it and rest. The bleeding with my IBD just went away during the peak of lockdowns. Started to build and buy stuff, for leisure, that I enjoyed and had postponed away in my hustling years.

On hope: The human body and brain has a remarkable capability to recover and heal itself. But one does need to give it the right input: hanging out with wholesome or wise people, exercise, eating well, getting medical intervention when needed etc.

I have a similar story. Burnt out and thought my brain was cooked. Then I got my sleep apnea sorted. Then found out I had celiac (the apnea might be related).

Getting that all sorted is like an insane nootropic. I'm smart again and can work real fast.

"burnout" can be anything from mental exhaustion to stress induced psychosis, and should be treated like any bodily injury - like you're not going to be playing tennis soon after a severe ankle sprain, and possibly never again at the same level after a nasty wrist break. mental injuries are real and take time to heal but when you don't realize this you just keep playing tennis on your sprained ankle and turn a small injury into a big one.

it feels like you can't learn, can't work, can't remember - this is just your body protecting itself, your ankle is wrapped. you have to listen to your body and give your mind a break before it takes one.