Ask HN: I'm terrified of death. What do I do?

I went through a period like this, not long after 9/11 and the Anthrax scare. It eventually just went away with time.

Then I had a heart-attack last Nov, and could easily have died. Now, anytime I feel even the slightest niggle of chest pain or discomfort, it's hard not to think about the possibility of dying. It's frustrating, but mostly the way I deal with it is two-fold:

1. I remind myself that it doesn't really matter. Once I'm dead, I won't be in a position to care about being dead. Of course, I'm an atheist who doesn't believe in any sort of "after life", so I look at dying as just going to sleep - for a REALLY long time.

2. I remind myself that I'm fairly content with the life I've lived up to this point. I am not in any hurry to die and I have unfulfilled dreams still, yeah, but I also recognize that I've done a lot of what I want to do, and I've done things on my own terms as much as I possibly could. I've done some things I'm not proud of, and haven't been perfect, but I feel like "when I die, I have no real regrets, nothing to feel bad about".

Anyway, I guess many (most?) people go through a period of dwelling on their mortality. If you're lucky, it'll probably pass in time.

I don't know why I am so fixated on it at this age.

Maybe a family member of friend died? Or you saw a TV news report about some kind of tragedy involving many deaths? Some kind of stimulus like that could potentially have prompted the whole thing. For me it really was the 9/11 attacks and all the reporting about the Anthrax scare immediately afterwards.

My opinion is that you should seek out a mental health professional, spiritual advisor, or both. This may be the side effect of something else in your life, and an objective third party can often help you to identify it.

These types of problems affect everyone at some point (and often times, multiple points) in their life, which is why so many people turn to drugs, alcohol, or any other of a myriad of addictive substances and behaviors.

The crux of my opinion is this: You are normal, and the fact that you experience unwanted feelings is normal. Sadly, it is also normal for people to internalize these feelings and be crippled by them in some way, rather than simply seek out someone who can help them. What I want for you is to overcome it. Please do talk to someone, so that you can clear your mind, have better understanding of your personal goals, and go on to even greater things!

I'm not an expert with that subject, because nobody is able to answer this question properly.

I think you are afraid about the meaning of life. Some people figured it out by adopting a religion, which most of the time offer a mission, a goal to achieve. In this sense, death appears to be pretty harmless. But guys like you and me can't solve this problem because ANYBODY has the truth about this. The fear of the unknown is frightening.

My advice is that you can't decide when you will die. Your only field of action is the way you live at this moment. Where are you going to (regarding your life's goals)?

Good luck!

Is it interfering with your day to day life? (It's affecting your sleep and seems to be causing you mild distress, so "yes".)

You can use techniques like cognitive behaviour therapy to help ease the intrusive thinking.

The Australian website "Mood Gym" is a good quality site that provides computer guided CBT: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Or there are books. I've heard "Mind over Mood" is good.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/08...

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898...

Or you can go see a therapist. For stuff like this you should specify a very short course - 3 sessions of an hour each - before you start, and make sure that the therapist is focussed on this specific problem.

CBT aims to help you learn your moods and the thoughts that cause them; then to think about your thoughts and the evidence you have for them; and then to think if there is other evidence, and does this new evidence reduce the intensity of the emotion. It's an iterative process.

Some studies have shown that having a psychedelic experience (via LSD or Psilocin) can have a significant and lasting positive impact on existential anxiety.

I, for one, can say that LSD cured my depression and seriously alleviated my anxiety.

You are going to die someday. Billions before you have died, and billions will die. It's part of life.

There, that wasn't so hard!

None of the people that have died wanted to die : The desire to stay alive is an evolutionary gift, your fear of death is natural. Especially while you are so young.

Fear of death is natural! Congratulations, you're a successful biological organism! YAAAAY. Get up and dance!

I see you're very bright, because of your imaginative projections of lifes permutations (although quite dark) - but remember, fear is the burden of imagination, but your intellect can help you bare it.

I grant you that it is entirely possible that a brain haemorrhage will kill you in the night. It's possible a plane will crash into your house and flatten you. Its possible the lottery ticket you got was a winning one. But none of these are very likely. We KNOW that. It's just a numbers game.

Enjoy your life. challenge your imagination to come up with positive outcomes rather than negative ones. Imagine if we could load our brains into a robot and live forever! How do you think a mind would react to different situations if it was 1000 years old and had seen 5 world wars? What conclusions might this mind come to when it meets your 20 year old self now? What would you ask it? If you were that mind, what would you ask yourself?

Dont answer immediately, think for 5 minutes, and when a thought comes into your mind, ask "why did I have that thought", "what does that thought mean with respect to the future", "how can I take this idea further"

let your mind wander, but keep it from getting stuck in darker places. Dark places are fine, but dont dwell.

Joke. Laugh. Humor always emcompasses a wider perspective.

"The beauty of life, is that it repeats" -- David Attenborough

There are scientists who are trying to "cure" death. I don't know if it will happen in our lifetime, but it's possible. http://theimmortalists.com/

I, too, don't want to die, but I don't let it impair my day-to-day thinking.

Realize that it will happen or it will not, but what matters is the moment. Spending your whole life afraid of dying is not living - it's just as bad as spending your whole life waiting for a better afterlife.

This is important: Solipsistic thoughts (e.g. "What if I'm not really controlling my actions? What if I'm just a machine? What if I die every night and wake up a different person?") are pretty common in those with anxiety disorders. It sounds like you might have one. I'd recommend you talk to a qualified mental health professional. There are strategies for dealing with these thoughts and feelings that could make your life much more enjoyable.

Philosophy to the rescue! (sort of) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism

I'm just gonna leave this here.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/brilliant-pupils-logical-s...

I had a period of fairly morbid thinking around the time I was in a serious car accident, days after my 18th birthday. I spent a few weeks in terror of getting in a car. When I saw someone driving unsafely I would have minor flashbacks to the accident, which I barely remembered consciously.

I moved past it by forcing myself to confront the fears directly. That was easier in my case than yours, since it had roots in a very physical phenomenon. I don't have any advice for you necessarily, but you're definitely not alone in your thinking.

Maybe one piece of advice - it could be worth talking to a therapist about the possibility of depression. I'm not convinced that is the case by any means, but it's often a very subtle and insidious condition that can color your thoughts.

If Tibetan monks dedicate much of their lives to studying and preparing for death, and they are nervous about it, the rest of us should be too.

I'm designing a course on preparing for death, and for dying well. You can sigh up here if you're interested in when it launches: http://diepenniless.us2.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=bc7fdf29...

Not using my main account for this.

I have OCD and a general anxiety disorder. Around 15 years ago, I had a huge relapse with this "existential anxiety". I didn't know what do do, I stayed up at night in fear.

I talked about it with my psychiatrist and went on an SSRI. Now I approach death with "why care"? When I'm dead I'm dead, there's nothing to do about it. Until then why waste time worrying and I can just live life instead.

You must embrace reckless abandon. The idea of memories being deposited into a new brain simulation sounds pretty out there. There are plenty of remote possibilities that you could never disprove in life. Most people don't think about them. It sounds slightly paranoid.

When I had my wisdom teeth removed as a kid, I was absolutely terrified about the metaphysical consequneces of general anesthesia, so I know where you're coming from... Here are a few thoughts

- Think of the universe not as evolving through time, but as a static spacetime structure. You are part of this structure... you do not have infinite time extent, but neither do you have infinite space extent, and that's fine. The past isn't gone, you're just not experiencing it, but it exists.

- Read up on Tegmark's mathematical universe theory.

Coming to terms with death is an essential part of growing up. A prolonged engagement with the thought of impermanence and death adjusts your value system and life objectives, allowing you to identify what is really important in life and to avoid wasting your time on trivialities. Embrace the process, and it will eventually run its course, leaving you a far wiser man.

1) Consider signing up for cryonics, if you live in the United States. The Cryonics Institute[0] and Alcor[1] both provide cryonics. It's a long shot, and dying and getting frozen is the second worst thing that can happen to you, but then, dying and not getting frozen is the worst thing.

2) I went through a similar thing in my early twenties as well. (I'm now in my late twenties.) Right around the time it happened, I had been trying to quit caffeine and was being irregular about it; no coffee some days, two/three cups other days. I'm pretty sure that that was the source of what I now think were a few panic attacks around that time. Those led to difficulty sleeping just as you describe. So if you have changed any such habits recently, maybe consider developing more regular sleep/exercise habits. I am not a doctor, your situation may be different. See a doctor, follow the advice of other people here about seeing a therapist for CBT.

[0] http://www.cryonics.org/ [1] http://www.alcor.org/

Honestly, I think about this a lot. I have nights where for a few hours I'm completely crippled by fears of dying and not existing. How does the thought of death not constantly nag at everyone around me? Am I too narcissistic and weak? But these thoughts pass when I chat with a close friend of mine who also has problems with aging and dying. Thankfully we've never had these moments at the same time.

These days I don't let myself stay in this mode for too long because it wastes precious time and is not at all productive. My options are a) accept it or b) do something about it. Although historically researching aging/immortality has been mostly voodoo garbage, I think that some day we will reach a point when we will either be able to live forever or know for sure that we can't. So if I ever find that I can no longer accept death, I will find a way to either contribute money or time to this cause. I consider myself fairly smart, and I think putting in my time would accomplish more than whatever money I throw at a research institute. I try to always have the attitude that if I'm not doing something about it, I don't truly care and I'm just torturing myself for no reason.

I don't know if this guy and his research foundation is legit or not but I found reading about him calming. It's nice know there other people out there who are trying to do something about this. I like the term "pro-aging trance."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aubrey_de_Grey

Here's what I do. Do things to improve your sleep, so you go to sleep faster rather than ruminating. Best case, things like small amount of exercise daily, cutting caffeine in the afternoon, improving diet, setting a regular bed and wake time, or if you have to, tryptophan pills.

Death seems to make everything meaningless.

Religions provide relief through the Afterlife. However, even the scientific-minded often follow some kind of dogma: the current models are misrepresented as reality itself. Many mathematicians don't regard math as mere language, but as the Truth. Many computer scientists think we live inside a computation.

Illuminists thought the universe to be a giant clock.

We also follow our own storytelling. Western culture describes life and the universe as a dramatic arch. We don't just learn from stories, we live them.

Forget everything you know. Reality is not meaningful nor meaningless. Dualism is yet one of many fallacies we are intrinsically tied to. Every thought becomes dogma. to have, to be, not is dogma. There's no escape from our perceptual model.

Reality is. or maybe isn't. The more you try to describe it, the more you get trapped into your own box. Enjoy the ride.

  Sarai un fiocco di neve che non cade in nessun posto.

  You will be a snowflake that does not fall anywhere.

Yeah, it bothers me too and I think about it a lot. I've tried reading eastern philosophy and various opinions on that, but they all seem like rationalozations of people trying to comfort themselves.

One thing I want to tell you - don't think that there's something wrong with you because you are afraid of death. Many people cope by trying to convince themselves that "death is okay, and may, in fact, be a good thing", and it all sounds deep and wise, but it doesn't really make any sense. It's okay to be scared/frustrated/angry when thinking about it.

From everything that I've read and thought about, I've concluded, that if we cut the shit and ignore all the pretentious philosophy and rationalizations, all it comes down to is "try not to think about it and enjoy living your life right now".

When you are a kid you don't think about death, but once you comprehend it it is shocking and depressing, but over time I guess you just get used to the thought, and learn to focus on work/friends/etc and enjoy the life that you have.

I think that humans will cure death eventually, and it makes sense to do everything in our power to fight it. I suggest you check out Eliezer Yudkowsky and the transhumanist community for a lot of interesting ideas on that(like cryonics).

Once you have done everything in your powers to avoid dying(healthy lifestyle, wise choices, etc, etc) - there's no rational reason to keep thinking depressing thoughts, so you just learn to control your thoughts better, so that you wouldn't ruminate on it pointlessly. It's not a solution, but it's the best you can do at this point.

I suggest learning meditation, so that you can learn to stop the scary and pointless thought patterns, and avoid upsetting yourself for no reason.

Find great books, fun hobbies, cool friends to have something fun to do instead of obsessing about depressing stuff.

Watch stand up comedy and great sitcoms, comedy is an amazing solution to this. Check out Louis CK and tv show Community. There's something incredibly beautiful about comedy, if things get bad it really saves my sanity, can't recommend it highly enough. If you are really down - watch a few episodes of Community, laugh your ass off, and it will get better =)

Also, I very much recommend you to read HPMOR. It has a lot of very interesting thoughts on the topic, it is just very bright and beautiful and interesting book. It won't solve the problem but I feel like it really helps.

I may (or may not) have been closer to death than you. I feel 30 feet off a cliff when I was 20. I was soloing, and there was nobody around to help me. I couldn't walk, so I had to crawl out. Backtracking and returning to the right direction was going to be too difficult. I remember thinking "If I don't do the right thing, the odds are fairly good that I will die here tonight." That was... uncomfortable. Not terrifying, but not a very good feeling.

Death is coming. For most of us, most of the time, it's not staring us in the face like that, but it is coming. That's reality. Now what?

My ultimate answer: I believe that Jesus Christ rose physically from the dead, in ordinary space and time, observed and recorded by eyewitnesses, and therefore that death is not the end for me.

I recognize, however, that a bunch of people don't agree with that conclusion, and won't accept it. But for those who don't, I don't have any other answer, because I think that all other answers are ultimately inadequate. If death is the end, then the only answer that's possible is "It's coming. Deal with it." And the best way to deal with it is to try to live so that, when it comes, you don't have a lot of regrets.

This pretty much describes my experiences so far. I've gotten better at not thinking about it, but sometimes when I'm extremely tired I think about those exact things you do, with the addition of wether or not my consciousness exists elsewhere in addition to myself, or anywhere at all. I eventually just decided it wasn't worth thinking about (which was hard!) and try to avoid it as much as possible. What happens, happens.

Also, we are making great advancement in medical areas to keep us functional and able into old age, which I think is encouraging. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live forever either, so I think I'll try to make as much of an impact as I can while I'm still here.

Edit: When I was younger, I wondered if my parents were actually different people every day. That was weird.

One thing that can help w/dealing with a fear is to envision what happens after the worst happens; don't just stop at death, but what happens then? Try and follow it through In your mind with as much detail as you can. If you don't believe in an afterlife, then death will just be be nothing: no pain, no anxiety.

Modern psychotherapies like cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness are very good at deing with fears of specific things, and just talking about these things with someone where you won't feel judged can be very helpful.

Hi OP, I'm the same. I work out and keep myself in good shape, but tend to let my brain wander to thoughts like what if my heart just stops. I can't engineer a solution for myself, but I will be fully conscious of the fact that my body is failing me. It's terrifying, and you're not alone.

I don't have the right answers for you because I'm in a very similar position, but I can try to relieve parts of your existential anxiety. I used to think how crappy it was when you read on the news that some innocent bystander got shot or a freak accident occurred and someone died and how that could've been me. Ultimately, we should only worry about the things we have complete or partial control over. We are all susceptible to heart attacks, but we can also mitigate its probability through healthy diet and exercise. We are all susceptible to getting shot, but we can also mitigate its probability by choosing where we spend our time.

There will always be things we have no control over, but we should only concern ourselves with the things we do.

I would also recommend checking out "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy"[1] by William B. Irvine. It's been suggested on HN occasionally and it offers a philosophy on death as well as what I mentioned above (letting go of things you don't have control over).

[1] http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/01953...